I don't know if it really is an age factor. I believe it is a maturity factor and how emotionally stable a person is. It helps, imo, to have a relatively stable real life to fall back on. I am middle-aged and have a relatively stable real life. But I do have those 'alone' feelings. Nobody in my real life knows this side of me. I was raised by a good Christian family and was always the 'good girl'. Nobody would ever dream that I do this. It is emotionally draining for me to lie to my family and friends. Fortunately, I do have a couple good friends (that I met when I started swinging) that know what I do and support me and I can talk to them about anything, which is a HUGE relief. And I have a couple clients, whom I consider friends as well, that I can talk with about the 'biz'. I think everyone needs at least one person they can talk with about the 'biz'. I'd go batty if I couldn't talk to anyone.
It is indeed a lonely lifestyle choice. Given the opportunity, I would do it over again in a heartbeat. I so enjoy the lifestyle. I have met some really awesome people and have experienced so many of my sexual fantasies. My sex life has never been better! LOL
This was the gist of a fascinating thread today on the general board. I wonder if the responses on this board will be similar or different. For whatever it's worth, this was my contribution to the discussion:
...there are plenty of men who do genuinely care (about you as peope). One of the most revealing and surprising things for me in the hobby has been the opportunity to appreciate you as women, and not as "service providers". I too am a service provider ( of a very different kind), and yet have some very special friendships with some of clients, never losing sight of the professional nature of the relationship. In the hobby world, where I am the client, I value the friendships that have developed with a number of the women whom I have met, and I hope that for you it helps mitigate some of the "aloneness" being expressed in this thread. Some of us really do understand your world and are here for you. I hope this makes some sense.
I guess that could be considered lonely in some way. I have a few provider ladies I chat or text with but not real conversations about this part of my life. I do hide in plain sight so that no one knows what I do and wonder if the friends I have would disappear if they knew about this life. Some ladies are able to have a relationship and continue being a provider but for me it just couldn't work. I do have gentlemen who have become close through the years and we keep in contact even though they move away. You do develop true friendships with this arrange we all share here.
Kisses Haley
At times the ups and downs for me as a hobbiest can make me feel lonely as well. The let down after having a great date can be hard to deal with. Returning to the civie life can be a letdown. We all make friends and in some cases make regular real lovers. Sometimes that mood can swing after a few hours,other times it can be days.the up side of that is we can always start planning our next encounter. The ultimate relationship comes when the chemisrty is such that these feelings can be shared with a lady that is really a woman in your life. Hope that makes sense.
Kisses Haley
We are all different in our work roles than in our other roles. That is normal. I have become friends with a couple of providers and friendly acquaintances with several others. The hobby (I really hate the term but know of no other) is often the point of discussion. This is often because, ladies may have other female friends in the hobby, but speaking of it to a male adds a perspective. Because the hobby is illegal and carries a stigma, there is an added isolation. Having been in the Navy during the Vietnam period, I well, all to well, understand the stigma part.
I should imagine, finding a SO, how is fine with you staying in the business, would be difficult at best and fraught with issues. Hence loneliness.
Haley thanks for chiming in, and I hope other ladies speak to this as well. As empathetic as we males can try to be, I dare say we fail miserably at understanding.
I, like so many other providers live 2 separate lives.
My RL involves a part time job that provides great medical coverage and gives me the pleasure of fulfilling my sex drive. ( yes, I am blunt lol)..It involves dinner parties with RT friends and associates and intellectual
conversations and trips to museums and fashion shows. Would my real time friends be shocked if they found out. Without a doubt. Would they still be my friends..maybe, for awhile anyway. But eventually, no.
My provider life gives me the chance to live out several different fantasies I have had in my life. I was already married for a very very long time, so therefore, I am not looking to do that again. I have done the PTA mom thing and loved every minute of it. For the past 4-5 years, I have lived the fantasy life I always wanted to live. I love the idea of brief intimate encounters that this life provides. I am definite a true GFE. I do love what I do. I answer to no one. I was a virgin when I married at a very young age. I was the "good Irish Catholic girl", gone wrong I guess you could say ..lol
Lonely..yes, but that is the best parts about the M&G's . I meet very interesting women who I may recommend to a client or just someone to talk "shop" with. I love the intelligence of the women that I have met that are providers. It amazes me their business sense, although I never know why I am shocked when I see it. But it is always a pleasure speaking with them and learning from them...
