I find that if I have had personal interaction via email or telephone prior to our meeting, the meeting bCD typically goes SO much better, it is worth the time invested.
...its true that sometimes people aren't respectful of my time or boundries, but I feel that is miniscule in relationship to the connections that develop between clients and myself when we have had a chance to communicate and build rapport...
As to time 'off the clock'...over the last year of being a provider, I have had plenty of opportunity to decide what boundries are appropriate for me...VERY occassionally I have the time and inclination to go out socially with a client (established clients where there is mutual kinship), however I maintain a rule of no BCD off the clock with ANYONE (clearly I have no SO!!), so as to avoid the blurring of boundries by either party...the money keeps it real for us both, I believe.
However, I fully agree that I am typically going to say no to a lunch meeting (that isn't part of a 3 hour session-type arrangement), but of course you are free to ask, I don't find it annoying, just not particularly endearing....
Hey, y'all. You know I love you..
From time to time, I get 'posting material' from the emails and PM's I receive. My disclosure is that although I might post something about it, it doesn't necessarily reflect my opinion on it - I just post. I'm always hoping everyone understands that. Sometimes I do agree, but that's not the point.
Sometimes I get enough of the same topic in my inbox that I decide to open up a thread about it, regardless of how 'popular' it is - let's just put it out there and see what people discuss about it.
Obviously, every lady does her business differently. Some post a phone number and they 'pick up' - answering their calls all day. Others don't post a phone at all, only an email address. Others, like me, post a phone number that gives you voice mail only and list an email address.
However, one thing many ladies are 'afraid' to make clear - those that do 'pick up' their phone and speak to the caller in person - it's a business phone - used for MAKING APPOINTMENTS, or appt. RELATED conversation. NOT for chit chat!
Granted, many ladies welcome the chit chat, and they have made it clear that that is welcome. But, for the MOST PART, the ladies prefer NOT to use their time (and minutes) for chit chat.
When a lady gives out her number (especially a really private number), they are expecting that you KNOW not to use it, except to make an appt or regarding your appointment.
It isn't that they don't care about your day, your problems, etc. - it's just to keep things in the right parameters and to continue to operate their multiple lives efficiently and effectively - otherwise they'd be glued to a phone 24/7.
It becomes VERY uncomfortable to have to mention to the gentleman after it's already gone the other direction.
Please understand this post in the context in which it was meant. If not, I apologize that I didn't do a good job explaining.
On a day when the blurring of lines here has been made an issue this is a welcome perspective-
Sully- dealing with client/provider possessiveness for the first time
Sedona,
This is interesting. Last year I sent some gift certificates to a close friend of mine. She never got any of them. She told me that her mail was always mixed up with her neighbors and that everyone complained about not getting birthday cards, etc. It turns out that the mail carrier was taking anything that looked like it might have money (or gift certificates) in it. Like you said, it sure ruins your trust. Now I only send e-certificates. Many companies have them now - Victoria's Secret for one. It simplifies things. I just tell my friend to expect something in their email. No muss, no fuss.
does not understand the concept that time has value, it then requires clarification. If a client wants to call up on the telephone to just 'chit chat' about garbage for 15 minutes, that person should be prepared to pay $100 for her time. Whenever I call a commercial companion, I don't think I'm on the phone any more than a couple of minutes. In fact, when I pay a lady $400 for time + companionship there is still very little chit chat going on (as it seems someone's mouth is always filled with something.) Should the lady ever suggest a longer "date", it is then I who needs to clarify about the value of time. Ideally, we should all be equally respectful and understanding about all aspects of this business.
Hopefully you understand the context of how this reply message was intended, if not, I apologize for not explaining myself properly.
Being a true Messenger (last name) I understand your post and the replies completely. It's an incredibly nice way of saying, "Don't call me to just chit chat you moron. This is a business line." A lot of ladies, around here anyway, have something to that effect on their websites.
As for me, some common business phone/home phone etiquette; I ALWAYS ask the party I'm calling if they're busy, have a minute, etc. To me it's not only common sense, but a courtesy.
And while we're on the topic of phone calls, what's with people not excusing themselves or even acknowledging they dialed the wrong number and just hanging up these days??? I get at least one hang up a day, more often two or three. No one says, "I'm sorry I dialed the wrong number" or "Is this the so and so residence?" NOTHING. Are people so caught up in themselves nowadays that they can't admit to a simple mistake? Or are they just too inconsiderate to apologize for bothering you?
Jimbo
...there tends to be a real focus on the stake and the one wielding the hammer. Actually the above is delivered a bit tongue in cheek.
This certainly is an issue that needs to be addressed from time to time. I am sure there are some providers, perhaps many, shall we say most who have to deal with a guy who is frequently calling just to chit chat. Sometimes there may be some ulterior motive for this behavior. Perhaps he is self delusional and "believes" that she really, really likes him. Other times he may be pushing the envelope just to see how much he can get away with, without paying.
