TER General Board

What to do when waking up missing the one you were miserable with
brendaboobies See my TER Reviews 2092 reads
posted

I had a lovely evening with an ATF recently who is going through a divorce.
I just got done with my divorce a month ago.
Filing for divorce was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but it was past any reasonable point of repair so I did the only thing I could which was to set both of us free.
I have learned people will not change, they might alter themselves slightly and/or temporarily however "most" people will revert back to bad habits or traits that another may find completely unacceptable.

When I asked my client how it feels waking up in his own new place etc - his response was a heartfelt
"It sucks waking up missing the person you were miserable with"
OMFG- yes, I agreed completely.

The next morning, I discussed the session with my girlfriend who also just went through a breakup- and has felt that same emotional pain- she instantly bursted out in tears- a good release of pent up emotions in a screwed up way.

I've discussed with many clients that they start hobbying to save their marriage when sex and affection went missing from a marriage but responsibilities of parenting or other binding obligations keep them from going on their own,
but equally I have spoken to just as many men who start hobbying after getting their hearts broken feeling like they want to enjoy a woman but just do not have the emotional resources to give fairly so the hobby is easy and enjoyable- however many men have confided that even the hobby can lead to emotional difficulties when it feels like their new ATF is having real life feelings but when they have to remind themselves- she is being paid to make them feel like that- so its a mind fuck.
Several men told me that the ease of the hobby makes dating more difficult because - again civvie women are supposed to be equal in the relationship not just there for the persons entertainment as with a paid date.

SO my question is, what was the most positive, productive way to get past a breakup for you?
Was hobbying helpful or hurtful?  

 
I do hope everybody will chime in as HUMANS,  
PLEASE no need for stupid boasting type of answers- if you have never had your heart broken- good for you but please keep any stupid ass troll comments to yourself.  
I can see this thread going off track quickly with "people" who want to try and say they have never felt like that...  
I personally know of several of my favorite people who are hurting right now and I would love to just see feedback that is healthy and happy to help each other.

I personally have kept so busy that I do not have time to dwell on the demise of my marriage but I have A LOT of responsibilities so staying focused on my future is keeping me straight from looking back other to know what not to do again...

xoxoooxoxoo

I am so used to seeing younger hotter ladies that when I see who us interested in me from s dating site my reaction us no way! Sad and shallow but it's true!

Ir358899363 reads

It's been my experience that the best medicine is the passage of time. Looking back feeds the pain, but not looking back is impossible. As time passes though, you look back less and less until the pain goes, if not extinct, becomes more and more manageable. As time passes you meet new friends and lovers, and accomplish the goals you originally set, while you create new ones to a achieve. If you don't permanently cut all ties the scab comes off each time you make contact and you start to bleed anew. So my advice is that divorce is just that; a permanent severing of the relationship. Move forward and let the passage of time do what it does well...it heals.

WOW, this was a lovely way to describe this and I just texted a snapshot of tis to two of my civvie girlfriends that are "bleeding" a bit now.  
Thank you
xoxoxoxoox

Posted By: Ir358899
It's been my experience that the best medicine is the passage of time. Looking back feeds the pain, but not looking back is impossible. As time passes though, you look back less and less until the pain goes, if not extinct, becomes more and more manageable. As time passes you meet new friends and lovers, and accomplish the goals you originally set, while you create new ones to a achieve. If you don't permanently cut all ties the scab comes off each time you make contact and you start to bleed anew. So my advice is that divorce is just that; a permanent severing of the relationship. Move forward and let the passage of time do what it does well...it heals.

JakeFromStateFarm477 reads

I was more reluctant to do it the first time but knew I needed sex so I learned how to play this game.  I guess I also missed the intimacy because the first time I embraced a hooker in Manhattan, skin to skin, my body began to shake from pure need and pleasure.  It never happened before or since and it was amazing.
After the second marriage ended I was relieved to be free of the anger and stress.  I never have missed any of that when waking up.  I'm selfish enough to love living alone.
And I went right back to this new Internet version of the game, which has also allowed me to make a bunch of new friends, both women and men.

I think what you are missing is not necessarily the person you were miserable with, but maybe the intimacy and security he orivuded. I am divorced and I miss the closeness of a woman lying by my side throughout the night. Howeve I would much rather be alone and lonely than being with someone and being linely. Hope that makes sense.

Posted By: brendaboobies
I had a lovely evening with an ATF recently who is going through a divorce.  
 I just got done with my divorce a month ago.  
 Filing for divorce was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but it was past any reasonable point of repair so I did the only thing I could which was to set both of us free.  
 I have learned people will not change, they might alter themselves slightly and/or temporarily however "most" people will revert back to bad habits or traits that another may find completely unacceptable.  
   
 When I asked my client how it feels waking up in his own new place etc - his response was a heartfelt  
 "It sucks waking up missing the person you were miserable with"  
 OMFG- yes, I agreed completely.  
   
