Long ago in a place far away, I knew a guy... we'll call him "John". John's didn't screw around but worked his ass off but might have had a few brewsies when NASCAR was running. MrsJohn, decides to take off... leaves him with the kids. Mrs J cleans out the joint account. From time to time, John hears reports that so & so saw Mrs J somewhere, running around with so & so. John does not look for her (smarter than I was). He's busy working his ass off & taking care of the kids. A year or more goes by. Eventually, Mrs J wants back in. John says ok. John resocks the joint account with just enough money to buy groceries. John has another account & her name will never be on it. Maybe he even has a trust fund? Fool me once...
We've been separated for a year. She has promised not to take me to the cleaners and let me keep my pension if I come back for 6 months so she can show me she can change. Thoughts? Is it legal in CA for her to sign a affidavit relinquishing her monetary reward?
I do not trust her... at least not yet. If you are reconciled for 6 months, does she regain status that she would not have now?.. This could be a legal trick. Yes, you better find that former JAG lawyer first, not after.
From my own experience, people do not change but there are "ranges" of behavior where they can live. They will not stay out of this "comfort zone" for long. My ex was a bar fly & pot head (also sexually promiscuous with everyone but me). She went back to that well before we separated.
Trickery aside, you need to decide what you want & if she could change enough within her comfort zone to satisfy both of you. There is no point in reconciling if it's not going to last.
I knew one poor sap... a local attorney, no less. He got divorced, she got half. He took her back, re-married, divorced, she took half of his remaining half. Ya'd think he'd learn... Next time she took half of his half of his half. I think that was it... she still loved her...
Not sure of your status... Can you get a post-nup? This is no time to go on faith. skb
Long ago in a place far away, I knew a guy... we'll call him "John". John's didn't screw around but worked his ass off but might have had a few brewsies when NASCAR was running. MrsJohn, decides to take off... leaves him with the kids. Mrs J cleans out the joint account. From time to time, John hears reports that so & so saw Mrs J somewhere, running around with so & so. John does not look for her (smarter than I was). He's busy working his ass off & taking care of the kids. A year or more goes by. Eventually, Mrs J wants back in. John says ok. John resocks the joint account with just enough money to buy groceries. John has another account & her name will never be on it. Maybe he even has a trust fund? Fool me once...
Sent you a private message, strongly suggest you consult with a lawyer immediately. Decisions you are discussing can cost thousands of dollars and I have seen numerous people who have cost themselves so much more by trying to avoid paying for a lawyer.
Failure to consult with a real lawyer, one who takes domestic relations cases only so s/he knows the subject, can be the most expensive decision of your life. However, check out the lawyer's reputation and be careful. Some divorce lawyers deliberately stir things up to keep the fight (and their fees) going on for years. Also, look around for a different state of residence. California can be pretty bad and some others can be far better. If you find one tell wifey you're willing to give her another chance but you think it will only work in a different environment, one where she will not be tempted and you will not be constantly reminded by her former "friends". Then check the law and make sure you are in the new state long enough to establish residency.
I believe California recognizes post nuptial agreements. Usually both parties must be represented by counsel and the agreement must be fair and not a product of coercion.
yes BillyClubb, please don't swing on me,yes as you say, ie post nups, may be recognized if they meet certain criteria (note--even the famous sanfran lawyer Melvin Belli's post nups failed when challenged by the attorney representing one of his many wives) but there are special laws relating to pensions and retirement funds and federal pension funds that may not be assignable or divisible---here we get into the real nitty gritty specialized attorney stuff and we must know what type of funds our poster is referring to before we can suggest a solution
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