Hey everyone. I'm not a frequent poster here (not sure if I've posted at all actually). I have a situation, and I'm not exactly sure what I should do about it. My situation is somewhat hobby-related, so I can't really ask anyone about it, so I was hoping I could get some feedback here.  

Here's my story. About 5 months ago, I met a lady online, who is not a professional (so she claimed). We agreed to meet up for a semi-sexual encounter, with a small gift involved. It was not supposed to be a full service session, however, that's what it turned out to be. I did enjoy myself (and she at least said she did as well). Over the next couple of months, we met several times (all involving gifts). I have not spoken to her for the past 2 months, mainly because I was having transportation issue, and then had a couple of other things that were keeping me busy. I'm debating whether or not to call this lady again. Here are the issues at hand.  

The first thing is, I'm not sure if she wants me to call her back. After our initial meeting, she was the one who always contacted me. I have not heard back from her since our last visit, which was 2 months ago. Our last meeting, which still enjoyable, was not quite as great as our previous visits. (It was a combination of me not feeling well and her being distracted.) I'm concerned I might have given off the impression that I was losing interest.  

Another issue is that she is a fairly good distance from me, about 2 hours drive. It does get a little tedious making that drive every time. She does have a sort of annoying habit of always having distractions that interrupt us, such as phone calls, kids, etc. She also has a tendency to rush a little bit. Not really during the session, but afterwards. I don't really mind on the face of it, because I know she really doesn't want me hanging around all day, and I'm sort of ready to leave anyway because I have a long drive back. However, what sort of annoys me is that when we plan a visit, she acts like there is no time limit, but when I get there, she's basically ready for me to go when we are done. The one other thing is that originally, I didn't realize she wanted a gift every time. I don't mind, and I understand, but it does take away from my enthusiasm just a little bit.

That said, there are several positives to seeing her. I do enjoy my time with her. She does a very good job. She is much more enthusiastic that most professional ladies. Her gift is very reasonable, and even taking into account the travel expense, her gift is a real bargain. Plus, she has mentioned that one of her close friends wants to join us in the future, which is something I would like to pursue.  

So that said, I have a few questions. Does the fact that she hasn't contacted me again indicate she's no longer interested? Being that she's a non-pro (supposedly), how likely is it that she has found another friend (maybe someone close)? If that's the case, I would have a lot less enthusiasm to see her. Lastly, I'm sort of looking at this from the angle of "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." I'm concerned that if I don't maintain my friendship with her, I might not find another friend who offers some of the benefits I've described. Is that a good outlook or not?

Thank you for taking the time to read my post, and thank you for any advice or insight you can offer

But neither is she your girlfriend . Sounds like a lady you met on line who wasn't necessarily looking for a relationship. Just some occasional fun. And maybe a little sugar as a bonus.
The distance of a two hour drive probably is an issue. Good possibility she's met someone else on line  considerably closer , who is equally generous .

Unless she specifically instructed you never to contact her I'd suggest a call or text . Simply check in to see how she's doing and express interest in getting back together in the near future.

BTW , the fact that you have an enjoyable romp , but when it's over it's over and she's quick to leave kinda makes it look like maybe she is a pro.  Just saying.

Not sure of you location but I bet you would get more enjoyment out of life if you check out the many  ladies  on TER with ample reviews. Life is short. Go for it .

I didn't ask her if she was a pro. I don't know where you got that.

Thank you for the reply. You brought up a couple of good points, which I would like to use to clarify my position.  

To your last point, I am considering finding someone else to see. I have two options: continue to see this lady, or see someone else. What I'm trying to do is weigh the pros and cons of each. (That's why I included so much detail in my original post, which might be causing some readers to misunderstand my point.)  

The thing is, I have to make that decision BEFORE I contact this lady again. My reason for that is, I'm treating this like any other hobbying situation. If you look at the typical escort ad, most of them specifically say "serious callers only." They don't want you wasting their time until you really want to do something. I'm using the same principle with this lady. I don't want to call her until I've made up my mind whether or not to continue seeing her. That's why I included so much information in my original post. I was hoping to get some feedback on which option would be better. I know it's ultimately my decision. I was just thinking maybe someone else might see the situation from a different angle that I hadn't considered.  

Thanks again for your response. I hope you don't mind me using your post as a jumping off point to clarify my questions.

Only you can decide if you want to see her again.
There is no wrong answer here.

Actually , why is it even an either/or???

If you think you'd to see the lady again , contact her.
If you think you might want to explore some other possibilities......go ahead an do that as well. In other words you can do both.

