I ask because I wonder at times how a guy would feel about it? I've had girlfriends and boyfriends while "providing" but I kept it a secret. Luckily, I was never caught. This time around, I'd like to be honest in the next "relationship".
Part of me thinks, if I'm honest about it , this could be a recipe for disaster.
It's great when you can be honest about everything with work. As long there's no jealousy involved. The longer you stay in the relationship it could potentially have risks.
That's the worst part.. lol
I don't plan on telling the person, if it happens, the intricate details. Thanks for your thoughts.
Man, if a guy read my reviews and was dating me.... he would end it. The things that happen... oh boy!
Yes, I did for a short time. The short period of time had nothing to do with her being a provider. It works out much better when you can be honest about things like this. Some people can handle it, but not everyone.
but I don't recommend it for everyone.
For the guy, you have to be able to compartmentalize in order to be able to deal with your GF's "work" There are two main ways to look at dating a hooker, One is that your GF is out fucking every guy in town. That's the unhealthy way and will either drive you apart or drive you nuts, whichever comes first.
The second (and best) way to look at it is that she is with different guys every day, some undoubtedly taller, richer, more handsome or with a bigger dick, but its YOU that she chooses to be with. With the other guys, it's just "work". It does take a pretty secure guy to be able to think this way, but it's a common theme with guys who have had successful relationships with women in this business.
For the girls, the advantage of telling your man (or woman) is that if you are honest and he/she "gets it" you've got someone you can talk to about your daily life without having to be constantly lying about it. I know a lot of women in this business feel isolated because they feel they can't talk to anyone honestly without being "judged" wouldn't it be nice to have a BF/GF who actually "gets it" that you can confide in?
I have yet to try it but... your post kinda gives me hope. So, let me get out and get to dating! Wish me luck!
While I have been "buddies" and even FWB's with active TER providers, I have never been "involved" with a provider who had a huge board presence. I can put her "work" aside mentally, but watching her flirt with other guys that she is fucking (even if it only is for money) openly on the board in front of my face would probably not be something I could endure.
and of course if I was ever seriously dating a provider who was active on the boards I would inevitably start getting PM's from my fan club that started off something like "Hey Gambler you fucking douche bag, guess what I am doing this afternoon? Fucking your Girlfriend LMAO" lol
I was involved with a provider. I asked her not to tell me about it, but she kept telling me ever so often and she even would tell me their first names and even two of their last names. I am sure she was telling them my first and last names while I saw her as a provider. I am not married and have no kids so if it ever got out it would be a little embarrassing, but something I could handle. Hell most of my real buddies would be giving me high fives.
I would not tell him unless you are ready and willing of losing your relationship.
Not sure that I could handle it. I think it would take a special kind of guy and a speacial lady to make it work. Before I got into the hobby, I often wondered about the guys that date escorts, porn stars and strippers. They must be very secure in their relationships.
Well sir... u have a lot to be secure about !!! Ur amazing and an e en better person!
Well thank you. I really appreciate that. I hope that when you find that speacial person again that you are comfortable enough to share all the aspects of your life with him/her. 😁
Well sir... u have a lot to be secure about !!! Ur amazing and an e en better person!
world! Anyone that tries to mix it with hobby world is just flirting with disaster ... it is not a matter of if, but when.
As usual, gambler's post has put it in direct and correct terms.
That said, 99.99999% of the men will be in Gambler's first category (even if not in the beginning but later ...) I really do not know anyone who had and still has a successful relationship with the same hooker. Exception may be when the BF is not financially sound and depends on the GF partially to support him (think, live in BF). even in those situations BF goes nuts and tries to drive away her clients ... when she is banging her clients in the next room! (there was some discussion on particular case like this by a client on this board ...) and all shit breaks loose.
Two additional points to ponder: Jealousy does not just belong to BF. GF can be jealous very well! For GF, fucking other guys is 'work' but she does not wanna see the BF fuck around (unless he makes his living that way too - then it is a match made in heaven!!!) Yes, I have heard about and know girl(s) that told me ... she and her BF have an open relationship, even some said open marriage (most likely the guy is living off her) - that is another rarity .. 100% of such cases I know did not survive more than a year or two. Two, when asked hey why did you decide to provide, a lot of girls say things like I was doing it for free but now I get paid for it and it is good (money and variety)! It will be rare for her to give it out free again albeit to one guy named BF!
