I've been dating online for several years, without much success. I've had a few long-term relationships (by that I mean "longer than three months") but for the most part, I'm finding that the people online see so many choices on their computer screen every day that they're pretty much convinced that unless the person they're out with tonight is PERFECT, they've got a better shot at finding everything they want ten minutes after they go online when they get home. Some of the women whose ads continually come up in various searches have been around the online dating community as long as I have, which means that they, like me, are not meeting the kind of people they're looking for. I've been temtped to respond to the ads of women I responded to years ago, just to see if their outlook has changed. Mine certainly has.
I remember a while ago, you related a story about a guy you'd met online and how conflicted you felt about telling him about your work. From your post today, I gather that you still feel somewhat conflicted about sharing this aspect of your life with a potential partner. Other guys may feel differently, but in my opinion, being up front about what you do is the more honest (and healthier) course, and much less likely to emotionally crush anyone you become romantically involved with.
Given that, this guy seems like a good one to start with...he knows what you do (and he can't put you down for it, since he's seen you professionally), so if you feel you'd like him (and since you describe him as a wonderful guy, it sounds like you might) give him the option of seeing you on a personal level.
Yoda
Most everyone knows I now live in Chicago. I’ve lived here a few weeks. I’ve gotten to know a surprising amount of people, especially those in my building. It helps that I have the cutest dog in the entire city. Everyone wants to pet him and talk to him. I feel like I’m ready to begin dating (and get laid. You all know I wasn’t so successful with the latter). I place a personal ad on a website that isn’t totally devoted to personals. There are jobs, apartments and other various categories. The responses have ranged from charming to hilarious.
As far as being a provider goes, I have seen maybe four clients since I’ve arrived. I just haven’t had the time, and I’m finding it was just so much easier before I left all my regular clients. I’m not so sure I want to go through the entire scenario of being the new girls, screening out the assholes, and finding my way through hotels again. However, for the time being, I do have to work.
I check the responses to my personal ads today. The very first one I read was from a client I entertained on Thursday. My personal doesn’t have a picture, so he hasn’t a clue it’s me. In fact, he’d probably be repulsed if he knew the girl behind this ad was me. Obviously, I am not going to reply. He’s a wonderful guy, BUT I wouldn’t want to start a relationship under these pretenses. The entire situation just makes me smile. I live in a city with millions of people. I know maybe 20, and one of the 20 I know responds to my ad. It is a *very* small world.
I've been dating online for several years, without much success. I've had a few long-term relationships (by that I mean "longer than three months") but for the most part, I'm finding that the people online see so many choices on their computer screen every day that they're pretty much convinced that unless the person they're out with tonight is PERFECT, they've got a better shot at finding everything they want ten minutes after they go online when they get home. Some of the women whose ads continually come up in various searches have been around the online dating community as long as I have, which means that they, like me, are not meeting the kind of people they're looking for. I've been temtped to respond to the ads of women I responded to years ago, just to see if their outlook has changed. Mine certainly has.
I remember a while ago, you related a story about a guy you'd met online and how conflicted you felt about telling him about your work. From your post today, I gather that you still feel somewhat conflicted about sharing this aspect of your life with a potential partner. Other guys may feel differently, but in my opinion, being up front about what you do is the more honest (and healthier) course, and much less likely to emotionally crush anyone you become romantically involved with.
Given that, this guy seems like a good one to start with...he knows what you do (and he can't put you down for it, since he's seen you professionally), so if you feel you'd like him (and since you describe him as a wonderful guy, it sounds like you might) give him the option of seeing you on a personal level.
Yoda
I tried the online dating thing with eHarmony. It just kept telling me that I was such a "unique" individual that it was having a difficult time finding a match for me. After 3 months and no matches,it amazes me that now they are dunning me to continue my subscription. They start out with a, "We know you just have to be patient" Probably true, but I don't have to be patient and continue to pay them.
I agree with that eHarmony thing. Seemed like a great idea but took forever for my first "match" started up and once we started chit chatting she wasn't even remotely what I was looking for. Now I can't stop getting emails from them.
As for the dating the guy...I say go for it; at least its all out in the open so you don't have to deal with any hidden baggage. If it doesn't go well and things turn sour you might have some problems though.
-- Modified on 5/2/2004 6:17:06 PM
I would tell my mom, and she would say, "Sweetpea, you have to admit that you are unique." I am, but there has to be someone with whom I'm compatible!
