Maybe it was Julia?
Over the past week or so he has been around a lot because of what's been going on in my life. Now with this recent tragedy he is trying to be my boyfriend and it's freaking me out. I have in no way flirted with him. I have not insinuated in any way that he had a shot at being the ONE. I have never even given him a hug. I am just not into him. I don't know the exact words to say to him. I don't want to hurt his feelings because he really is a nice person with a beautiful lake house. Lmao just kidding but seriously. I feel bad for him but I am not interested. I need to let him down without losing the friendship. How do I do that? Normally I would just tell him to screw but I like him as a person and I actually value his friendship.
Many of us have, if we have lived enough years, been on both sides of this equation. What I have learned, for what it is worth, it is more about HOW you say it than what exact words you choose. He could be many things....clueless, hopeful, fragile, overly confident...the list goes on. WHAT you say would really make a difference if you knew exactly where he was coming from. For example, does he know it was a longshot, but tried anyway because he did NOT care about the friendship? What if he knew it was a longshot but, like you, would want to save the friendship? I guess I am saying there are too many variables to enable you to choose the exact words, but... delivering the message in a clear, sensitive way may just get the message across no matter what you say. That is just my experience. Lastly, the only mistake I believe you can make in these circumstances is being so concerned about not hurting his feelings, that you are not direct enough. In short, it is all in the delivery. Just my .02. Good luck
There are people that will just appear in your life when you need something, then once things are sorted, the'll insist you owe them. Not saying this is the case, but you will do him and his feelings a favor if you tell him gently but firmly that you're not available to him. Don't mince words, don't leave any room for interpretation. Tell him exactly what you said here. And then expect that he will disappear. If he sticks around then he is truly a friend, if he's gone you really haven't lost anything,
-- Modified on 5/14/2016 8:37:46 AM
Tell him you're not interested in anything more than friends . If he's looking for more then it would be best to stop seeing him totally. No need for you to have a stalker in your life.
My sense of this is that he is looking for someone to matter to him, and to whom he matters, on a much deeper level than you want. Not because you owe him, but because he wants a more fulfilling life in general.
I feel this way because he is there for you in a difficult time in your life; you matter to him in an important way as people who are there in a difficult time always have the option to say screw this, I don't need your problems and I'm out of here - he didn't do that. He's not buying you a lake house (okay, a necklace) with the hope you will be his girlfriend. What he is offering is more fundamental, more primal, more human and he needs the same in return.
That doesn't mean it will match what you are looking for or that you can or will give it to him, but when you don't he will have to keep looking I'm afraid.
That's why God made alcohol as we all need to drown our sorrows at some time in our lives. And while I'm hoping I'm wrong I'm thinking this will not end well for you if you want to keep him as a friend with monetary benefits. You can tell him what you want as nicely as you want and he may hang in there for a while or may drop out of your life quickly as what he wants is not what you want and he has a right to go find that too - and while you are at the very top of his list he will likely dust himself off and move on. I think you need to prepare for that. Sorry, and like I said I hope I'm wrong but I'm guessing I'm not.
J/K
But you do need to be very direct and unwavering on what you need right now and that is, for him to be out of your life for some time until circumstances allow for him to be back. End of discussion.
Did you ever see the movie Dumb and Dumber?
In in there is a scene where Jim Carey's girlfriend tries to break up with him. She tells him that there is not much of a chance for them. Carey asks: You mean like maybe one in ten? She replies maybe one in a million. Carey is at first taken aback, but then he smiles and says: You mean, there is a chance for me!
So, very clear and convincing language is a must, then no backsliding
Lmao that's hilarious I wish it was since NPH is gay lol thanks for the laugh Mr. Fisher and yes I did see the movie dumb and dumber. I actually was very honest about this in front of him though not directly to him a while back. In a group setting I intermittently like to make it clear that I am not looking to make a love connection. While that may not exactly be true. I am not looking for a connection in this group of friends. No need to explain the why here. I will say that I do spend Sunday morning some place special. 😉
But you do need to be very direct and unwavering on what you need right now and that is, for him to be out of your life for some time until circumstances allow for him to be back. End of discussion.
Did you ever see the movie Dumb and Dumber?
In in there is a scene where Jim Carey's girlfriend tries to break up with him. She tells him that there is not much of a chance for them. Carey asks: You mean like maybe one in ten? She replies maybe one in a million. Carey is at first taken aback, but then he smiles and says: You mean, there is a chance for me!
