First, providers wish to be considered professionals, I consider them to be, and so they should act as professionals in any other environment would.
Second, yes everyone in any environment can be late, but the underlying theme I get from the OP is not that she was late, but that she did not communicate with him. He says that he left his office, so if when she knew she was going to be late , she should have communicated with him and perhaps he could have adjusted his schedule, (I'll make a reasonable assumption this was at least 1/2 hour before the scheduled time as she finally did contact him 1:05 past the agreed upon time). Common courtesy, what a concept.
My ATF comes in from a distance. She asked me over the weekend if I could do 5:00P on Wednesday to accommodate her schedule when she was in town. I told her 4:30P would be better; she agreed to that and all was well.
Fast forward to Wednesday. I left work early to meet her, and texted her as I usually do to let her know I was on my way. No response. I text again 15 min later. No response.
I arrive near where we usually meet, and head to a nearby park, since it was nice outside, and walk around. Finally, it's time for me to head home, as I have errands to run.
At 5:35 PM, I get a text asking to meet her at X. I tell her I'm already heading home. She apologizes, and tells me she was late driving in, so the day started late, and her previous client then ran late.
My response: "It's ok. Things happen. I'm okay that things didn't work out. I just wish you'd have sent me even a small message when you knew that you'd be running late. Then I wouldn't have left work, and been waiting around for an hour."
Now she's mad at me for that response.
Did I say something wrong? I just think that's professional courtesy. If she knew that before she even started her day here, she could have said something, instead of me waiting around for an hour. I always let her know ASAP if that ever happens with me.
Should I have done something differently?
sometimes, second guess ourselves like this? The facts speak for themselves. You were right and she was wrong.
You should march yourself right down there pay her her donation IN FULL, plus a 30% tip and beg for her forgiveness.
I can't believe you are even asking this question and I bet you don't even know what you did wrong, do you? Typical man.
Familiarity breeds contempt. Boy oh boy did she just proved that old axiom
And radio silence. She's alittle thin skinned about this. So shrugged your shoulders and move on. It's no biggie...
-- Modified on 4/14/2016 8:57:42 AM
Fast forward to Wednesday. I left work early to meet her, and texted her as I usually do to let her know I was on my way. No response. I text again 15 min later. No response.
I arrive near where we usually meet, and head to a nearby park, since it was nice outside, and walk around. Finally, it's time for me to head home, as I have errands to run.
At 5:35 PM, I get a text asking to meet her at X. I tell her I'm already heading home. She apologizes, and tells me she was late driving in, so the day started late, and her previous client then ran late.
My response: "It's ok. Things happen. I'm okay that things didn't work out. I just wish you'd have sent me even a small message when you knew that you'd be running late. Then I wouldn't have left work, and been waiting around for an hour." "DON'T BOTHER WASTING MY TIME AGAIN, LOSE MY NUMBER LIAR"
Now she's mad at me for that response.
Did I say something wrong? I just think that's professional courtesy. If she knew that before she even started her day here, she could have said something, instead of me waiting around for an hour. I always let her know ASAP if that ever happens with me.
Should I have done something differently?
Now she can be mad at you for being inconsiderate....
It's called transference.
She's transferring her bad behavior to you so she feels better
And I just agreed with Ga...am I going straight to hell now???? 😆
but I am sure when you get there it will be listed as a contributing factor. lol
LOL
I can hear St Peter now" no, sorry, Ga's table is full with a ten million provider waiting list"
is when people don't respect your time. They may be cavalier with their own schedules, but please don't fuck with mine. Time is money. She didn't care enough to plan enough travel time so that she could meet you at the appointed hour, and didn't think much about how it would affect you. So the hell with her.
This has happened to me with both providers and potential sugar babies, and I've just moved on. The amazing thing is that people like this have no idea why you might get upset.
It's because they don't care. There is no way in Hell I'd ever book with her again.
I agree also. My time is too valuable also. Posted about my experience with this issue about a year ago. In that case, provider just had a total disconnect when it came to the seriousness of being punctual. Later found out that is her MO. Regardless I had to move on without ever looking back. No regrets. I have no patience for those who disrespect my time.
