About a month ago in a thread on the Los Angeles Discussion Board unrelated to this topic a number of ladies and gentlemen made statements about how many different male and female friends they had made through TER and the hobby. One individual in that thread questioned their definition of friendship.
On the internet from Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary from 1996 I found 5 definitions of friend and these are the first three.
1. a person you know well and regard with affection and trust
2. an associate who provides assistance
3. a person with whom you are acquainted
When you call a person a friend which of the above definitions are you using or do you have another definition?
Do you have a different definition and/or yardstick of whether a person is a friend depending upon whether you have met them in this hobby as opposed to your other friends from outside the hobby?
Please feel free to use an alias if it will make your answers more candid. I am just curious as to how people define the term friend both inside and outside of the hobby.
-- Modified on 5/1/2004 1:21:14 AM
-- Modified on 5/1/2004 3:05:07 AM
1. Someone with whom I am aquainted.
2. Someone I feel affection for.
3. Someone I can talk openly and honestly to and know that I won't be judged.
4. Someone I can trust to care for my family if necessary.
5. Someone I would give my life for if necessary...
Just my opinion...
B
Definition #1 describes someone I would call a close friend or a good friend. Definition #3 describes an associate or acquaintance I might refer to in conversation as "There's a friend of mine who....", or "I have a friend in a similar situation." If I consider you to be "my friend" I mean as defined by #1.
I don't categorize my friendships. You're either a friend of mine or you aren't. I have been fortunate to meet two women through this particular hobby whom I consider friends and it would never cross my mind to treat them differently.
in fantasyland, but very few friends. I have learned the hard way!I will continue to meet my friends in the real world, not in the pretend world.
-- Modified on 5/1/2004 12:14:14 PM
Right on the money. Real friendships don't, but who has sex for money with a real friend. Imagine asking a woman you've know for a while and consider a friend to screw for an hour or two and offer money to solidify the arrangement.
Unfortunately, the word "friend" is used as a marketing term with little to no basis in reality. I'm sure there are hobbiests who have become real friends with providers but it isn't easy to find that level of trust where it is real and not fantasy. I tried with someone who I saw for a long time on and off the clock. She would accept my friendship but had difficulty giving it. In the end, found out I could have real disagreements with her and other honest interactions if I was still paying, but once I was no longer a client, she dropped me as a "friend" in about 2 seconds. Now I test those waters before jumping in.
At least in my case I have made several friends in the business and at least 3 of them I have and would see socially no dollars involved. And yet another friend who is my best friend whom I met 10 years ago when I was doing FBSM only and then got a real job. During the transition to the real world we remained friends and after becoming lover's for a year and a half parted company the best of friends. To this day I can honestly say he is my absolute best friend no question. So you see it isn't all negative all the time. Hang in there and just enjoy the ride. If you were meant to be friends you will be otherwise you will not and that as they say is life.
I would pick option one to describe a friend. I've met one person in the hobby who is a friend, and has become a close friend. There is no financial incentive for this to be true, and we live across country from each other. We visit each other every couple of months and talk almost daily. This relationship has been growing for over a year. I would say it is real, and I would also say it is probably not the norm, but then practicaly everything about my life is not normal, thank God.
ladies I have been with.
Hi,
A friend for me is....someone I like being around. Someone I know well and trust. Someone who cares for me and me for them.
I very careful about saying someone is my friend. It's not a feeling (word) I use for anyone. I have meet alot of nice people in my life, but only a few that will be a friend! It can be any place, job, or hobby that you can meet a friend. When you meet them, you will know.......I have meet a few times in my life.
I am very happy for any friendship I have!
Just me,
1dogg12
I have ended up friends with a provider. The first session turned into a marathon. By the end of it, the money seemed to be beside the point. Every once in a while, I guess you do click with someone.
We've hung out a bunch since. I think for her it's a relief to have someone to tell the truth to. Our friend time tends to be platonic, although not always. If it it is non-platonic, it's completely up to her.
But here's the kicker, she's ducking letting me book her.
While the relationship isn't simple, I find myself concerned for her at times, it is clear. So far.