So, very clear and convincing language is a must, then no backsliding.
You're a lesbian!
I hate lying, but believe me...I know, from past experience, this fib works. ;
I hate lying, but believe me...I know, from past experience, this fib works.
What about this diversion? "Now that things are pretty much back to normal, I guess it's time to move on. You're a great guy! You should go out there and find the right girl for you. .... I have a friend I think you might like ..."
If I was the guy, I'd want things to be clear but not too painful.
-- Modified on 5/14/2016 11:18:18 AM
Then that is EXACTLY what you should tell him.
Women get themselves in more trouble not being direct than most other ways.
Guys are direct, we are most comfortable that way.
In this case, if you do really value him, be considerate of his feelings and gently tell him what you just told us.
I would sit him down and let him know that I really care for him and value him as a friend, and wish I could feel more for him but it just isn't there beyond friendship. Stress that his friendship is important, that it is very valued to me. Give him a hug and then ask what he wants to do today
I tend to be very direct, so in a nut shell this kinda tells him he is in the friend zone and it is just never going to happen between you.
Was he clear about his intentions? Or are you assuming he wants to be your boyfriend?
I ask because sometimes friendship can be misinterpreted as something else. He may only want to be your friend--maybe a close friend. He may even love you. But you may not have his heart.
We can love many people without being in love with them. There's a provider I love and who's told me she loves me. But it's the love of friends. Each of us is in a committed relationship. That's where our hearts are. But it doesn't stop us from loving each other, and knowing the boundaries of that love.
He said " call me I'm a very monogamous man Erin" there's no point in saying that unless...
I ask because sometimes friendship can be misinterpreted as something else. He may only want to be your friend--maybe a close friend. He may even love you. But you may not have his heart.
We can love many people without being in love with them. There's a provider I love and who's told me she loves me. But it's the love of friends. Each of us is in a committed relationship. That's where our hearts are. But it doesn't stop us from loving each other, and knowing the boundaries of that love.
how come he sees hookers?
Of course I don't know this or anything about the situation, but just throwing out an example. It is very possible to be monogamous and see hookers. (Or hooker, I should say)
I've met hundreds of mongers in my day but never one like that!
I wouldn't know if he sees hookers he is not my client Jake from state Farm he is a non hobby friend like I said he doesn't know what I do
and watch him run screaming from the room like a man with his hair on fire.
Even most whore mongers can't deal with having a hooker GF, I can't imagine this guy sticking around or bothering you anymore about becoming his GF once he knows the truth.
I can't I see this person on Sundays read between the lines
I have this weakness for bursting the bubbles of overly pious putzes. Call it a character flaw of mine, ok call it just one of many character flaws I have. lol
Yeah, I remember a conversation like that with a girl that I was thinking about dating. She said she had "fucked around" on every single guy she dated. I never spoke to her again and was thankful that I had dodged the bullet.
or just a good friend?
If the latter, it's pretty easy to put him in the friend zone....one day just hold his hand and tell him that it is so nice to have a real man as a friend without any of the pressures of dating and thank him for being that friend.
if the former...i got nothing.
Hot women need to understand: it's not possible for a straight, single man to only want to be "just friends" with you. He may not want a relationship, but he still wants you.
For that reason, the friendlier you are with him, the more dangerous a game you are playing. You need to be clear, and cold. Acting friendly but not flirty is a distinction you may think you are able to draw, but it's not one that he can. He only knows: "she's acting like we get along. Therefore, sex."
Please note: I hear "the friendzone is a myth" with an entirely different meaning from feminists. When they say it, what they mean is, a guy is not entitled to sex just because he is nice to a girl.
And that's true. That is perfectly true. But it's NOT true if this concept is applied to mean, women can expect guys to only be satisfied with friendship and not sex. That's naive and stupid.
In sum, the friendzone teaches us that neither guys' nor girls' expectations are valid when it comes to a friendzone. Best to stay away from it altogether. Tell the guy you don't want to be friends.
I like to fuck at least as much as anyone ever to post on this board and I have a LOT of female friends who I have no desire whatsoever to fuck. Whether it's age, looks, weight or any number of a thousand different reasons, including hot women who are like "sisters" to me, there are a lot of women in my life that are most definitely in my "friend zone" either by my own unilateral choice or by mutual choice that I am not secretly lusting to fuck some day.
