For clients:
My attitude is currently very low.
At first the hobby was satisfying a great need in my life.
Excitement, touch, connection, but I have become disillusioned.
Yes, my fault, I was under some illusions.
I now see there is a spectrum of providers out there.
The spectrum runs from those that are in it only for the money - could even be short term - or a means to an end.
To those that are in it for the money of course but also really enjoy the work - are polyamourous - advocates for a change in society to accept SW and decriminalize.
Both, and everything in between is completely legitimate and everyone is free to run their business and their life however they want.
I guess the crux of why I am low is that I have discovered that my first atf is of the type that it is a means to an end.
I don't know why it bothers me. So I am putting this out there to see what other people's experiences are.
For providers:
Your mental health? Lonely? Having a wonderful time? Planning for the future? Living in the moment?
Do you want to become an advocate for decriminalization or do you want to eventually quit the business and start a different career? Or something in between or a combination? Many already have an outside career and also still escort, I know. Then there are some that have that in their future - are in grad school etc.
I guess it is mostly the after affect for me. If I know that the provider I was just with is of a like mind with me - tending polyamourous - then I will have a better experience.
What say you?
I would never quit my career in sex work unless of course i started hating it for some odd reason.Ive gotten a lot of healing through doing sex work and for me i consider it a calling and a lifestyle...
And of course because sex work has been so good to me i definetly advocate decrim!
I have multiple other hustles though and i plan on continuing furthering my other careeres as well. I see no reason to stop slangin punany 😉😎lol while also furthering other careers.Multiple streams of income all while working for yourself? Yep! All about it!!
But it can cause burn out for sure and aggrivate mental health issues and for some its just a means and everyone gotta eat so i dont knock that either!
I guess the crux of why I am low is that I have discovered that my first atf is of the type that it is a means to an end.
I don't know why it bothers me.
And even if she baldly told you that she's only doing it for money, does that automatically mean she gets NO enjoyment from the time she spends with YOU?
Or did she tell you she doesn't like you, doesn't get any pleasure from your attentions?
I highly doubt it's the latter, but it's likely that impression which is bothering you. Thinking that she doesn't WANT to be in bed with you, and is secretly wishing she were anywhere else, would bother a LOT of people.
Possibly even MOST hobbyists. 
Others have mentioned that they wouldn't want to be with someone like this, as they feel far too used, or even that they are somehow coercing the lady to do something against her will.
That last is a not comfortable feeling for anyone who isn't a predator, but really.... unless she is being pimped/trafficked or something like that, you have NO cause to feel that way. 
-- Modified on 3/16/2017 8:48:19 AM
I am most likely wrong. It was just intuition. Which could be normal horrible guy intuition. When I get an intuition though that turns out to be true - this is the feeling I get.
She didn't do anything. In fact the session was fantastic! It was a repeat that was planned for weeks - so there was some build up in my head - but almost all of the build up came true.
I think she got enjoyment. Her moans of excitement were different this time truth be told - to be graphic - and I took them to be more genuine - I still understand the performance aspect as well.
Not wanting to be in bed with me? That could be getting at what I am feeling. It could be that, and if I knew then I would understand - I think there is a lot of loneliness that can go with the profession. Perhaps I am sensing a deep sadness - way back in there.
Yes - I have met a few providers that shouldn't be in the business but have to be to pay bills - I know it's not really against their will, we all have jobs we do that we don't like sometimes - but this is a little different isn't it. With GFE are we expecting a little bit more of a connection than if we are in a crappy fast food job or something like that? (bad example but hopefully you get what I mean)
Yeah she is not pimped - but perhaps pimped by circumstance? I know - free will and everything.
I do care overly much I know. But it's not a care where I am going to fall in love. I care that they enjoy their work, get good clients (no jerks!), and are successful and thrive.
Seuss fan,
I feel like my mental health has always been great. If not a bit flippant about taking anything too seriously. To be a provider I think you have to have a light heart about things. And let the good times roll while they can. I've had a lot of fun with the clients I've had, they've been so lovely to me. I am planning for the future for sure, short term and long term. As far as becoming an advocate for decriminalization, I will always support the cause..I have a career outside of being a provider but at the same time I have way too much fun to ever give up being a provider completely.
