I am always in a quandary about the best approach to the SP. I've always tried to be most respectful of the girls' prohibitions and their and not stray into areas/actions they find unpleasant or offensive. Almost always, at the beginning of the session (which is almost always 1 1/2 - 2 hours), I open a bottle of wine, and sit with them, go through some small talk, and eventually ask, straight up, "what's off-limits." There are still surprises throughout the session... I was in a duo in Canada one time with two very young women. One gal leapt off me and bounded off the bed -- "if you touch my asshole one more time I'm out of here." That was a mood killer! And I didn't see it coming. Just recently as I was about to finish I asked for a cim. No, she told me, even though her TER listing included that service (and that's why I chose HER that weekend). Could I cum on her cheek? She asked, "Which one?" I probably mocked her a bit, knowing what she meant but I, in turn, responded with a question, "Left or Right?" She obviously meant on her butt. I hate it when I cannot fulfill some fantasy but don't know how to approach it. Should I, at the beginning, choreograph the session by explaining exactly what I want to do? It seems sort of crass. I have tried that approach, not without success, but it's difficult for me to be so forthright (being of this age, one wants to treat women with some deference). From the scores of reviews I read, it would seem that most guys let the gals take charge (eg -- "She met me at the door with a long DFK...). What are your experiences and how have your approaches changed or refined?
It can be very disappointing to find out BCD that the things you want to do are off limits, but you can't ask beforehand. If she had too few reviews to determine properly then you have to expect disappointment.
Did you read her reviews?
OP, read the reviews as noted. Also, do you have Aspergers?
1) While direct is useful, as you've found out not always productive. Next time start with, "So, if I may ask, what is on the menu". Most likely she will throw-in what is not on the menu, too. If she doesn't say what is not on the menu, ask what you are interested in and she will say yes or no, or that will be extra. Starting off with what is not on the menu, means you're likely going to be a problem client and try those things anyway.
2) If you're into ass play, do it gently and slowly. Don't jam your finger or thumb into her starfish. Gently work your way closer, and then rub your thumb around it, gently. If you get no push back, gently press, but do not insert said thumb or finger. If she pulls away, it means she doesn't like it - and stop doing it, period. I'm guessing you jammed your thumb or finger directly into it. I've never had a woman jump off the bed or otherwise yell at me for using the method above. Its pretty clear if she is not into it.
But communication is key. If you're looking for something in particular, the time to talk about it is at the beginning of the session. While sipping the wine and getting to know one another is the perfect time for me; I just ask where the left and right field fences are located. Most of the providers that I've seen over the years are professionals about this and appreciate clear communication; they want to avoid misunderstandings as much as I do.
I'm also an older gent, new to TER, but I've been in the hobby for some time. I've found that if I couch everything in terms of what really turns ME on, then more often than not she is willing to experiment with me. I've found that most providers are very giving and want to find the magic key of what gets their client's motor running.
So, let's say I was really looking forward to CIM. After a glass of wine and small talk, I'd just say: "You know what really turns me on? The prospect of cumming in a woman's mouth. There's just something so forbidden and erotic that really does it for me. I'd understand if that's off limits for you, but it turns me on just talking about it."
It's worked for me.
women here of this world, I find that what most men have stated before is communication is key. Until you hear it from her mouth (no pun intended), yes or no, then don't assume either way what is on or off limits. If you are after things that are a bit out of the norm, then don't be shy about sharing your thoughts beforehand so you aren't disappointed with your time with her. Better to be straight up, than not imo.
T xo