One thing that you might want to try is to go on vacation with her. Also go to sleep every night naked.
Here's mine.Before I discovered escorting/hobbying I would always dream of getting married one day or having a serious relationship.Some girlfriends told me if i dated an unattractive guy,that I wouldn't have to worry about him cheating or leaving me(thought that was stupid advice).Now that I have discovered the hobby I don't want to have anything serious with a guy ever again.WHY?The hobby has made me realize that any(and i mean any) guy can get a beautiful girl to have a session with him for as low as 60bucks these days.Anyways...this is how the hobby impacted my views on serious relationships.How do you guys feel about serious relationships now since discovering "the hobby?"
a few years ago that found that women who marry "down" as far as attractiveness will have a more faithful husband because he'll feel like he's really lucky and treat her like a princess. They advised women to move things like intelligence and earning ability to the top of the list ahead of looks.
I would venture to say that the number of married men who hobby is relatively small compared to the entire population, so the fact that hobbying exists should not deter you from a real world relationship.
I totally agree with you. I believe most of married men don't hobby or see providers. Peoples here are minorities. Most of my married friends are faithful to their wife or husband. Providers who think all men are like their clients are probably very wrong. Their clients can't represent the whole population. It's similar that providers can't represent the whole female population. Not all women are willing to sell their body and be a sex worker. Don't get me wrong. I have full respect to all the ladies here and the work they are doing, and my view is different from general population. I am just saying the fact.
I totally understand that providers want to marry a faithful husband. To do that, you'd better stop providering, and I doubt many potential faithful husbands would accept your past as a provider. Of course there are exceptions and some guys might be faithful and also don't care about your providing history, but those are probably rare.
I don't think being faithful has any relationship with attractiveness. This applies to both men and women. I don't think an attractive person is naturally less faithful than an unattractive person.
As for the question, this hobby has not changed my view on marriage or serious relationship.
I would venture to say that the number of married men who hobby is relatively small compared to the entire population, so the fact that hobbying exists should not deter you from a real world relationship.
I think that if you do seek a serious relationship with any guy outside of Escorting/Hobbying. then make sure that you do not tell him that you've done this and make sure that you are always willing to occomidating him just as much as you do the hobbyist.
Tell him before marriage, because if he finds out that you hid that from him, it makes you look ashamed and it will destroy the relationship. If he's not a guy who can understand, you need to know that before it gets too serious. In the Internet age, it's hard to erase every trace when you retire.
I am exactly the man in this research study. This research is correct.
A. I was faithful for 32 years. After 30 years of people telling me I married down, I woke and realized they were correct and began to hobby. I thought it was for sex. In fact, it is for companionship. I could drop the hobby tomorrow for the right lady.
B. Just look at the number of users and do the math. Hobbying is very rare, relative to the rest of the population.
Mscurious - Don't loose faith. There is someone out there for you. I had a date with my ATF on Thursday and told her the same. She feels like you, but wants a relationship. My advice follows this research. Don't go for the dumb GQ model. Get a man with a good career and is intelligent, who worships you. You will both be very happy
While working in the industry is not a fear of my significant other becoming a hobbyist, rather his ability to deceive and lie and disrespect. The hardest thing for me to accept was the realization of human nature being flawed and selfish. That even the happiest man with the most beautiful, successful, loving mother and wife can still be dissatifised and capable of infidelity. I've learned that monogamy is a self-discipline and takes conscious effort. I've learned that there are many, many ways to hide an affair given the technology we now have. I've learned that infidelity can come with no reason at all.
After that just didn't come to be, and after a long series of monogamous relationships and "true love"periods of my life, I became too old for any woman to look seriously or even sideways at me. So...my lifestyle changed and ladies of the night became my pleasure. No complaints. Just how things went.
I definitely know this feeling and agree with you. Yep I want all those things in life to. Now that I decided I no longer need a child in my life and marriage if it happens it will be cool with a twist. Kick over some norms and said this is so much better now. We all come to have fun for different reason. We chose this is the best reason well its just how our brains like it
My views have chopped and changed - I've had four serious relationships since I was 23 and got into this industry, including a marriage in which I didn't work in the sex industry. I have worked during the others though and honestly I don't really think about whether the guy has or would be faithful sexually to me during that time because I haven't been faithful to them.