So, as you can see, we all get lonely in this hobby. Its taboo in many peoples eyes..But not in mine...
I think we should just enjoy each other for the time each of us has..
had 40-50 responses but didn't seem to generate too much interest here.
http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=509684&boardID=12&page=1#509684
Upon further reflection, I realized men also may have feelings of alonenes in that many of us can not share what we do "on the side" with anyone other than our friends on these boards.
I have Hobby Friends and we can discuss the feelings and problems that come up in the hobby. We cant share with real life friends so we share with each other. I find some ladies have the same issues. We all have some sense of it but some handle it and can keep everything sterile and totally seperate, some cant do that as easily. It is nice when we find we can 'Change Hats" and mix real life with Hobby land.
As others have said, some are not cut out for it, while others seem to take it in stride. I dated two providers for quite a few years- one loved every minute of her work, the other was clearly not in the right business for her personality type and emotional needs. If you get into commercial sex work for the wrong reasons, like my one friend did, then it's going to be a constant battle.
But maybe one of the other reasons this board had less of a response than the GD board is as we get older, we tend to know how to be alone without being lonely. As mature adults, we usually know ourselves better and are less emotionally needy. In other words, we tend to have our shit together.
I personally could never survive my current lifestyle or circumstances as a 30-year old- I'd have been very unhappy and lonely. But now, I'm twice that age and I'm much more low maintenance than I was in my youth. I think providers probably are similar in this regard.
Having said that, I've also been friends with a few providers exactly because they could let their hair down and share their work experiences or frustrations with me, knowing that it was a socially "safe" environment. I think its important for providers to have a few trusted friends that understand exactly what they're doing, because everyone needs to vent once in a while.
And for the guys, I think TER fills that need to share experiences with others and know that you're not the only one in your situation, whatever it may be. And if you want that face-to-face interaction, you can always go to local meet-and-greets that some of the TER boards organize periodically.
That's certainly true for us "over 60" men. Our feelings are very different than they were 30 years ago ( as much as I can remember how I was 30 years ago LOL). I have also found a very significant support system here on the TER boards, particularly this one, as I have grappled with the rightness and moral implications of what I have chosen to do.
I do wonder, however, if the age difference are as big a factor for women who have chosen to be sex professionals (escorts, courtesans, companions or whatever other synonyms they chose). Are the issues of potential loneliness and isolation as relevant at 40 as they are at 20 or 30. Perhaps even more relevant? I don't know and the redponses probably vary from person to person but i would love to hear from some of the women.
I don't know if it really is an age factor. I believe it is a maturity factor and how emotionally stable a person is. It helps, imo, to have a relatively stable real life to fall back on. I am middle-aged and have a relatively stable real life. But I do have those 'alone' feelings. Nobody in my real life knows this side of me. I was raised by a good Christian family and was always the 'good girl'. Nobody would ever dream that I do this. It is emotionally draining for me to lie to my family and friends. Fortunately, I do have a couple good friends (that I met when I started swinging) that know what I do and support me and I can talk to them about anything, which is a HUGE relief. And I have a couple clients, whom I consider friends as well, that I can talk with about the 'biz'. I think everyone needs at least one person they can talk with about the 'biz'. I'd go batty if I couldn't talk to anyone.
It is indeed a lonely lifestyle choice. Given the opportunity, I would do it over again in a heartbeat. I so enjoy the lifestyle. I have met some really awesome people and have experienced so many of my sexual fantasies. My sex life has never been better! LOL
I have though a lot about that and discussed it with companions who have become friends. We are not bad people because
of our choice to hobby/escort. I do believe that we can still be the good people that we always were and still maintain the essential values that we have always believed in. Maybe I want to delude myself in order to justify my behavior but after some uncertainty, I am still the kind, considerate, caring, loving good person that I believe I have always been.
I somehow feel that on this board a lot of you might agree which might not be the case on some of ofher boards.
Seems to me, that "Good Girls" were never to think of sex, obey their male masters, and cook for everyone. Good men on the other hand went to church with their families in tow and screwed every one they could, both financially and sexually.
Me? I prefer a woman who stands on her own two feet, thinks for herself, and recognizes that she has a sexual side. Maybe that is why I am attracted to this hobby. Sorry, just cannot abide the simpering woman.
-- Modified on 4/11/2012 12:14:22 PM