 The next morning, I discussed the session with my girlfriend who also just went through a breakup- and has felt that same emotional pain- she instantly bursted out in tears- a good release of pent up emotions in a screwed up way.  
   
 I've discussed with many clients that they start hobbying to save their marriage when sex and affection went missing from a marriage but responsibilities of parenting or other binding obligations keep them from going on their own,  
 but equally I have spoken to just as many men who start hobbying after getting their hearts broken feeling like they want to enjoy a woman but just do not have the emotional resources to give fairly so the hobby is easy and enjoyable- however many men have confided that even the hobby can lead to emotional difficulties when it feels like their new ATF is having real life feelings but when they have to remind themselves- she is being paid to make them feel like that- so its a mind fuck.  
 Several men told me that the ease of the hobby makes dating more difficult because - again civvie women are supposed to be equal in the relationship not just there for the persons entertainment as with a paid date.  
   
 SO my question is, what was the most positive, productive way to get past a breakup for you?  
 Was hobbying helpful or hurtful?  
   
   
 I do hope everybody will chime in as HUMANS,  
 PLEASE no need for stupid boasting type of answers- if you have never had your heart broken- good for you but please keep any stupid ass troll comments to yourself.  
 I can see this thread going off track quickly with "people" who want to try and say they have never felt like that...  
 I personally know of several of my favorite people who are hurting right now and I would love to just see feedback that is healthy and happy to help each other.  
   
 I personally have kept so busy that I do not have time to dwell on the demise of my marriage but I have A LOT of responsibilities so staying focused on my future is keeping me straight from looking back other to know what not to do again...  
   
 xoxoooxoxoox  
 

ABSOLUTELY- I told a friend that same thought a few weeks ago...
Being alone and lonely is ok and normal  
laying with somebody you love or loved and feeling alone is damaging to the soul- totally not ok
and yes intimacy that evolves over years of curling toes, snuggling, doing "weird" things for eachother, etc because a habit and having to loose those fun silly things only those two people understood -is a loss besides just missing the person who provided those moments
:(

Posted By: sajer1
I think what you are missing is not necessarily the person you were miserable with, but maybe the intimacy and security he orivuded. I am divorced and I miss the closeness of a woman lying by my side throughout the night. Howeve I would much rather be alone and lonely than being with someone and being linely. Hope that makes sense.  
   
Posted By: brendaboobies
I had a lovely evening with an ATF recently who is going through a divorce.  
  I just got done with my divorce a month ago.  
  Filing for divorce was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but it was past any reasonable point of repair so I did the only thing I could which was to set both of us free.  
  I have learned people will not change, they might alter themselves slightly and/or temporarily however "most" people will revert back to bad habits or traits that another may find completely unacceptable.  
     
  When I asked my client how it feels waking up in his own new place etc - his response was a heartfelt  
  "It sucks waking up missing the person you were miserable with"  
  OMFG- yes, I agreed completely.  
     
  The next morning, I discussed the session with my girlfriend who also just went through a breakup- and has felt that same emotional pain- she instantly bursted out in tears- a good release of pent up emotions in a screwed up way.  
     
  I've discussed with many clients that they start hobbying to save their marriage when sex and affection went missing from a marriage but responsibilities of parenting or other binding obligations keep them from going on their own,  
  but equally I have spoken to just as many men who start hobbying after getting their hearts broken feeling like they want to enjoy a woman but just do not have the emotional resources to give fairly so the hobby is easy and enjoyable- however many men have confided that even the hobby can lead to emotional difficulties when it feels like their new ATF is having real life feelings but when they have to remind themselves- she is being paid to make them feel like that- so its a mind fuck.  
  Several men told me that the ease of the hobby makes dating more difficult because - again civvie women are supposed to be equal in the relationship not just there for the persons entertainment as with a paid date.  
     
  SO my question is, what was the most positive, productive way to get past a breakup for you?  
  Was hobbying helpful or hurtful?    
     
     
  I do hope everybody will chime in as HUMANS,    
  PLEASE no need for stupid boasting type of answers- if you have never had your heart broken- good for you but please keep any stupid ass troll comments to yourself.    
  I can see this thread going off track quickly with "people" who want to try and say they have never felt like that...    
  I personally know of several of my favorite people who are hurting right now and I would love to just see feedback that is healthy and happy to help each other.  
     
  I personally have kept so busy that I do not have time to dwell on the demise of my marriage but I have A LOT of responsibilities so staying focused on my future is keeping me straight from looking back other to know what not to do again...  
     
  xoxoooxoxoox  
 

Posted By: brendaboobies
I had a lovely evening with an ATF recently who is going through a divorce.  
 I just got done with my divorce a month ago.  
 Filing for divorce was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but it was past any reasonable point of repair so I did the only thing I could which was to set both of us free.  
 I have learned people will not change, they might alter themselves slightly and/or temporarily however "most" people will revert back to bad habits or traits that another may find completely unacceptable.  
   