Gambler is correct when he says 'it is not for everybody' ... but I would go one step much further "it is not for any body ... in the long run"
My 2c
Very negative, sounds like there might be a story here
Touché!!
and in neither case is the woman supporting a dead beat husband.
I completely agree they are the exception not the rule, but believe it or not, some guys actually get off on the fact that their GF is "doing other guys" they find it hot. I am not one of those guys, I am one of the guys that is able to compartmentalize and simply put it out of my mind. In the more serious of the relationships I have been in I have laid down a some rules. A couple of the rules were, no OTC time with clients, no "flirty texts or calls" during off time and no "extended dates, ie dinner or overnight dates. No one wants their SO "taking their work home with them" right? lol
I dated a girl for a while (almost a year) and was fairly serious with her, enough that I was beginning to think about marriage. She got a new phone number a couple times and for some reason I called the old number and it was still working, so I googled it and discovered she is a provider. I asked her about it and she went on radio silence. I'm not sure I could handle it and it seems to me she could not handle it either. I wish she had been honest up front and let us make an adult decision, lying rarely works out.
Never have. Never will. I have no interest in dating a hooker who could get thrown in jail before our next dinner date.
Your comment is disgusting. Because I bet you have no problem paying a young woman
They tell me it almost always never ends well. You either have girls trying to do it secretly and being discovered (those blurred face photos only go so far--trust me, you KNOW if it's your girl or not), or telling the guy and watching him slowly go insane with jealousy. I just can't imagine how hard it would be like to watch the love of my life driving off in the morning to be with other guys. If I really LOVE her, it's just going to bother me.
Here's the worst part--lets say you find a guy, and he's OK with it--this is just not the way relationships are supposed to work. Your partnership automatically starts out sort of skewed because it's only natural for couples not to screw other random people. Just look at how most porn star marriages work out. Part of what make a relationship great is that something special that just the two of you share. I think it's why cheating bothers us so much. I'm not sure I would want a woman who could watch me have sex with another woman and not really care. On a level I sort of WANT her to care.
That said, there are some interesting stories from the trenches. I do remember one provider telling me that she'd been dating a guy for a few months when one day while she's working, he texts her... by her working name... and proceeds to blow up her phone with angry calls. She said she could feel the room starting to spin when it all first happened. He ended up crying like a blubbering fool to her, then deciding he wanted to try to make it work, and then becoming a such a complete wuss about the situation that she wound up dumping him. Hey, if you're going to agree to do it, at least respect the rules, right? If not, then be a man about it and just move on.
Honestly-- and I hate to say this-- I think most girls would do best to wait until she's done with her career and has moved on before trying to find true love. I (and a lot of other guys) could very easily--and happily--be with a former escort. In fact, that may be one of the great coup's in life. 
Then you can pick a great guy and start out on a level playing field and increase your odds of making it work dramatically.
As always, just my .02.
Well stated
Lol I loving the “you know if that’s your girl or now”
and it didn't end well. I divorced my wife to be with this provider. She asked me right at the beginning if I knew what I was getting into. My response was yes. I believed I could handle her "work. " Well as our love for each other grew I discovered, in fact, that I couldn't handle it.. I tried to approach it as GaGambler suggested, but even though I knew that she loved me, I just couldn't put her work out of my mind .. In the end I don't regret the experience and my decision .
Thank you for sharing ... sent you a pm.
I was also very surprised by the number of ladies that are actually married and a provider. My first ATF was married and upfront with me about it. It was even more odd to me becsuse we had the same first name.
...or so she told you...
Good point.
...or so she told you...
I can't live my life in secret. Not anymore at least.