Are u gonna tell me that in professional life, flights are never late and Uve never missed an appt or been a few min late? Seriously doubt it. Besides when clients - providers attain an ATF status, the rules start being bent a little bit. It's important for both parties to keep their cool and work things out.
First, providers wish to be considered professionals, I consider them to be, and so they should act as professionals in any other environment would.
Second, yes everyone in any environment can be late, but the underlying theme I get from the OP is not that she was late, but that she did not communicate with him.
He says that he left his office, so if when she knew she was going to be late , she should have communicated with him and perhaps he could have adjusted his schedule, (I'll make a reasonable assumption this was at least 1/2 hour before the scheduled time as she finally did contact him 1:05 past the agreed upon time).
Common courtesy, what a concept.
It seems as though the "ATF" moniker is only lamented in his admiration of her. She should return his treatment by at least giving him a courtesy text or call. Providers aren't the only ones with lives. As he has stated he took off work early to meet, in the real world that means time in which money isn't being made. Professionalism goes both ways.
over an hour late and offered no communication whatsoever so that he could adjust his schedule and not mess up his RL.
Some of us actually do approach this as a profession.
I had an appointment yesterday, and MAJORLY didn't feel like doing it. But, I did.. and not only did I do it, I was on time, got into character (so to speak), got him off, and gave him a nice massage/chat before he left...
I have a travel bag organized w/massage oils, condoms, toys, batteries, lingerie, dresses, heels, perfume, makeup, candles, wine opener, wine glasses, even a food plate (sometimes I serve snacks during longer appts)... all of the supplies I generally rely upon...
My hair/nails were done the day before.
Before the appt, I made sure to leave enough time to check in, and get situated... to get the room and myself ready, and even have a bit of time to relax...
Confirmation emails were exchanged the night before, and day of. A text was sent once I'd checked in, telling the client that everything was set to go as planned, and for him to text me 'when he was close' for the room number.
Candles were lit, music was playing (music I know he likes). Door was propped open so he only had to push to enter...
So in sum, I have a routine and a well-planned set-up...
Within an hour or two after he left, I sent my thank-you letter. Which was warmly reciprocated, BTW.
Oh, and this was a guy I've seen many times.
Maybe you've had different experiences. I know that some girls are more flighty, and some guys tolerate that (why?).
But that doesn't reflect upon all "prostitutes," some of us are very serious and responsible about our "profession" because it is our livelihood. I really doubt that my client would book me so often if I wasn't professional and reliable.
Maybe im unique but...
If you genuinely didnt want to meet (for whatever reason, i dont particularly care) I feel like id prefer you get in touch with me and postpone. Of course you have to take into consideration how much advance notice you are working with but because of the nature of the service and probably because im a lot more flexible with scheduling than other clients are, id prefer the meeting be put off until you really want to work again.
I fully understand that this isnt every providers sole passion, and ill admit that in your case (and probably the majority of all meetings period) the client couldnt tell the difference. Im also not saying that i would be able to tell in the moment either. But if hypothetically all info was disclosed and i knew that a provider was throwing all their eggs into the "acting" basket for the day id ask to reschedule for when they were feeling better - especially if i was a regular. Im in this for my own fun but i dont want it at the expense of others. Call me naieve i dont care but it matters to me.
boy i have to agree esp. if the guy was a regular, he deserves your 1000%, and not an "acting character." i'm with green sea, if i was your client and a regular, i would have preferred if you contacted me and postponed, to a time when you felt better.
but to get back to the original point, how much of a professional do you have to be to text the op and say you were running late? that takes nothing at all. and since that guy was also a regular, he deserves as much.
the client's time is as important as the provider's time.
He got my 1000% as a PROFESSIONAL "acting character", which is exactly what he's paying for. And what he wants.
I am not the same person as my escort self. A client wants be treated a certain way... he wants an ESCORT. That's what/who he is paying for.
That doesn't mean we can't get to know one another, or that we can't have a genuine connection. But, he's expecting me to behave a certain way around him. I have to provide him with the *service* he seeks.