If so, don't worry. It will pass.
I'm an old fool, and loving it.
Sometimes for the better (see MrFisher's comment) and sometimes not. It is a harsh day indeed when the hobbyist's fantasy bubble bursts and you have to either accept it for what it's worth or you have to move on and never look back. I too have experienced, more so lately than in my previous several years, a low point in enjoyment and my feeling more like an ATM. I think it happens to most hobbyists, especially if you develop feelings toward ATF's that are not returned as you have fantasized. I continually am amazed at the particular emotional skill sets providers have to have to maintain themselves in this line of work. Those best at it are simply amazing how they can make us feel so special while with them without any strings attached on their part and move on with their time and lives.
I enjoy the absolute honesty of the arrangement. She is there for the money, I am there to spend quality time with a woman who is way out of my league. It's great when we can thoroughly enjoy each other's company while filling the expectations.
Every adult human you meet in life has an agenda, it's refreshing, comfortable and enjoyable when you know exactly what someone's motivation is immediately, without having to guess or figure it out. The honesty of our sub life is perfect.
By all means though, if this life is making you sad, you should walk away, life is too Damn short to do something which makes you sad, especially if you're paying for it.
I'm also polyamorous and it's awesome finding a fellow poly person! Though I have one question: what does your atf being poly have to do with a better experience. Is she doing this behind a partner's back and you don't like that? Is she naturally monogamous and brings up wanting to settle down, get married etc so you feel bad?
Like another poster said, this line of work is healing for me - it's an outlet. I absolutely love sex to the point where in my civvie life, I wasn't making the best decisions and wanted to be with random guys that didn't have my best interest. Now with this line of work, I get my needs satisfied and at the same time get the excitement and variety I crave.
For me, this is a career and I just can't see myself slaving away at my old job knowing I could make the same amount of money in one day as an escort that I used to make in a whole month. It just doesn't make sense to me. Plus I'm so much happier and have way less stress and free time to do whatever I want.
if I learned there was a jealous SO at home. I'm sure that is the case for some. I don't know that I could ever know that for sure. But I have learned the opposite about a few providers. We get chatty and they tell me about their success in finally finding companionship that embraces their line of work. Rare I know. But I am fine only seeing one or two providers a year if I could only see ones that are in that position in their lives.
Don't ask me why. It would just make me happier. Enjoyment in supporting a life style that I think more people should embrace. Maybe that's why.
And don't worry...I have met two providers like this (now three with you Chloe
So I just require the patience to see them when they are available lol
Perhaps all this is just disappointment that my first atf is not....
Ok, I get what you're saying, makes sense. It's kind of like how some providers or sugar babies aren't comfortable seeing married men because they think about the SO at home who may or may not be ok with the situation.
I was starting to think me being a polyamorous provider was so crazy. I've been poly for 4 years now and I could never go back! My partner is super supportive (I didn't get into this line of work until he was 100% ok with it) and just loves that I'm happy, independent, and can afford to take us out on fancy dinners sometimes 
He's going to be a doctor so he'll be taking me out soon enough!
that I have a wife. We discussed that the first time and a little more in detail this time.
I read a post on twitter from Ava St. Claire about how she sometimes feels when her date gets a call from the wife.
Just one more thing to deal with in the hobby I guess.
Hmmmmmmm. My mindset is that of a dirty slut. Hahah jk. But not really. I am very happy in my life, happiest I've ever been in fact. Could have to do with my lifestyle choices,I eat well,I volunteer, hula hoop and pretty much live life doing EXACTLY how I want,doing what I want. As for this industry,it's something I do for fun. I love sex..Iove getting paid well for soemthing I would do for free anyway. I have a very fun career that I plan on doing a long time,I plan on escorting until it bores me. I am saving for a piece of land so I can go be a werid desert rat in the middle of nowhere. But I very much live life in the moment. Eventually I could see myself fighting for legalization and helping other women in the business. I will probably always be around escorts in some way shape or fashion. They fascinate me lol.