I compartmentalise my life so that this hobby is my work life and my outside relationship with a partner is entirely separate and the hearts and flowers and Prince Charming view of men and love has never been the one I've become attached to.
I like men and indeed women, in all their glorious frailty and need and emotion. If I fall in love with someone Ita for their heart, their strength, their humour, their depth, but also their weakness, insecurities, thoughts, feelings and so much more.
From my point of view I know I can have an amazing session of connection and sex with a client but not feel anything about it or them when it's over. I go home, to the man I love and what I feel inside that relationship is wholly and totally different, just like it is for a happily married client coming to see me. I'm a fun distraction from the banality of everyday life but I'd hope he doesn't develop feelings for me outside of that time.
So to answer the question I feel no different about serious relationships now than I did before getting into this work. It may work, it may not 
As for how to choose a mate: Looks should be way down on the list. Instead, look for things that are important to you. and also take stock of what the other guy (gal) wants. Things like self-sufficiency, intelligence, agreement on aesthetic issues (arts, politics, silverware pattern, etc.) are more important than many people think. And don't overlook a sense of humor, I think that is also key. Views on raising a family are also, of course, of great importance.
Most of all: Don't ever settle. It's not worth it, and also unnecessary given this hobby
I would give up this hobby in a heartbeat if she asked it of me. We have an open relationship and I only hobby because I have her blessing. This game is fun but it doesn't come close to having a wonderful woman by my side, whom I love and adore, which has stuck with me through hell and back.
It's an interesting irony:
The mates for whom we would willingly give up the hobby are the ones who would never ask us to; while the mates for whom we would not give up the hobby are those who would.
God's sense of humor knows no bounds
In the meantime, I have my sexual bases covered with a group of ladies who take of me. The fact that I have to pay them? Irrelevant: you have to pay one way or another. It is what it is. But never stop searching...
Both marriages lasted just over 15 years. I started seeing providers when I knew that my last marriage was over.
I'm planning on living by myself, because I'm really happy in my mid 50's, living by myself.
I have women friends but I'm not looking to get into any dedicated relationship soon. That may change in the future, who knows.
Seeing p4p ladies has given me the freedom to live alone but get some of the female attention I love. And being able to get great sex when I want it, is far beyond what I had in my extended relationships. Not good, but really great sex.
So I guess seeing providers has given me the confidence to live my life the way I want, without the relationship drama that I have had enough of.
I don't think you can draw the conclusion that because someone hobbies it means they are an unfaithful person.
I suspect its totally a situational thing for most married men that are hobbying.
There may be a minority of married guys that have great sex at home but see other women for variety. But I think that is by far the exception and not the norm.
I would totally be faithful to a woman who I was married to if she wanted me sexually and enjoyed sex with me. The unfortunate reality, is even the most faithful man can be beaten down and beaten down over the course of years to the point where for their own mental health they need to be with a woman where they can experience a more normal sexual experience. The first 15 years I was married my wife never touched me sexually. We did have sex...but never once did she fondle me or in any way try and give me any kind of pleasure. And a lot of times it was almost a fight to get her to have sex with me. And the sex we did had was always, always bad. In 30 years I can recall about 6 times that we had good sex.
Unfortunately, when your wife doesn't work and has no job skills and you have small kids leaving isn't an option. That's why its hell to be a good, decent guy, when you're married and suffering and stuck. Things started getting a little better after 15 years so stupid me believed that there was hope for things to get better as she aged. Well...here I am over 30 years married and now I choose not to sleep with her at all because I'm not going to subject myself to letting her use sex to manipulate me or inflict pain on me any more. So fuck her... I'm out having sex with women twice as beautiful and half her age.
Would I choose to be in this situation? Absolutely not. I would love to be with a different women for the rest of my life. But alas...it would cost me way, way too much to get free of my wife now.
One of my favorite quotes is... "What is worse, to have an affair or to make someone so miserable that they had to have an affair?"
Its sad that something as simple as a wife touching her husband could make all the difference in the world in a relationship. A little passion, touch, intimacy, compassion, etc would probably prevent most men from straying.
But as you get older...and realize you have more days behind you then ahead... You start to reflect on what you've done with your life and think about the regrets that you don't want to have. A horrible thing would be to be on your deathbed thinking about how you wasted your life and didn't really live.