I really like most of my clients. I'm indifferent toward a few others. And there are some (not too many, luckily) I can barely tolerate. It's really not realistic for anybody to expect me to like *all* of my regulars. Or enjoy every appointment. But it's realistic for them to expect me to give everybody I agree to see an excellent level of service (that's my JOB).
Regardless of how I feel about the client, it's just easier to drag oneself out the door some days than other days...
So yea, next time I feel like staying at home, I'll tell my client, 'Sorry, I'd just prefer to be chopping celery right now. Thanks, I KNEW you'd understand.'
You know... after reading this response i think i get it. But im not talking about a night where you would rather be at home relaxing or whatever because thats every night. If i could get outcalls to my living room i would lol. But in your post earlier you said "I had an appointment yesterday, and MAJORLY didn't feel like doing it." This is what i was talking about. This to me seems like a situation where i, as a client, wouldnt be bothered and would even prefer it if you postponed.
I do have a few (luckily not many) clients I can barely tolerate.
The monent I agree to an appointment, I've committed myself to show up, and provide a service of a certain standard.
If the client was dangerous, repulsive, abusive, or otherwise unacceptable... I'd decline to schedule. But aside from that... I'm all in.
Dude. I've taken 6AM appointments w/one of my least favorite clients EVER. There was NOTHING I was looking forward to there, aside from the envelope. But, I put my feelings aside and behaved *professionally.*
I doubt he thought I was thrilled about the early hour (who really likes to get up at 5AM?), but he knew that 1) I always acted happy when I opened the door, 2) I always gave him the best service I was capable of, and 3) I was likely happy to get paid.
I mean, how many times have you not felt like going to work? Even if you like your job, sometimes, you'd just rather be doing something else... spending time with your family, reading, sleeping, relaxing, exercising...
Would you tell YOUR employee (or maybe a waitress who waited on you)... 'If you genuinely didnt want to [come into work] (for whatever reason, i dont particularly care) I feel like id prefer you get in touch with me and postpone.'
Yea, I kind of dragged myself into the hotel to see him that day. It was a gorgeous sunny spring day, and I had a ton of other things to do... Don't we all? But, the client was/is nice. As soon as I saw him, I didn't really resent being there.
Sometimes, I even have to drag myself to do fun social things. Like, I promised so-and-so I'd meet her for dinner. But, when dinnertime comes, I'd rather be relaxing on the couch. I finally drag myself out the door (grumbling), and yet wind up having a good time.
It's rare that a girl is going to be really amped-up to see you (although, if she's any good, she will make you feel like she is SO excited and happy to see you). But as long as she gives you great service and makes you happy... why should it matter?
I could understand your concern better if you feared that the provider was being mistreated, or was being forced to see you, by someone else or because of desperate circumstances. But if she'd just rather be sitting at home petting her dog... you'd really rather she postpone until she feels like working (not to burst your bubble, but that would probably only happen when/if rent was overdue)?
-- Modified on 4/14/2016 2:13:48 PM
I think you misunderstood my post.
"Would you tell YOUR employee (or maybe a waitress who waited on you)... 'If you genuinely didnt want to [come into work] (for whatever reason, i dont particularly care) I feel like id prefer you get in touch with me and postpone.'"
No... because im not paying them to spend an hour of their time with me labeled "girlfriend experience." But take this situation for example. Youre managing a small store where one worker deals with customers and the other works behind closed doors. One day employee A comes in happy as a clam and employee B comes in in a bad mood. All other things equal which one do you assign customer duty?
"It's rare that a girl is going to be really amped-up to see you (although, if she's any good, she will make you feel like she is SO excited and happy to see you). But as long as she gives you great service and makes you happy... why should it matter?"
I thought i made it clear enough that i understand this but apparently not. I agree, it doesnt matter because if the provider is worth it then the client will never know. Given the opportunity, though, i stand by what i said.
Emphasis on experience. You can pay someone to act like your girlfriend, or make you feel like she as a girlfriend might. But you can't pay her to FEEL like she's your girlfriend. And you definitely can't pay her to want to be your girlfriend.
As for your hypothetical situation: one of the first things they'll tell you if you ever do any kind of service work is this:
Leave your home life at home.