I am a poly non monogamous person and in a very happy relationship. I will never be happy being with one person. Ever. This gives me all the thrills and everything I want without the lies that come with screwing around. Once I was honest about being a non monogamous...life got alot better. This lifestyle allows me to selfishly fill my own desires.
My attitude is currently very low.
At first the hobby was satisfying a great need in my life.
Excitement, touch, connection, but I have become disillusioned.
Yes, my fault, I was under some illusions.
I now see there is a spectrum of providers out there.
The spectrum runs from those that are in it only for the money - could even be short term - or a means to an end.
To those that are in it for the money of course but also really enjoy the work - are polyamourous - advocates for a change in society to accept SW and decriminalize.
Both, and everything in between is completely legitimate and everyone is free to run their business and their life however they want.
I guess the crux of why I am low is that I have discovered that my first atf is of the type that it is a means to an end.
I don't know why it bothers me. So I am putting this out there to see what other people's experiences are.
For providers:
Your mental health? Lonely? Having a wonderful time? Planning for the future? Living in the moment?
Do you want to become an advocate for decriminalization or do you want to eventually quit the business and start a different career? Or something in between or a combination? Many already have an outside career and also still escort, I know. Then there are some that have that in their future - are in grad school etc.
I guess it is mostly the after affect for me. If I know that the provider I was just with is of a like mind with me - tending polyamourous - then I will have a better experience.
What say you?
Whether I'm working as a secretary, nurse, or a wife,
the Vagina has to be managed,
especially when one can go anywhere, dressed in anything, and have Dicks spring to life.
I love the Freedom and Me-time, in between Dicks, being in this Business.
As a wife, I felt obligated to be "ON" 24/7.
Mental Health?... I live for the NoW and find Happiness in simple things,
and have an Orgasm(or two) every day.
Sounds like you need other people to behave like you want them to, in order for you to be Happy.
Get over it.
They're not going to.
I am into my late 60's. I was very unhappy in my marriage, there was no intimacy for many years.
I was lonely and miserable. Then one fine day, I realized that I might die just like this, unhappy, lonely and feeling low about my self. Depression was about take over my life because I was going thru chemo and radiation following surgery.
Thank God, I came across TER and how to hobby and gathered enough courage to try . First few attempts were really a learning curve for a guy like me who marri d his sweetheart and am still marri d to her after 37 yrs.
I always sought P411 providers with reviews and kept meeting new ones till I hit the jackpot!!!
I have been seeing her regularly since 2011. She is the best thing that happened to me , ever.
I admire her, adore her, respect her because we have become friends.
I realize that she is doing it out of financial necessity. Someday, may be she will not do it anymore or may be she will.
It's her decision to make. It is not going to break the bond of friendship we have with each other, whatever her decision would be later in her life.
I am more than 30 yrs older than she is, therefore I thank God everyday for making my life worth living by bringing us together. She keeps me mentally as well physically healthy.
I don't label her as my mistress because then it would mean that she is second to someone else.
She is not. She is No. 1 to me, even though I am married and she knows about it.
Both of us, respect each other, share whatever time she can with me, because as a single mother she has a handful of responsibility and she is the best mom to her son and I am very proud of her in that regard.
I would have died long time ago if i had not met her thru this hobby.
I love her as a friend, the best and the prettiest girl friend any one could have!
Amen.
Aweeeeee.... Your post absolutely warmed my heart !!
I am happy that you found your special unicorn Rippington
I strive and could only be so lucky to have such words written about me from the gentleman I share myself with.
Perfect example of why the hobby can be such a beautiful thing 💜
Makes me want to blow a kiss to all of my regular friends right now
Xxx
and that could be part of it.
Perhaps I felt that friendship was not in the cards
If that is it, then we move on right?
I say let that thang run wild!
but I would like to make love with my wife more than 2 times a year over the past 7 or 8 years.
One could say my patience finally ran out. (my love did not)
Yes...married. And only discovering this year that I should have been polyamorous all my life.
What a great partner and or husband I could have made to a provider!!!