You can be assured of one thing. She is not exclusive to you. In fact that's probably why you haven't heard from her

In general terms, you are correct that I could do both. However, my personal situation is different. I have limited time and resources to devote to the hobby. If I continue to see this lady on a semi-regular basis, I won't have the time or resources to see other providers, and vice versa.  

My worry is that, knowing my luck, if I decide to see someone else, that's just the time I will get a phonecall from this first lady. My other concern is that since I haven't heard from her in a couple of months, she won't be as enthusiastic, and then I will be kicking myself for not trying something different.

Way too much thought into this!! We aren't solving world peace here, spin the wheel buddy if she happens to call after you've spent your available resources with someone else for the month it's really not the end of the world. She probally knows you have limited time and resources and you haven't heard from her in months. If she doesn't at least fake understanding if you tell her you'll have to wait until your next time she's not a keeper anyways. A ATF of mine dropped off the grid 2.5 years ago. After 2 unanswered emails I said screw it don't want to be a stalker. Couple months ago I get an email out of the blue from her. Had a great night with her. I didn't ask where she's been its none of my businesses she volunteered a few things I think were made up. No matter all that is important is she was more than on point for our time together. Haven't heard from her since.  Always a blast with her but not gonna think too much about it  she has her life and I have mine, and its not like a great love story since I do pay her for her time. As fun as the gals are and sometimes you make actual friends of a sort it's still a business. You wouldn't wait 2 months for your car mechanic when there are 5 more down the street?

Case...,
Good to know that you have not fallen off any more ladders)
For the O.P. ---Rule #9 in Top 10 Reasons Golf is Better than Sex posted a week, or so ago: Have taken some literary freedom with #9 to apply here: Your Partner will not hire a lawyer if you play with someone else. I have fallen in love with several ATFs over the past 10 years in the hobby(they swim back to my conscious mind constantly, due to something that triggers a memory, or me just sitting quietly and willing them back to again smile at me with that smile that first made me into a bowl of jello;P~~~), and there have been times we both disappeared from each others  lives for various times when we got on about our daily lives. Sometimes "stuff" happens and we are sad, but other times we see those who loved one another for many, many years and died holding hands in adjoining beds( Give her a call, and be happy for whatever time you have again with her, or, tuck her away into your fav memories area and move on. There are other ATFs awaiting your call;P~~

Hey there beautiful!! Yeah I'm still around I don't partake much anymore a lot of real life things going on. Good things though, I check in here and see what's going on from time to time. But since I haven't really been active I don't have a lot to add to the discussions. Seems like everytime I try and plan some get away time something comes up :0( rather than waste a gals time with canceling I haven't even tried to see anyone for a while. Oh well that's life sometimes. Hope you are well!!!

-- Modified on 9/24/2016 7:57:40 AM

2. Bring her a gift if it's making her happy to make you happy.  
3. You should have ZERO problem finding "professionals" as you call them that provide the enthusiasm you claim is missing. ???

Talk to her about the gift and the distractions... and I'm guessing  
the "kids" are on the phone and not in the house... even I'd have a hard time with that. I wouldn't be there with kids in the house unless they were old enough to join in ...lol

If you're not a VIP, invest the money and you'll find all the enthusiasm that you can afford. I'd love to have a reason to  
visit the (Sexy)Carolinas and learn the (JL)Secret of what's in
the water down there with all the smoking hot MILFs. You do  
know that a MILF is right? Your lady friend is one.

I was hoping to find some constructive advice, not personal insults. Obviously it was a mistake to ask for advice from the board. (And no, I'm not just saying that because I didn't like the "advice.")

Send her an email or a text. If she doesn't respond, let it go and move forward. The worst that can happen is she won't respond.  

As some have already said, don't overthink just reach out to her.

Steph xoxo

aside from a gentle rub in the subject line, I thought my post was helpful and empathetic. I'm sorry I didn't also include you as a woman to see that could teach him the virtue of a "professional".  

-- Modified on 9/26/2016 4:59:59 AM

That was YOU that the OP said was being insulting. Stop reading too much into things. You know what I told you a while back so no, it had nada to do with anything but the OP feeling insulted by your post.  

IMO your post was anything but empathetic. I believe it was the first time the OP has even been on the board.

Now back to your regular programming...

I'll take that as a compliment.... lo

sensitive lot on the Carolina board?  
spending too much time on GB I guess ...

using the term "whining" is a little over the top I guess

The advice from other posters (besides the one guy, who I assume you are excluding from you comment) didn't offer advice that was helpful. None of them addressed the question I was asking. I will acknowledge that could be due to a poor explanation on my part. Here is what I'm asking.

