Are there any true benefits of having a sugar daddy as opposed to reliable regulars? What's the difference and why would one be more worth it?
I've done mostly hourly appointments, but have had one man interested in more of a long-term agreement to which I agreed. It seems like the expectations on my side are the same as hourly appointments if not more but the benefits are significantly less than what would be expected. Has anyone had similar experiences? Did I just get unlucky with this one or is that the general pattern of these types of relationships?
I'm sorry I don't have any answers for u, but this is an interesting topic and I'd love to hear more. What was the long term arrangement?
Basically, he didn't like the whole concept of paying by the hour. So we agreed to meet as much as we both wanted throughout the month and he'd help me out financially at the end of the month. I agreed to that although I was still seeing regulars as well (he knew about it) so it wasn't 100% exclusive. However, when I calculated what I got versus all the times we met, it was about less than a fourth of my standard hourly rate.
That would have been fine if I could at least depend on consistency but he would often cancel, set a time and move it two or three times on the day of the meeting. I know a lot of SDs complain about being taken advantage of and little benefits to them but this one just seems like the complete opposite. I just wanted to get people's opinion on whether he's just a bad apple or if this is common.
I have to agree with the ladies who have chimed in that you can make a lot more money with a lot more control over your own destiny as a hooker than as a Sugar Baby
While there are "some" SD's who will give you a generous weekly/monthly allowance and not try to own you in return, but I have to say they are the exception, not the rule.
I am a perfect example, I am I suppose what you would call a "serial Sugar Daddy' I try to keep a rotation of 4-5 SB's that I see on a regular or semi regular basis, NONE of them get a guaranteed monthly, or even weekly allowance and I don't pay anywhere near hooker rates. All of this is great for me, and just fine for college coeds looking for extra spending money or single moms only trying to augment their income by a few hundred bucks a week, but for a professional provider, used to getting several hundred dollars an hour, it's a tough way to try to make anywhere near the same living as you would make providing full time.
I always thought that the SD/SB thing was more for the college student who just was happy with a little extra money at the end of the month. My take on the entire arrangement is that eventually feelings will get involved and things can get complicated. I think it is better to keep a simply hobby/provider relationship.
Although I will confess I haven't seen any profiles of POT SB quite that old yet.
I will make an educated guess that about a third of the POT SB's out there are 18-21 another third are over 21 but under 30 and another third over 30.
Some guys/girls develop feelings, but so do a LOT of johns, I have seen a few dozen SB's over the last 18 months or so and I have yet to fall in love. lol
Some people love the Sugar Bowl, for others it's too much work. I had always thought of it as too much hassle until I jumped into it with both feet about a year and a half ago, and I found myself loving it, but I freely concede it's not for everybody.
No end of the month! No! don't do it girl!
I do have arrangements.. but ONLY PREPAID, monthly when I know the person "very well" and for a certain period of time. Also he direct transfer to my business account.
My arrangements are on my website.. but more details are discussed in private.
I've toyed with the idea of an arrangement like you mentioned. If the SD hadn't been inconsistent and cancelled often would you have been satisfied with it? Or was the problem that when you figured out how much less you made compared to regular appointments it didn't seem worthwhile? I was thinking that if an arrangement was made the provider should make the same amount per visit, is that not the standard?
Very few SD's are willing to pay the same rates as "hobbyists"
Most SB's who are not "providers turned Sugar Baby" tend to offer "rates" several times lower than providers. It's been my experience that "most" non pro Sugar Babies are will to do overnight dates for around what the typical medium-upper range provider gets per hour in that market. In Texas for example, I see SB's, pretty hot ones to boot, getting $3-500 for overnight dates, I imagine in a market like LA they are getting more like $750-1000 for overnights and $4-500 for multi-hour dates
Now if you are talking about being a "regular" with your ATF, most likely she is going to want rates similar to what she has become accustomed to being a provider. There is a big difference between "coming to an arrangement" with a provider and finding a non-pro on Seeking Arrangement
Thanks for the info! I think I understand now. Just curious, is there a rivalry between SBs and providers?
Picture yourself as a hooker making what ever you normally make per hour, now think how they must feel when a bunch of "non-pros" start selling pretty much the same service at a fraction of your rate.
As for SB's having a rivalry with hookers, not so much. "Most" SB's look down on hookers and try to pretend they are not selling sex for money, although that is EXACTLY what most of them do.