Just because you are 100% controlled by your dick, don't assume that there aren't some guys who are only 90% controlled by ours.
Yeah yeah, you have thousands of girlfriends. You tell us in every post.
Just because you are 100% controlled by your dick, don't assume that there aren't some guys who are only 90% controlled by ours.
It's a balancing act for a guy and a gal to have a Platonic relationship. I've had them at least for a while. Some where with providers, and some with civies. Some went south, and some persisted for a time.
Like anything else, we learn from our mistakes and then forge ahead.
It can be very worthwhile
when both parties are in committed relationships and are actually only looking for friendship.
-- Modified on 5/14/2016 3:12:54 PM
Or a word "friend" has different meaning to you. Nothing connects and at the same time separates people better as money and sex.
As was well said above, it's very possible for a man and woman to be friends without sex. I also agree with the post that it helps if one or both parties are in a committed relationship. But even without that it's possible. I've had friendships with women going back over 35 years, no sex involved.
To say that a man and woman can't be friends without sex says that men and women treat each other mainly as objects for sexual satisfaction. There's other kinds of inter-gender relationships, based on things like shared interests and mutual respect.
Some people say it is possible to have friendships with opposite sex, yet another part says it is impossible. It can go deeper than this and I want believe it is possible, just not for everyone, same as some ideas are shared by one and not another.
And men and women indeed treat each other as ( not object, though I don't see why people don't want to acknowledge that they are objects) as sexual being of opposite sex. Mutual interest you can freely share with your male friend, here is the thing, that you want to share it with opposite sex because of sexual desire. And respect you can also have; with your co-worker, neighbour, etc.. but as soon as you go together in one room for sometime, member of any sex can ask you for satisfaction. Xo
You forgot , "Can leap tall buildings and faster than a bullet, or was that speeding train?" Oh and can drink large amounts of alcohol That would be lethal to most humans (non Russians anyway)
One I have known since jr high school never hooked-up with him even back in the day.
Now he is married and him and his wife visit vegas often I always go see them but never any kind of romance or sexual feelings on either side.I have a gent here in the hobby I am friendly with never met him.
Probably won't unless I go to VA or he comes to vegas.But he is such a cool guy to talk to about things outside of this business.
It is not always a sexual thing between a man and a woman.There can be strictly a platonic friendship.
So I do agree with GaG it can happen.
We both lived in Atlanta which usually meant flying out and spending a couple of days at the casino together or with other friends. We NEVER shared a room nor did we ever hook up, although once after too much Champagne we did wake up in the same bed, but fully clothed.
The funny thing was, hot as she was, I just never even thought about jumping her bones and this went on for years. I will confess, I did get laid quite a bit "because" of her. There is something about a guy with a hot woman with him that makes him look so much more attractive to other women, I know a lot of women who hit on me when I was with here would have never given me a second look if I were there solo. Funny how that works. lol
Today I was at a big box home improvement store and I ended up behind a married couple. I'm guessing married because they both were pushing carts full of crumb snatchers. Anyway, she was loudly berating him about NOT measuring whatever they had gone to the store to get. She was relentless, "We can't get them without the measurements! ... You do this all the time!! ... This trip is a total waste of my time ... Like you!" I felt sorry for the bastard and passed them quickly. He had a look of humiliation on his face. She had a smug look on her face. Not quite a smirk, but a small smile of satisfaction. I'm not suggesting you verbally emasculate the guy in front of strangers. Just don't pull any punches and be yourself. Put the "nice Erin away" for a bit. He will get the message. Also talk about former boyfriends and all the BSC things you did to them to get even. Nothing scares a guy away faster than crazy
Sounds just like my ex-wife!
I kept on thanking the fact that I'm single. She had his balls in her purse and she knew it.
Maybe it was Julia?
Maybe take it a step further and start talking about not only having kids, but about your future grandkids as well and then start acting like a 100% entitled biatch. The idea of a lifetime with "that" Erin should do the trick. lol
The problem has been remedied I will be posting pics on Facebook soon 😂
Masochism is alive and well among middle-aged men, Greek or not.
Glad to hear the situation is cleared up.
