But you need not apologize to anyone here. You are in distress right now.
/Zin
I have had a series of posts here relating to a personal problem I have with a certain freind/ love who later became a provider.
Well my venting may have been excessive but we had a relationship that was that serious and that deep.
She has had problems in her personal life recently, and she is the type that goes into a shell and ignores others.
I am the opposite. Not being allowed to help bothers me terribly.
There are other issues, but due to a total lack of people I can confide locally I vented on this board.
I have gotten some very supportive emails and IM's and a fair share of crap posted also. From some less than understanding people.
The providers who know me know the kind of man I am. The rest , well you can only guess.
I stick by my friends through thick and thin............
And right now its not the best of times but I still don't turn my back on a friend.
Now if that friend turns on me then well, I am not he one who started it. I am a good natured person, everyone who knows me knows I am caring to a fault.
With that said..............................
Being ignored by a friend is terribly frustrating for me and it shows.
Feeling taken advantage of by a friend, well, frustration and hurt only begin to scratch the surface.
I am a very loving person, and take it personal when someone acts in a hurtful manner.
People which chose to screw with my feelings for their pleasure find a formitable enemy. The only people I can truely hate.
There is an obvious lesson in this for your growth in life. You must realize that sometimes people we want to help are not ready for it.In this case all you can do is to drop back and give her some space.If and when she is ready to appreciate your help;the true proof of your friendship will be in how you react at that time. Lessons learned hard are lessons learned well.
Sometimes people come across rude on the board, but sometimes we also take it the wrong way. I think that most of the negative responses you've had were from people who thought that this lady friend of yours was trouble for you. That is all! If you truly wish to stand by her side, then please do so. That's very kind of you, but understand that you posed this question to us and we just wanted to respond. You have my full support for being such a "nice guy."
Hugs,
Ciara
Well Like I have said because of the relationship we had before I have to assume the best in the spirit of being a friend and not assume the worst like she is playing games, and screwing with me.
Gut feeling is she is playing games and dicking around with me, but the heart and common decency dictates given our history I give he the benifit of the doubt for now. However if it is the worst then it has magnified the problem.
A true friend and love are the ones to stand by your side when the chips are down.
And the worst sort of person is someone who takes advantage of that trait in others.
Thank you Ci Ci for your kind words.
if it doesn't, it never was...ROM
I wasn't correcting you, I was just finishing the saying for those who might not have heard it before.
Some things in life are irreversible. Don't try to find a cure for wounds for which there is none, learn to live with it.
Well in my heart its not irreversible yet. If she shows an effort when she gets past her current problem.
It would shock the hell out of the group if you knew who it was.
But her desire to keep her identity secret will be respected by me.
-- Modified on 4/9/2004 1:21:19 PM
Just be true to yourself, Dude.
But you need not apologize to anyone here. You are in distress right now.
/Zin
YO!!! I've been through this woman thing where they remove themselves from the outside social world and burrow deep into their private caves, barricade the entrance with logs, boulders, belching lava flows, gargoyles with pitchforks, and go freekin' catatonic for lengthy stretches where they REFUSE to communicate with anyone, pros and civilians both.
The man's natural reaction is to try and open up a line of communication, make a change, do artifical respiration, anything the mind can conceive to turn it around.
She vanishes down a tunnel and he tries to convince her to come out into the daylight, which she is not about to. Man, I have no idea why some women get like that, I talk about it with other guys I know who have dealt with the same mindf*%!, and we pretty much agree that it is an absurdly frustrating mindf*%!, nothing seems to work, florist sends over beautiful flowers, understanding messages, you might as well stand in the middle of an empty parking lot and recite the Pledge of Allegiance.
Every example I know about first or second hand shows that this is a behavior that repeats, it drives EVERYBODY nuts, not just you, and it isn't as personal as you (that is, all males who need to feel responsible therefore take it personally) are taking it.
Well this is the first woman I have been this involved with that has been like that...... So its new to me....and I am over 40.
Just against the very grain of my nature to abandon a friend in distress.
And it does bother me bad enough it affects my sleep.
I can ignore someone I don't give two hoots in hell about, but not someone that means what she does to me.
And she isn't used to having someone that cares that much about her. As she has said before.
they don't always act in their own best interest, the listen to the wrong advice, things you wouldn't notice or give 2 hoots about will send them into a tailspin, responsible males have an instinct to do their level best and are socially trained to work unto exhaustion at frustrating, impossible tasks.... what did Churchill say, never have so few done so much for so many will so little gratitude or something like that... then you wake up one day and thing to yourself as your're scratching your nuts and looking at the grey hairs in the mirror, how the hell did I get elected to be the savior in this particular psychodrama farce ? You're being sucked in to a no winner situation. Live to do a good deed another day, don't carry loads that you didn't reason out if it was fair to you to get harnessed to. Man wants to be hero, man wants to see himself as the good guy, man thinks he can turn it all around, meanwhile the indifferent world will drain all his blood and resell it to the highest bidder. Don't set your good heart up to be dragged through anybody elses epic movie that never ends and never begins, it just goes round and round and round till you drop.
If we didn't have a few great years before this started I would have walked by now. But I do know my patience is about exhausted. And when it is she will have had the dubious honor of gotten officially on my bad side. Something few have ever done.
Till then I owe her enough respect to see what happens after she gets past this current problem.
But honestly much more and I am not going to be so nice and understanding.
This was a woman I was extremely close to. Emotionally , and as a friend, before there was anything physical.
She had major issues in her life. She had been so very well adjusted before this job. In the last year I no longer see her as well adjusted, quite the opposite in fact now.
I have this delima, stick with the closest friend I have known and hope she gets through it or throw in the towel and let her ruin her life. Some of the people she has recently considered "friends" are not exactly role models and are feeding her things that will ruin her life. If she was single then its all about perception, but a married woman with a few kids and a husband who is ignorant to whats going on...........THis advice has the potiential of wrecking what stability she has known in her life.
As a friend I need to try to reason with her.
As a man who loves her I need to try to help her.
However deciding what point to give up and take her antisocial rants at face value is not a clear one.
At that point I will begin to hate her for a calous disregard of my feelings.
Something I really don't want it to come to.