At the start of your hobby career, you should have noticed that they are showing you out exactly one or two or three hours after you got there. This should dispel any "illusions" you have about what's really going on. Yes, I have gotten very close with some of my regulars over the years, and even remained good enough friends after they retired to meet for lunch or dinner once in a while and catch up as old friends do. Unless a girl tells you the magic words, which are: "You're my real life boyfriend now, so you don't have to pay anymore," there is absolutely no reason why anyone in their right mind should ever be "disillusioned." If you are, you did it to yourself, so perhaps you should take a break from hobbying until you find some perspective about what's real and what's not.
if you don't have emotional discipline and emotional maturity you're going to get hurt in the world so start working on them now.
Are we all somewhat lacking something emotional, physical even mental for being a part of the hobby life?
Just my .02
... we are doing something outside the norm, after all. But not necessarily lacking, I'd say!
I believe that we are ALL works in progress, it's just a matter of whether you are paying attention to the progress or oblivious to it. It's generally better to ride the wave than to try and fight the ocean.
When you find some of what you are missing "In Real Life," you do tend to try and get more of it. Worse is when you try to hold on to that missing piece. Recognize that these are moments in your life and take some time to reflect on what these moments give you.
That being said, sometimes you can get blind sided by something (joyful or otherwise) that you weren't expecting to encounter. Gotta be careful not to read something into a situation.
Just my .02
I'd say I'm pretty good. It's difficult to get into the normal dating scene to meet women. I've been in this game since the mid 1980's. I look at women as just play toys. I know I shouldn't. But it's been a long time I've been playing this game. I can never go the traditional dating route to meet women.
Onefishtwofishredfish.......you make some very valid points and the responses that follow do as well. The reality is: Everything Changes AND Everything Stays the Same.
You began with your ATF under the auspices of the hobby but feelings developed. This happens on both sides of the fence but the bottom line is that the framework of the hobby allows people to be polyamorous. The paradigm of the hobby/SW framework...at least speaking from my perspective...knocks out many uncertainties and unknowns. The nightmare of dating: Does he/she like me? Do they find me attractive? Do I make them happy? How much to be in contact or not? and the list goes on.
As a provider, I did make it through grad school and am now working in my profession but still a provider. I dislike having to be meticulously careful about my own discretion in addition to a hobbyist's. I feel like the choice should be mine and I don't feel ashamed or as if I am doing anything wrong. I am enjoying the company of someone else and I am covering my expenses. I have several individuals I talk with on a daily basis and don't get to meet with very often. From time to time when a meeting does come around I give a reminder that I still need a donation. We both agree that this is less of a formal transactional date and more of enjoying the connection and a friend helping a friend out. We all try to find what works.
Providers come in as vast an array as hobbyists...so many variables, attitudes etc. The one thing I like most about being a provider is the sheer honesty that the hobbyist/provider arrangement yields. Your ATF, while like minded and in sync with you, was honest about the transactional nature from where you first began. It sounds like a mistress arrangement might better fit your needs?
As for lonely...for me there are empty spaces that I am learning to fill by exploring other interests but I also know I am not in a place where a full time intimate relationship with all it's joys AND LANDMINES is something I am ready for. I don't think I could have a mundane relationship that did not include a little bit of variety, a little bit of adventure, some spice, some kink!
I'm sorry you were let down but happy for you that your atf did not string you along. It's a tough balance as a provider to give our dates the feeling that they are the center of the world in the time we share but still remain steady in meeting each other's needs.
normally I would be one to be strung along and a different provider could very well have tried....sensing my growing attachment.
But for some reason I have not been pulled into anyone's drama...I still understand the transaction of it and perhaps respect it more than some providers do.
I truly want them to go out there and have a successful career. I have tried to get web site help for some of the younger ones etc etc.
How about web site help for the seasoned and IT challenged? lol
In my mind there really isn't anything else that's comparable career wise that would appeal to me except maybe being a professional tour book writer and traveling all over the world? I work when I want, I answer to myself only and I get to meet new people and sometimes have orgasms on the job. The money is good but if it was all about that I would be working more than I do.
Mentally I feel like I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off since I started. I'm finally at the point where I'm getting organized and putting more effort into the business aspect and saving money and that is more empowering. I understand now that there are times when the well goes dry and I need to be prepared rather than expect more money to come in tomorrow. While cancellations and reviews seem to be a persistent source of stress I now try to figure out what I can change and work on those changes while accepting that life happens and I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea.
