Lie out of your ass....or plan B and fess up.
You need to let every hooker you have been with that you might have left something nasty behind.
Or do hookers reside even lower on your priority list of people who's lives you don't want to fuck up than your wife?
I'm glad you're not my significant other.Gooodluck!
but helping a guy explain how he "didn't" give his wife an STD when he knows full well he did is beyond my ability not to puke while giving advice. Even an asshole like me has his limits.
My suggestion is to start looking for a new place to stay, and NO you can't stay at my house.
She will be in a lot of pain if she has to get a colposcopy for further diagnostic HPV testing.
Posted By: Squeezylabeef
So, if the test were to come back positive and your wife or SO confronts you, what do you say?
I'm no medical expert, so I looked at a few websites. One says, "Anyone who is sexually active can get HPV, even if you have had sex with only one person. You also can develop symptoms years after you have sex with someone who is infected making it hard to know when you first became infected."
I have no idea if that means that "detectable levels of virus" are a symptom. (She's had HPV for years but had negative PAP smears and now the virus flares up and is detected).
Serious Q: what is the possibility of transmission via kissing? You know, like accidentally frenching Aunt Matilda at a wedding. You thought she was going to her left, so you went to your left but she switched and the next thing you know, her tongue is in your mouth.
Now then ... if you think Wifey is jealous of you having sex with other women, just tell her you've been having gay sex at the local bath house. If she's squeamish about the gay thing, tell her a co-worker pulled a prank at an office party last Xmas and shoved a pair of moist panties in your mouth, one time.
Last recourse: toilet seat
Posted By: impposter
Posted By: Squeezylabeef
So, if the test were to come back positive and your wife or SO confronts you, what do you say?
I'm no medical expert, so I looked at a few websites. One says, "Anyone who is sexually active can get HPV, even if you have had sex with only one person. You also can develop symptoms years after you have sex with someone who is infected making it hard to know when you first became infected."
I have no idea if that means that "detectable levels of virus" are a symptom. (She's had HPV for years but had negative PAP smears and now the virus flares up and is detected).
Serious Q: what is the possibility of transmission via kissing? You know, like accidentally frenching Aunt Matilda at a wedding. You thought she was going to her left, so you went to your left but she switched and the next thing you know, her tongue is in your mouth.
Now then ... if you think Wifey is jealous of you having sex with other women, just tell her you've been having gay sex at the local bath house. If she's squeamish about the gay thing, tell her a co-worker pulled a prank at an office party last Xmas and shoved a pair of moist panties in your mouth, one time.
Last recourse: toilet seat.
You should have posted under your alias.Now I will make sure not to have a session with you ever.Im smart enough not to bring diseases to my loved ones
I do not one bit disagree with your sentiment. However, a couple of things spring to mind.
That's a very interesting post to make under alias.
The wife's results ain't even in and when they do come in, they will prove nothing in regards to his status, either way.
The CDC estimates at least 80% of all sexually active people will have an HPV infection. It spreads through contact with areas not covered by a condom. Blacklisting people with the balls to bring it up on the board will protect you in much the same way a paper hat will protect you from radiation in the event of nuclear war.
I hope you saw the other responses. No one knows if they have HPV usually. If I do have it, more than likely I got it from a provider. You might have it. You may have been infected more than once. It's just something we all live with and only those of us in supposedly monogamous relationships have to deal with the social after effects. Be well.
I mean, why not go down being a total prick?
You are worried if she has an STD she will realize/think/suspect you of cheating, and blame you.
Therefore, I presume she does not know you cheat/hobby.
Then you say she is monogamous.....Hmmmmm
If she does not know you are cheating how do you know she is not?
If i were in that position what would I say........" You fucking slut you are cheating on me"
2016 = 2
For years, decades even if they don't have something trigger them. She could even have had it. I would keep my cool offer to get tested. If you test clean and she tested positive it would be pretty hard for her to blame you.
Posted By: Squeezylabeef
My wife is having a Pap smear and results coming back in a couple days. If it comes back positive, it's pretty obvious that I've been cheating (she is monogamous). However I never did BBFS. But of course it can be transmitted through DATY. As far as I know I do not have it but it's not really easy to know that without having a scope exam by an ENT doctor. That and I am only allowed to do minimal DATY on her but you never know.
So, if the test were to come back positive and your wife or SO confronts you, what do you say?