That is ideal, honestly but you'd have to come across a real ass man cause men can separate sex and love when it's their dicks doing the deed but let it be the woman they're with and its an issue. When I first started i had a boyfriend and I told him I was just going on dates and not seeing these guys full service and we were both living good from the money then he found out and tried to be cool with it cause of the perks but he just couldn't for shit and then anytime we get into arguments it's "you're a whore" and all these names but this whore just paid your phone bill asshole lol so long story short(lol) only a man incredibly secure in themselves and your relationship or a man that's greedy aka Pimp and that's nobody's cup of tea so I think sneaking is just better because 100% my ex boyfriend is scarred for life from our experience.
For me it was a huge surprise.... saying it fucked up your boyfriend for life is accurate. It will be a long time before I trust a woman again. I will use my friends for companionship and providers for sex, but I'm not gonna get my heart back out for a while
I feel bad cause that's how I feel that it'll be hard for him to trust again.
Mocha, the important thing (in my opinion) is that you recognized the pain caused by the situation and hopefully apologized for your part in that pain. I'm not saying it was your fault, but rather all parties have some responsibility. In my case, nothing was ever said, leading me to believe that I was in love and she was just providing a GFE, really really really great GFE
Not all hookers are alike, no more than all women are alike.
In virtually all relationships one party is more in love than the other and it always sucks to be the one "more in love" I have dated a LOT of hookers and yes "some" of them were just playing the "long con", but not all of them. I have also been the one who was the "less in love" and have been involved with some working girls that I am 100% certain were in love with me. One I know for sure is still carrying a torch for me although we haven't seen each other for going on three years now. She really wanted for us to get married and make it "forever" I wasn't up to that kind of commitment, and truthfully I kind of doubt I ever will be again. I am just too set in my ways to have another person around "all the time", but that's on me, not her.
You aren't OWED anything, be a man, dust yourself off and chalk it up to a life experience. Just because many hookers lie about their true feelings or lack thereof doesn't mean they all do.
Sorry, I was just describing what a decent human being would do when they wronged someone.... I will "man up" as you say.... Thanks for the advice
but with hookers and non hookers alike, that is not always (actually it's rare) a reasonable expectation.
Again, speaking strictly for myself, my breakups with hooker GF's have been much less drama filled on average than my breakups with non hooker GF's (and one wife. lol)
What made it particularly difficult is I did not know I was dating a hooker, but in that context why should I expect anything different
I see you are very new here, is that what led you to TER?
and yes, finding out your GF is a hooker and lying about it is a lot different than dating a hooker with your eyes open, but the same advice still applies. Who knows maybe you will end up dating another hooker some day who is open and honest about it. You never know, or maybe you might end up with an ex-hooker some day and your experiences will allow you to relate better to her than some guy who has never been exposed to this lifestyle.
There is always a silver lining to be found in any situation that doesn't kill you, and be honest, is finding out your GF is fucking other guys for money really any worse than catching her fucking some guy she actually has feeling for?
Probably what led me here to an extent, now I figure if I'm gonna get laid I might as well know what I am dealing with.... I'm not comfortable getting that close to a woman unless the ground rules are spelled out.
I don't think finding out your GF is fucking other guys is ever an easy thing to find out.... when they break dates with you for "suspicious" reasons only to find out it was to get paid.... or when you do have a date with them they tell you they are too tired to fuck because of a work out, then when you see the reviews you know who was working them out. So honestly no its not any worse, it just sucks
It's the lieing and sneaking that causes the hurt. Just accept the fact that if you can't be honest up front then the relationship doesn't really exist. I'm not saying it will be easy. But if you cant be honest with someone what's the point. It will be harder to find that right one but it's worth it once you do. Sex can be used to express real love or just to have fun or in it's very worst form as a weapon. Nobody likes having a weapon used on them. I've been rich and I've been poor and I defiantly liked rich better The true love of a good woman can sustain you like nothing else but when lied to and you find out can ruin a persons life. Be truthful and wait for the one strong enough to handle it. Then you'll have something worth hanging onto.
That was the exact issue with me, the sneaking and lying, after I found out about her being a provider I matched up dates from when we were together with reviews written and it was crushing. Reading the reviews is something I had to stop doing because of obvious reasons but the sheer number of lies was staggering. Honesty would have helped a lot. I've had to come to grips with your point that the relationship did not ever really exist and that has been difficult. She has never admitted or apologized for anything, which I really wish she would do.
