I've never heard any authoritative source suggest that ED and impotence are two different conditions. What you're reporting is technically called anorgasmia, I think. According to the Harvard study reported at the link below (no connection), effective drug treatments for anorgasmia haven't existed, but a new one shows promise. Have you brought this up with your doctor?

Besides the pharmaceutical approach, if "getting into a trance and having my partner tell me to relax and let the orgasm flow" works, that suggests that it might not be primarily physical and that some kind of meditative or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy type approach might be worth looking into. That's not up everyone's alley, of course, I just tend to go there because I'm (maybe overly) leery of taking pills.

There is an herbal medication that has long been reputed to enhance sex, of course, but our wise rulers decided eighty years ago that it was a soul-destroying scourge far more dangerous than alcohol, tobacco, or firearms, so far be it from me to recommend it.

And I'd say Viagra and Cialis are marketed to younger men, older men, docs, anyone the drug companies might be persuaded to buy or prescribe them. And you're right, they just help you (if you're lucky and they work for you) get and keep an erection once you are horny; they don't do anything to get you there.

It does help achieve and maintain an erection, but as you noted, it does nothing to get you aroused.  For that, I need some stimulation, which could be reading something sexy, watching porn, or best of all, having a willing eager woman in my arms.  As for orgasm, as I've gotten older it has become much more difficult to achieve. Maybe you will think this is odd, but it doesn't bother me at all.  The fun for me is in the journey, in having a great fuck session, in pleasing my partner.  If I don't cum I don't care.

That's what I tell myself but down deep I really want to climax.  Seems unfinished to leave without it. It still happens for me about half the time. I'm 76 so maybe I shouldn't complain, half is better that nothing.

ED and impotence are essentially the same.  ED allows for varying severity; impot implies that you just can't fuck.
Anyway... I am 64, ED 10+ years.  Mod-severe ED.  ED meds worked fairly well.  Orgasm is getting more difficult, but I do have a good time and accept it as orgasm one day, no orgasm another day.  I find lots of ways to please the ladies.  I am heartened to know that I have company on this issue.

I just got  a penis pump (rx from urologist).  A bit awkward at first (requires practice), but makes my dick BIG AND FAT.  It works and it's very safe.  The reason is that I developed partial blindness in my Left eye, perhaps from taking too much ED meds.  You can read about it on web: NAION    Non-arteretic anterior ischemic optic neuropathy.  It's horrible, untreatable.  thank god I can still drive.  BE CAREFUL WITH ED MEDS.  If you see colors or brightness go to the ER or a neuro-ophthalmologist immediately.  Don't dismiss it.

ED meds do nothing more than open up blood vessels.  They have zero ability to arouse.  ED happens because the blood vessel into the penis limits the amount of blood into it.  That's why many ED guys get only half hard-ons or none at all.  It's also why after taking these meds, your nasal passages get more congested, and your head may feel slightly dizzy.  The blood vessels in your entire body are being opened more.

Why younger guys take them is a puzzle.  When I was young, I'd get hard when the wind blew.  They probably think it makes them last longer, but these meds don't have a direct effect with that.  What I believe does happen is this:  If a cock is rock hard, as hard as it can be, my experience has been that I last longer.  So indirectly, maybe young guys are going for this effect.

Great discussion.  
I am 70 and use viagra for assurance but usually am very long lasting but haven't orgasmed with women in many years.  I need lots of stimulation and can climax with my own hands with right body caressing stimulation or by self with the right visual stimulation.  

I have always been frustratingly long lasting - great for women friends but can be awkward with companions.  I am usually very up front so they know it is no big deal.  I have also always preferred more the intimacy, massaging and certain Tantra positions that give the women lots of both clitoral and g-spot stimulation.    Of course, in the U.S. I never discuss or pay for sex acts since that would be illegal.  

In Toronto, a few years ago I warned a companion as usual that I enjoy it all but don't worry about my orgasm.  She was relieved and said, oh good and that she hadn't had an orgasm in years.   We enjoyed each other and I was my usual very long lasting and she was getting really wild riding me - I am always concerned women will come down too hard and break my penis!!    Just then her cell rang - as normal her agency driver was warning only 10 minutes left.  She screamed DAMMIT so loud I thought the entire hotel floor would hear her.   She said she was the closest to having an orgasm in years - was so close and then the phone rang!  She had a great personality and we talked a bit about intimacy and sexuality during the session.