Now, i know that the answer will probably be 95% of the time no. but i'm just wondering, just out of curiosity, do providers ever get to a point where, for whatever reason, they leave that business stuff out the door and it gets into pleasure. either, they just meet each other just for a good time (with no $$ exchanging), or they get into a relationship, or even become just friends? i'm sure it has happened to a few people, but i'm just wondering (maybe i'll be surprised) if it happens a little more than i think.
More like 99% of the time it doesn't work out. Don't walk, run the other way if you're considering something of this nature. I just got burned bad! Not financially, but emotionally.
I totally agree with Mookie-We started going out together, became romantically involved, the sex started going out the window, We stopped seeing each other.
Sorta like my former marriage.
Yes, I've been with a few Providers who have hinted about dating, but have always with great difficulty resisted the temptation. Mookie quite correctly points out that 99.995% of the time it does not work out. I deal with this issue by seeing different providers.
I certainly see men I would like to date, but from past experience it's awkward.. especially if you continue to work in the business.
I got burnt not once, but twice. I was emotionally drained badly 
much better song too!
It happens.
....I can honestly say that atleast 25% of my clients have turned into people I regard as good friends. Once they're my "buddy" I rarely see them as a "client" again. In fact, we RARELY get physical again at all! LOL
i probably should have said this before but, i'm notlooking for it, nor do i expect it, or probably want to. just curious
I also got burned badly by thinking that I was in an emotionally supportive relationship. Take mookie's advice and run.
It does happen. Not very often, I would guess, but it does happen. There are 3 ladies in the business that I have a relationship with outside the normal conduct of business. These relationships are not sexual per se, but rather more platonic in nature. But in 1 instance that vertical relationship did take a more "horizontal" turn, due to circumstance. It happened only one time, and we're still friends. If it happens again, great! If it doesn't, still great!
why would youwant onewith one of them
I think a kind of friendship relation can occur with a frequently seen provider when: 1. The past meetings have been mutually interesting [ie you've talked about more than sex/hobby and haven't whined about an insensitive, unresonsive spouse/SO ]; 2. The donation aspect is maintained, but almost taken for granted. By this I mean you know what it is, put it in an appropriate place, and don't make reference to it. Then, at the end of the 2 hours [or whatever] she can discreetly pick it up on her way out - or after you leave - confident that you have not short-changed her. Now, you can both look forward to the next meeting.
Yes, providers do sometimes enter romantic relationships with clients. Sometimes it works out amazingly well, sometimes it doesn't, just like in 'normal' relationship.
I met a lady as a client (my first and last)and after seeing her twice on that basis maintained a long distance relationship (email) for over 6 months. Moved in together and still very much in love - just like any other relationship.
Contributors to this site aren't ther most unbiased representative sample to comment on relationships but things can work out.
Like any other relationship - it depends on the individuals.
I met my now SO as a client nearly 4 years ago. We had a couple of sessions, and then decided to see eachother as friends. We remained just friends for nearly a year before we chose to bring our relationship to an intimate level.
While we would never live together as long as I remain a provider, we do have a monogomous relationship. By that I mean that he is the only man I am intimate with outside of work. And while he knows I am alright with him seeing other ladies (as long as he is honest), he has chosen not to do so.
I also have one good friend whom I met as a client. We chose to stop seeing eachoter on an intimate level, and now have a very normal platonic relationship.
In the past, I have also dated two of my clients. The relationship didn't go far enough for us to have sex (I actually take things quite slowly in my personal life), but we still go out for coffee every so often. Both of those men tried to see me again on a client basis, but I am not able to cross back over that line once something more than a client/provider relationship has developed.
So in short, yes it does happen, and it can work. However, it will change the parameters of your relationship, and like any other relationship, if things don't work out as you hoped, you will never be able to go back to the way things were.
...in my view and far more often than not turn out badly with some seriously hurt feelings. I would think that it is rather emotionally trying at times for providers to continually try and meet the needs and expectations of their clients particualrly those who see more than one or two clients per day. Emotionally shifting gears from provider to SO and back again just seems as if it would be very difficult over an extended period of time and such a balancing act would not in my view make for a very stable foundation for a meaningful relationship.