That's right folks, the various strains of HPV can lead to cervical cancer, penial cancer, and cancers of the throat, tonsils, and anus in both genders.
But that's just can lead to. The vast majority of infections clear up on their own and the person doesn't know they had it.
Then there's the warts...
The first words out of your mouth should be something indicative of giving a flying fuck about her medical wellbeing.
Tell her it is not your fault. You fell on top of some other woman and you tried to push yourself off of her... 500 times.
Nearly everyone has or has had HPV at some point.
It's a screen for cervical cancer and cells that lead to cervical cancer.
What exactly is your point?
Just to be clear...
As you said, it is a screen for precancerous and cancerous cells of the cervix. But it is not a "screen" for HPV. There are 100 forms of HPV and only a few of them lead to cervical cancer and that takes time. A normal result does not prove the absence of any HPV and abnormal does not necessarily mean you have or will have cancer
Cervical dysplasia is often the precursor to cervical cancer, as a result of HPV
Once the warts start to appear...they are almost nonexistent in some people, by the way...it's pretty damn obviou
and don't forget a pap will tell you if you have a yeast infection if your hoo ha isn't already screaming at you!
Steph xoxo
-- Modified on 8/29/2016 5:31:09 PM
In all honesty, I actually agree with GaG, but I've never been married and almost certainly never will be, and I need to lose some weight so I'll go ahead and make myself nauseated.
I thought the old advice was no matter what deny deny deny. Because you never know. She's Monogamous as far as you know. Maybe she is, maybe not. I got a buddy whose wife tested positive for something (I think gonorrhea). Over the next few days, they're each accusing the other of cheating, he moved out, they're planning a divorce. Then the doc calls back, some kind of mix up, she's clean.
Now, this part is really gonna make me feel like a scumbag. There's a reason her doc wants her to get this test even though she's in, she thinks, a monogamous relationship. The virus can be dormant for years and then activate. Which presents an interesting paradox. If it's abnormal, she'll be freaking out for a hundred reasons and having to go back for more tests and who knows what after that. (We are potentially talking about cancer here) Meanwhile, you're (maybe) just worried about getting caught and might use that tid bit to get off the hook. OTOH, if it's normal, you both breath a sigh of relief, but you know that doesn't prove you haven't infected her already
not STD. If it is positive then she has cancer and she will have more to worry about than if you cheated on her. What is it that you think you have
If she is diagnosed she probably caught it years ago before she met you. The doctor will have her get a colposcopy to get more tissue out of the cervix. It will get tested to confirm the pap smear.
She will be too sore to have sex for a month. The doctor will recommend no sex for her for a while until it heals up.
If you had been using a condom with her you have nothing to worry about. Abstain from sex with her for about 4 months. She needs to get plenty of rest.
Don't do any bare back with her until she is confirmed a year later of of being HPV free.
Not all strains of HPV will clear up on their own. They can develop into cervical cancer. Some HPV can turn into throat cancer later on in life.
-- Modified on 8/29/2016 11:02:33 PM
It is highly likely she caught it from someone else before he met her, imho.
...or are other STD tests included? HPV is a separate test.
The Pap smear tests for abnormal cells which could be the beginning of cervical cancer, often caused by the HPV virus. She could get an HPV test as well.
During the Pap smear, the doctor may choose to collect samples of the fluid around the cervix to test for Gonorrhea or Chlamydia. Other tests that the doctor may choose to perform as part of a standard STD screen include urine testing for Gonorrhea or Chlamydia, and blood testing for HIV, Hepatitis B, and syphilis.
If she is just getting a Pap smear, the "only" thing you have to worry about is her getting cervical cancer.
(still not Dr. Joe)
-- Modified on 8/29/2016 7:57:26 PM
...samples with my tongue, but stopped after the AMA frowned upon it.
THANK YOU!
Finally some actual information here. I just would throw in that it can be dormant in the body and slip past the separate HPV test. Also that a smear doesn't come back as positive or negative, it is normal or abnormal and abnormal is in no way the same thing as "you've got cancer". It certainly does require attention though.
Also not Dr. Joe
But you are correct. Epidemic it certainly is. Something like 80% of people sometime in their life.
But, since the CDC recommends the vaccine in the pre-teen and teen years, and into the mid twenties only in certain circumstances, it doesn't do the OP or most all of us here much good, unfortunately.
