My question is this... What did this guy being a jerk have to do with the age of the reference? He was every bit as likely to pull this kind of crap a week before your one year deadline as a week after.
1. Would you give a reference for a man you saw and remember from 2 years ago.
2. Would you accept a reference from a hobbyist when he says he saw her 2 years ago.
There's a debate going on at a local board and I thought this would be a good place to ask the providers their opinions.
Firstly, for the gentlemen, let me tell you what the usual email looks like across the board because the guys seem to think it is MUCH more than it is. It goes like this:
Sedona,
Bob Smith is interested in scheduling a date with me and has given me your name as a reference.
Have you seen him and would you see him again?
Thank you!
LusciousLips
It's two questions, and that's it.
I have no problem answering those two questions and letting the person know that:
1) They still must do their own screening and are responsible for that (this gets BOLDED)
2) I include anything important, such as: I haven't seen him in two years so you might want to seek more current info, etc.
Since the screening is what I'm after more so than a reference, and the reference is just the 'feel better' icing on the cake, I may or may not care that it's two years old because I might not use it anyway. Still, I may choose to email her and just see what she says, but the important stuff is the screening info and that takes priority. Somebody's word that I don't even know doesn't carry much weight. Besides, how can you determine that the Bob Smith she's thinking of is the same person making a date with you, and lastly, the same Bob Smith showing up at your door? There are so many holes in references, it's best not to RELY on them - merely have them as the final comfort in your screening.
I hope this helped.
I normally would give refrences for someone I haven't seen past one year but i've changed my policy this year do to one of the references turning sour. Below is a portion of an email I received from another provider who wanted a reference for someone I haven't seen in 2yrs:
*************************8
He proceeded to place my envelope on the dresser and headed into the shower. While he was in the shower, I opened the envelope and it has only FIVE ONE DOLLAR BILLS!
********************
Because of this, I will only give refrences up to 1yr. I just simply say "this gentlemen is no longer in my database" and leave it at that because I refuse to be blamed for lack of proper screening.
xoxo
Lily
My question is this... What did this guy being a jerk have to do with the age of the reference? He was every bit as likely to pull this kind of crap a week before your one year deadline as a week after.
I'm happy to provide a reference whenever asked. How I FEEL about it, or my opinion of being asked does NOT prevent me from giving one, as I am considering the lady on the opposite end.
We all know that the only things we say bad about a client must pertain to these areas: Ripoff, or danger
I feel so fortunate to say that overall, I would see most every client again - maybe a handful of gentlemen I wouldn't. I recently saw a man that I KNOW I wouldn't want to see again. In fact, I strongly 'encouraged' his departure out the door - after 20 minutes! A real first for me!
Later, I thought, hmm..what if I receive a reference request for him, what would I say? Have you seen him? Yes. Would you see him again? No. But I would have to say that I wouldn't see him again merely because I didn't like him and YMMV. But, I would say NO!
But, that hasn't happened yet, where I've ever said no. Has it ever to any of you?
I just had the experience where I was asked for reference. So, I called a provider I had seen in the last week and asked her first if it was OK and could I tell the agency her number. She said OK. The Agency did end up calling her, and all was OK on trying a new provider/agency. Big problem, the reference now will NOT answer my phone calls or emails. She is a wonderful provider. I really miss her, but now what do I do.
Lesson some providers will - 'lock you out" if you use them. SO there is a two edged sword here.
First she tells you okay and then "punishes" you? How were you supposed to know she didn't want to give out a reference? You even asked first! I could see if you used her as a reference 10x and never asked to see her again, but please, I thought providers were surrogates, not wives or "owners". (Of course, you can be my slave any day. I'll tie you up and keep you safe for when I'm ready for you.... and I'll be gentle too... I'll use silk scarves instead of leather handcuffs....)
-- Modified on 4/7/2004 4:58:45 PM
Jealousy unfortunately rears it's ugly head in this hobby far too often. If you are going to ask one of your favorites to serve as a reference you had better make sure that she is allright with it by sounding her out well in advance. If not then either don't give references or select another lady to provide the reference. Preferably a lady that you will not miss as much if she decides to get jealous. Jealousy can also be a problem if the lady has your handle and decides to call some of the ladies you have reviewed in the past without your knowledge.
depend on references only, for their screening process. They should not be the only form of screening. I used a reference from a lady and ended up getting robbed. That made me realize that I can't always rely on references.
Ladies, don't put your trust in someones elses hand, you do not know. There are many other ways to screen, you need to have a backup plan.
EOM
-- Modified on 4/7/2004 5:26:33 PM
-- Modified on 4/7/2004 6:19:25 PM