Is it possible to go back to a normal man woman relationship after having all this great sex with the providers? I have recently got into a relationship with a woman near my own age. (not in the business) I don't think she's into the sexual gratification like I am. I miss the closeness of being in love, but I might miss the sex even more. All these decisions this late in life. Anyone else had a similar dilemma?
Sure would like to hear your story.
But this did come up when I married for the first time 40 years ago, and it was hard since I had been hobbying pretty regularly for about 7 years when I did decide to "settle down".
My life consisted of finding ways to get away with it, but the laws of chance caught up with me, twice, and finally kayo'd the nuptials, though there were other issues to be sure by then.
So, here's what I suggest: Decide how much this new relationship is worth, then go for which ever seems the better bet. Keep in mind that the hobby will always be there if and when you decide to go back. The other relationship, won't.
Sorry, but no guarantees.
Let us know how things work out. There's a dearth of research on this subject.
... is that, possibly, you might be able to awaken your civilian friend's sexuality with some of the things you've learned in P4P. You'll never know till you try.
Good luck. I'm still starry-eyed enough to imagine (I no longer allow myself to hope at my age) what a great civilian relationship could be like. Totally understand the dilemma of missing being in love but potentially missing the sex even more. Maybe you'll find you can have both.
Having sex with the same person for years on end is eventually going to get a little boring. Also there was just an article the other day that said that 34% of women are uninterested in sex (15% of men also not interested in sex.)
So the probability is high that in any relationship you will either get bored of her as a sex partner or she won't be interested. So really a lot of relationships face this issue.
I've chosen to cheat, but there lurks danger. My first civie affair ended up costing me a divorce. Very expensive.
Now I only cheat when it is absolutely positively safe to do so. As I said elsewhere I would prefer to cheat with a married civie, but since they are hard to find, for practical reasons I cheat with escorts.
I am pretty sure if I got a second divorce I would not get married again -- but maybe???
but I'm going to say... I was cautious about sex as I was on the rebound & it bit me in the ass. My wife (still married to) had little sexual interest though she did cum & have a good time when she allowed herself to start. She never initiated. Only allowed by prior agreement. Expert in ignore or avoid. Never permitted spontanious sex.
I hobby because her interest went to low frequency soon after we married & subsequently went to once a year, then zero. I was not willing to stop entirely so I went outside.
I initiated numberous conversations, got promises that weren't kept. (The kids were still home) "It won't always be like this". The kids went to school & eventually moved away but it got worse. She was unwilling to get frisky at other times... only late at night when we were both exhausted... we could easily have had quickies.
I think it IS possible... but I'd not be so understanding. It won't get better. But IF you can get a reasonable frequency established MAYBE it'd continue. I think it's important to set the right expectations right from the start...
Since my last marriage and divorce, I've been I've been really enjoying p4p.
I am straight up honest with the women that I date in the civie world.
I can be emotionally monogamous but will not be sexually maonogamous.
If that fits with her, I'm willing to give it a go.
Of course, I don't have any expectation of sexual monogamy from her either. In fact it generally turns me on.
This is just how I want to live my life now. It makes the pool of women much smaller but like minded women are out there.
Good luck.
I've talked about this before and nobody here seems to think it's a real option for them. Simply put, try total honesty. My awesome wife and I have been married for nearly 47 years. Our love and respect and partnership could not be any better! We even had sex regularly until very recently.
About 15 years ago I had had enough of monogamy and told her so. I needed that sexual variety I had been craving my entire life. I did not want a new wife or partner, did not want to harm the wonderful life together we had established, did not want to trade her in for a younger model, etc. I just wanted to get laid from time to time. She was very sympathetic, although somewhat worried, but gave me permission to begin hobbying. I loved it! It totally changed my life and improved my outlook and general happiness level. She became the beneficiary of a much happier husband, one who always came home to her afterwards with a smile on his face and renewed energy for married life with her.
Fast forward 15 years. We now live a solid, happy, polyamorous lifestyle. She has one very fine BF she's been dating for over a year. It's great for me since he seems willing and able to get her off in ways I quit trying years ago. I have my hobbying and lots of pyt GFs I get to play with whenever. And our marriage is the best it's ever been, sweet and intimate and loving. (I'll stop here and wait for the flames to begin)
I am very blessed to likewise have a wife who is fine with my polyamory, but then again she is a former escort, and that's how we met, so it isn't all that remarkable given those circumstances.
My ex tried to put up with my hobbying for a few years, even took on various boyfriends for herself, but in the end decided splitsville was the way to go, and in hindsight, it turned out for the best. (If expensive, but alas, freedom beats money any day.)