The vaccine is for two kinds that can lead to cervical cancer, there's about 100 other kinds. Good point though. If you have kids, talk to the doc about the vaccine, people!
The adverse reactions (like death, paralysis, autoimmune issues, infertility and yes, even cervical cancer) associated with that vaccine causes far more problems than it is supposed to "prevent". Plus, HPV resolves in 90% of cases and is asymptomatic anyway. So when you look at the recommendations and even some proposed mandates, all you have to do is follow it back to the money because it is the most expensive one on the schedule.
Plus, why are they giving a shot to males, for cervical cancer, when they don't have a cervix? There is no way to test for HPV in men either. The fact sheet linked below should take away any concerns about HPV for men. For women, all you have to do is google gardasil vaccine reactions. It's big news all over the world over how the vaccine has been affecting young women.
I read stories from parents all the time about how their daughter passed out right after the shot. Diet plays a huge part in disease, if you have cancer, get on some cannabis and change your diet to alkaline because cancer grows in an acidic environment and thrives on sugar. Condoms work wonders if you have any STD concerns for yourself or your children.
Do your research, know what you are putting in your body & the real risks, of said disease and the vaccine. Don't just take your doctor's word for it, because they get bonuses too and barely study it in med school. 
That's my PSA for today... lol
Well, that's all good information to have. Thank you. I know men can't be tested for it and are not hurt by it, except in pretty rare cases. Also know vast majority resolve themselves with no major problems, especially for men. (See other posts above)
As far as guys getting the vaccine, the way I was looking at it is that it's a responsible step to avoid being a carrier of something that harms women. I have a friend whose wife went through cervical cancer before they got married. Also, just BTW, really don't want to be a jerk, but the fact sheet you linked (which I have seen before) states that the vaccine for men protects them against the forms of HPV that most commonly cause problems for men. So it's not just about giving a shot to protect the cervix to persons who are sans cervix. It probably is more about cash than most people would care to admit, I'll give you that.
It also states there are no serious side effects. Although, honestly, if there are other sources that claim there are side effects, I would not dismiss that at all.
All this about side effects is disheartening. We never know what we do not know. Which is why I said talk to a doctor, but as you point out, they perhaps can't always be trusted. Scary. The efficacy of many vaccines has been a hotly debated topic for years. It's inevitably a very emotional topic as well. Certainly a lot of shenanigans have gone on around the issue, due in large part to money as you say. I don't think anyone knows what the whole real truth about it is, but I hope someday we will.
I do believe in the power of what's been dismissively termed alternative medicine to heal. I also know there are many conditions for which doctors say no diet change is necessary, just take these pills; but if those affected would change their diet they would feel much better and recover more rapidly and fully. Not sure, though, that I would lean on those things while taking a flippant attitude towards things which could raise or lower cancer risks. But I don't think that's what you were saying.
Yes, condoms are incredible modern marvels. They need to be used. All the global health agencies agree if they were used properly by everyone every time, the major STI's and unwanted pregnancies would fall to just a fraction of what we have now. Perhaps over time nearly be eliminated. But, to be clear, they do not offer much protection from HPV because it spreads easily. If you believe the CDC.
Oh, I don't have kids and this is one case I'm glad I don't. I'm relieved to not have to make the vaccinate or not decision for any young lives. When I say nobody knows everything, I'm first on the list. (Sometimes I may act like I know everything, but I sure as hell don't.)
Love your site, BTW!
First, I can completely understand the perception that it offers some kind of "protection". And I am in critical thinking mode at the moment, so by no means am meaning to come across as a jerk either, the analytical side is going 90 miles a minute. 
Anyway, my issues with the new push for boys & men are that:
a)there is no guarantee vaccines prevent anything, it's all guessing, when you think about it. How can they or you know that you would or would not have gotten said disease with or without the vaccine?
b) it is being marketed for "prevention" of penile, anal & throat cancers that even the CDC admits "only a subset of these cancers are actually related to HPV'. So they use the fear of these cancers to get you to vaccinate for HPV but yet HPV doesn't cause those cancers.
c) testing is not done with a double blind placebo and vaccines as a whole are not subjected to the same safety testing as other drugs. Which is another one of my big issues is that the long term effects of vaccines have never been studied yet I'm afraid the results are what we are seeing now in the declining health of Americans. Also, the vaccine schedule as a whole has never been tested for synergy, nor have the combo shots. Which I am afraid that the results of that toxicity is what we are seeing in our children, which is the real epidemic.