It's basically an axiom. The customer doesn't care if your dog just died, or you just broke up with your boyfriend. The customer just wants [insert service here]. So do it, and do it with a smile.
An employee's mood should not be relevant to his/her performance to the job at hand. That's not professional.
I'd love for every single employee who ever performs a service for me, be 10000000000% enthusiastic... However, that's just not realistic
i know i'm unusual in the world but i don't have a job i hate going to. i have a career that i love. i've created a life where i don't have to go 5 days a week to a cubicle and suck my soul dry.
if you have a job that you don't like going to, even once in a while, you might want to start re-examining your life choices. of course that would mean 90% of the people in the world would have to change, and that would mean huge social and economic change, so of course it won't happen.
but, in something as intimate and creative as what you do, if you're not on your game and 1000% committed to the experience, it will show on some level, and i would not want to be your client.
just my 2 cents.
give it a couple of days and then send a friendly text. It's ultimately her fault if u had to wait for a whole hour. So she should have been more understanding since u were pretty good about it.
HE is her client not vice versa. SHE should be sending him a friendly text. He should be giving her silence until she communicates with him.
Steph xoxo
Youre totally right. I couldn't agree with you more. He sounds like he's a very understanding person and he wanted to figure how he could have handled the situation better. I was merely suggesting how to patch things up from his end. Sounds like she wasn't understanding enough of his troubles. But you're right on this one.
Steph xoxo
Steph, just wondering if you were ever in this situation, because things do happen, would you have been concerned that he was wondering were you where and give him a call? At this point, if he was an ATF which for all intents and purposes the crux of the business, she would at least say I will be later than expected and then say what would he like to do as far as rescheduling. This is critical because as much as providers don't like lack of communication when running late, that is ditto for hobbyist who are expecting to meet providers for an outcall. Especially when they have to interrupt there real life for the hobby.
even better I wouldn't have someone scheduled before that close to someone who considered me his ATF.
Steph xoxo
It would be punctuality, and especially if a provider is late without communicating with me.
In today's day and age there really is no excuse to not communicate, especially if a time has been agreed upon.
I can't even begin to imagine how I could be late to a meeting with a customer, without communicating with them in advance. And as happens more often in my case, a vendor/supplier being late for a meeting with me without communication.
I find it distressing that providers wish to consider themselves professional business people and yet a large percentage of them do not respect their client's time. This is not to say that all or most providers are late and don't communicate, but a good percentage do. I have however gotten very used to poor punctuality from providers, so much so that I've come to expect it, and that is sad.
I was 15 minutes late once, count it one time, I communicated several times while stuck in traffic, 15 minutes late for a 2 hour session and I stayed 1:45 because I respected her time. It wasn't her fault that I was late, and my lateness should not impact her schedule.
Power of the Pussy. Ladies consistently overplay their hand. Funny to observe as there is a ton of pussy available to us guys. You don't have to put up with this kind of treatment, especially from an ATF. There are plenty of ladies that don't do business this way. If I were you I would find one.
when it comes to mutual respect of time between providers and their customers. Many providers expect clients to be on time or never cancel, and if they do, they have to pay anyway, while the provider can be late, no show, etc., and if you don't just reschedule or wait around, they get pissed. Some(Heather Harlow is a recent example, but there are many other established pro's) will give you extra time on a reschedule if the appointment doesn't go off as scheduled through any fault of her being late. If more providers ran their business that way, these kinds of situations would be rare. Who wouldn't accept an extra half, or full hour, for free on a reschedule to make up for the inconvenience of her not being there? It certainly calms me down.
You did the right thing. It is she who reacted unprofessionally.
-- Modified on 4/14/2016 11:18:08 AM
Also respect should be shown on both sides.
Some providers are great, very flexible with time and rare cancellations.
Then a small number of providers are rude and unprofessional.
They get drunk off of the money and hobbyists telling them, how sexy they look all the time.
It can give some of them a big head.
So not all providers are the same and even some well reviewed providers, can be misleading at times too.
You did the right thing. It is she who reacted unprofessionally.
