unless you walk in someone's shoes, you don't know the difficulties..
How do the providers manage to juggle it all!? She has to take notes, either actual "on paper" notes or mental notes, about each client who either is, or could potentially become, a regular, so she can stroke his ego by remembering things about him.
A lot like being a good and gracious party hostess, making each guest feel especially welcome. The epitomy of the gracious lady, but sometimes wearing! Hard to have to psychologically "up" for it every damn time!
Geez, what is it with these guys' egos? Always competing with each other, always wanting to come out on top. In a thread below, they compete once again by talking about how close they were to a provider. LOL! It never ends.
And then there is the "dark side" of the need to feel special -sometimes they become stalkers. She has to make him feel special so he will become a regular, but be careful to recognize a potential stalker. It's a lot to juggle!
Hats off the the ladies for handing all this. Tough job.
Women come ready-made to juggle men and their egos...providers get paid to do it. Don't make it seem like more than it is. There are tougher professions out there...you wanna kiss ass, then patronize a teacher, or police officer, or Marine---those are tough jobs.
unless you walk in someone's shoes, you don't know the difficulties..
I guess we can all say that about our lives. It's not your fault I'm confined to a wheelchair...or that the helo crash in the Middle East that put me here, happened. I'm a single dad with a 4-year old daughter...so it's hard not to compare when people overstate their gratitude for "bearing the burden" of their profession. I just asked that the guy not make more of what you ladies do, as a whole, than necessary. There are always exceptions and maybe you're one of them.
I was agreeing with you. I'm not so sure you took it that way.
That there is difficulty in almost everything. Some make it look easier than it is; and some others have no idea what others have to go through.
We could list so many. I'm glad you listed teachers, and marines.
I apologize for misreading your point, Sedona.
Romeo,
Presumably, you are a Marine, so your viewpoint on tough jobs is valid, but let's not minimize what many of these ladies do. True, many providers simply show up, pocket your cash and render a degree of ejaculatory assistance...but I think you'll find that most of the ladies who participate in a forum such as this put a great deal more into their sessions than is immediately apparent in a one or two hour encounter.
The ladies I've seen (or gotten to know to a degree through e-mail) prefer to know a little bit about their clients on a personal level before they meet, so that they have something in common to talk about. One lady goes so far as to have a questionnaire on her site that includes such questions as "favorite food" and "favorite movie." The lady I see regularly admits to keeping up with my posts here, because she feels that a deeper understanding of my thoughts helps make her a better lover when I am in her bed. She is absolutely correct.
These extraordinary women are not merely providers....quite frankly, I could easily find a $50 blowjob within walking distance of home...the women here are courtesans, who take their work very seriously. They pay attention to detail in their "office" as much as any Marine does in his. And, just like for a Marine, or a cop, or a teacher, the key to success is "preparation."
I dated a woman some years ago who, though we often showered together after sex, always locked the bathroom door during her morning routine. One morning, I wanted to surprise her by joining her in the shower, and since it was just her and me in the house, was annoyed at the locked door. When I asked about it, she answered simply, "Because this is when the magic is prepared." She went on to explain that letting me see her routine would take away the mystery of her beauty. I've since come to understand that a mysterious woman of average physical beauty will ALWAYS be more attractive than a stunningly beautiful woman who lacks depth. As equipped as women are to satisfy the male of the species, the practice of alchemy remains necessary.
Every school kid learning about the Sistine Chapel gets told that Michelangelo painted the entire ceiling while laying on his back. While it's true that the actual painting WAS done that way, you have to remember that there was also scaffolding to build and tear down, and that Michelangelo did not get his paints from a tube.
What a courtesan does is unquestionably an art, and all art requires preparation, hard work, and sacrifice.
Yoda
-- Modified on 3/21/2004 9:18:22 AM
Point noted, Yoda--and well said.
I won't take anything from the importance of what providers do; hell, I benefit as much as the next guy, and I'm certainly grateful. I just reacted to what seemed like an exaggerated and over-stated compliment to profession where not all who do it, do it well. I can live with individual praise---some of these women are AMAZING. My point, I guess, was for the guy to generally keep it real...maybe I was just moody at the time. Good discussion, though.