So my point is, I believe its very much a situational thing and not a reflect on a man's character
the person who makes you so miserable that you seek sex elsewhere is the more culpable.
Of course, I'm a bit biased on that count
oh, I agree on that! life experience changed my views on a lot of things.
Of course, I'm a bit biased on that count.
Curious,
Thank you for your post. I am currently in a relationship (girlfriend, not married) of 2 years and we have probably have had sex 12 times in 2 years. My drive is more on the 3-5 per week. I am in my late 30's and always envisioned marrying this girl. We dated in our 20's and even then sex wasn't great but I don't think I knew any better. But, like you stated, she never fondles me, never playfully surprises me and when we do have sex it is so awkward. One might ask why still be in this relationship and the answer is I have kept hope things will change.
The lack of intimacy, not just sex, has messed with me mentally.
I havent hobbied in about 5 years but recently started looking at options and ways back in.
Your post has made me realize I need to resolve the issue at home and not mask it with the hobby... for now. I do plan on returning to the game soon.
thanks!
That's a whole other story about how to keep a relationship together. I'm married 35 years. Married her because she gave great BBBJ/CIM (no lie). Did not touch another woman for over 20 years while she continued giving great head.
One day she stopped. One month later I started hobbying. I would stop hobbying if the wife took care of me at home. This is still an open issue. For now she is not putting out, and I continue to hobby. The variety has been fun, but I would prefer to get it at home again. I've had my excitement and would like to reduce risk at this point.
-- Modified on 7/23/2016 8:45:47 AM
we're all human beings with needs and wants; lives that exist and are defined primarily OUTSIDE of the hobby. The hobby is merely an activity, transient and peripheral to the real lives we lead. We find our way into the hobby, we find our way out again, ultimately (or so I generally believe). Along the way, we may find cynicism, but it seems to me that such cynicism arises within the hobby and is thus only peripheral to non-hobby lives we lead - it is not to be confused with the power and beauty of relationships we can find outside of the hobby, in the larger world and larger portion of our lives.
Yes, any guy or gal can cheat - but your being an escort or my being a hobbyist did not create that; it has always existed. To me, the real question is why is there cheating in the first place, what needs to be addressed in the relationship to eliminate it? Perhaps the hobby offers some benefits to conventional relationships, if only by offering a broader view to solve those issues that plague relationships - communication, sex, monogamy, polyamory, etc.. It has certainly exposed me to ideas I never before considered.
You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.
After my ex caught me hobbying, I agreed to stop, and she started to put out again for me. That lasted about a month because I just had to get back to the women I had already begun relationships with.
When she caught me the second time, she knew that the hobby was in my soul now, and would never leave. She tried to live with it for a few years, but decided that wasn't for her. She had begun to grow bored of her lifestyle and decided she wanted to move to a warmer climate and be independent. So off she went, and in retrospect I think that was the best thing for both of us and our two kids as well
When I first started hobbying, I had one goal and one goal only: to offload my V-card, so I can say "no" when asked if I'm a virgin. Then I planned to never hobby again, except maybe in places like Amsterdam. Heck, even my handle I_like_escorts, that providers in my city know me by, was originally meant to be a one-time throwaway of sorts, that I planned to use only briefly, to find a provider. Because hey, it's a pretty unoriginal handle, despite its truthfulness 
. But then I noticed civvies of all ages reacting exponentially better to me after that first appointment. So it occurred to me: what if I try again? Sure enough, same reactions, on my part and theirs: I'm flying so high that FAA is getting complaints about me, and civvies are giving me extra attention, like checking me out on the train or hugging me more affectionately than normally. So despite going on a 4-year hiatus for a relationship, I never really stopped hobbying.
So how did it change my views on LTR's? It taught me that LTR's are sufficient but not necessary to be happy. I know 'cause I've been in one. It started out great---ironically, two weeks after an appointment---then turned emotionally abusive. During my relationship, I completely laid off the hobby, because it's beyond my morals to cheat. But what made it easier for me to dump her is knowing I can always come back to the hobby and be re-welcomed with open arms.
I still took about two years to "decompress", then returned with a vengeance. What was flattering is that some of the providers I met, socially and otherwise, as well as M&G organizers, remembered me from 4 or more years ago. Which further confirms the "you can check-out any time you like, but you can never leave" part.