Of course they are going to say there are no serious side effects, even though the vaccine insert says differently and the former head of the CDC left to be the head of the vaccine program for Merck after the HPV vaccine got added to the schedule. I am not a fan of vaccines in general but this one is REALLY bad news. There are so many stories about the damage from this vaccine and others. You can also look into the payouts from vaccine injury/death through the federal government's vaccine court.
You'd be shocked by the stories of the side effects and you're right, it's hard to know what true and what's not, if you've never looked into it. We *may* know the truth at some point but that has to first start with change in our government and what's going on behind the scenes there.
There is a lot conditioning in our society to take a pill to fix it, when had there been a good organic diet, minimum toxin exposures etc, they may not have the health, or lack thereof, they do now. I am SUPER fascinated by the gut/brain connection (functional medicine, functional neurology) and how it relates to so much disease and behavior disorders. There is a lot that can heal that is natural and effective. A LOT.
Pills have a place but you can do a lot to not have to take pills in the first place. Cannabis... well the federal government has patents on it as an alternative medicine. One of my dear friends in CO cures cancer and other dysfunctions with his cannabis (that is grown under regulations) and his protocol. It's not a miracle worker for everyone, nothing is. But disease can also be a state of mind, it can hinder or help you. The mind and body are capable of some pretty amazing things! Just witnessed the power of the decision to die a few weeks ago with my uncle. His diet was horrendous and he had cancer everywhere. So while it wasn't intended as flippant, yes, diet play a big part in your overall health.
Sorry for the massive tangent but I am so passionate about health & well being and sharing so other people can have informed consent, know that there are other options and make an educated decision. But, back to HPV... lol FC2 would be the best bet for protection other than abstinence. And they feel better too!
Everyone has their own threshold of risk. IMO, the HPV vaccine is far more risky than the risk of contracting cervical cancer. No one knows the long term effects and I would rather support my health naturally. I dont' know everything either and god willing, that will never happen. But I do enjoy learning and this has been my rabbit hole for the past 4 years. And thank you, web design is a hobby...... never a dull moment around here!
Everyone here, if they want to reduce risks getting or transmitting HPV that can cause oral, vaginal, and anal cancer, should ask their doctor for the vaccine. Even though it's not recommended for those over a certain age, that's only because they think you've already caught (and hopefully cleared) the bad strains. They didn't do clinical testing on the older age groups because if you had it already, the clinical trials would show less effectiveness than they wanted to demonstrate (and that's why it's not recommended - there are no clinical trials). However, the vaccine is likely to be effective if you haven't already had all 9 strains that are included in the new vaccine. You can pay out of pocket if your insurance won't cover (some insurers will only cover if you're in the recommended group). You can also go to a local Planned Parenthood clinic to get the vaccine if you are uncomfortable talking to your doc.
Edited to add: there is NO actual evidence that the vaccine is causing problems (re: other comment).
-- Modified on 8/29/2016 11:32:48 PM
It's funny (frightening) what they do and do not test for in trials. You know how millions have been on Prozac for years? Last I read, it was never tested for use beyond like six weeks. Okay that's off topic, but I was reminded of it.
These are all things to consider. Thanks for the information.
And because the 4 strain vaccine is already quite effective, the new vaccine was phased in as supplies ran out of the older one. By now, if you go to a doctor or clinic, you are likely to get the new version.
Epidemiological studies are already showing a decline in HPV infections in the younger population, and that should lead to less cancer later. Much of the suspicion over this vaccine comes from the fact that it prevents something contracted from sexual activity, and of course, there has been suspicion over vaccines in general since the MMR debacle. The MMR hysteria gained support from a now discredited researcher who fabricated data, and there are countless other studies that show the vaccine was unjustly blamed.
...to get it.
Shmear is cream cheese on a bagel.
Pap smear is the female equivalent of a guy's annual prostate exam
Can this happen? My dick always touched the toilet seat at work. I hate the feeling.
I hate when my dick touches the bottom of the bowl.....that water is cold.....lol. Fucking with ya!!!
What if someone jacked off into the toilet and your dick touches it....?