I was prior military too, plus a special education teacher while in college, counselor, radio D.J. etc., etc. This job, like others, can be pretty demanding at times (although I love it). So before you speak of others thanking us for all our hard work, think again before speaking.
Thank you & hugs,
Ciara
Thanks for bringing this topic up.
Many folks feel lonely when they can't get any "quality" female companionship from their S.O. - I'm not coming down on their livins but really, I can not imgine how difficult it must be for a lonely guy,who has a high level of self esteem,who is married, is successful and never has even thought of indulging in the hobby. I wonder how they feel and the courage that they have to build up to call someone. Both sides do have allot to juggle. What about the fear of getting caught by their S.O. then what? Who do you blame?
Many times, I encounter the fact that when a guy gets emotionally involved with a provider, he tells her that she should not be practicing or working or however you want to call it.
So, you're right, we can't win. If he likes you too much, it is bad and if he does'nt same thing. I do think that from time to time, if the situation is right, a hobbyist will become emotionally involved with a provider. Now the questions is, how does a provider handle her feelings towards a client she likes? And what if he is married? Or what if she's married?
What does she do when they guy drops the bomb of the "LOVE" word?
This is touchy but really something difficult to encounter.
Both sides came to meet for some sort of gratification. Now how does one side convince the other that this is real?
It sucks. The guy finds someone who he really enjoys,sees her again and again and before he knows it, he is falling for her.
Now what?
Now the girl finds a client who she truly enjoys,she gets paid, now he's her regular, and now she feels like crap? Then what? Maybe too much of a good thing is not good.
Both sides have their cake and eat it to.
So, many would say, "beautiful" You found the ideal partner? You're soooo lucky?? You get to know these wonderful strangers and you wish you had met under different circumstances, now what?
He gets jealous because you're meeting other people?
She gets pissed off because his wife is going on vacation with him?
Now what?? Is there a golden rule for this? Some type of protocol?
"Posted Annonymous"
I've been exploring the concept of polyamory, lately. I'm not an expert in making polyamorous relationships work, but it seems to me that the key to success is to offer one's self without asking the same of the other person. A relationship in which both people truly do this must be incredibly deep and satisfying.
Accept her for who she is and how she earns her living. If she takes pride in her work, then encourage her to continue it as long as she chooses. If the work is painful to her or is not something she takes pride in, then offer alternatives...conceptually, it's not any different than any other job in the service industry. If my lady were a flight attendant who suffered from manageable-but-troubling motion sickness, I would help her find something more suited to her, but as a caring man, I would also be supportive if she chose to tough it out in order to reach a goal she would not otherwise attain.
Likewise, his relationship with his wife must be respected for as long as he chooses to maintain it. This respect is necessary, in order to find the balance needed in a relationship like the one you describe.
Both parties must indeed "feel free" to give and receive in their relationship and do what they can to avoid making demands on each other. Each person must, after all, choose his or her own path. The only Golden Rule among polyfolk may be that each relationship is different, and has its own rules made up by the people in it.
Yoda
I appreciate your advice.
This is not who you think it is but I know her very well amd I just read your post.
Just to give you a hint..She is not SOUTH FLORIDA and she read your post. It may sound very much like her but I can assure you it is not.
She KT,S,C thought it was a great response from you and that she feels the same way South Florida feels but life is not a cookie cutter, it does not go the way you want if your life was set in stone when you said I do to the S.O in your life.
So.... how much do you think of her?
Why do you miss her sooo much?
What did you like about her and have you found that in your sessions and or dates with other women?
Have you found anyone because we know you have been seeing other women... what is missing from these other PROVIDERS????
I think of her everyday! When you think of someone that long without seeing them I think that tells you it was definitely love and not infatuation! I miss that deep personal connection we had. I thought it was felt both ways. I don't think she realized how devastated I was when she was nearby several times and didn't contact me.