 When I asked my client how it feels waking up in his own new place etc - his response was a heartfelt  
 "It sucks waking up missing the person you were miserable with"  
 OMFG- yes, I agreed completely.  
   
 The next morning, I discussed the session with my girlfriend who also just went through a breakup- and has felt that same emotional pain- she instantly bursted out in tears- a good release of pent up emotions in a screwed up way.  
   
 I've discussed with many clients that they start hobbying to save their marriage when sex and affection went missing from a marriage but responsibilities of parenting or other binding obligations keep them from going on their own,  
 but equally I have spoken to just as many men who start hobbying after getting their hearts broken feeling like they want to enjoy a woman but just do not have the emotional resources to give fairly so the hobby is easy and enjoyable- however many men have confided that even the hobby can lead to emotional difficulties when it feels like their new ATF is having real life feelings but when they have to remind themselves- she is being paid to make them feel like that- so its a mind fuck.  
 Several men told me that the ease of the hobby makes dating more difficult because - again civvie women are supposed to be equal in the relationship not just there for the persons entertainment as with a paid date.  
   
 SO my question is, what was the most positive, productive way to get past a breakup for you?  
 Was hobbying helpful or hurtful?  
   
   
 I do hope everybody will chime in as HUMANS,  
 PLEASE no need for stupid boasting type of answers- if you have never had your heart broken- good for you but please keep any stupid ass troll comments to yourself.  
 I can see this thread going off track quickly with "people" who want to try and say they have never felt like that...  
 I personally know of several of my favorite people who are hurting right now and I would love to just see feedback that is healthy and happy to help each other.  
   
 I personally have kept so busy that I do not have time to dwell on the demise of my marriage but I have A LOT of responsibilities so staying focused on my future is keeping me straight from looking back other to know what not to do again...  
   
 xoxoooxoxoox  
 
-- Modified on 7/7/2016 2:42:26 PM

The easiest way to get over someone is, as my mom says, with ”Someone new or something else to do.”
One or both usually does the trick because you find yourself experiencing happiness again and the new stimulation keeps you from missing the old one

WildJimmy!443 reads

And anything that we bought together that was still in the house. Every shirt I had gotten as a Christmas gift, every pair of socks she decided to pick up for me while shopping at Ross. Everything in the kitchen cabinets that we had used to prepare our meals. Everything in the bathroom--towels, the scale, everything was thrown out and replaced new.

The same with the bedding and any furniture we had bought since together.

I got rid of some things that I had had before we met just because there were memories attached to them of times we'd shared.

It was more than a ritual. I really couldn't stand having things that reminded me of her. I didn't stop having memories completely, but they were less frequent and softer.

So that's what I did.

When I'm with a provider, I'm not missing my ex-wife.  When I get frustrated with civie dating, I know that I will be seeing a provider soon and it helps me chill out.  My dog helps balance out my emotions, too.  Exes are exes, to hell with them.

For the price of a messy divorce, i am thankful i can just rent a girl for a day (a girl who is hotter than I could ever date 'in real life') and end up with more money left over at the end of the year.
Dating and relationships outside of p4p are just hard work. Hookers have spoiled me.
I don't know when I'll change and understand what it's like to wake up missing someone I was miserable with.

I've had my share of relationships that I've stayed in . . . just because I didn't want to be lonely.

Then afterwards,

Letting go, and I mean, completely letting go was and still is the hardest thing ever.  

Thank God for time, because it truly does heal all.  

Sweetest Regards,
Adrienne Baptiste  

Posted By: brendaboobies
I had a lovely evening with an ATF recently who is going through a divorce.  
 I just got done with my divorce a month ago.  
 Filing for divorce was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but it was past any reasonable point of repair so I did the only thing I could which was to set both of us free.  
 I have learned people will not change, they might alter themselves slightly and/or temporarily however "most" people will revert back to bad habits or traits that another may find completely unacceptable.  
   
 When I asked my client how it feels waking up in his own new place etc - his response was a heartfelt  
 "It sucks waking up missing the person you were miserable with"  
 OMFG- yes, I agreed completely.  
   
 The next morning, I discussed the session with my girlfriend who also just went through a breakup- and has felt that same emotional pain- she instantly bursted out in tears- a good release of pent up emotions in a screwed up way.  
   
 I've discussed with many clients that they start hobbying to save their marriage when sex and affection went missing from a marriage but responsibilities of parenting or other binding obligations keep them from going on their own,  
 but equally I have spoken to just as many men who start hobbying after getting their hearts broken feeling like they want to enjoy a woman but just do not have the emotional resources to give fairly so the hobby is easy and enjoyable- however many men have confided that even the hobby can lead to emotional difficulties when it feels like their new ATF is having real life feelings but when they have to remind themselves- she is being paid to make them feel like that- so its a mind fuck.  
 Several men told me that the ease of the hobby makes dating more difficult because - again civvie women are supposed to be equal in the relationship not just there for the persons entertainment as with a paid date.  
   