I will be honest and say I know I couldn’t handle having a relationship with a provider. I guess I am not as mature as the others who have done it. Maybe if it was a casual situation it would be okay but if it got serious I would be crushed!!!
My first theeesome proved it. I was totally into it and when I saw my GF which I loved enjoying it so much doing things that she never did with me I couldnt handle it. Not a direct correlation. For all the girls out there I would keep it a secret or be prepared to lose the guy or be a therapist. I do like the Gambler perspective tho. I think that would make me feel better if it was presented as “I choose to be with you”. I do sort of feel bad for the girls out there who are struggling with this because you need love too!!!
As a provider I’ve dated other providers, civilians, and a former client. Provider/provider seems to be the biggest no-issue relative to work because both people in the equation share the same headspace about what we do. I don’t think it has any affect on other relationship aspects though, so it’s fefinarly not something that’ll tear a relationship apart, but it also seems as though it’s not something that helps it either. It just kind of is.
My baseline for a former client is coming from on experience, so I don’t really have anything to judge it from but that, but from my sole experience, there wasn’t a real problem with it in the relationship (went from client>sugar>partner). The one thing I did notice that was something of a detriment was that there was a sense of entitlement in the relationship coming from the other side, like they felt I should just do what they want because that essentially what they were use to. So a personal relationship after it being professional didn’t really work there.
As far as civilians... well not to many great experiences there so...
I believe your question relates to the counsel of others regarding should you tell your relationship partner. My counsel, no. It is far too risky. What if the relationship ends and they tell others. Or tell others anyone. Dating a provider, which I have done in the past, is not easy. Yes, doing so would be a risky thing. Best wishes
This is my first time dating another SW'er and it is easier. I was completely out and honest in my last three relationships (they were not SW'ers and never knew about it in realistic terms until meeting me) and I originally attributed the ease of those relationships to them being women, but I now see that it was my honesty that made things easier. I personally feel that when we as SW'ers are honest within the first 30 days of a burgeoning relationship it gives the other party (be they male or female) a firm foundation upon which they can actively decide what they might want to do without feelings significantly clouding judgment.
I think people respect those who are able to be bluntly honest about what they need in relationships and that includes, "I am a SW'er and I am offering full disclosure so that you can make a well-thought-out decision as to if you want to continue getting to know me." Society has imposed so many "isms" on us that many times it is hard to know if it is really YOU that is against/has a problem with SW'er or if it is messages one has absorbed from society (usually it is both).
More importantly, LOVE YOU more than you love anyone else. Be honest with yourself first and you will find that it is easy to be honest with another about anything.
XOXO,
Olivia Corvisart
-- Modified on 11/4/2017 12:32:21 PM
-- Modified on 11/4/2017 12:33:39 PM
I agree with these statements.
...also I didn't include it in my 1st post but I have dated men as well and those relationships were fraught with problems.
1) Because I was lying and in one instance got caught. I had never seen someone so broken by a lie and could no longer justify it by saying to myself that "What I do for work is my own damn business. No one is putting importance on what he does for work?" SW is different in that it involves health checks, legal risks in the US, and a risk of violence from potential suitors (just because someone passes screening doesn't mean you aren't that one person they might do something to and it could be that no one has ever reported them). Also, unfortunately, in Western society, we tie up so much importance in what people do for a living. I would rather know immediately and upfront if the guy or woman I am crushing on will have a problem with what I do rather than finding out later when emotional ties are deep and there could be an angry lashing out and resentment.
2) I also had to compartmentalize my life and the checking and double checking was anxiety-inducing. Having to make sure my laptop was cleared, other phone put away, all my supplies were locked up, trash is thrown out, lingerie locked away, strap-ons, dildos, and giant vibrators, and sex swing all locked away. This was back in the days (early 2000's) when my incall and home were one in the same. I also had super strict and inexplicable "rules" about when I could see them (never during the week) and showing up at my house and/or having gifts delivered which all made me look suspect. Most thought I was cheating on them which ended with them cheating on me--but looking back I can see how I created much of what I experienced trying to keep up the lie.