By the way some of your info is wrong. I saw another provider for the first time since I last saw her only two weeks ago. Any other info is blatantly wrong.
But I miss her very much. I would love to respond privately. Do you have a hotmail account?
"the key to success is to offer one's self without asking the same of the other person"
While this may work for some, it does not work for me. I am also not an "expert" in this subject... but have been poly for over ten years now.
I could not tolerate a personal relationship where I was offering myself, without receiving the same of the other person.
The difference for me is, there is less ego-identifying within my relationships. I do not rely on others to provide for my security or sense of self-worth. I can separate, as easily as weave together, the concepts of: love, sex, monogamy, fidelity. Monogamy and fidelity ARE different.
The key(s) to these relationships: honesty, communication, consideration, and the ability to manage your expectations and jealousy.
"each relationship is different, and has its own rules made up by the people in it."
Now,
THAT is wisdom from the master.
: )
You sound as if you speak from experience.
It must be hard for lonely guy especially if he's married.
You meet this beautiful,uninhibited woman, who is intelligent and elegant in every way. You wish you could have met her under different circumstances, even to the point, you wish you were single.
So what now?
It is bad.
"I could not tolerate a personal relationship where I was offering myself, without receiving the same of the other person."
Nor could I. I didn't mean to suggest that's what works, because I don't think it does. I said "without ASKING the same" which is different. I probably should have said "demanding" instead of "asking."
I agree with you, though...monogamy and fidelity are indeed different. This is the core of the life lesson which has led me to explore polyamory, and were I a wiser or more thoughtful man, I wouldn't have forgotten that excellent point!
Yoda
You're wise for even thinking of it that way.
Just thinking of it, brings shivers down the spine.
When a man loves a woman outside of his marriage and she happens to be a provider, it has to be difficult.
Sure, not many will admit to it in public or even to themselves.
Let's face it, it has happened.
Whe you find that ideal provider and she's just too good to be true, it can easily drive a man to the down zone.
In the beginning, ceratinly most think to themselves that the whole financial part of it, would keep the heart out of the way.
But when that does not work?
When you just want to leave your house?
You want to be with the provider all day long?
Can you tell me, what does a guy do?
Same goes for the provider.
Not at all can both parties ignore the situation.
Are not in me, Brother.
I am not married, and didn't walk that path when I was. If I had, I could only tell you what I chose, not what YOU should choose for yourself.
When I face difficult decisions, it helps me to think of what my goals are, what the end result is that I'm looking for. I boil it down to a single sentence. "I will be...(blank)." Choices often become less difficult when they are viewed as steps along the path toward a goal.
I can offer you something to bear in mind, though: The quality of our lives is not necessarily determined by the choices we make, but by the way we make them.
Whatever you choose, one or the other, both or neither, be respectful of them both.
Good luck.
Yoda
From the non-provider side believe me it happens! It happens and I bet it happens a lot more than people admit or discuss here. How cannot it not. Two people meet, they like, no love each others company, see each other more and more, and before you know it at least one is definitely in love. I know I fell in "love" with a provider. Although I haven't seen her now in quite a while I still don't go more than a couple of days without thinking of her. When two people hit it off there is no way that the paid side of this business is going to stop emotional feelings from continuing to grow for each other. We're talking about human beings, not machines. Our personal positions in life both prevented us from thinking about pursuing things further at the time but I know the thought was in both our minds. I don't see why things couldn't work out for others if their situation allowed for it. It would be hard but it's possible. We went to Vegas, Broadway, AC, but it's the quiet evenings I miss. There was one evening in particular that I know I'll never forget! Even though we haven't seen each other in awhile now I wouldn't trade the memories and experience for anything! Who knows, maybe in the future, under different circumstances, we might end up together. My only one big regret is that I never did come out and drop that "love" word. I wish I had, only so I knew for sure she really knew how I felt about her. Oh well maybe she'll read this post and know now! SO believe me it happens.
Let's see what I can come up with to make the situatio better.
Hopes are held high.
You have me intrigued now!