Upon reading a recent thread, I became curious as to how many men tell their friends that they are active in the hobby. I am particularly interested if the men who are married share their experiences and what are their reactions?
Just curious ~CarleeofArizona
I couldn't resist this question Carlee. I have found that telling my buddies about the hobby is as risky as you ladies telling your Civvie friends what you are up to. The reactions range from enthusiastic curiosity to righteous indignation.
FR.
Along time ago (pre TER time) I went thru the Pert syndrome. I told a friend, who told two friends, who told two friends.......... Pretty soon, you can imagine how many people knew my business. As yes, opinions really did range.
When i returned to it last year i kepy my friends out of it save one who knows all my secrets, and i'm sure she will take it with her to the grave.
On the other hand, my family members do know. And while my mother had a rather hard time swallowing it(no pun intended) she seems to have accepted that i am who i am her approval or not isn't going to change that or what i do with my personal time. I just didn't figure that long term, a lie would hold up about it so i told them point blank. This only works if you're not married though.
I've been happily single so long that they figured things out on their own. I'll deny it to the grave, not because I'm embarrassed or anything like that, but I'd rather not deal with all their wise cracks and BS.
I'm widowed, so I don't have any concerns about the truth damaging my family. And I'm not ashamed. But, especially among men, the idea of a single man "using escorts" (they don't see it as hobbying) equates to that man not being able to get any through normal (free) channels. This is not the case, and I do indeed see a number of civilian women.
But, there's a character to an evening with a provider that's different from one with a civilian. On first dates, for example: So much time and effort is spent negotiating the terms of having sex; and let's face it, the process IS a negotiation. In the case of a provider, in contrast, those terms are listed on her web site.
But, I digress.
-- Modified on 4/23/2004 5:24:06 AM
He and I are both married. He's been doing this a lot longer than I have. He is the only one who I have ever really told about my lack of a sex life with my wife. He was on me to start hobbying for ages before I finally did.
I've toyed with the idea of trying to inspire a few others, but doubt I ever will. Too dangerous.
The irony is that some of the providers who resent the stereotypical assumptions made about themselves, still make assumptions about their clients.
There are stereotypes of course, there always has been. People either believe that we couldn't get laid any other way, or we have dysfunctional relationships with our wives, SOs etc..., or perhaps we're deviant. Whatever, FUCK THEM! All those things are probably true. But I don't think they define my entire being therefor I keep this kind of dicscussion to a minimum. So that I can avoid all the judgemental bullshit. Just my very best friends have any idea. One thinks I only know one girl in his town, he doesn't really grasp the whole scope of this hobby, and another is a girlfriend who kinda lives vicariously through imy hobbying because she really wants to be with a girl so she checks out the websites of ladies that I have talked too. Unfortunately she's in a committed relationship right now or we'd explore her dark side a little bit.
three of my buddies. One of them had a hunch that I might be doing it. I guess it was the pointing out of escort websites and TER to him that gave me away. 
I have told all three my reasons for doing this. Reactions were mixed. One of them said that I don't need to resort to paid companionship, that I can "get it for free". Getting it for free only once in the nearly 25 years I've been of dating age doesn't support that argument. One took it in stride, not really demonstrating either positive or negative feelings about it. The last one has been supportive, and in fact does it himself. I guess it was the pointing out of escort websites and TER to him that led him to pay.
-- Modified on 4/23/2004 5:48:28 PM
One of my best friends is the only one, we both were talking about close topics, as he had done some dancer driving. I was apparently too knowledgable , although I had only done a bit of fun. Shortly after the Desi/Talisa unmasking (for which I got ALL the credit/blame although we all actually DID work as a TEAM! on that one).
He asked me, and we are too close for me to lie to him. Then we started sharing tips and anecdotes.
It is nice to have someone who knows- althuogh he is also quite close to my SO. He is a total man's man and considers this guy stuff- make him think me less of a prig.
other provider friends.
Hugs,
Ciara
Very few know of my "other sex life"...I am 72, married to the same lady 49 years and have been a hobbiast since 1966...38 years...Many repeat favorites, a few I visited weekly over 5 to 10 years...
Just two very close friends. But I discuss it with just one.
-Hoot.
I'm married and none of my friends know. I won't say I will never share this with anyone. It might be nice to know someone on a personal level who is okay with or who even participates in the hobby, but I don't know anyone now that I'd feel comfortable sharing this with.
None of my personal friends know, and I would prefer it stay that way. However, I've met a few fellow travelers in this activity, and while they're not as close, I consider them friends. We compare notes, and share information. They're a valuable resource.
tennis
try a mfm 3some, but could never get around the logistics. Even with these two friends I wouldn't feel comfortable asking. BTW, I'm attached.
I wouldn't tell any of my friends for the reasons already listed AND the fact is that men are worse scamps than women when it comes to gossip. This is especially true if, like me, you are drawn to a look that is not mainstream. I mean, what a conversation piece. "Hey, did you hear about the kind of women ______ likes to screw around with??" "No way!!" "WAY!!" And with an SO, it's just not worth the risk. Imagine the hurt that a little transient, shallow fun would cause if there were a public offering...all because you couldn't keep your loose lips from sinking your own ship. That having been said, it doesn't mean I haven't been tempted to share, cuz the hobby IS fun and I came to it late in life. -sigh-
Three can keep a secret, if two are dead.
Token slut. Art freak that likes to get down.
For many of the reasons already given. Also, I don't have an SO but many of my friends are also friends with my parents. A careless word and I'd have an embarassing situation I'd much rather avoid.
Of course there are my TER buddies, a couple of whom I regard as close friends, but to use that to answer "yes" obviously violates the spirit of the question.
I don't kiss and tell
My roomates, BTW, are a newlywed couple. (No, not a menage a trois) I'm single, I don't have children of my own. Ultimately, I guess, all my friends will know. Having my extended family find out might cause trouble. I'm very close to my nephews and neices, brothers and sisters, and I anticipate a bad reaction.
/Zin