Most likely her pap is just a normal part of her annual (or bi or tri-annual) GYN visit... likely nothing to be alarmed about AT ALL. And IF she happens to test positive for cervical cancer or precancerous cells (AKA cervical intraepithelial neoplasia), the odds are that she was exposed to a causal HPV virus long ago. Just remember that most women fight-off HPV just fine, and there are some odd correlations that you have nothing to do with -- for example, women on birth control pills have a higher risk of cervical cancer even if they are not more sexually active than the test group average. (BTW, cigarette smokers and overweight women are also more likely to contract it.)
That said, your true colors are pretty obvious in your post... good luck with that.
-- Modified on 8/29/2016 4:03:17 PM
a whore, and say, "How dare you cheat on me!"
Seriously, the more interesting outcome is if its positive and she DOESN'T confront you.
As BPS said, first of all the Pap smear is only for cells that are a precursor to cervical cancer. It proves nothing about an STD. Second, while it's true that many cervical cancers are caused by the HPV virus, statistically, virtually every sexually active adult in American has been exposed to HPV. So unless your wife was a virgin when you met her (and I assume she wasn't), she probably picked up HPV years ago from one of her first sexual partners. Thus, if she's positive for HPV (NOT a Pap smear result) it proves nothing about your cheating.
Still not a doctor.
PS: As for all the criticism (including mine above), on reflection it was stupidly judgmental because you probably did't infect her with anything. If you've been careful in your mongering you are no worse than any of the many cheaters on this site.
Well said. Thanks.
Posted By: JakeFromStateFarm
As BPS said, first of all the Pap smear is only for cells that are a precursor to cervical cancer. It proves nothing about an STD. Second, while it's true that many cervical cancers are caused by the HPV virus, statistically, virtually every sexually active adult in American has been exposed to HPV. So unless your wife was a virgin when you met her (and I assume she wasn't), she probably picked up HPV years ago from one of her first sexual partners. Thus, if she's positive for HPV (NOT a Pap smear result) it proves nothing about your cheating.
Still not a doctor.
PS: As for all the criticism (including mine above), on reflection it was stupidly judgmental because you probably did't infect her with anything. If you've been careful in your mongering you are no worse than any of the many cheaters on this site.
A Pap smear (also called a Pap test) is a screening procedure for cervical cancer. It tests for the presence of precancerous or cancerous cells on the cervix, the opening of the uterus.
Pap smear either comes back as normal or abnormal if it's abnormal more tests need to be done for cervical cancer and HPV. Also, the doctor will offer to test for gonorrhea and chlamydia but if your wife doesn't think you are cheating why would she want those tests too?
Either way, if you always use a condom and the providers you see take good care of themselves chances of you giving her something are veryyyyy slim.
Now, only certain strains of HPV are actually cancerous! I think I read once there are 15 cancerous HPV types and if you get one via DATY it can lead to throat cancer.
Just keep quiet if you haven't already confessed to seeing escorts. Many have explained what a PAP smear is for......So don't think you are doing her any favor by fessing up at this point in time....Just go with it....most PAP tests are negative anyway...women get them on a regular basis......
Something similar happened with a couple that I know of. He was having affairs left and right and when confronted said it was because his wife no longer had sex with him. They vowed to work it out, went to counseling, etc and started intercourse again and wife got pregnant! She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. A beautiful brown baby girl. They are both white. Yeah seems wife had a black boyfriend for the past 8 years. They are still married and both are still cheating but remain together for their um or her baby's sake. True story.
Pap smear tests for pre cancerous cells.
HPV is common and can lay quiet and can cause cancers.
A positive smear does not imply STD.
The worst thing to do is to act guilty. What would you say if you had been totally faithful?
"Positive smear, darling, are you all right? What does the doctor say? What do we need to do?'
That's what you should say in the unlikely even she comes back "positive."
Different story if she comes back and says: "You SOB, you gave me gonorrhea"
In this case you might says: "What? That's not possible."
Thanks for the great responses everyone. I don't have any STDs so please no one blacklist me. She doesn't have test results yet. As everyone has said, an abnormal PAP suggests HPV infection which can take years to develop. There's no telling who might have given it to her. But, for 25 years we both allegedly have been monogomous (for a myriad of reasons I have little reason to doubt her). So a + pap would implicate me even if I don't know I have it. I'll just cross my fingers and if necessary deny and claim a college boyfriend was the culprit. And he's now dead so no one can confirm.
Here's an article by that scion of medicine Dr. Oz:
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1980922