There was a thread started back in April about booking a provider who is married or has an SO.
I was chastised by one provider in that thread because I made it clear that I would not be comfortable seeing a provider who has an SO and whose SO is on premises when she sees clients.
I think there are some providers who would recognize that such an arrangement would be awkward to say the least for some clients and perhaps that might be a factor as to why many providers would be reluctant to enter into a relationship with a client at least as long as their intent is to continue to work as a provider.
I suppose there are some guys who can handle being in a relationship with an active provider. I would not include myself in that group.
Once a provider leaves the business and this activity is over and done with for good then I would have no problem entering into a relationship, even marriage. The fact that she had been a provider in the past would not be a factor as to whether I would find her a desirable partner in a committed relationship. There are far too many other things to be considered in establishing a committed relationship.
Now as to the matter of becoming friends I could see that happening but I would expect that it would mean just that--friends. There would no longer be the intimate physical relationship shared between provider/client. That's not to say that one could not be "friends" on some casual level while maintaining a business relationship. Being good friends/close friends would in all likelihood change the dynamics of the relationship.
I do think it is possible to share some mutually agreed on social time together devoid of the physical intimacy in the client/provider relationship. Such occasional sharing of social time together could actualy enhance the client/provider relationship as long as both parties are on the same page and understand and accept that social time is social time, no crossing over into the "business" relationship.
I felt compelled to post on this topic because I recently had a misunderstanding with a favorite provider and I began to think about the emotional toll that this business can potentially take on women, and even men for that matter. It's something of a tightrope to walk at times.
-- Modified on 5/16/2004 8:47:07 PM
-- Modified on 5/17/2004 8:01:56 AM
just sexual relationships or just being friends. it seems you guys are mostly talking about emotional relationships, which would be very hard if a provider would still like to be a provider. i was mainly talking about the former 2
no more on my mind than going to the movies. We just spent time talking about our favorites, or we had a great talk about something else which made me enjoy what was going in their mind. I'd definately go back for more sessions after that. But I've never asked.
I think I've clicked with someone's sense of humor or whatever but I've got no way of knowing if there's a mutual platonic thing or if she's afraid she's gonna lose my business. I'm pretty sure she's enjoyed the chat as much as I have but, honestly, she could be uber-friendly for obvious reasons.
I'd absolutely enjoy going to In-N-Out with someone after a nice session. In fact, I may go now. I'll be back soon if you need me.
love,
Jockeypants.
It's complicated. She really is a friend, I do enjoy her company. Most of it is platonic. She's got more than enough bookings, seeing me isn't taking away from any income she desires. It's when she doesn't that we tend to spend time. On occasion we sleep together, but that doesn't seem to be the primary point of it.
It began professionally. I haven't booked her again since. I've offered. For me at least as long as it's free from games, it's possible.
I had a love affair with a provide r that lasted a year and that was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.
I suspect most hobbyists approach this issue in the wrong way. You have to be prepared to accept, respect and, if appropriate, love the provider for who she is, not for who you think she is or want her to be. Don't expect to change her or try to force yourself on her. Be yourself and let her come to you. If she does, meet her halfway.
In the end, the process isn't much different from any other relationship, but the substance just raises different issues that have to be worked out.
Having just ended a lenthy and very expensive relationship with a well know porn star, I'll recommend that you keep your heart to yourself. Even though I was not in love with the lady in question, we had a close enough relationship that she would regularly call me about personal and business matters. We know a lot about each others personal life.
Then the reality sets in: her husband is a complete psycho. He abuses the lady...and she's taken it for 29 years!
Moral of the Story: when you are "leading" with your pocketbook, don't let you "heart" confuse the essential nature of the relationship: it is only business.
There are always exceptions to every rule. Do I think it commonly works out? No I don't, but I do think it is possible. I think any relationship between any two people is hard to maintain, Why would a romantic relationship between An SP and a client be any different?