I agree with Sasha. You should not have posted what she told you on a public board. I don't understand what your motive, or point, was in doing this.
In the course of a date with a highly regarded lady she related to me a disturbing, horrific experience. She was having intercourse with a client when he surreptitiously removed the condom and finished his orgasm BBFS. Make no mistake about it. The condom was placed with the intention of it staying on his penis until either orgasm complete and/or penis removed from her vagina. I was stunned as she had described a cruel sexual attack. She asked my opinion of the violation and what makes a man do that, have unprotected sex without her consent.
Unfortunately, my reply was inadequate. I called him violent and abusive. I described it as dominating her body and psyche. It was far more.
It was sexual assault aka rape-see link "Julian Assange v Swedish Prosecution Authority". I am sorry for not naming it the criminal act that it was. I am sorry for not offering more of a shoulder to vent and cry on and not shedding tears with her. I felt much safer as she posed multiple questions about transmission and risks of STDs. Those are easy topics to discuss dispassionately. Sexual assault and rape are ugly, vile, reprehensible, difficult to talk about and I apologize for not addressing that with her directly. That may have been what she was looking for.
You think it's ok to discuss what she shared with you here? I find that to be highly in appropriate. She confided in you with something that's very confidential and horrible that she went thru.
I agree with Sasha. You should not have posted what she told you on a public board. I don't understand what your motive, or point, was in doing this.
I saw no names mentioned so where's the damage?
My purpose was to open the door to a discussion about sexual violence in the hobby. The mainstream media has been replete with the theme of sexual violence on college campuses but it wouldn't touch the subject as it relates to P2P.
Please, consider that this may have been a fictional event, too. You have jumped to the conclusion that I have betrayed a confidence but you have not taken into account my penchant for fanciful prose and speculation.
Let's assume that there was a date with said discussion. I would prefer to share it here, thereby preserving anonymity and have it buried by subsequent posts.
Thank you for taking the time to read my comments.
I feel like this post could put the ladies on your review list under scrutiny or deter others from seeing them.:-/
I'm glad she felt confident enough to tell you this. We often fail in our response to this kind of information. It's hard to know what to do. Very sad to hear this. We need to encourage people to behave appropriately and ostracize those who don't and name them to protect others.
It is rare but it probably happens from time to time. Not exactly shocking surprise. What is your point really?
Firstly, you sound like a good guy that reflected back on a horrible situation where you wished you were more in the moment. It happens. So I guess this post was somewhat cathartic for you
Don't beat yourself up, you were caught off guard. Something worse was shared with me and it caught me off guard too, but I didn't come here asking for ... exactly WHY are you sharing this with us?
IMHO, when things of this nature happen, they should stay BCD and between the two of you. She gets to do the sharing. NOT you.
Have you called/PMed her to see how she's doing? Or do prefer not to know any more than you already do? Either way, im not judging. Either way, there's no WRONG action.
There are guys here who'll call it drama that they're not paying for and something they're not interested in learning more about. I'm not one of them.
But there are guys on this board who will try to deduce who you're talking about. Trolls that don't post and just lurk. This I've learned over time. Privacy first dude. Always. PRIVACY
On second thought, maybe you should beat yourself up, but just a little. I'm not trying to be a smart ass but maybe you'd feel a little better if you reached out without bringing the matter up. But I'd be prepared for whatever she might have to say. Let her reopen it if she chooses.
if you didn't still feel crappie, you wouldn't be apologizing here. Get over it and move on or get in touch with her. IMO, they're both acceptable next steps. Good luck. I'm sure you'll do the right thing for both of you.
Have fun. Stay safe. REPEAT.
-- Modified on 7/28/2016 8:46:01 PM
"Rape" That would be a tough one. It's wrong, and the guy is a major douche bag, but unless she told him to "stop" when he took the condom off ... nope.. Then there is that whole thing about it being an illegal activity so I doubt you would find anyone to prosecute the case. Oh and remember that this is NOT Sweden and laws vary greatly by state here. This guy is exactly what the National Blacklist should be for, but I'm at a loss as to why you are so involved? Why?
Unfortunately, my reply was inadequate. I called him violent and abusive. I described it as dominating her body and psyche. It was far more.
It was sexual assault aka rape-see link "Julian Assange v Swedish Prosecution Authority". I am sorry for not naming it the criminal act that it was. I am sorry for not offering more of a shoulder to vent and cry on and not shedding tears with her. I felt much safer as she posed multiple questions about transmission and risks of STDs. Those are easy topics to discuss dispassionately. Sexual assault and rape are ugly, vile, reprehensible, difficult to talk about and I apologize for not addressing that with her directly. That may have been what she was looking for.
I don't think calling it rape is a tough one. I think it's rape. Any sexual at that both parties don't agree on borders on rape. And removing a condom during sex without approval is at least sexual assault.
My description of the act hinges on the word "surreptitiously". It was done secretly, especially because it would not be approved of. The perp violated the provider's conditional consent to have sex with the use of a condom therefore it was rape. imo.
Thank you for your thoughts on the topic.
how does one remove a condom from one's penis in the middle of intercourse without one's partner being aware of it?
i mean, srsly, if a lady in this business feels the penis leaving her, shouldn't she check it as it's going back in, just to be safe?
am i off base?
It's not like the guy takes it out and then puts it back in 5 min later... he'll try to slide it off very quickly in between thrusts and hope the lady doesn't notice. If she doesn't check, she might not... a lady who's less experienced or wary might not think to check.
I've heard of this tactic happening to other girls, and it happened to me when I worked with an agency.
Another even worse trick is when a guy purposely goes hard to try to break the condom. I had this happen to me when I worked w/an agency, too