If I'm in a committed relationship, then this world ceases to exist. I'm either all in or I'm not. I've never cheated on anyone I've ever been in a relationship with. My conscience won't allow it. That's just me.
There is also a HUGE difference in what I want out of a relationship versus being in this world. In this world, it's purely just a physical attraction. On the civie side, I'm looking for a much deeper connection, something more meaningful than just sex.
I am looking for a relationship with an escort but it's a sexual relationship.
For me, there is some overlap (because you cant choose who you're attracted to) Usually, the sex is better when I'm attracted to an escort the way I would be if she was my romantic partner.
I'm not looking for a sexual relationship in this world. I'm looking for physical and sexual chemistry, nothing more.
For me, there is no overlap. While there may be some attraction physically, what attracts me more is who she is and what she stands for. I've dated a number of women, but only a select few did I really have that deeper connection with. None of those few had any similar physical appearances.
From my experience, I don't think it's biologically possible for a man to stick with one piece of pussy for the rest of his life.
I don't think it comes naturally to men, no matter how much they profess to be loyal to the wife.
(women either, for that matter)
It's like asking a guy, "Why do you drink water?"
It's a biological function.
Girls, I would highly recommend quit worrying yourself sick about Controlling and Corralling the dick.
The dick is like a heat-seeking missile always looking for a hot dark hole to land in.
No emotions attached to it.
If you are counting on that pussy of yours to hold his dick's attention for the rest of your life, you're in for a let down.
The fairy tale fantasy of "Marriage" and everyone remaining Monogamous and Happy is an old out-dated story.
Evolution is here and girls, you Will be sharing Dick-Duty with someone.
It's best to go inside yourself and bask in the deeper Love that is there.
It is possible to be Happy and in Love, completely, without the need to have your partner
Act a certain way for your Fulfillment and Happiness.
When you learn this process, you will experience total "Control".
You will become totally responsible for your Happiness and not depend on outside circumstances for it ~ that is Freedom
Body Count.
Evil dick
Evil dick, evil dick
Evil dick, evil dick
Evil dick likes warm, wet places
Evil dick don't care about faces
Evil dick likes young, tiny, small spaces
Evil dick leaves little gooey telltale traces, evil dick
Evil dick, evil dick
Evil dick, evil dick
Late at night, evil dick, he comes to me, he says
"Don't sleep alone, don't sleep alone"
Late at night, evil dick, he wakes me up, he says
"Don't sleep alone, don't sleep alone, don't sleep alone
Don't sleep alone, don't sleep alone"
Evil dick, evil dick
Evil dick, evil dick
I had this girl, she said, she loved me
Thought there was no one ever above me
She wanted to marry and have my child
But evil dick, he had to get buck wild
Took me out one night out with the freaks
If ever there was pussy, evil dick would seek
My girl caught me skeezin', she said, I wasn't shit
I said, "It wasn't me, baby, it was the muthafucka, evil dick"
Late at night, evil dick, he comes to me, he says
"Don't sleep alone, don't sleep alone"
Late at night, evil dick, he wakes me up, he says
"Don't sleep alone, don't sleep alone, don't sleep alone
Don't sleep alone, don't sleep alone"
Evil dick, evil dick
Evil dick, evil dick
And when evil dick has its way, it sounds a little like this
Ahh ahh ahh, ohh ohh ohh
Come here baby, come here baby
Ah, ah, ah, ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, ohh ohh ohh, shit
Ohh ohh ohh, damn dick
Evil dick, evil dick
Evil dick, evil dick
Late at night, evil dick, he comes to me, he says
"Don't sleep alone, don't sleep alone"
Late at night, evil dick, he wakes me up, he says
"Don't sleep alone, don't sleep alone, don't sleep alone
Don't sleep alone, don't sleep alon
Jake thinks he loves you.
I don't think it comes naturally to men, no matter how much they profess to be loyal to the wife.
(women either, for that matter)
It's like asking a guy, "Why do you drink water?"
It's a biological function.
Girls, I would highly recommend quit worrying yourself sick about Controlling and Corralling the dick.
The dick is like a heat-seeking missile always looking for a hot dark hole to land in.
No emotions attached to it.