-- Modified on 4/14/2016 11:18:08 AM
You say this woman is your ATF? That implies, to me, that you have developed some chemistry and you have a sense of her personality. Maybe I'm an oddity, but the main reason my atf and I click is because our personalities match. If your atf is someone that flies off the handle, then did you not see this coming?
None of us are actors, at least not good ones, so if I spend any amount of time and pay attention, I usually will have an idea if a lady and I have a good personality match. If we are, then I'm sure I would not run into this type of problem.
Anyway, If you want to keep this woman as your atf, suck it up and apologize. If not, look elsewhere and say sayonara little lady
She told you she got a late start AND the other client who was fucking her during your time ran late. It wasn't her fault! So why are you acting all but hurt? She did ask for 5 pm at first, but you insisted on 430 so technically it's really all your fault. She said she could see you at 535 and that's only a few minutes past her original 5 pm time anyway so you're just being difficult. OMG!
Is this a sarcastic post? Did she not agree to 430? Did she let him know ahead of time she was late? Is he supposed to just know that and wait around for an hour and a half? If you can explain to me how this guy, being as polite as he is, is being MORE difficult than it is to SEND A SHORT TEXT SAYING YOU ARE LATE ill eat my shoe.
Edit: starting to think ive been flamboozled here lol
-- Modified on 4/14/2016 4:14:32 PM
No one took me a bit seriously when I made my post. EVERYBODY knew I was being sarcastic and quite a few people got a nice chuckle out of it. Just like in comedy, when you have to explain it, it's no longer funny.
no one ever takes you seriously ...
but even the most obtuse seem to get it when I am joking. Or I suppose no one would even dream I could be THAT stupid. You seem to be more believable in that regard I suppose.
Nooooo, do you think?
The sarcasm was dripping.
We would be accused of wasting her time and blocked from seeing her in the future.
The respect factor should, work both ways!
And 5:35 is 35 minutes past 5:00 not a "few" minutes".
-- Modified on 4/14/2016 1:53:07 PM
oh good. I was hoping the sarchasm wouldn't be completely wasted ...
I'm trying to imagine how this would have gone down if had happened with my ATF. Not much chance of it happening, because she's very professional. But mistakes happen, and one time she did mess up on the start time of a date, so...
Her initial text or call at 5:35 would have included a profuse apology. I would have chewed her out to a faretheewell, tongue planted firmly in cheek. She'd go into full "sass" mode and tell me to get my ass over to her place so she could teach me some manners. When I got there, she'd attack me the instant I stepped in the door and it would get better from there. Then when I was leaving, she'd take a big chunk out of the donation and stuff it in my pocket and tell me to leave it the fuck in there if I knew what's good for me.
Or something like that. 
Criticism always stings, even when deserved.
I would say that the fact she apologized up front was a sufficient expression of remorse. So the next question is the utility of further "advice." You might improve her future behavior with others -- but sully the relationship with you. Of course the onus is clearly on her, yet being more diplomatic could have retained her good will. So it is really what you want to get out of it rather than a case of the right way or wrong way to respond.
I totally agree.
Responsibility and apology were offered by the provider upfront in her communication. If this is more than a single business transaction (like mutual ATF's, regulars, etc.. implies) then some understanding on both sides is due.
The OP and the provider let each other down in different ways... and if they are mutual ATF's they're fighting to be the last to yield and make up.
...the OP just made an honest comment in his reply to her apology. She was apologizing for BEING late. He was commenting on the fact that she didn't TELL him she was late. He simply made a statement concerning her apology. Simply put -- we all know that "life happens" and even ATFs run late...but it is disrespectful and unprofessional to not clarify that life is happening as soon as it is recognized.
If he made his statement to her in a reasonable manner, given the respect that an ATF deserves, then she overreacted and needs to make it right with him.
I think everyone agrees she had culpability at not calling when she knew she'd be late. But when dealing with people, what is the right thing and what is the wrong thing? It depends what you want the future to be. People aren't always particularly rational, and can be excessively emotional. If you've dated or been married, you know full well that a well reasoned statement can result in a lot of blow back.