1) What are the odds this lady would refuse to see me if I choose to see someone else? (Keeping in mind I don't know if she's a full-fledged escort.)

2) Given the situation I described, would I be better off sticking with her, or trying to find someone else?  

No one has answered either of these two questions. It's not a question of me being afraid to contact her, or not being willing to "let go" and accept the outcome. I have no problem with that. What I was trying to was figure out BEFORE I take any kind of action. It's really that simple.

I am an asshole all the fucking time, but I don't try to pretend to be anything else.

I also don't seek out first time posters looking for some real help to pick on, Can't you at least let a guy get his bearings here before making snarky remarks?

and yes, it's hard to describe what a guy is asking as "whining" and then pretend you are being helpful. That part is covered in the very first chapter of the "Asshole 101" textbook.

aside for the insensitive (?) remark in the subject matter, I did answer one of your question with comment number 2. that was give her the gift. I said that in seriousness because you seem to still be interested ... I always follow my intuition or desires.  

Ive only been turned down twice in 12 years an that's only happened by touring providers on the general discussion board that I have never met before, but never by a woman that I've seen. Ever. that doesn't make me special and I'm not patting myself on the back. I say it in the context of being fun enough and nice enough to warrant seeing me again. When it ceases to be fun for either party, then it's time to move on.  

It seems like you're a nice enough chap that she's wanted to see you several times  That should make you desirable to other women.  

what I would suggest is that you eliminate the professional/provider info you seem concerned about. call her up again, text, email whatever if you want to continue. always remember that you have a say in whether the "relationship" continues. You can PM me if you'd like ... and be careful out there... if you think I'm insensitive, hold onto your hat. LOL

Play Safe. Have Fun. REPEAT ...  
Variety is nice but repeat can be a very very very good thing.  
To each his own

 


-- Modified on 9/26/2016 8:30:55 PM

There is no such thing as a "refund" in this business. Once you "eat the meal," you are stuck with the check. Well, here's my point. My concern is that if I piss off this lady (or already have), she will hide it just to get me down there for the donation, but give me half-assed service, and then I'm out a significant donation AND a 2 hour drive. This HAS happened to me in the past with escorts, and it's not a situation I'd like to repeat. So, I was just curious if I could get any insight as to how likely this is to happen, and/or what would be the better option, given that concern.

can answer a "what if" scenario... instead of TOFTT it seems you might want to TOFYK take on for yourself. You'll either be glad you did or just move on. I have no idea whether it's worth it, but if you go down there with doubt in your mind, you might want to think about staying home.

make the call and guage he interstate by her demeanor... you should be able to tell if she's being sincere about contininuing. Sometime we make decisions and make the wrong one. We learn and what we learn becomes our ally. Be your own best friend. Then again there are times we do need to think with our lower head because it's a player in the game to. No one chooses to walk away from great sex without a good reasom. There's always another factor.

Well, if you can't answer the scenario, that really doesn't help me any, which would make further discussion pointless.  

1.No one one can give you odds because we don't know the dynamics between the two of you. I will say that if you want to venture out you should do so.  

There are no guarantees in P4P, but if you have been good to her it would be in her best interest to continue. Look guys here have moved on from ATFs and ladies here have "fired" clients for one reason or another. Stuff happens. Also are you planning on telling her if you see someone else? You certainly don't have to.

2. Sorry but it's not that simple. Only you and you alone know what's  best for you. You have the  comfort of the known with your present lady. The unknown of someone new can be exciting yet daunting because you really won't know 100% until you are actually with the new lady. Why can't you have both? You wouldn't have asked if you did have an itch. But again only you know can determine the risk/reward factor here.

And I do think people telling you not to overthink it was good advice. You'll either roll the dice or play it safe. Do whatever works for you.  

Steph xoxo

You know her, we don't.

-- Modified on 9/27/2016 12:43:42 AM

Actually, yes, anyone could give me odds. I'm not asking for guaranteed predictions. All I was asking for was an educated guess. That's why I included so many details in my original post. If more details were needed, I would have had no problem providing them. The main reason I posted the question on this site is because I though that some of the ladies might be able to give me some insight into how she might be thinking. I understand you can't get into another person's head. I would have just helped me to have a female perspective. So far, 10 different posters have responded to my topic. If each one of them had simply given me their odds/guesses on the actual questions I was posing, that would have helped give me a frame of reference with which to compare my own opinion. Telling me to "just call her" or "roll the dice" isn't helpful, because I could come up with that myself.