If you are counting on that pussy of yours to hold his dick's attention for the rest of your life, you're in for a let down.
The fairy tale fantasy of "Marriage" and everyone remaining Monogamous and Happy is an old out-dated story.
Evolution is here and girls, you Will be sharing Dick-Duty with someone.
It's best to go inside yourself and bask in the deeper Love that is there.
It is possible to be Happy and in Love, completely, without the need to have your partner
Act a certain way for your Fulfillment and Happiness.
When you learn this process, you will experience total "Control".
You will become totally responsible for your Happiness and not depend on outside circumstances for it ~ that is Freedom.
IMO that is what marriage is about.
If I don't want monogamy, I would not get married.
after experiencing the hobby now. Have only experienced a few serious relationships in my time which ended because I wanted variety and the other cases I just did not want to be with them. You are right any man can get a good looking woman for a low price. As someone mentioned most men crave variety - it is in our nature to do so. That said, not saying men in general cannot be faithful with their significant other. I know some of my friends have been or so they have told me but they are in 15 plus year marriages. Infidelity in long marriages are typically catastrophic for the man (if culprit) or vice versa = monetary penalties for life especially with children involved. I know some guys as well that wished they did not get married but they stay in it because of no "out". I have never been married so these are my opinions. But I know once you cross that line into marriage - that piece of paper can be handcuffs IMO.
Bottom line is I enjoy the NSA realm and not about to stray away from it for the obvious reason - personal autonomy.
I don't think it has for me. I'm a 47 year old widower, was widowed in my mid 20s after only 6 months of marriage. I point this out because I want people to know that the hobby, for me, is not a dealing mechanism or therapy in dealing with my grief. For me being involved in the hobby is just easier than dating. I like the idea of the no string attached and we can both be real and authentic with each other. Plus when I do date and women find out my story women tend to react in 2 ways. One, they want to fix me because I must be broken because of my experience, and two, they run because I must be broken because of my experience. Now its important to understand I have to be seeing someone for a long time before I discus my deceased wife. Some have told me that being involved in the hobby is very unhealthy and is my way of defecting my grief. I totally disagree. I like having fun in every aspect of my life and the hobby allows me a way of doing that without the drama of being in a relationship. I'm not one to say that I will never be in another serious relationship, you never know, but I don't feel the need to go out of my way to be in one because that's what my family or friends expect of me. If I want to be in a relationship I will, but it will be because I want to. I will say this though, if that time does come and I do get in a serious relationship, I will be quitting the hobby because I believe that in order to be in a committed relationship one has to give of themselves fully, physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.
Be Safe,
Buck
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-- Modified on 7/23/2016 9:27:58 AM
Just from personal experience I would never date a provider because once a hoe always a hoe. I know one who has 3 kids with a guy, got married to him and a month after she was married to him she was sneaking around seeing clients on the side. She does bbfs and had 3 ru486 abortions in one year, 2 behind his back.
Out of respect for his marriage to her I declined to see her again.
With 50% divorce rate, serial monogamy is probably in most people's future. (Provider/client is an itty bitty tiny fraction of a percent of the general population, so best not to draw broad conclusions from our behavior.)
I've been divorced once, married twice.
The problem with divorce is that it can be horribly expensive -- and -- at least one party usually ends up bitter and vengeful.
The problem with marriage is that it leads to divorce.
I lament neither marriage nor divorce, but people who react to differences and incompatibilities with hatred and vengeance (and their friends and relatives who invariably counsel them in that direction.
I guess you're a really old codger who still thinks that women can't/don't earn their own money.
Most divorces today are simply a division of assets (most of which are well below a couple hundred thousand), which in many cases the "wife" has paid for equally.
Maybe join "us" in the 21st century?
I've been divorced once, married twice.
The problem with divorce is that it can be horribly expensive -- and -- at least one party usually ends up bitter and vengeful.
The problem with marriage is that it leads to divorce.
I lament neither marriage nor divorce, but people who react to differences and incompatibilities with hatred and vengeance (and their friends and relatives who invariably counsel them in that direction.)
It is much higher than that when you consider all the assets house(s), retirement, insurance, and other investments it could be over 1 million dollars. Also if the woman at home has only worked at home it can be expensive for alimony. This is why is good to get your spouse to get a career. Also have investments in her name so the split up is easier, especially with retirement assets. Some states have a limit on alimony.