I remember driving 45 minutes to meet some guys for lunch. I was about five minutes late when I got to their workplace. They'd already left for a restaurant unknown. So I drove 45 minutes back home. Yeah I was pissed. But how long were they supposed to wait? They were justified, though even to this day it still pisses me off. So emotions are pretty strong even if you know on a reasonable level that you are in the wrong.
So take into account the frustration level she was experiencing and the loss of income to boot. Talk about a ticking time bomb. An irrational emotion outburst would hardly be unexpected
430 was agreed. When she knew the deal was off, she shoulda told ya. 15 mins late is understandable. Over an hr late, with no contact? Something is wrong. You did the right thing.
If you would have just left off the " I just wish you'd have sent me even a small message when you knew that you'd be running late. Then I wouldn't have left work, and been waiting around for an hour." part, you wouldn't be asking the question. All the other responses were justified: I tell her "I'm already heading home. It's ok. Things happen. I'm okay that things didn't work out." But then you had to scold her. I guess you've never been married.
-- Modified on 4/14/2016 7:15:12 PM
I don't thnk you were terribly out of line. Maybe you tone pushed her buttons, not to mention loss of income...
It's unclear from your time line... YOU were there on time & hopefully waited a reasonable time. Everyone has a dfferent tolerance for wait time... I'd definately wait 15 minutes... for an ATF I'd probably hang around for 30. Which would have been 5 o'clock. The problem is, her running late now means your schedule is blown up & can no longer be where you need to be. Could you start your 'date' an hour late & then cover up the time you were supposed to be someplace else... now you are 2 hours late getting home. WTF?
And all of this is without notice, from her. Communication is the key.
You might have been more gentle but it boils down to the same thing. She blew up the schedule. She did appologize but you just could not reschedule within her new time.
I'm betting she knows she's his ATF and she's from out of town so he'd wait around and see her anyway.
Steph xoxo
Many years ago I decided to try snowboarding. It turned into a snowtastrophre and I took a mean spill. I went to see my pcp the next morning because I was in severe pain. He called cvs for me and got me some pain meds. I took one when I got home and shortly thereafter fell asleep. Slept right through my date. Technically this was indeed my fault. I explained the situation to my friend the next day. Mind you this was our debut. No harm, no foul. To this day I see him every week. Every once in a while he reminds me of the day I decided to take pain meds and settle in for a nap. If you consider her your atf why not just let this one go? She fucked up and she knows she did. She's picking up what you're laying down this I assure you of. The last person that was perfect they dragged through the streets and hung on a cross....I think we need to lower the bar just a smidge and give her a pass. Happy humping! 💋
...he's asking if he reasonably did anything to make her mad. I agree with Erin that I hope future humping works out, but that's not the question the OP asked -- he want to know if he screwed up, and the answer is "no, she did".
that's the easiest most black and white answer. She done went and pulled a full retard. Go ahead and blast me for being non pc.
Call it what you want but she blew the appointment...your reaction was way more kind and understanding than the situation required...it's?on her to make it right...
Yes, she knows she is my ATF. I'm not saying this incident will ruin anything. My response to her was just a suggestion of how this could be handled in the future. In simplistic terms:
Shit happens, and that's ok. Just communicate.
We'll work things out. We always do. And we'll have an amazing time next time.
If she got in late, as she said, then she knew was before she even met her first appointment that she was running late. She had hours to send a quick message.
That's what I was trying to say without being an ass about it. My time is important, too, and I had other things I could have done.
Again, things happen. I'm okay that she was late, and it didn't work out. Just let me know beforehand if possible.
I schedule things and plan my day, if a gentleman is late he better communicate with me or else he will be at that parking lot waiting for nothing cus I won't talk to him,if he's late taking up my time that I could be doing something else.
Thats where you went wrong....you Assumed that she has Professional Courtesy.
An expression of relief that she's ok.
I was thinking about this, about what I would think if my ATF went incommunicado for an hour or more after the time we'd agreed to meet. My main thought is I'd be worried about her, because she's very professional and reliable. Is she ok? Is there an emergency involving her family? etc.
And that's another reason why it was inconsiderate for your ATF to not contact you sooner--you might have been worried about her. Although from what you've told us, it doesn't seem that you were.