If the latter, it's unfortunate, but many (it seems) hobbyists, especially in the early stages of hobbying, get hung up on, infatuated or obsessed with providers. Ordinarily, there should be little expectation that romantic affection will be returned. Don't get me wrong--providers often have great affection for their clients, but it's rare that they fall for them since that's inimical to their business interests. If you suck it in and look at the situation realistically, you can be great buddies with providers that you have the right chemistry with, enjoy genuine friendship,have great times and mind-blowing sex. But don't expect romance -- it can happen and can be great, but don't count on it.
If you're talking civvies, then it's anybody's guess. And I'm not sure this is the best place to get that kind of advice.
if only one of you has romantic feelings for the other.Do you think its possible to be friends with someone you want to date and be involved romantically with.Even if they don't show the same interest in you.Also do think its possible to be friends with someone and the same person who didn't show interest before change and show interest in you. I would like to know what kind of opinions you providers and hobbiest have this.
If the latter, it's unfortunate, but many (it seems) hobbyists, especially in the early stages of hobbying, get hung up on, infatuated or obsessed with providers. Ordinarily, there should be little expectation that romantic affection will be returned. Don't get me wrong--providers often have great affection for their clients, but it's rare that they fall for them since that's inimical to their business interests. If you suck it in and look at the situation realistically, you can be great buddies with providers that you have the right chemistry with, enjoy genuine friendship,have great times and mind-blowing sex. But don't expect romance -- it can happen and can be great, but don't count on it.
If you're talking civvies, then it's anybody's guess. And I'm not sure this is the best place to get that kind of advice.
forget about a great, simple friendship off-the-clock.
I keep meeting scores of men/women in other areas of life who are terrific, and have dozens of great old friends I need to keep in better touch with, so rarely have time to meet new friends.
So, if you know there isn't a romantic click on her part, she probably does not have time to incorporate another friend in her life.
Probably need to keep it professional until you get that rare sign:
1) A discount first
2) A substantial discount, esp for longer trips, and
3) Free -- and you're more likely to get struck by lightning tonight.
I saw a similar although more indepth (as in he was already neck deep) post awhile back.
Here's part of my reply but the subject line speaks to most of it...
Sounds like a story I could of posted from a while back, almost to a tee except I went just tad bit farther and got hurt. So here are some things I learned.
1: No matter how much of a match you think you are, you will never truly know till you date someone long term (first impressions are very rarely accurate). You end up building a false impression with people that you know superficially and this ends up crumbling sooner or later. So you say, 'then we should date to find out?' right?? see point 2
2: Never be the rebound guy (or girl). ..rest of paragraph omitted ...
3: Don't date in the work place. It doesn't matter if you and her rarely see each other, it will still cause problems because I can guarantee that point 1 and 2 will come into play sooner or later and it will be weird.
4: Do not, I repeat do not try to figure women out. I am the smartest man alive when it comes to women and this holds true 100% of the time until I become involved with one.... then I am an idiot. I have had more women tell me that I really truly understand them (chick friends, friends wives, female coworkers, old female classmates, even providers) but once I start thinking with other things other than my head aka whats either in my shirt or pants, all bets are off as are probably are yours. (The smartest guy thing was a joke...kindof)
5: I know what you are going to say, "Well, this situation is different and we really connect and ..... I'm a nice guy and I can be there for here and she'll really appreciate me....ladedadeda." Every guy says it, some more than once.
6: [Omitted]
7: Find someone else to date quick and get your mind off of it.
Don't date at work and don't date friends, try the personals...although they haven't worked for me its safer. Risk is one thing stupidity another. But alas...to each there own!
In "civilian" life this would be the fastest way to eventually get your heart broken. If one party is interested in a romantic relationship and the other wants to "be friends", one person will eventually suffer. Just imagine the subject of your affection telling you about her problems with her romantic interests....how are you going to feel, if the girl you love is in love with someone else (been there, had that happen to me)
It will be very rare that a mutual feeling develops.
Probably the same concent would apply to a hobbyist/ provider affection
I think it's possible for any type of relationship to change. It's whether you think it's worth risking the friendship over. If you're truly good friends, then whatever happens won't matter, but remember that friendships only runs so deep.
Hugs,
Ciara
I'm talking about civilians. Sorry I should have been more clear.
Yes it is spossible but you need lot of stamina and patience at the beginning.
This is especially true if she is dating others. You will feeli teased, and it will be like picking at a scab. I did try several instances of being friends with women I wanted to date. It was always an emotional disaster. If you become friends and she knows that you want to date, you're behavior probably won't be its best, and some women can get very annoyed with this, and positively malicious about it when they are.
In the hobby, at least, you could always be friends with her and then pay for a session when you need to, and let off the steam that's built up. I'm actually very comfortable with that idea, with the money paid demarking the change of mood, from merely friendly, to sexually charged.
About whether friendships can turn sexual, it happens all the time. Just don't become friends when you'd rather be dating with the idea that it might happen. This is a bad bet, and might lead to bad situations when it doesn't, or worse, when you think it has and it hasn't.
/Zin
Sorry but the answer is no regardless of civil or as a hobby. I tried it for many years. It is called "time to move on". It takes 2 to make the relationship and we only have one.
it became apparent that she wasn't interested. It's the cliche, "can't we be friends." And thankfully I said, "hell yes" and very thankfully she was serious about the cliche. We've been very close for something like 15 years. So my bottom line is: it takes time for the real deal. Our friendship has lasted through her failed marriage and a couple boyfriends...I'm the one with the amazing companionship.
If she turned to me one day and said "let's make this thing romantic" I've got 15 years of experience with this dear one. So I'd say, "hell, yes" all over again.
... we may differ in our feelings on this post, but I stand in awe of your use of the kings english in your reviews. They are great and very funny. With your comic sense, you should be able to talk lots of women into bed.
I recently was hurt by a provider who I thought was a friend.
My ATF had introduced us in the hopes I could help her with some computer problems she was having. We developed a mutual liking of each other and I soon found myself helping her with other projects along with generally paling about with each other. I never made any overtures for her sexually for I thought it would be crossing a line being that she is my ATFs associate. Recently this friend "cornered" me voicing her dismay that I had never asked for a "session" with her. I explained that I was enjoying our friendship and also didn't want to cross any lines unless we mutually thought the friendship was turning to actual romance. I now havn't heard from this lady for several days.
I'm thinking that was a pretty strong signal that "romance" wasn't gonna happen. I'd contact her and tell her you don't want to lose the paling around, if that's true, and so you don't want a session. (Unless you do. In which case you can ask if you're gonna lose the paling around.) You've got a repoire with this lady because of the casual association so use it to resolve the problem.
Sorry, I just became an unsolicited Dear Abby.
... The proper response to this offer is
"NO, lets fuck for a while first and then see if friendship is appropriate".
The first rule of dating is not to date anybody who just wants to be friends. If you want friendship, don't go out with her alone and never pay her way (friends don't expect that kind of treatment)_.
You are dating because you want to get laid (maybe you want some other things). Don't make an ass of yourself!!
Women who want to date you on this basis have an unsatisfactory relationship with their SO and want you to fill in the edges of what they aren't getting from their current interest. All you are doing is making her life more bearable so she can continue to fuck another man and pretend that relationship is going to work. If she wants to fuck you both, go for it. If she doesn't, run (don't walk) away. When she breaks up (she will) she will end up seeing you as a man rather than somebody she can discuss her love life with.
Harry