EOM
-- Modified on 5/5/2004 1:06:38 AM
Had a great, long-going relationship with another wonderful, highly accomplished, supremely caring, passionate guy who was also superb in bed. It's been amazing and extraordinarily fun traveling together, sharing great times, etc!
But as I sensed (and later his words confirmed), he was far too smitten, very much in love, in fact, and was about to give up his established, renowned career to move closer. I had to make the point even more succintly and told him we couldn't see each other anymore, as he must get on with his life, and I don't reciprocate his feelings, and since it's been over a year, am sure my feelings will not change.
He pleaded and gave great arguments as to why it should continue, and I consented for another encounter or two. Now, finally have called it OVER for good! Sad that such a great, friendly, fun, sexy, and heretofore entanglement-free relationship cannot continue....
So, guys, please remember that if we wanted a serious relationship with you, we'd make sure you knew -- ie give you blatant hints or just tell you so. It's great fun anticipating future rendez-vous, and I think about them often during the day, and it's a fabulous source of excitement, but I don't think about living the rest of my life with any clients I've met thus far....
Wish we could keep it nice and simple -- with each party accepting and agreeing to the fact that we're here to make you happy and, I'd gather, most of us are the type who really delight in pleasing others, and we relish the excitement of meeting you!!!
Here's to having fun, enjoying life to its fullest, and, of course, always being safe and selective!
There is always two sides to every story.
I'd like to hear his side of the story.
TET
But maybe that's the point for some of them - they don't really want to be happy. They'd rather chase after the impossible than do the real work to have a real relationship.
Don't assume that this only happens within this community. I have had friendships that grew into imbalance one way or the other, and I know of others who have had the same thing happen. When one person chooses romantic love and the other does not, often the best remedy is time apart. The alternative is nearly always drama and hurt feelings.
NYC, as difficult as it was, you did the best thing for both of you, and you're to be commended.
Yoda
with one of my best and favorite clients Ive known for years. One evening over dinner, out of the blue, he asks me to retire and move in with him. I was speechless. I had no idea he felt this way. Long story short I haven't retired and or moved. Sadly he doesn't call anymore either.
Megan
Speechless? Suprised? You are incredibly naive. My sense is that a significant percentage of your clients have much stronger feelings towards you than you realize. You think men easily compartmentalize "fantasy" and "reality". They don't.
EOM
-- Modified on 5/5/2004 1:06:38 AM
THis seems to be a big risk in this hobby. Personally, I love the flirting, conversation, and of course all the rest that goes with this hobby, but...this hobby demands perspective!!!!!!! A good provider is supposed to supply the fantasy. WHen I find myself at the end of the session asking myself, "Was I really so great? She moaned, even screamed and gave me such a sweet kiss at the end of the session...wow, maybe she ...." Get a grip! This is what a professional is supposed to do! The fantasy (get that "FANTASY!!!!) is part of the service. I think as NYC stated, if she really starts to develop feelings, she will make it very clear (and I would add probably do so off the clock as anything on the clock may be confused with this FANTASY). A provider letting me know she was interested in me happened only once and I have to admit, I smiled for weeks from the flattery, but I know the difference between the fantasy and reality. There is a lot of wife, SO and longterm girlfriend bashing on this board but, gentlemen, it seems like this is what you are really after...
However, this post piqued my interest.
As someone who has been invloved in this for over 20 years, I have seen this numerous times.
This is a two way street. The risks of hobbying\providing over the long term and becoming a regular are numerous, but this one seems to have the most.
No matter what people say, if you see a person for a year, you WILL bond to a certain extent. Confusing these connections for other emotions can have consequences. Confusing lust for love, security for love are all too common. Communication is the best way to avoid the bad or unwanted consequences.
From the provider's side, the biggest risk of course from a regular becoming infatuted or "in love" can be the loss of a steady income or even the meal ticket becoming weird or a stalker. A professional provider can handle this well and defuse the situation before it comes to an ending.
From the hobbyists side the risk of a provider falling in love or infatuted is if it is not returned the green monster can cause big problems in his professional or personal life. The legal and/or familial ramifications are huge.
Can provider and hobbyists move on into a personally satisifying relationship outside the business?
Yes, of course. But it takes two determined and communicative people with less than large egos who have tremendous amounts of trust.
It can happen. When it succeeds, it is very beautiful.
The Meal Ticket.
as many of you ladies have. But, I have had, after just ONE date, many times men asking for 'more' of a relationship than the provider/client arrangement.
We all have our regulars and ATF's and when I found myself seeing one gentleman quite regularly, I just made it really clear: fall for me and I'll kick your ass! Don't make me have to remind you of what 'we' are, or I WILL! And sometimes, we ladies have to do the clear thinking for both of us! Don't we? And maybe sometimes, the men do..
Yes, I've met some wonderful people whom I would enjoy seeing socially in the 'real' world; whose company I enjoy greatly. How could we be involved in something so deeply personal and intimate and NOT feel a connection? It does go with the territory.
I'm sorry you had to cut off what seemed to be an otherwise perfect set up for you both. Maybe it just takes some breathing room to get back on track....
It's too late!!!
and in this case, he was the cause, not you. Revelation of feelings is a form of ultimatum.
... you and some of the other ladies posting here sound naive about your capacity to control your involvement at an emotional level. Of course, some of you are gay, or bisexual, or in a relationship. That gives you some immunization against involvement because of those factors.
For the others, will be men you meet that you want to be more closely involved with (won't be everybody, will be rare, but it will happen). It's a messy part of life, but that "feeling of falling" is real. Don't be so dumb or full of preconceptions that you refuse to experience it because you are afraid of the pain a potential failure will bring. Life is tears and laughter and you get to go through it with everyone else. Be brave & enjoy!
Harry
And we are wondering why clients sometimes "fall" for one of the ladies we meet?
Many of the gentlemen are middle-aged, at the peak of their professional careers and probably not as physically fit and attractive as they were 20 years ago (I admit I had more hair, less stomach, you get the picture...).
Some of us are also in a rut (marriage, kids, career) and we have the FANTASY that a provider can give us the life we wanted when we were younger - after all, we are "dating" this incredibly sexy and interesting lady that makes us feel wanted, attractive and a great lover - just the girl we always wanted to talk to in College, but never found the courage to approach.
Let's just remember, this is a FANTASY - yes, there is going to be an emotional connection (especially with regulars), but overall, everyone is much better off once they realize the real nature of the "business". Exceptions of true love that developed between client and provider simply prove the rule....