It's funny, the fastest way to get on the bad side of an SB is to "treat her like a hooker", but I guess it shouldn't be surprising. "Courtesans" look down on "providers". TER girls look down on BP girls. hookers look down on strippers, why should this be any different?
i don't see the benefits of being a SD, just a lot of money through the door
one good aspect is that you can develop a relationship where u know what each likes, but in my opinion seeing someone more frequently and for longer can have the same affect, unless becoming a SD is cheaper....
... but like most things in life it was short lived (just a little over a year) and her possessiveness and ultimate sense of entitlement and taking me for granted was her undoing.
Being a SM (or SD) is a lot of work and I don't think that I'll be doing it again anytime soon.
I've looked into the SD/SB arrangement in the past, and there is even a forum here at TER where they talk about it. I'm not interested in being an SD at this time because I already have a high-maintenance gf and am better off just seeing providers on the side from time to time. But if I wasn't in a relationship, I would give it a try.
In general, there is no advantage for an established provider to become an SB. The SDs are all looking for a less expensive alternative to providers plus maybe more of a sense of a relationship. The SBs play along because they want to make some easy money but can't accept the idea of prostituting themselves. The price that they pay for that illusion is less money and also less independence. Reliable regulars are better for you because you maintain more control over your time, who you see and what you earn.
Less money,more labor.
Before I started this profession I was a sugar baby for maybe 6 months. In that entire time I only had 1 gentlemanly & good client. & with that being said- I use good very loosely. Good meaning he gave me a large donation at initial meeting so of course I was happy, but he was my first overnight with a friend as well. i would be happy to discuss what I thought was good at this time. He then strung me along with false promises. The rest of the "sugar daddies" were really doing the same as what a client/escort relationship is. The only difference is that they wanted to c me for less. At this time I didn't know any better. But after I did my research I saw a hugely significant difference in the donations of a sugar baby vs an escort.
In the sugar baby relationship I feel like the daddy has more control. You are essentially waiting on him. Also, in the sugar baby relationship they expect more time and energy placed. Where in the escort client relationship they understand the hobby- a lot of these men respects the providers sexual appetite along with her drive to a successful life. They understand more sore that u do have a busy life and don't expect to be coddled lol.
With that being said- there are great men out there and terrible men out there in both lifestyle- and it is good that he didn't make u quit ur other stuff- but for him to be late constantly thats extremely unprofessional and it sounds like he's not respecting your time. The fact that now your seeing him more with the daddy donation and it's such a large difference I feel like he's taking advantage of you.
The are great nice men out there & I cannot say all "daddies" are bad, but honestly I just havent came across a good one yet.
I wish u luck!!! xo
"Are there any true benefits of having a sugar daddy as opposed to reliable regulars?"
- It depends...
Not everyone's idea of a SB/sd arrangement is the same.
An arrangement can be in the terms of a man gifting a fit mistress (not "Domme"-Mistress) for whatever he's comfortable giving her in exchange for her company, or in terms of a guy with enough discretionary income keeping one or a few college bunnies on call. For the first example the mistress might be happy with the arrangement, since whatever happens stems from little conflict from both sides. For the other example, those coeds are likely selling themselves for the mere fraction of provider rates.
Now with providers, getting a SD through business can be tricky. Someone asking a provider to be an SB might assume they'll do equal for less because a " skilled" provider also likes having financial stability - something that's not easy to find or keep. Some clients want to make the deal "less transactional," so they pop the question and expect you to give the same sexy&sweet, plus a sense of emotional attachment for a discounted, regular amount projected a month in advance. If a provider can tolerate that, good for them.
Personally, I don't like being intimate with too many men.
If I have the opportunity to please my one or two favorite gentlemen and have my needs taken care of (because they love having me around and they appreciate my service), I'm taking it.
I like focusing my energy on a few quality men instead of managing love letters and hot sms for ten men - firstly, if I wait until I find one or two good arrangements that can be maintained and improved, everything works out and there's a greater possibility for them to last.
Secondly, providing is good for when sugaring cannot fit into my schedule. Sure providing gives me a good return for my time, but even if I'm careful with my business there are more risks I have to consider (being monitored, recorded, snitched on, outed, disapproved by friends, whatever). EVEN just having reliable regulars isn't enough. Providing well requires the ability to sell your services. You have to continuously cultivate regulars to "keep" them and be able to rely "only" on them.
