How do I go about reporting an incident with a popular provider where that provider basically went psycho?
You can tell the story and then decide afterward whether you want to publicly out her.
thirsty
We have known each other about one year. Seen quite a bit of each other over that time including overnights. We usually have dinner, go to shows and movies as part of our dates. Anyway, she called me as she was coming into town and asked if I wanted to get together. We set the time and met. Everything was fine over the phone and in the room and through the dinner until the check arrived. She told me she was upset with me for lying to her; accused me of being a psychopath because I was lying to her. The issue surrounded forgetting about a provider I saw three years ago and another issue I was unaware about on a friday when we spoke that I later found out about the following Monday and corrected with her. Now this latter isue didn't directly involve her. Anyway she called me this loud enough for the waitress and patrons to hear. I bring her back to the room and she is all apologetic and asks me to stay and to stay extra to make up for this. Long story short we appear to make up rather quickly; try for another go which she greenlights and she plays 'asleep'. Then she tells me she has another appointment and I have to leave; and this other appointment is only a possible but I have to leave anyway. We try to work this out on the phone but each time we speak I seem to speak to one person and later speak with another. Maybe it's the long touring. Maybe its alcohol--I have noticed she is drinking more and more. I don't know. She asked me again to call her --- I did and then was reamed for calling. I'm sort of afraid because she knows so much about me and she is popular enough that I may be the one hurt here. But some other guy may very well be in the cross hairs in the future. She basically told me I was her fill in until something better came along.
I'm wondering if maybe you have been drinking.If she's threatening you by saying she's going to contact your wife, out the bitch. If youre just unhappy with her split personalities dump her and find someone else
but rather a warning...If I were a obbyest I'd want to know about a girl that can make such threats...I'd also want to be able to stay away from someone whose personality changes when she drinks...I'd like to know who NOT to bring alcohol to...
calls you, either don't return the call or tell her you've been tied up with some important issues and will contact her when all is cleared up, and then don't of course. Alcohol can do this to people, and you should get her out of your life ASAP.
And thirsty, she did threaten me professionally and with my wife. This is the thing I fear the most. I have had to more or less come clean with everyone in my life about this as a preemptive measure. I mean I shouldn't be catting around on the wife anyway, but we had a regular thing going, had made plans for weekends through the end of the year and then this happened.
The longer I participate in this hobby, the less I favor public recrimination against either providers or hobbyists. To begin with, in the words of the Jedi Master Miki the Milf, there are always three sides to every story: his, hers and the truth. In addition, any time the provider and hobbyist have a personal history (as tommy admits was true here), you're in an even grayer area. Add alcohol to the mix and what have we got? A mess, certainly. But should Tommy "out" the provider, which could jeopardize her professional status? Here we appear to have the key fact that the provider crossed THE LINE -- she threatened the guy "professionally and with my wife." Under the "code of conduct" some of us keep in our heads and which we see sometimes on the board, that threat does give Tommy the right to out her. The statement "I shouldn't be catting around on my wife" pains me. The whole POINT of the hobby is discretion; a guy with a mistress may have to watch his back, but a guy who sees a provider should not have to.
My only hesitation is that I have a very strong hunch that this was a situation where Tommy let a a provider turn into his mistress, which made her think it was OK to be jealous, etc. So maybe she doesnt need to be outed. Maybe you just need to tell her that you're sorry if you hurt her, but that you hope she understands that personal threats are completely unacceptable, and point her to this thread if that will help. Then she'll know that there will be consequences if she is foolish enough to follow through on her threat. Just my (lengthy) two cents.
Great thoughts thank you. Another provider who both us know suggested I come forward with this, but as I stand her letting this out of the box that other person who gave me the push isn't getting back to me. But I think while she would deny becoming a mistress that certainly may be some element underneath. I will be back on tonight.
I'm not going to say the "K" word.
-Threaten clients,
-Call themselves threatening,if you see anyone else but her,
List goes on.
Write a review and take it from there.
No one seems to want to step forward when these things happen.
All they do is give the good,quality providers a bad name.
Give up her name. The rest of us, and yourself, should not have to put up with this kind of behavior!!!!
If this had been a lady you barely knew, then you would be doing the community a favor by letting everyone know of her jealous personality and alcohol problems.
However, you two have a long,personal relationship and have crossed the emotional boundary lines from provider/client relationship into something deeper.
She is now acting exactly like a a jealous girlfriend or mistress.
Unfortunately, when a girlfriend feels scorned, she may do and say vindictive things (like threaten to tell the wife). But, this is a private matter between the two of you--not anyone else's business.
I would recommend you completely ignore her (or if you must communicate for a reason, do it politely, avoid confrontation and never make any future plans with her).
Its the mindset thats frightening and any professional that would play that card under any circumstances should be outed.
go through with their threats.....If this provider is only partly sane she wouldn't go through with her threat knowing the consequences to her profession. If she's really a true psycho then outing her wouldn't prevent her from carrying out her threat... All in all,if I faced this situation I'd choose to lay low and hope for the best...just my two cents
saying he's afraid she's going to replace him, etc. this indicates it was more than a client hobbyist relationship. because the typical client isn't going to come crying to the board about his provider having another appt or replacing him.
evidently the little restaurant row wasn't bad enough that he thought it was unforgiveable. to me it sounds like he dated someone for a year and finally discovered that person was not just a provider, but a human being with emotions. very few of us can be sweetness and light 24/7.
what's curious is why did it take 3 posts to get out the fact that she threatened to out him professionally and with his wife? as if it were an afterthought... it makes me skeptical of it ever happening.
we're all adults here. we all make choices about who we get personally involved with and some of us need to use our brains a bit more. because a girl is 'famous' and has reviews doesnt mean she's a person of integrity or that she should have your wife's number on speed dial.
finally, if hoe x can call up your secretary or job explain that she is reputable famous provider hoe x and get you fired you were probably 5 minutes from being fired anyway or an amazing asshole who had it coming.
Thank you for your thoughts. I was there and enough of the he said she said. You won't believe this unless you are the person who told me to file this post using an alias, but I appreciate your thoughts. You do have this all wrong. Yes I was an incredible asshole for first getting involved in all of this and second for listening to someone else for puting up this post. I was seeing someone else at the time so I understand the boundaries. But thank you for your point of view. I'm done with this posting. My gut was right and I should stop listening to people ---asshole again.
Thank you. Several other people have pointed this out to me in pms and after reflection are correct. Thank you.
What F------ lines do u mean.I want to know who made these rules and where are they.