So it is quite understandable that a provider would not want her business line tied up in a way that perhaps costs her business.
She has every right to expect her clientele to recognize that and to expect them to act accordingly.
What can happen though is a somewhat mixed message can be sent, or at least there can be the perception that a certain message has been sent. I'm being somewhat vague here because I'm a bit at a loss as to how to effectively explain this without revealing too much.
The cynic might say that this is simply verification of the IAATM
argument. That there never really is any real connection beyond the purely business transaction where the fantasy was delivered and delivered well but it's just that, a fantasy. Perhaps the approach should be that you did your homework well and found a provider that really can deliver on that fantasy and not take anymore away from it than that. Money well spent!
Perhaps what I am trying to convey is that the provider's own actions may suggest that there is more possible in this "relationship". A guy may then think that if I'm to reach for something beyond just the business, just the fantasy then I should make an attempt to engage her outside of the business arrangement. This may very well lead to an occasional call to explore this without being so blunt and direct that it rushes things too much. Perhaps a quick lunch together if she has some free time. Not every caller is looking for his own amusement. Granted most may be doing exactly that, and of course that is understandably counterproductive and a waste of the provider's time.
A very infrequent call just to check with her when you haven't seen her in sometime may be another instance when a call isn't exploiting the situation.
I don't think I have explained this as well as I would have liked. I'm certainly not trying to counter the main point of your post in any definitive way. Just making note that a rare infrequent call of short duration may not necessarily be exploitative and without merit.
-- Modified on 3/9/2004 11:25:03 PM
Don't like it, get an unpublished number.
Look, everyone in business chats with their clients, but if the chatting goes over a certain limit, its called therapy and there are folks that do that for a living.
I have the private number for a couple of providers that I get along with and when the mood strikes me (or her) we call, chat as appropriate and then get off the phone when needed. It's usually not about business and more about a personal connection, but we both know that.
When I call for business purposes, I usually use the posted numbers unless I happen to know that my friend the provider doesn't care that I call her private number to setup a date. As most of my provider dates usually are a combination of business and pleasure, I often find the line blurrs a bit. Then again, I am responsible enough to know the line between the business and the pleasure, everyone gets what they came for and its no big deal.
Some other folks have a problem with these things and the ladies are right to keep it short and sweet.
Like life, everything is about degrees and limits. In the end, the providers have to set their own limits because some folks will take advantage of them in the end.
Just my opinion and I could be wrong.
Loarthan
With all due respect, Loarthan, from her perspective it is most likely entirely about the business.
I was actually surprised at how many guys in the chatrooms were apparently calling up the ladies and having lengthy conversations with them. In general I would not call up a lady to chit chat unless she specifically requests it. I assumed the ladies had made it plain to these guys that it was OK to call. From what you are saying that is not the case. I don't know for sure but it might be that the guys booking extended dates with the ladies advertising GFE expect that the booking call will last more than 45 seconds where they just agree on time, location and length of appointment????
Chit chat and generally annoying phone calls are the reasons I no longer post a direct telephone number. Previously, I had a voicemail message explaining to clients to call me directly (with a telephone number) if they wanted to schedule a same day appointment. All other requests should have left a message on my voicemail, and I would return the call according to their instructions. 50% of gentlemen followed instructions marvelously. The other 50% annoyed me so badly I changed my numbers. I had one client who called me 97 times in a day. It's no surprise that he emailed me earlier this week wanting to go to dinner and a movie off the clock.
I no longer provide a direct number. Additionally, I now return phone calls with a private number. There would be calls for chit chat, for time off the clock, and numerous other weirdo requests. And yes, it *is* very uncomfortable to have to tell a past client/potential client that I am not in a position/don't have the time/don't want to talk about the latest episode of the the Bachelorette or how much Clorox costs at Ralph's. I know that I've scared potential clients away, because I've told them they need to follow the instructions on my voicemail instead of calling me directly. Maybe they didn't understand the voicemail message, but most of the time these men felt that they were so special that instructions didn't apply to them. I don't enjoy spending time with those *special* types anyway, so I never felt badly if they didn't leave that message on my voicemail.
I find that if I have had personal interaction via email or telephone prior to our meeting, the meeting bCD typically goes SO much better, it is worth the time invested.
...its true that sometimes people aren't respectful of my time or boundries, but I feel that is miniscule in relationship to the connections that develop between clients and myself when we have had a chance to communicate and build rapport...
As to time 'off the clock'...over the last year of being a provider, I have had plenty of opportunity to decide what boundries are appropriate for me...VERY occassionally I have the time and inclination to go out socially with a client (established clients where there is mutual kinship), however I maintain a rule of no BCD off the clock with ANYONE (clearly I have no SO!!), so as to avoid the blurring of boundries by either party...the money keeps it real for us both, I believe.
However, I fully agree that I am typically going to say no to a lunch meeting (that isn't part of a 3 hour session-type arrangement), but of course you are free to ask, I don't find it annoying, just not particularly endearing....