TER General Board

Provider keeps asking for help outside of meetings
phillyfan25 15 Reviews 1023 reads
posted

A provider I saw a few times asked me one time a day or two after a session if I could get her a hotel room because she only had $50 on her and needed to stay in the area. I had no problem with doing that as long as it was a one time thing. Then this morning I get an email from her out of the blue saying she is in a bit of a pickle and asked if I could help her. I honestly don't know how to respond. I only want to spend money when I actually see her. I'm not wealthy enough that I can just help her out whenever she asks. Even if I was I still wouldn't really want to to be honest. I know the help she is asking for is going to be in monetary form. I'd still like to see her in the future but I just can't help her out right now. Should I just ignore the email? Or write back saying "No"?

And whatever you do, don't feel bad about it,you won't be the only one to turn her down. She'll eventually sober up and forget that you said no. But someone will give her the dinero so don't worry about her. And in the back of your mind, start thinking about dropping her ass.

GaGambler257 reads

A simple "no, I don't think that would be a good idea" would suffice.

One other note to the OP, renting a hotel room for the purposes of prostitution can be a much more serious crime than prostitution itself. By renting her a room to "work from" not only are you liable for any damages she might do to the room, even smoking in a non smoking room can cost you a couple of hundred bucks, but more importantly it can open you up to a felony charge of pandering if she gets busted and names you as her pimp to get off the hook.

I have found out over the years when faced with the same situation ignoring works best for me. There's a saying when you lend money to "most" providers, it's not a loan it's a gift.

VOO-doo195 reads

is true of most people, not just providers. Or at least, it's true of most *broke* people.

I won't lend any amount of money, if I can't afford to part with it forever.  

If somebody is really that broke, they usually won't be able to give it all back, even if they fully intend to do so...

I do try to avoid being the person hit up for money in the first place, and I'm not afraid to refuse outright if I don't feel comfortable w/the person's motives and/or the situation.

To the OP:  She really shouldn't be asking you in the first place. Just say that you're not able to help her out right now. Or, as HH said, just ignore. Move on, and don't feel badly... you aren't responsible for her, and as others have said, she'll likely get the money from some other poor sucker.  

You don't owe her an explanation.

It's clear you're not comfortable in providing extra's outside of the actual time together. She may assume since you did it once, you're ok with continuing. If I'm you, I'd be very clear and straight with her. It sounds like you enjoy seeing her and worried that she may not choose to continue to see you.  However, I'd bet the opposite.  If you're a regular, you'll be fine.  If not, then perhaps it was time to move on. Keep in mind this advice is always worth the price you paid for it :).   Also, there is never a good replacement for common sense and good judgement, just think with the big head and you'll be fine.

Posted By: phillyfan25
A provider I saw a few times asked me one time a day or two after a session if I could get her a hotel room because she only had $50 on her and needed to stay in the area. I had no problem with doing that as long as it was a one time thing. Then this morning I get an email from her out of the blue saying she is in a bit of a pickle and asked if I could help her. I honestly don't know how to respond. I only want to spend money when I actually see her. I'm not wealthy enough that I can just help her out whenever she asks. Even if I was I still wouldn't really want to to be honest. I know the help she is asking for is going to be in monetary form. I'd still like to see her in the future but I just can't help her out right now. Should I just ignore the email? Or write back saying "No"?

...She knew you helped before so she went to the ATM (you) again. You need to cut it off now. You also need to know you won't be seeing her again when you say no.

I've heard from clients about providers doing this - seriously it shits me to tears (as they say in Oz)
Good ladies who are good at this work earn decent dollars so they shouldn't even need to be asking regular paying clients for 'help' it's BS !! Have some respect ladies!!
In answer to you, tell her it's not your job to bail out someone who can't look after her own damn self and her finances. Like everyone else in the world who needs more money for something she can go out and EARN more!!

I would personally run and not look back.  However, if your "dates" are that good, and you really don't want to give her up, just mention her monetary needs, and ask if you are now her boyfriend.  She should get the hint pretty quick.

I have done this with 2 different providers. I have yet to be paid back. A really long story on trying to work something out to get repaid with each. Lend it if you are wiling to not be repaid and consider it a gift!!