 SO my question is, what was the most positive, productive way to get past a breakup for you?  
 Was hobbying helpful or hurtful?  
   
   
 I do hope everybody will chime in as HUMANS,  
 PLEASE no need for stupid boasting type of answers- if you have never had your heart broken- good for you but please keep any stupid ass troll comments to yourself.  
 I can see this thread going off track quickly with "people" who want to try and say they have never felt like that...  
 I personally know of several of my favorite people who are hurting right now and I would love to just see feedback that is healthy and happy to help each other.  
   
 I personally have kept so busy that I do not have time to dwell on the demise of my marriage but I have A LOT of responsibilities so staying focused on my future is keeping me straight from looking back other to know what not to do again...  
   
 xoxoooxoxoox  
 

20 years was enough.

The hobby was a big plus too

"I have spoken to just as many men who start hobbying after getting their hearts broken feeling like they want to enjoy a woman but just do not have the emotional resources to give fairly so the hobby is easy and enjoyable- however many men have confided that even the hobby can lead to emotional difficulties when it feels like their new ATF is having real life feelings but when they have to remind themselves- she is being paid to make them feel like that- so its a mind fuck.  
 Several men told me that the ease of the hobby makes dating more difficult."

What you said.  

None the less, while I won't rule a real relationship out I kinda see my self as a whoremonger for the rest of my life.

souls_harbor266 reads

Time heals all wounds, as they say.  

We are wired to bond with people and it is very difficult to break those inclinations.  Nevertheless fixating on any one person is a recipe for disaster.  On the other hand I don't believe in forgetting all the past.  Too many good times just to have it all erased by a memory lobotomy.  So after my first marriage, I just let it settle for a while.  You never really forget the loss, but even a death of a loved one, the sadness subsides in about a year

I ever did in my life because it meant, aside from business travel or that rare vacation without him with us, I wouldn't wake up and see my son every day. It brought me to tears. When I could finally turn onto the road in front of my house and head to my new home, a wave of peace washed over me unlike anything I ever experienced.  
DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD, THE QUEEN HAS LOST HER HEAD

Then when I walked into to my new place, the feeling of freedom and the absence of any toxicity in the air was exhilarating. Shortly thereafter, I became a monger. A nice one, a lustful gentleman but with a lot of sexual catching up to do. And catch up I did ... the glory days. And he lived fairly happily ever after.

-- Modified on 7/8/2016 7:34:04 AM

I'd never celebrate the death of my son's mother or anyone for that matter ... except for a monster dressed as a human

It was a long long time ago now.  I fell hard for her.  We went from her telling a friend of mine that I was cute to moving in together in a month.  We were inseperable.  It was intense, I thought she was "the one".  It was a year I will never forget.  It changed who I was into who I am.  I had started saving money for a ring.  Then she cheated on me (unbeknowknst to me until told by a mutual friend months later what had happened) and she broke it off 2 days after Christmas.  I moved out the next day and was devestated.  My future with her which had seemed set was ripped from beneath me and I had no footing.  Granted the month leading up to the breakup was a rough one between business travel, holiday stress, stress of a new job and a few arguements.  For that last month wasnt a picinic.  For the first time our relationship had become "real" with disagreements and as soon as it wasn't all sweetness and light, she was gone.

I woke up missing her, arguments and disagreements and hurt at abandonment and later hurt at having been cheated on, every day for the next 2 years.  I threw myself into the hobby anf fucked everything that moved including streetwalkers because at that time I just didnt care and just wanted to feel something besides hurt and hate.  I wrestled with the hate in my mind.  How can you hate someone you still love?  You can hate what they did, you can hate that they left you, your loss is such that the love part keeps it churning in your mind.  Your brain and heart still want what you HAD but will never have again.

As an earlier poster said, time.  Time is the only healer.

-- Modified on 7/8/2016 8:30:59 AM

Posted By: brendaboobies

 When I asked my client how it feels waking up in his own new place etc - his response was a heartfelt  
 "It sucks waking up missing the person you were miserable with"  
 OMFG- yes, I agreed completely.  
 
I don't have any breakup experience with someone I was miserable with to tell about, unless you can count being married for 27 years and having your spouse die of cancer. By that time you are like siamese twins being separated even though you rubbed each other like sandpaper. It was a deep, dark period in my life but I can't say as I really missed her and wished she was back. As a matter of fact, I would have nightmares that she hadn't actually died and now she was back while I was struggling to put my life back together.

Hope that was HUMAN enough for you

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