It actually is that simple. What I was looking for was a simple cost/benefit perspective. That might have helped me to look at the situation from another angle that I hadn't considered.  

Why can't I have both? Someone else asked me this earlier. Right now, both my time and resources are limited. I can't see this lady and someone else. The only way I could do that would be to see this lady less frequently. So what I'm wondering is, if I have to cut back on my visits with this lady, would she lose interest in seeing me altogether? (I understand no one can answer that definitively. I was again just looking for a guess.) Again, this is where a female perspective would have been helpful.

Certainly. First, it's based of my experiences with other escorts. I have had similar problems with escorts in the past. It's one reason why I stopped seeing escorts completely for some time. I simply can't justify spending valuable time and money on shoddy service. I understand you can't have any guarantees in this business, but I need at least a reasonable expectation of good service. Just rolling the dice doesn't cut it. If I want to gamble, I'll just go to Vegas.  

With her specifically, here's why. After we met the first time, she called me, wanting to meet again. When I couldn't meet, she was disappointed (and made her disappointment fairly obvious). That's one reason. As I mentioned in an earlier post, the last time I visited her, she wasn't as enthusiastic as the other time, and now she hasn't called me for the past 2 months. So, I'm wondering if she has lost interest. I'm pretty sure that if I called her she would probably agree to see me. However, given what I just described, I'm wondering if she would just go through the motions just for the money. If that's the case, then I can't justify making the 2 hour drive when I could get that kind of service from a local lady.

Another related point. In the past she has given me conflicting messages. She's always saying how we will have all day, and implies that I can stay as long as I want. However, when I actually get there, she will sort of rush me off after we are done. (Which I don't mind if she needs me to leave, but don't tell me one thing and then do another.) When you add this with what I just mentioned, I wondering if this is a sign that the fun is over.

even if he was feeding me less, if he was someone I really got along with and enjoyed (this is a figure of speech of course). You stated it was a 2 hr drive to see her. In your original post you stated she hadn't communicated with you in a while which seemed to make you wonder about her interest level. ***Personally I think this makes it a good time to try someone new***.  If I were to venture a guess on the odds that your lady will see you if you venture elsewhere, I'd put it at 70%
yes she will, 30% no she won't.

BTW, people here have tried to help you. Maybe try being more gracious to those who have taken the time to post here. Even NorthofBoston, lol. ))

So there you have my opinion as a lady in the biz.

Steph xoxo

I'm not sure where you found these women who gave you shoddy service and I'm sorry you were treated that way.  I know for a fact that there are quality ladies here on TER that wouldn't play those kinds of head games. The ladies I know well pretty much expect the gents here to see other ladies in the biz.  

 
Have I heard of drama regarding clients that venture elsewhere...yep. I just don't choose to have those types as  friends in the biz. I've recommended other women to some of my favorite gents on more occasions than I can remember.

Best of luck and I hope you find some ladies here that treat you well on a consistent basis.

Steph xoxo

-- Modified on 9/27/2016 5:33:29 AM

and it's clear in them that you we trying to help the guy without being snarky!

 

Steph

I even wrote another message and tried to pm him but alas ....
he BLOCKED me. If that's my first time getting blocked, is that  
the same as losing my virginity?

the reply you offered earlier on the GB to a "first timer" as you called the OP, the one you told the guy to bring his shit to the newbie board

Don't worry GaGa, your self professed claim to fame of being The royal asshole will be a hard one to lose, owning it notwithstanding  

Doesn't mean you're a bad person tho ... xoxo ... I still luvya. Prick😉

*you state that no one understands you/your question then reword it using the same words
*you blocked me without really reading my entire initial reply LMAO
*you have no sense of humor
*your rap about "eating the meal" and refunds is juvenile  
*you're afraid to call your ATF?
*the 2 hr ride is something you were happy with for however long

Take Steph's and other's advice and move on. If I say it you might actually get mad at me. There's a reason people are suggesting that. I think it's clear to most of us that you're not enjoying yourself anymore. Cheap is not an endearing quality around here.  

Value, bang for your buck, even preferential treatment are all desirable and acceptable. But its the lady's perogative.  
You make it sound like you're TOFTT!

Now, since I really am an empathetic prick, let me wish you the best in your search for carnal salvation. Play Safe. Have Fun. REPEA

I HATE it when some one accuses me of being an asshole, but isn't specific enough for me to have a clue as to which time he/she is talking about. Can you imagine the difficulty in me responding to a post that simply claims, "remember that post last week where you were being an inconsiderate, overbearing asshole?" How the fuck am I supposed to have a clue as to what post we are talking about? lmao