with friends with benefits.  These longings match the sub longings of a number of friends with benefits. My sub logins, while rarer, are really hard to satisfy.  I have had four ATF dommes over the course of many years.  One is now (like me) really old and found a deep commitment to religion before she died. One (who among other things used to use me to train her new girls) is still active but as an amateur.  She married one of her clients and moved to Florida.  One has gotten married and in the midwest somewhere. The last I had to leave when I left NYC and over the years we have lost touch.
I have met at least one excellent lady (Madam 9) but distance and her absolutely adorable personality leading from 1/2 hour domination to over 2 hours of cuddles, affection and just great fun made me want to see her again but as a GFE.
Oh well, the search continues.