There hasn't been any sex in my marriage for about 15 years, and it was very infrequent in the preceding 5-10 years. The lack of sex was caused by a number of factors, and wasn't all my wife's fault. I entered the hobby about 4 years ago.
I'm not sure if my wife suspects anything, as I try to be ultra discrete. However, I believe she would be in the state of denial category.
So how many of you non-single hobbyists figure that your SO knows you're getting some action on the side? Maybe they don't know details, maybe they don't even know you're going to a provider, but you believe they know. The reason I ask, as I head into the 3rd consecutive month of no you-kno-whattin' at home (a not uncommon experience at the Phunhog estate), I ask myself: does my SO just think I have completely forgotten about sex? Or is she just leaving the whole topic alone and not confronting me because she already knows the answer? I tend to think the power of denial could easily make it the former. But sometimes I think she just doesn't want to rock the boat and figures as long as I don't bring home any transmittable ailments or end up on the 6 p.m. news, she'll leave it alone. What about the rest of you?
With 49 reviews I think you are in a whole different league...but then again, maybe this my form of denial. I think the real fear with STDs is the issue. If you get something from a provider, the odds are that if you get tested, it is not the next day or even week, right? So there is the risk of transmission which freaks me out. I know I didn't answer your question, but there is a difference between a few times a year and a whole heck of a lot of extracurricular activity.
In my case, she doesn't know or suspect.
I try to limit myself to once a month in the hobby, just to keep a proper perspective on things.
My SO is not very active sexually, but when she is interested, I deliver and she is happy.
You also must remember, I am 50+ and my SO has settled into a more sedate lifestyle, as far as sex goes. Once or twice every 2 weeks is enough for her.
I don't ignore her needs, when she is interested, but she just isn't interested often enough for me.
I hope that doesn't sound to selfish or shallow.
Just my opinion...
B
I think your last sentence pretty much sums it up for me as well.
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He would come home sometimes after being gone for 2 or 3 days, with this dead tired, absolutely fucked-to-death look, but a very satisfied look on his face, tail wagging and tongue hanging out. That's the way I come home after a good day with a good lady. The SO HAS to know. Especially since she usually picks one of those times for one of her rare indulgences. Probably just to see if I can still get it up for Her!
Wifey hasnt allowed any sex at all for around 11 years. She says that after her historectomy she lost desire. Funny thing is we met well after her surgery and lived together for a year. The sex was great until we got married. It took me around 9 years to look for other avenues. I really dont care at this point what she thinks. I do mask any activities from her. I am lucky enough to have some alone time.
I do think she probably suspects something. She cant or doesnt want to find any proof.
I am very close to divorce.
There hasn't been any sex in my marriage for about 15 years, and it was very infrequent in the preceding 5-10 years. The lack of sex was caused by a number of factors, and wasn't all my wife's fault. I entered the hobby about 4 years ago.
I'm not sure if my wife suspects anything, as I try to be ultra discrete. However, I believe she would be in the state of denial category.
All of a sudden, he was getting new clothes, being too nicely dressed, clean (for once-for he had a funky-sh*t stained butt at one time), new shoes, the whole works. OH he denied..denied..denied..but see, I caught on, and he got stOOpid, and continued on and more opened about it. I finally kicked his droopy drawers to the curb. See what most men dont'realize is that a woman knows when a man is cheating. Sometimes, we chose to ignore, for we really don't care. But if we shall ever decide to care-Watch out LOL My revenge was sweet. I actually ran into him a year ago-he was raggedly looking, desperate, and I wasn't giving up the pussy-cat. But what made him really mad, was me admitting to him, that I would rather get paid than to give it in to him again. Best revenge in the world!
You sound very angry, and you express that very well. However, you never mentioned why your mate strayed. It’s really not fair to expect us to believe that your husband was such a terrible man to have started seeing providers. The fact that he cleaned up shows that he actually cared what a woman thinks of him and he acted accordingly. Considering that point, what do you think he was trying to tell you about your relationship when he walked around with soiled undies? I’m not bashing you. All I’m saying is that your post doesn’t say enough! Read the last couple of posts. Both mention that they lived with their spouses for years, in a marriage that lacked sex. I salute them for being such patient men. For all we know, yours may have been that type of a relationship.
I am not sure if he were seeing providers or not, just that whenever he got hungry, or wanted his clothes to be cleaned, he came home to me. He got sex with me, whenever it suited his needs. But my needs were ignored, and when he started cheating more openly, and leaving phone numbers around, then I had enough. I became my first priority, for once! I became liberated, and kicked him out. The best thing I did, for myself, for once in my life. I am glad that everything happened the way it did, for I would never had the opportunity to be in this business. Till this day, I believe he still has droop in his drawers lol
Wow, he sound like a real catch. But I still think you should be the more mature person.... I know! Be the more mature person and send him a gift to show kindness! Perhaps a 6 pack of TP, with clear "How To Use" instruction.
OOOH! but your revenge is COld.
Cm.
I have been with my SO for 10 years, and stayed faithful for 9 of it. Our sex life was beyond amazing that first year then began to slowly dwindle into nothingness. Once a month is good for him.I know for a fact that he has never strayed, maye that I could understand, but no he merely hordes his precious tool all to himself. The more he ignored me the closer I became to the refrigerator...lol. I had began letting him know that I could go elsewhere to meet my needs, his only reply was...be prepared to sign divorce papers when you do. Finally my morals disappeared and I attempted to have an affair, that got too confusing and emotional, not what I was seeking at all! Next thing I knew I was swept into the erotic realm of this hobby. On and off for this past year. Although he acts clueless, I am sure he has to atleast suspect, but honestly don't think he cares so long as I come home each night and don't pick up anything soap won't remove. Our love has always been strong, and I think he is just relieved that I don't badger him daily for a quicky, a lustfest or anything that involves effort on his part...He is a good man, who has unfortunately long since passed his prime (he's only 30...lol what a shame) I have always been very discreet about my activities and Never plan to tell him. Unfortunately, I have found that I enjoy this hobby more than any wife should and we are also headed for the Big D. It has been a long time since I have been single and free but atleast I know I will not go without in the physical department. I am looking forward to my independance yet sorry to see such a comfortable and soulful relationship fade. I have been married twice now, I will never do it again (god willing) The courtship is great, the exploring is awesome but that lil piece of paper sucks the desire right out of a good lover...not sure why. I figure it must just be me, so be it. I see no reason at this point in my life to invest myself in a full fledged relationship. I will continue to maintain a very discreet hobby, and enjoy getting to know myself and trying to improve upon my weaknesses. I can't wait to see what tomorrow will bring! Happy Hobbying!
Katy
... lets face it, if you take some care, you can hobby for the rest of your life and never affect your relationship with your wife. Unfortunatly, you quickly begin to realize that fucking was one of the reasons you got married in the first place and something is wrong if it isn't getting better at home. If you are adult enough to commit to a marital relationship the sex should get BETTER, not worse over the years (you know how to do each other and like each other enough to give them the pleasure).
To quote an old phrase from the '70s, we are getting fucked and not enjoying it. ladies and gentlemen, arise! We have nothing to lose but our chains and a good sex life to win!
Ride to the sound of the guns!