"Whaty would one be more worth it?"
The difference? Somehow, sugaring is more socially acceptable than providing/seeing a provider.
You're not hated as much and not as likely to be charged if you enter a "mutually beneficial relationship" than a straight up pay-for-play agreement. At least the "relationship" has some emotional commitment as the strict money for implied does not. If an outsider learned what was going on, they would give less of a backlash/jealous wrath to a SB/SD thing than an obvious client/provider thing.
Even though I'm losing out on earnings being a sugar babe, I'm not asking for enforcement, troublesome personalities, or nosey people to throw me in jail, rat me out, or publicly assault me and get away with it.
And for the sugaring to be worth it, I enter only in arrangements that I'm comfortable with. That means taking days to weed out cheap and unreasonable offers.
"I've done mostly hourly appointments, but have had one man interested in more of a long-term agreement to which I agreed."
- cool! Stable income!
"It seems like the expectations on my side are the same as hourly appointments if not more but the benefits are significantly less than what would be expected."
- not cool!
"Has anyone had similar experiences?"
- Yes.
Once upon a time, I met this former attorney. Fine as hell, very well-educated, had a rockin' bod for a 50-something. He was awesome.
He wanted to "help me" and "take care of me" by having me on his arm and on his hard lap weekly for transportation change, occasional lingerie shopping spree and life advice.
Was it fun? Hell yes.
Was the shopping and life advice valuable? Yes.
Was the arrangement worth it? Hell no.
We had completely different expectations. As a 19 year old, I didn't care!
Another fling:
Mr. IT professional.
Late 30's, adorable, super easy to please, more relatable.
I saw him to have fun, light conversation, have drinks and maybe appetizers, do a little bit of shopping and give excitement. We would spend anywhere from two to four hours having fun, and in turn I received pocket change. This was when I had time to goof off!
Actually I enjoyed myself immensely with this one. When it came down to it, it was the worst way to spend my time.
Now, I wait for the right arrangement to come around. Unless those two kinds of sugar arrangements please you, it's better to leave the online dating scene and pick up SDs in their natural habitats (galleria, Acela, Whole Foods, well-known gentlemen's clubs...).
More recently, a lovely client asked me to be his live-in gf/SB and I said yes. Also being in a very tight spot, it was the perfect break.
He took care of my essential expenses, brought home cute little gifts to cheer me up, and we went out to nice places to eat and vacay. In spite of all of that, I wasn't allowed to see anyone else, even if that meant abstaining from all forms of lucrative sex work.
That caused too many problems for me at that time. Everything was set, except I had to deal with the withdrawal symptoms/worry of having waaaaaaay less money to spend/save. I couldn't make him take care of EVERYTHING for reasons.
"Did I just get unlucky with this one or is that the general pattern of these types of relationships?"
- It depends.
When I go online, I get the vibe of "SB/SD is the way to get super cheap escorts" from both the SBs and the SDs on different boards.
The way I frame the SD/SB arrangement thing is by knowing exactly what I want, leveraging what I have to offer, applying myself from experience and working my way to an ideal arrangement while being ethical about it.
I avoid the whole "cheap escort" thing by turning off and turning away those guys through my profile and stating exactly what I'm willing to do without contention or negotiation, or I just be my best self and run into someone who's looking for that.
This takes soooooo much time. Stating boundaries and acting the part decreases that time by multiples, but it still takes time.
Hope this helps!
Pretty Prinxess,
Great read, you have good perspective. I wrote a half page reply, hit the post button..........simultaneously my power died, losing the whole post. I wont start over but there is so much good advice in you post if people take it. Doesnt always fit in a box, nor does it have to be one way or another.