So now, I give zero F***. As long as I am still a SW'er I will be 100% honest about it when I first meet someone who is expressing interest, that way they can decide what they want to do. If they don't want to be with me because of it, I know that I am saving MYSELF a shit ton of headache and heartache. If they are willing to give it a shot then, I know it takes ALOT of communication, maturity, and self-honesty and even then it still may not work and that is ok. Being in a relationship shouldn't be the defining mark of anyone's life. Love, trust, communication, and honesty between two partners should be.
I personally know two providers who are in 7 and 12 year healthy relationships with men who know fully what they do. These guys are gems and they are out there BUT as both couples have said about their relationship: "I told him fairly soon what I did for a living (her). I saw that it was just work and I valued the fact she was brutally honest and stood her ground so it only left me to decide what I was ok with (him)."
Find you a man/woman like that!
Olivia Corvisart
Why do you refer to P4P clients as “suitors”?
Some SW'ers prefer the term sex worker, others provider, escort, courtesan, harlot or hooker to name a few.
Some guys prefer client, hobbyist, monger, patron, or punter.
When writing erotic pieces or my ad copy I prefer suitor or patron to describe gentleman callers and for myself "adult companion" because the types of relationships I forge with my "clients" typically is years long where we both come to know intimate details about one another.
Of course, I understand that the definition of "suitor" according to Merriam-Webster is "one who courts a woman or seeks to marry her" (synonyms: admirer, wooer, boyfriend, sweetheart, lover), but that OR is a big one. While marriage is something I have zero interest in, I definitely enjoy all the details and lusty fun involved in prolonged courtships and romance.
Hope that clarifies why I use the word "suitor" over other terms.
Without honesty and trust
So short and so true!
A corollary to that would be all honesty has a price!
true that honesty has a price but maybe I'm old school in that I don't believe it should have a price..... if honesty has a price then it really isn't honesty at that point
or at least no way to truly trust that it is honesty
I know what you're saying.
What I meant was honesty comes at a price! To be honest, most times in our lives we need to be wiling to accept some real loss or 'costs'. Reversely, if honesty does not cost much, may be there is not much at stake to be honest about.
I don't like lying, so that sucked and the boyfriend who said "your profession doesn't bother me" couldn't handle it after a few months. Good luck with that. Rare is the gentleman who can honestly handle this.
True.... I was on the wrong side of this, my GF was a provider and then I found out. I honestly thought about all the things I could do to get even, including outing her, but came to the realization that she had broken my heart and that is something I could not "get even" with. So I just chalked it up to a bad relationship, I wish her the best and honestly would consider seeing her again if she was not providing, I know I could not handle dating a provider, but I realize she just was not that interested in me to begin with.
Although it can be the first thought when someone is wronged, revenge of any kind doesn’t bring about anything good for both parties! I would like to believe most reasonable guys would behave the way you did ... you’re a class act! Men like you make all men look good and offer some men encouragement to be on the right side of act.
Another point, some guys advise others ‘man up’ , ‘be a man’ ‘don’t be a wuss’ ... sometimes I wonder if they really knew what is meant by what they say or will they act accordingly if they are in the same situation...
You sir have shown with your actual act what is meant by manning up!
If the provider is a masochist I could see it working for me. I would read her reviews just to get my ire up, then severely discipline her to vent my jealousy and hurt. Then I'd fuck her hard up the ass, taking joy in her muffled cries of discomfort. Then, after getting my rocks off I'd hold her tight and love on her to let her know everything's okay.
Must be a Sadist and perform exactly what you’ve described Tartus on daily basis.
in relationships and secure. Jealousy could be an issue. Or it could be a turn on in a balanced home life.
Every Saturday ! And she is awesome . And we have became great friends going on six years .
I was very close to dating one seriously but never quite got on to it for the reason of it being a potential recipe for disaster in my personal life. But if I'm unattached in personal life, and available, I would certainly not mind seriously dating a provider. Just my thought.
One of the most difficult/best things I've done. Highly recommended if you're up for some opportunities for internal work!
