While this is my original board, it is not my current board and you'll understand why. My ATF asked me for 2 dates because the house she lived in for 6 years was being sold in under 30 days and had to move. She is a single mom and recently purchased a car for her recently graduated son. She didn't have enough to move. She had to be super desperate to even reach out. I know I would be the first person she contacted. I asked her to lunch and pretty much had to insist that she take about 3 times what she asked for because I knew it would kill her to ask others for money. This was a loan. the question, is it ethical to see her professionally while she owes me money? At the very lease I need to make sure that she charges me posted rates and times. Those things got rather casual over time. If I'm not seeing her, the that sort of penalized her. I'm not sure there is a "right" answer..
...phrase: "There's no crying in baseball!" Well, there are no ethics in lending money to a provider.
Not only is it ethical to see her, it's ethical as hell not to give her the donation, but to deduct it from what she owes you.
I once lent an ATF $1,000. to buy Xmas presents. We didn't discuss repayment, and I continued to see her and leave the donation. I assumed she would tell me I didn't have to leave it, that it should go towards her debt. She didn't say anything - in fact one time she didn't take the donation when we left together. I reminded her and she ran back to get it because she shared the apt. with another provider. To me, it seemed she assumed that I wouldn't pay her, but that she would "work off the debt." She had previously worked off a debt when she needed money to rent an apt. and I gave it to her. First month's rent and security deposit amounted to much more than $1,000. so I had no doubt she would repay the subsequent loan.
I stopped seeing her because she made no effort to repay me. The money meant nothing to me but I figure the $1,000. she saved by not paying me back cost her well over $20,000. in the long run because she lost a regular customer. Penny wise, pound foolish.
>is it ethical
If it doesn't feel ethical to you, which I'm guessing by your post your post that it doesn't, then you shouldn't do it. It's going to kill the vibe if you can't get your mind of how this might be exploitative.
Personally, if I give someone a loan I'm not really expecting it back and I can afford to not ever see the money again. In your case, I wouldn't see her because I wouldn't want her to feel exploited. It just wouldn't feel right.
So the quick solution here (assuming you're trying to avoid weirdness) is to either cancel her debt with you and keep seeing her, or wait until she pays the loan off and keep seeing her.
Secret answer C is, talk to her about potentially not being her client and instead being her boy/manfriend. You're already doing boy/manfriend shit, so why not take it a step further and actually get some benefit from it?
The boards are litttered with the "lending" topic. Outcomes are usually like BigP's experience.
And for any provider who counters they've paid back a loan, you're the exception.
I was seeing an indie regularly. The lease was up on her car, and she wanted to buy it, but without traceable income, she couldn't qualify for the loan to keep making payments. The lease was originally signed by her ex-boyfriend before she became a provider. I loaned her the money to pay off the car outright. She agreed to "work off" the loan over time, but after a few sessions where she wasn't getting any "new" money, the sessions deteriorated in quality, so I arranged for her to make monthly payments instead and I stopped seeing her. She made two payments before defaulting with 75% if the loan outstanding. That was when I was six months into the hobby, the one and ONLY time I loaned a provider money, and I would never do it again.
You've already done it, so my suggestion is write it off as a gift, and keep paying for the sessions. In hindsight, it was a very charitable thing you did to help her out, while not getting anything in return. If she has more integrity than the girl I was seeing, and insists that she pay you back somehow, then book two hour sessions, with one hour paid and other hour coming off the loan balance. It costs her nothing out of pocket for her time, so its all profit when she sells it, but can also be used to barter down the loan.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL....
Thanks for the laugh.
CR
And I got them!
Most responses focused on repayment of principal. That wasn't the question at all. We all get what's going on with the loan, that's an old topic. I didn't offer anything that would kill me, just put a dent in hobbying. I think JustSauce nailed it for me. "if it feels"...
Guys, the question is about manipulation and coercion not about debt repayment. Simply, if I use her services, in any professional way, then I have undue influence and I just shouldn't go there and won't.
If anyone on the board wanted to make a prop bet, I'll take the over on full repayment in 60 days.
Some posts were wondering about ethics at all in this circumstance. For me, ethics are involved in every decision I make. That's just a personal thing.
It's not really a provider/client issue, it's more of being a human being.
Does she know it's a loan? Sometimes you really need to spell that out when it comes to giving people money no matter who it is or what job description they have. If at the very least she doesn't pay you back, you know you helped someone out in their time
of need 
1st poster-
You are her white knight. As her friend you should have encouraged her to work more, or find another job because she can not afford to provide for her kids. Ethically, if it is a loan you need to deduct the future sessions from the loan amount. Do not pay her more $. If your not seeing her because you want to & your booking because you feel sorry for her, then you need to find a new ATF. I am a single-mom, and can cry you a river too, do you want to sponsor me? lol
2nd poster-
Curious why you would continue to pay for her services if she never attempted to pay back the loan? wtf She should have just not taken your $, and applied sessions towards her debt owed to you.
* Both you boys are very nice gents indeed. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful weekend TER friends.
If you have a relationship beyond the hobby provide the loan as you would any friend. Make the terms clear. Pay back on a schedule. Or pay back as able.
Making the loan a pre-payment for future services makes it a business relationship. And never mix business with pleasure. The arrangement is more likely to ruin the business relationship.
-- Modified on 6/24/2017 12:06:43 PM
The loan is prepayment for services. That is the simplest way for her to 'repay' you since she is strapped for cash.
Of course this assumes you trust her to see you and not vanish, which seems the case here.