I know you don't know me but I am me 100% of the time and you have to be a shit tard like gagambler to get me to be a bitch. This guy really is sweet as pie. He is not a dick to me EVER! I don't have the heart to even say I'm not interested. I just told him I have a boyfriend and I don't tell people about my personal life because it's not my style. Of course nobody will read this and everyone still seems to think this guy pays me for services lol
I hope things work out well for both of you.
Helping HIM find some realistic GF material might be tricky now. It can't be anyone who knows you or the fake BF might be exposed. If it is a girl friend of yours, this might slip out: "I've known Erin for years. ... BF? She told you she has a BF? She doesn't have a BF, at least no one I know and I think I would know." or "I'm glad my good friend Erin introduced us. Her BF? Of course I know her BF! What's his name? Eh ... what name did Erin give you? Hair color? Eh ... regular color, you know. What color did Erin tell you? ..."
-- Modified on 5/15/2016 10:33:40 AM
I freely admit to being an asshole and for the record I was NOT one of the guys assuming he was a client. Why would have I suggested you tell him you are a hooker if he were a client. A client would already know you are a hooker, duh. lol
Personally I would have gone with either hooker or lesbian to get out of this, but each to their own. a fake boyfriend is as good a lie as any I suppose.
Back in my younger days, before I was married (and then divorced), before I started in the hobby, there would be a pattern. Meet a young woman, there's possible interest in each other, ask her out on a date, things go well, a few more dates ensue, spending some time together. But then, like clockwork, I would get the "just friends" speech. (The speech would invariably happen at the end of a date in which I had just spent a reasonably large sum of money on her.) She would say something to the effect of "I like you and everything, and you're a real nice guy, but this isn't going to the next level, so I would like to be just friends."
Even though I was young, I was wise, and knew exactly what this meant. What she really meant was: "I've finished with you. I took you around the block for a test drive, but you're not the make and model I'm looking for. I'm still young and I've got several other guys lined up to test drive, and I'm going to give each one of them a shot. I never want to see you again. Don't ever phone me or try to contact me in any way. Forget I ever existed because I sure as heck will have forgotten about you in another 2 days."
Of course I could not argue the point, if she didn't want to see me again, there was nothing I could do to change her mind. And, if she didn't want to see me, I certainly don't want to spend time with her. So, I would give a reply to the "just friends" speech in the spirit in which the speech was given to me.
My reply would be: "If I wanted a friend, I'd get a dog."
And your impressive 202 reviews.. you write it with a passion you are writing your posts? I am impressed. xo
After a response like that, how can we be anything else?
We have something in common, lol. Just teasing, have a good night. Xo
Seems like it's a new trend. Why? "So" means almost nothing. At the start of a sentence it's just clearing your throat. Lose it.
It can be removed without any effect on the meaning of a sentence. Yet, it somehow serves a purpose, more for the speaker or writer than the audience. It adjusts the frame of mind, so to speak.
In England, the custom is start a statement with the word "right".
In the King James Bible, the word "selah" is sprinkled about at the end of many passages. No one has any idea why, but there it is.
Ornamentation be it in language, clothing, or architecture is always somewhat controversial. The Modernists of the 1940s called it criminal. Thankfully that didn't last too long but you can thank the ugly boxes in London's West End on that movement.
I draw the line at ending every statement with "ya know?
I'm surprised so many guys on here claim guys and gals can be friends without sex. I know many girls that think that but one after one, after one, after one..they learn the hard way that guys just stick around until they get a chance to plant their seed. Thats why some girls love gay guys as friends, no future issues. Even the "really nice guy that is harmless" would jump at the chance if the situation arose.
I have some long time female friends..but I previously dated them and we stayed in touch. My curiosity was satisfied. I can be "friends" with a buddies wife but my friendship with the buddy is foremost so she is really like a sidebar. A necessity to get along to remain friends with my buddies.
There is NO way I could be friends with an attractive female without the desire to "be with them" if/when the situation arose..There is no chance I'm going to a girls house to watch movies and hang out unless theres a vague chance she's going to throw the old "Ya know, you're so cool, I know we're just friends but maybe we could just cuddle or something...which leads to more". Its like clockwork. Of all the times I've hung around being "friends" it has ALWAYS led to some free sex..Not saying its right or wrong but in my experience guys and girls cant be friends unless there was previous sex or potential future sex.
Had I learned that in high school or college the worm would of turned for me much sooner. Gotta love friendship
If there is ever going to be a snowballs chance in hell of you scoring because in this case George could have saved himself a whole lot of coffees