I was once in your shoes. Walk away and find someone else. Don't be taken advantage of.

...with a girl I no longer see, I can tell you that any money you give her will probably not be seen again...

If you are moved to consider it despite your own instincts then email her back offering it as payment for a future session...if she accepts via email make sure you keep it as a record...

A fool and his money are soon parted

This is a lose/lose situation for you and her.  

You don't need the emotional and financial drag.

And she needs to learn how to be self sufficient.

I never asked for, or accepted and financial help from anyone.

I haven't had a car payment since 1991, and yet I drive a new every 2. The reason why I bring that up is that I made sacrifices early in life, worked hard, lived within my means, saved money and became self reliant. This woman clearly needs to learn a valuable life lesson, live within her means.

At the end of the day, the only one you can count on is you. Reality, what a concept.

I ran into this issue with a ( former) regular last summer.  The first several times  we had dates things were blissful.  The next few times the dates steadily slipped from bliss (so to speak).  She also became more and more needy and dependent.  I finally politely told her I could no longer subsidize her income without any type of a date.  I haven't heard from her since last September.

D.

In all honestly, and not to judge, but it sounds like you are dealing with a provider who either isn't established i.e. BP, or is very manipulative and understands that certain men will do whatever she wants including you, or doesn't have her shit together.  I don't know how your sessions went, maybe you felt a connection and the two of you shared stories and she smelled blood in the water, either way I would conclude that you aren't the only one she is doing this to.  

I can speak from experience, I have dealt with a couple of providers who have asked for OTC funds. One wanted to know if i would help her rent a car, I did and she was appreciative of my help.  We saw each other a couple of more times until when I went to pay her for one session, she refused to accept any money.  We had plenty more sessions like this, long talks on the phone, even as far as me arranging for her to come spend a week with me.  To each his own, only knowing a small portion of your story, I really can't say what her true intent may be.  Just understand that she may not be telling you the truth and just trying to prey on your kindness.

Posted By: phillyfan25
A provider I saw a few times asked me one time a day or two after a session if I could get her a hotel room because she only had $50 on her and needed to stay in the area. I had no problem with doing that as long as it was a one time thing. Then this morning I get an email from her out of the blue saying she is in a bit of a pickle and asked if I could help her. I honestly don't know how to respond. I only want to spend money when I actually see her. I'm not wealthy enough that I can just help her out whenever she asks. Even if I was I still wouldn't really want to to be honest. I know the help she is asking for is going to be in monetary form. I'd still like to see her in the future but I just can't help her out right now. Should I just ignore the email? Or write back saying "No"?

I replied and just said I was broke at the moment and couldn't help. She replied and said
It was ok and that all she needed was an Uber ride but her daughter took care of it for her. Seriously? She was reaching out to a client for an Uber ride? She's really cool and I'd like to see her again but not if she keeps asking me for stuff outside our sessions.

It's a tough call if you don't really know their history.  Almost all of us have had rough times where money was short.  Friends and relatives knew our history and whether we were good for a short term loan.  However even there, the bigger the loan, the less likely it will ever get paid back.

On the other hand the world is full of moochers and losers.  Maybe some of these ladies are giving your money to their bad boy boyfriends.  Maybe they are addicts.  Maybe they have really horrible personalities.  

In general, then, if you really don't know the person, probably best to keep your coins to yourself.

Posted By: phillyfan25
A provider I saw a few times asked me one time a day or two after a session if I could get her a hotel room because she only had $50 on her and needed to stay in the area. I had no problem with doing that as long as it was a one time thing. Then this morning I get an email from her out of the blue saying she is in a bit of a pickle and asked if I could help her. I honestly don't know how to respond. I only want to spend money when I actually see her. I'm not wealthy enough that I can just help her out whenever she asks. Even if I was I still wouldn't really want to to be honest. I know the help she is asking for is going to be in monetary form. I'd still like to see her in the future but I just can't help her out right now. Should I just ignore the email? Or write back saying "No"?

I hve had Favorite lady's send me a note, & I fgured they needed to generate some cash flow.  If I wanted a date, I booked it with them & the cash landed on her dresser.  If I didn't or couldn't, no date.  And this was somebody I was fond of.  

If I was short of cash would she comp me anything?  I didn't think so.

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