Do any of the "better" mistreses ever allow DATY, or am I better off finding a slightly kinky provider who will do some B&D as part of our session?
The important issue is how skilled does the dominatrix have to be. With no false modesty, a review of my TER reviews makes me the unchallenged TER expert to this question. First of all, NO PROVIDER is skilled in BDSM. NONE. Oh, yes, they know how to work handcuffs but if you have ever had a session with a professional dominatrix, then you would be very disappointed if you were expecting an acceptable level of BDSM competence with added sizzle of sex from a provider. I have sessioned with many dommes and most for multiple sessions and only ONE allowed me to DATY--actually, to DATY and rim her. And that was at our last session. Most professionally competent dommes will not allow DATY and if they did, would not want you to mention it. Many dommes are lesbians and have lovers.
There are two dommes--definitely not lesbians--who bend the rules, although I would honestly have to warn you that they are "6" in looks and "10" in BDSM competence. Lady Claudia and DominaNY. Go to Max Fisch on the web and you can get all the information you want about them.
But if all you want is someone to slap on handcuffs and you've never had or never enjoyed a professional BDSM session---go with a provider.