..... sneaking around or doing something you don't want to do.
An honest relationship is the only way to go. It gives both the opportunity to be doing what they want and that makes for happy people. Whether you stay together or not. That's how you care for someone that you say you care about.
This board is so refreshing and positive. Big smoochies and a thank you, to you fine men.
..... sneaking around or doing something you don't want to do.
An honest relationship is the only way to go. It gives both the opportunity to be doing what they want and that makes for happy people. Whether you stay together or not. That's how you care for someone that you say you care about.
You will always miss the thrill that this hobby provides. I just returned from retirement because this is my hobby too & it is way to much fun to quit.
You are not alone. Not only that, escorts have told me their boyfriends/husbands can't give them enough sex so the hobby.
The thing is once you get to liking the variety you can never go back. Plus I for one really like women.
p4p is fun but it hasn't supplied the special something that a relationship can bring. As almost everyone will agree, that's kinda the purpose of p4p -- no strings attached fun and you generally know the price upfront.
I've taken breaks from p4p over the years, specifically to be in exclusive relationships. Since those ended, I find my way back to p4p for a time -- until the next relationship.
The variety of women available is great but it still doesn't provide the warmth, closeness and bond that the right relationship can bring. But since I'm still quite interested in great sex (even at my age! 
), I'm wary of being disappointed yet again in a monogamous scenario where the quality and enthusiasm of our sex life diminishes over time.
No easy days, right?
I was vert active in the hobby and I had friends with benefits and then I fell madly in love with a charming affectionate very intelligent sexual and sensual Jamaican lady who was also very jealous. I was completely and joyously faithful to her for a few years and saw no one in the hobby, no friends with benefits, and --as for years-- absolutely sexless in my marriage. It became clear to me that we were both in love and also that I could not continue unless I was ready to end the marriage to my wife. There was no sex in the marriage but we were and are very good friends and clearly it had to be either divorce and marriage to my darling lover or I had to break that up and enjoy my kids and grandkids and not break the heart of my dear friend.
I decide in the end to stay married and I broke two hearts. God I still after years miss that lovely lady.\
I waited a few months and then worked myself back to building contacts in the hobby and I have been back for a few years.
It is possible but had I stayed with the lady with whom i was deeply and physically in love, fhat would have been forever the end of my hobbying.
A few years ago, family drama and safety issues because of it, forced me into retirement.
I'm over 50 and have no interest in retiring after having found this lifestyle as an escort back in 1996. Back in the day I was one of the internet escort "pioneers" and it was and is a thrilling ride.
From an uptight housewife to a bikini dancer, to a stripper at some of the better clubs in LA and Orange County, I drifted into this lifestyle naturally and found my passion as a companion to intimacy and for enjoyment of engagements in public combined with private fun Then a site similar to this one popped up and I found myself with my first review for a dinner date engagement and over the years the fun increased with this site taking off and I was provided with good matches for my own sexual enjoyment. . Now Im learning that advancing years dont' curb my sexual appetite!
The retirement was boring and while I will eventually face it again, and on permanent basis, I'm enjoying the thrill once again!
Is it possible to return to MSL? (mainstream life?) I suppose with the right companion but I'm inclined to believe that polyamory is more of a norm and need for people than our culture perceives it to be.
When it's said that variety is the spice of life, Ive always agreed with that sentiment on so many levels including sexually and would bet that a study would show that many in marriages have a hard time with staying monogamous, not just men,but women alike and that if we could be open minded about our sexuality people would be much happier.
I noted that there are a few men here who's wives are open to their enjoying polyamory and they realizes that your love for them isnt contingent on your being sexually exclusive with them. They understand the need for that variety. Lucky boys!
In re Marriage: I have received some of the best advice from all you out there over the years Now, I offer the following as a gift to all my fellow American men. Be advised there is nothing in it for men these days. Everything is stacked against men. Most certainly the law. Two can live together as man and wife just like the former common law marriage. Just do not seal the deal by a legal marriage. Whoever said a man and a women would have to get permission of the government to join in marriage. A marriage license is permission by the government to exercise ones natural right to associate with whomever they please? If you do, will know the brutality of the iron fist of the law. If you chose to ignore this information, one day you will remember Joe the Plumber and wish you had.
When you break up with a woman you will feel the wrath of a woman scorned.
When you divorce a woman you will feel the wrath of a woman with the full force of the state behind her.
Well said. Believe it not. Or you will wish you did. I quit seeing American women over 15 years ago. I had had it.