No..it's not anywhere near $ 1M for the majority of households in the USofA. As well most statistics are skewed for age.
Most of the time a dissolving marital estate consists of $ 75 cash, some personal shit they've accumulated, the dog/cat and a car or two that still has loan payments.
In the case of some substantial assets...you and souls_harbor are still living around the Cleaver residence in the 1950s. The past 30 years have seen women exceed men in graduating college. Those women often are the primary income producers in the majority of households today. I know that a misogynist like you and souls find that scary, but that's the reality. So when a dissolution happens "today"...at a minimum the split is 50/50....and the "wife" has more than paid her way into that deal. I get that you old farts still believe that women are subservient, but it is what it is.
I also hate to break the news to you, but most women are much better at saving than most men. I don't see any women here bloviating about their "killing" on the penny stock markets hahahaha
Oh, and you might want to understand how a retirement account can and is split (if needed) with no tax effects. Please google what a QDRO is. Knowledge is Power. Try it sometime.
As for alimony, yeah, that's also outdated. It's called maintenance. And more often than not neither side is awarded it. See my discussion above as to women's power to earn her own living above.
Now get back to working your BP paranoia and handle your couple hundred dollars at E*Trade.
During 2008/2009 crisis I went below $100K, now I up over 3 times from the market bottom from 2009. Thanks to dollar cost averaging in 401K at work.
I agree etrade is a ripoff with trading fees. When I get some more dough for day/swing trading I will go to another broker and stay away from junk stocks.
I said a hundredaire.
Glad you switched to Ameritrade. Next try Charles Schwab.
Pretty soon you'll be a fivehundredaire, with the thousandaire still achievable.
I agree etrade is a ripoff with trading fees. When I get some more dough for day/swing trading I will go to another broker and stay away from junk stocks.
You sound like a pro trader that I know. He has done very well over the years. He made $400,000 in one day from a stock weeks before it declared bankruptcy.
I was on the losing end of a serious love affair... she went back to her husband / father of her (then 20yo) child. Probably the love of my life.
I went all in, loved her, in my first marriage. She plaid me, rationing sex nearly from the beginning. She wasn't rationing HER sex, only mine. She was cheating & I caught her. I never cheated. I did the whole counciling thing but when my money ran out, she wanted me gone. She told her adult daughter (who later told me) that the ex had never loved me & only married me to solve a finincial crisis.
I married again. I thought I did better the second time. Married a nice lady who, after the thriill of the chase, really didn't care about sex at all... I later came to realize. If I'd known how it would go, I wouldn't have. We've been married 30 years... the sex has gone from once a year to zero (4 years). I didn't cheat for 25 years. I wsn't ready to be celibate... I finially realized I would have to go outside if I wanted sex at all. I would never have hobbied IF I was having my needs met at home. Even if she is older, not as pretty, wouldn't do everything.
I am sad in my marriage. I am disappointed at the way things are. I miss the physical kissing, cuddling, touching, love, sex... it's all I've ever wanted & it hasn't happened. Hobby sex isn't the same as committed sex. More like the affair, the thrill of the chase... but I'd rather have the emotional connection if I could.
One thing that you might want to try is to go on vacation with her. Also go to sleep every night naked.
My previous marriage was miserable. I won't bore you with the details but we ultimately divorced. In all that time, I never hobbied. I later remarried. We had a great sex life for a while and then she started being available ONLY on her terms. If she wanted it we had sex; if she didn't, there was no sex. If she initiated it, we had it. If I initiated it, we didn't. Finally, she simply would not make herself available at all. She decided our relationship had enough going for it without sex. We actually get along really well in most every other area. I did not want another divorce but I became resentful and angry. After a few years of celibacy, I cautiously ventured into the hobby. Of course, she eventually noticed that I no longer showed any sexual interest in her and that sparked some periodic renewed interest on her end; but I can no longer respond sexually to her. So, knowing what I now know about myself...if my marriage ended I likely would never remarry.