Have a GREAT time
This guy is definitely having his cake lol. There are guys that try to do this , don't let them. They want what you have to offer but don't want to equally reciprocate. there needs to be a set allowance and in equivalent to how often y'all are meeting , it should reflect that. A sugar arrangement is supposed to be mutually beneficial. So if you're meeting him ALOT and your allowance is 1/4 of ALOT compared to when it was a non sugar arrangement then something is wrong here. There are different types of SDs , I personally like allowances and not just p4p. I prefer traveling , outings, gifts, & spoiling (a mock relationship ). My advice is to Find what makes you happy & comfortable. If this current situation isn't to your liking , let him know so y'all can find a common ground or chuck the deuces lol.
i think if a girl wants to be SB, basically they are just doing the same as providers but they are not pro and either not knowing how to promote themselves or just really needy and want someone take care of her.
that being said, i think being a SB has lots more risk/disadvantages. 1. they dont have a system to screen the daddies, at initial search like Seeking arrangement, you never know who you are gonna meet. 2. while they are some great SD, lots more are fake and 'salt daddies', probably just want to get cheaper escorts, or worse, don't even want pay and trick babies to sleep with them for free. 3. SD/SB is a relationship, so lots SD want unprotected sex and will talk babies into it. well, honestly, babies, please stand your ground! 4. well daddy is the boss, most of time, he will probably be the one to decide a relationship begin/end.
i am sure there are some babies out there have great arrangement, but most of them end badly. just be careful what you are signing up for and really knowing this guy before you get into the arrangement.
First, please ignore any advice from clients on this topic. A true Sugar Daddy is not an overly seasoned client, posting advice to you here. And for the very few that are legitimate SD's, that commented, this wasn't intended for you.
There is a difference.
Sugar Daddies Vs, Splenda Daddies
A Sugar Daddy most likely has little to no hobby experience. He may meet you that way, as an escort, but, you are one of his very first experiences. A real Sugar Daddy, has a significant amount of disposable income. This means when he suggests seeing you more often, or on a less timed basis, it is primarily because he'd like to spend quality time with you, not because he is trying to get the most bang for his buck. A Sugar Daddy will buy you gifts, or do things for you, to add value into your life, not because he is trying not to pay you.
A Sugar Daddy, truly gets such satisfaction on making your life better. There can be downsides to that of course, with control issues, but not always. They never make you ask, and they never make you guess. They just do. As long as they don't feel like their generosity is being taken advantage of, there really is no set number on how they will support you, mentor you, or aid you in reaching your goals.
This movie that I recently watched, although the acting is a bit cheesy, it really gives a wonderful, picturesque example of the reality of being a sugar baby, the good and bad all in one. "Sugar Daddies", (2014)
Now let's talk about the Splenda's.
The Spenda's I'd say exist for every 1 real SD out there, there are 5 Spenda's, maybe more.
Common signs:
They tend to not speak in numbers. They mention how they absolutely would like to see you more, but, they give no roadmap as to how they plan on resuming the financial aspects of the relationship. They say wishy washy things like "If you need anything, I want to help." As a newbie, and because you've bonded with them, you most likely feel uncomfortable to even mention what it is you expect.
They often buy gifts, but, that is usually it. Why?
Because they can afford an occasional gift, but they can't afford to pay anywhere near what your rate is. Test them by asking them to pay for your 800 car repair, or your 1000 vacation. Usually, they can't, or, they do it, but then do nothing for months.
They also psychologically, feel so comfy knowing that "they helped you" with a gift, and that they were needed in a way. It feels less transactional to them, but when you do the math, you'll know what is missing. Also, they notoriously are bleeding hearts. This means you will hear from them wayyyyyyy more than you actually see them. Sometimes once a day, or even more. So a lot more maitencance for a lot less support. Ugg. And when you complain, you will be called "a scammer", or guilt tripped into, "I thought we were friends?". Wondering if this ever happened to me? The answer is yes. I was an SB before I went into escorting, and I made the transition because of this. Not to say that I don;t have 1 or 2 special gent's that I'm proud to call my Sd's
My Advice:
Fall for it once, for a learning tool, and then don't fall for it again. Also, give the guy a 2 week test of asks. If he doesn't pass, you cut your ties and you've only lost 2 weeks. It is important to know that somehow, most of these guys don't do all of this intentionally, they just don't have the funds to sustain the relationship, so they get creative.
My rule is, I'm an escort first (and an awesome one), AND only until I've qualified a client emotionally and financially, would I ever consider stepping out of the 'untimed' arena.
Some little tips: have a website that specifically describes what would be acceptable for you in terms of an arrangement. Many providers prefer minimal assertiveness, and so directing them to a website, circumvents that agony.
When the Spenda daddy declines, pat yourself on the back. As much as you may like him, you just saved yourself a whole lotta agony by getting him to have a change of heart. He couldn't afford you. Boom the honest hooker has spoken.