Correct. Respect for boundaries is the key.
Does is turn you off when a provider starts telling you about her kids? I have alternately found this intrusive and depressing. In at least one case, I felt as though I were being pressured to fork over more $. In other cases, I feel as though it's just intruding into a moment that should be reserved for passion. I'm sure others will feel this is "getting to know" a provider but maybe that should be saved for "special" friendships that go beyond hobbying.
pretty much the way your last sentence goes. When meeting someone for the first time, I really don't want to hear about the intimate details of your life or the drama associated therein and am appreciative when you don't delve into mine. Naturally, over time with a regular, there is more of a personal friendship that begins to develop and I think both parties are more comfortable sharing those things including the children who are very important parts of our lives. Yeah, for sure, when a lady I am just meeting is laying on me all of her problems that is a pretty good indicator that this is probably a person I don't want to be spending too much time with.
-- Modified on 6/6/2004 12:46:57 PM
I try to avoid discussing it, but you'd be surprised at the personal questions some guys ask on the first date--am I married or seriously dating, do I have kids, etc.
I know they are just being friendly, and would like to lead to talking about their own kids, which is great. If I do talk about my kids, I keep it light-hearted--tell a joke or say something nice (like my daughter was just awarded outstanding girl in the fifth grade at her school, which is true.)
I can understand when meeting someone new it would be a turn-off if their conversation was all about their difficult personal lives--problems with kids and ex-husbands, etc. That would be depressing indeed.
It sometimes boils down to knowing when to say or not to say something.
I've had guys ask me if I had kids and responded only with a 'yes' and nothing more. I've had strings and strings of questions and just respond with the answer only, like a questionnaire, or I've responded with a DFK so they'd shut up! LOL
always know when. But when will you get it through your pretty head that this is not the rule but part of the package that makes you so exceptional?
I've had a session brought to a screeching halt by a provider asking me about my kids.
As the previous poster indicates, Sedona, you are special. We have all enjoyed your sightful comments and some have been lucky enough to spend some time with you. I am sooo looking forward to meeting you!
It doesn't matter. I've had a couple of providers tell me they had kids. It didn't bother me none. I felt like I was getting to know them more which was fine with me. They told me personal stuff about themselves and I did the same in return.
As others have said, it depends on the circumstances. If its a first time, brief [hour or so] meeting, then time can be better spent exploring physical attributes. If meetings are more frequent, then continuity of conversations kicks in. If the sessions are longer, especially overnight, then it is impossible to avoid any personal stuff in conversation. I think the key is knowing, or figuring out, each others boundaries and respecting same.
Correct. Respect for boundaries is the key.