After my failed marriage, I began to view the hobby in a much more positive light. I realize now the role that it plays in our society: A man loves his wife and doesn't want to leave her, but she's not putting out. A person has social issues, or is disfigured, and the hobby is there to meet their needs. A person is sexually frustrated, and the hobby is there to soothe that frustration, rather than a tragic outcome like rape. As for my views on open relationships and polyamory, they are products of my failed marriage and other failed relationships that I have observed, not products of the hobby.
I have weird views on life and stuff anyways. When younger, I wanted marriage/kids just because it was a societal norm. As I got older (I'm 30 now), I realized I did not want kids and didn't see the point of marriage (I'm not raising kids, I'm not religious, perhaps if the woman I loved really wanted marriage I'd propose but I would get no enjoyment from marriage). I've always joked that if I get married, it's because the woman I'm with is proposing. Serious relationships, sure, but marriage is doubtful for me.
If I was ever in a serious relationship, I would give up hobbying (unless we had an open relationship or she gave me permission to). I only see escorts once every couple of months, so giving this up would be fairly easy for me.
My upbringing was extremely conservative. My mother made sure to instill the concept of long term relationships with eventual marriage. And, for a long time I actually was convinced that I desired that lifestyle as well. Of course, there is absolutely nothing wrong with such an arrangement, if that is what you genuinely want. I've had 2 long term relationships where my faithfulness wasn't reciprocated. At that point, I realized that I wasn't upset at them for exploring their freedom, I was upset a myself for not exploring mine. The lesson I learned is that the criteria for a serious relationship isn't based solely on sexual exclusivity.
Being a Provider is merely a reflection of who I really am... I am abundantly fulfilled with bringing pleasure to my clients.
Relationships come in all different shapes and sizes... I am personally very open and have learned through my experience before and since being a Provider that people enjoy living their lives however they choose. That is never a bad thing in my opinion. Sexuality is a mode of expression and connection, not necessarily something that can be owned or restricted. The inclination to connect with different people creates a different mode of expression, because every partner creates a different dynamic...No different than two or more people conversing, each situation will be entirely different and special in its own right.
As far as the question on the table, my views on marriage/serious relationships have not changed since being a Provider. I still have the utmost respect for any type of relationship. It's all about being your true self and enjoying the situation you feel is best for you.
Best wishes -Abla
impacted my view on marriage or serious relationships. I personally never wanted to get married. I think it is overrated. I feel if you have that bond and connection with someone you don't necessarily have to get married to validate it. IF and that is a big IF. If I ever decided to get married I think I would much rather him to participate in the hobby rather than have a girlfriend or affair because I know chances are less likely for it to go further than just an encounter.
That one of the providers he sees will want to take it further into a girlfriend relationship. Hopefully he will be strong enough to say no to a girlfriend relationship and move on to another provider should that happen.
In the 11 years I've been hobbying, I've never heard of a provider who wanted to take a professional relationship into the boyfriend/girlfriend territory. At least not the ones I've been hobbying with. That's just a plot device in "Pretty Woman" . Although, I can imagine higher odds of it happening with BP providers. Besides, with most civvies my age scrambling to settle down and get married---which I'm not looking to do---I wouldn't exactly be comforted by the notion of a provider looking to take things in that direction.
I started the hobby to get what I wasn't getting at home - and that was causing strife in the marriage. Now, I hobby once a month and get what she won't give and I'm happy, she's not getting the pressure from me and things are good at home. If I hadn't, we probably would have split up and I'd be miserable and poor (instead of happy and poor
Discussion board topic. This has greatly impacted my views, but in a very different way. I like most providers have seen many clients in all kinds of unique relationships, some with love and some without. Some are older, younger, scruffy, clean cut, average, handsome or below average. They are all so different, and yet come to see a provider.
90% of the time, although many are looking for a connection, they are not looking for love when they walk through the door. Intimacy, a sense of closeness, conversation and sometimes just the mechanical components of sex depending on who they are. My point is, society has an idea that stepping outside of a marriage sexually, equates to there being no love or all of the other components that make up a healthy relationship. Although many years ago, I agreed with those views. But now, I have met way too many men now who I can tell are very much inlove with their wives, but are still sitting on my bed ready for an exciting hour with someone they've never met.
If only we lived in a society that didn't have such unrealistic views on monogamy. I believe that marriages would be much healthier and sustainable, if the unrealistic expectations were dropped. Of course, this is not possible. If I were to ever be married, it would obviously not be traditional