I identify (somewhat) as poly but my work has kind of taken place of dating. I would love to be with someone who understands and who I have chemistry with but I'm comfortable with being single. I'm pretty much out to anyone close to me and advocate for SW's rights whenever I can. As for life after providing? I have a GI bill I have barely touched yet...I keep changing my mind as to what to major in and don't want to waste it while making up my mind. I'm leaning toward accounting since I have a little experience in that area and it may be a way to stay in this world and fade out.
Polyamory yes...this is a kink for me too. Started as one and has developed into more. I enjoy being Valued...admired and desired. What lady does not?!
My attitude is currently very low.
At first the hobby was satisfying a great need in my life.
Excitement, touch, connection, but I have become disillusioned.
Yes, my fault, I was under some illusions.
I now see there is a spectrum of providers out there.
The spectrum runs from those that are in it only for the money - could even be short term - or a means to an end.
To those that are in it for the money of course but also really enjoy the work - are polyamourous - advocates for a change in society to accept SW and decriminalize.
Both, and everything in between is completely legitimate and everyone is free to run their business and their life however they want.
I guess the crux of why I am low is that I have discovered that my first atf is of the type that it is a means to an end.
I don't know why it bothers me. So I am putting this out there to see what other people's experiences are.
For providers:
Your mental health? Lonely? Having a wonderful time? Planning for the future? Living in the moment?
Do you want to become an advocate for decriminalization or do you want to eventually quit the business and start a different career? Or something in between or a combination? Many already have an outside career and also still escort, I know. Then there are some that have that in their future - are in grad school etc.
I guess it is mostly the after affect for me. If I know that the provider I was just with is of a like mind with me - tending polyamourous - then I will have a better experience.
What say you?
I am fucking bat shit crazy, and have the documents to prove it. Was there any doubt?
But your question wasn't really about mental health was it?
One thing to remember, this is a hobby for us clients, yet a job for the sex workers we hire. And like every job it has it's ups and downs. There are going to be day's they just aren't going to be into it, that doesn't mean they don't enjoy what they do. Most days I enjoy what I do other's I hate it. I doubt sex work is any different. And just like any job they are there for the money, yet that again doesn't mean they don't enjoy the sex or their clients. And enjoying the sex and the company of their clients doesn't mean it isn't about the money.
I know it is easy to get feelings for the people we bed. The people that are in sex work often are wonderful people extremely worthy of love. They put their best self out there making it even easier to fall, but in the end this is a job for them and a hobby for us and that is where it must end for our mental health. Yes true friendship can form between favorites but it must end there or things likely will end badly.
Money is a major factor in any job. And for many the only factor. Accept this or move on.
As for me I am trying to legalize this game we play. I am out with both mine and my wife's activities. I give money to various sex workers rights groups and have spoken in person to multiple members of my state's legislators. I signed multiple partitions on this issue. I am doing my part to get this legal and accepted.
As for sex work and mental health, if you enjoy it, respect yourself and others in it, and remember what it is, it can be good for your mental heath. If ether of those things aren't true it will do harm to your mental wellbeing long term. This is true on both sides of the envelope.
Just remember as you read this, I am bat shit crazy. So take it for what it is worth.
-- Modified on 3/17/2017 1:31:58 PM
MOST people on average, do what they have to do to get the bills paid...nothing more nothing less. Adult work is no different, there are some who see it as a calling, others who enjoy some parts of the work but primarily see it as good steady money, and those who hate their jobs but do it because it's an expedient way to get paid.
The same can be said for clients. While some are genuinely interested in having fun erotic experiences, flirty conversation and genuine connections with a variety of interesting providers...some guys just want the "Wham bam thank you ma'am" and simply want an open wet hole to bang hard non-stop for an hour.
Some people are "means to an end" folks....some are more creative romantic folks who like to explore on an intense level and feel things deeply. Once you recognize that the person you're with is a "meet and potatoes" "means to an end" type, adjust your approach and expectations accordingly.