Dancingbear, did you find any matches through EHarmony? I thought the people with whom they did match me were totally, totally wrong for me, especially the ones who said they cannot stand someone who uses illegal drugs. I'll be a pot smoker until the day I die. I could never date someone who didn't smoke now and then with me. The couple who gets high together stays together
And if they don't, at least they'll have amazing sex in the meantime.
I too live in Chicago, and would like to meet you.
you can pm me anytime
ray
Nope. Not a one. Maybe the folks in my area are all just two frigging normal or something.
outlook on this particular subject. I must admit that if I had to think about dating, a primary requisite would certainly have to be that the lady is herb friendly. That would be rather high of what is of importance to me, probably ranking just behind the lady needing to be extremely oral (both as a gifted conversationalist and an accomplished fellatrice.)
It doesn't seem that the dating service you are utilizing is 'listening to you', and your money could probably be better spent elsewhere. Hope you find what your looking for.
Enjoy!
I have done some "Serial Dating" through the personals in the last few years. It would be easier if I lived in a bigger city.Met some Interesting Women and had some very nice dates.Biggest problem here is that most ladies are looking for exclusive relationships. You start out dating then they want all of your time and when you cant give that they get frustrated and will not settle for a part time relationship or a sometime thing.Too bad because some of them were very good. That is the biggest difference I have noticed with "Dating" and "Hobbying". No nasty voice mails from providers for not calling them and if it;s been a while between visits they still make it a point to put a smile on my face.
I had been single for awhile and a friend of mine was trying to
convince me to meet someone.
She suggested we go to the dance and check it out. Well, let me tell you, after one dance with a guy, I said forget this shit!
We started dancing and the 1st question he asks, how many times have you been married? (none) Thought that was a weird question to begin with, but ask him the same. He tells me that he has been married 3 times. Right then, I decided to stop looking, as I'm not going to be anyones 4th.
They say, you will meet someone, when you least expect it and I do believe it! Just be patient, and don't be willing to except less than you are looking for.
Don't accept less than what you're looking for, eh?
That's fine, be patient. But in the mean time while you're waiting, you might as well get laid. 
What have you got to lose?(*) You said he is a wonderful guy. He already knows the truth about you providing and might be fine with it. I don't understand what you mean by "these pretenses". Did you lie in your ad and say you're a virgin or something? (: Are you going to keep secret your life of providing to other dating prospects?
(*) Ok, what you might lose is a client. But you might gain a wonderful guy in your life. Go for it!
You're so cute! I would call him if I could see myself with him, but our cultural differences are very great. He's from a very traditional Venezuelan family. His view of women's roles differs from mine greatly. He's really not my type. He's a nice guy though. If there are any women in Chicago looking for a super great guy, do let me know.
LOL...no, I didn't lie and say I was a virgin! Yes, I probably will keep my providing life secret. I know it's not the honest way to go. I fully realize that. It is what it is.
My life is an open book. It makes life more fun, less headache. The prologue is a little heavy in content, the body of the text flavorful, and full of typos, but I am working on a masterful epilogue. "Uniquely unique." ~~Serpico
for the nurse to read to me in the old folks home. That should keep the old heart going.
That's when you go from table to table in a room full of women and eat a bowl of Cocoa Puffs with each lady. Then you decide who you'd like a long term meal with.
Nothing wrong with not being immediately forthcoming when you begin dating someone. I look at it this way. A date is supposed to be fun. Most people do not enjoy what they do for a living. So I do not want to talk about work at all on a first date, and anyone I go out with that keeps going back to the, "SO what is it you do" will almost never get a call from me. I want creativity and spontanaeity and great conversation. I want to get to know you, not your resume.
I think it is actually quite funny. This potential client calls me today. I ask the usual questions. We have a short conversation about scheduling, occupations, personal lives, etc. I quickly realize that he's one of the men who responded to my ad. He has a very unusual name and occupation. We tenatively scheduled an appointment for tomorrow evening. I'm not going to say a word. He has no idea what's in store
Who do you want to play you? Sarah Jessica Parker or Catherine Zeta?
Being single I've often browsed the myriad of personals sites out there. Over the past 1 - 2 years, I've found 5 Chicagoland providers who had posted a profile. I never replied to them, thought it would just freak them out if a client had responded.