OK...here is what I could see as a good way to let someone down easy, regardless of the reason (as long as its not due to violence or something horrible like that):
"Dear Bozo I just wanted to let you know that despite our previous sessions I do not feel that we are a good fit. To see you again would just not be feasible. I know that there are alot of other wonderful providers out there who would no doubt love to meet you.I will consider this our last correspondence and I wish you well. Sincerely
Hot Toddy" THEN you block him
When I've decided I no longer want to see a client, I block their number so I won't receive their calls or texts, I won't reply to their emails and if I know their handle name, I block them here. That's my protocol whether I've seen them one time or a hundred times. It saves me the hassle of having to explain myself and I think it sends the proper message to them fairly quickly, too.
When a client decides he doesn't want to see me anymore, he just stops calling/texting/emailing etc and I am totally cool with that. I have no desire to get "I've decided to stop seeing you because...." messages. If he's not paying me, or planning to pay me in the near future, his thoughts aren't important to me.
I assume we've all been "let go" once or twice in this hobby world, how do you prefer that is happen to you?
.
It's incredibly rude to just ignore a previous client unless they have done something horrible or unforgivable to you. If you are dropping them simply because you are bored with them or you don't like the shoes they wear, then at least tell them and let them down easy. THEN you block them.
-- Modified on 1/28/2016 12:27:54 PM
Of the way you would like to be let down easy. I am not being a tool here, because in all seriousness, what you might find acceptable, another might not.
Guys can react in innumerable ways when being discharged from a service they pay for, as if a hooker does not have the right to refuse them.
you rasie a valid concern, hobbyist plus truth equals grumpy cat wearing a stovepipe hat. and i dont' have an answer for you, because a huge portion of guys in the hobby are incredibly immature. and you ladies run the risk of stalking, or other kinds of craziness happening to you. i don't know what to say.
except that for the smaller percentage of actual men (not boys), i'd prefer a simple email saying something like "look, i'm sorry, but i don't feel the chemistry with us is right anymore. it's not you, it's not me, it's just the way things go. i am totally unable to perform comfortably with someone that i don't feel the chemistry with, so i will have to ask you to respect my wish to not see each other. good luck and i am sure you will find many other ladies that enjoy what you enjoy."
i have received a couple of emails like that.at first it hurts; you mean i can't even pay girls to f*k me? but eventually i get over the initial sting of rejection and find some new playmates.
and i have been on the receiving end of the other kind of cut off: simple complete radio black out. no return of emails, calls, or anything. that hurts even more, and for longer. at least for the more mature man, an explanation can provide closure. but again, i agree, mature men are few an far between, esp. in the hobby.
can't help ya, ladies. if it were me, i'd go with complete black out, just to be safe. i wish it were not so, but i can totally understand the reasons for it.
Good thing is, it only has happen twice. One of each kind.
The email where it's a generic "chemistry/not a good fit" email stings at first, and quite confusing when you thought everything has been going well (the interaction was always pleasant and professional). However when the initial confusion/sting wears off, it's actually much appreciated that a response was given. You can really respect that because a response didn't have to happen.
The other time, it was complete radio silence (and it's clear she did not retire or take a break). Even as a mature adult, it sucks. Being left in the dark and ignored is something no one likes.
But I can understand why, the immature hobbyist that respond back rudely ruined it for the rest of us.
except that for the smaller percentage of actual men (not boys), i'd prefer a simple email saying something like "look, i'm sorry, but i don't feel the chemistry with us is right anymore. it's not you, it's not me, it's just the way things go. i am totally unable to perform comfortably with someone that i don't feel the chemistry with, so i will have to ask you to respect my wish to not see each other. good luck and i am sure you will find many other ladies that enjoy what you enjoy."
i have received a couple of emails like that.at first it hurts; you mean i can't even pay girls to f*k me? but eventually i get over the initial sting of rejection and find some new playmates.
and i have been on the receiving end of the other kind of cut off: simple complete radio black out. no return of emails, calls, or anything. that hurts even more, and for longer. at least for the more mature man, an explanation can provide closure. but again, i agree, mature men are few an far between, esp. in the hobby.
can't help ya, ladies. if it were me, i'd go with complete black out, just to be safe. i wish it were not so, but i can totally understand the reasons for it.
Your reply was great and that seems a great way to let things go. Thank you.
-- Modified on 1/28/2016 4:55:39 PM
OK...here is what I could see as a good way to let someone down easy, regardless of the reason (as long as its not due to violence or something horrible like that):
"Dear Bozo
I just wanted to let you know that despite our previous sessions I do not feel that we are a good fit. To see you again would just not be feasible. I know that there are alot of other wonderful providers out there who would no doubt love to meet you.
I will consider this our last correspondence and I wish you well.
Sincerely
Hot Toddy"
THEN you block him
Hasn't happened to me yet - but, if you are not OK with a second session (or a 22nd) for that matter, I would like to know so that I don't use you as a reference.
So... if I leave an email - just a short note back saying - No - I am not going to see you again - farewell - will save you from a reference call or two or three that you probably really don't want to respond to anyway. Unless, of course, you don't respond to those anyway...
Guys can react in innumerable ways when being discharged from a service they pay for, as if a hooker does not have the right to refuse them.
As a guy, I just stop making appointments. Sometimes I get a message from the girl asking about it, and I usually say that I'm seeing someone else regularly, and not interested in seeing them, and will contact them if and when I do want to see them.
What's the difference in a hooker refusing service based on race, height, references or any other myriad of reasons? None but of course I always took a lot of heat for my no black men policy. I enforced a no haggle policy and a no banter before a date policy too. Actually too many to name as I could write a novel on any given day of reasons I may turn down a trick. You're suggesting a hooker has the right to refuse regardless of pay, therefore doesn't she reserve the right to decline for whatever reason suits her? The lynch mob mentality of those refusing service to any above scenarios and more would suggest there are many hypocrites bashing and judging them for their preferences, would it not?
Guys can react in innumerable ways when being discharged from a service they pay for, as if a hooker does not have the right to refuse them.
for whatever reason she wants.
But she should have the courtesy & decency to at least respond to those inquiring rather then leave them wondering why she never replied to their inquiry. That's regardless of whether the reason is a blanket refusal for an entire group of people or for a previous client that she no longer wishes to meet with.
Yep I agree and I always did.
Preference implies some level of attraction or acceptability. Which begs the question are you attracted to all your clients. If the answer is something like “Yes, I just do this for fun,” boom, end of discussion, end of thread.
But if you have had clients you weren’t attracted to, that begs another question. “What is it about Black men you find so horrible/unacceptable/fiil in the blank?”
If there’s an answer to that question that doesn’t sound bigoted, I haven’t heard it. Besides “They remind me of my son/brother/father/etc.” (I won’t say “racist” because for some reason the word “racist” makes even avowed racists shit flaming caltrops.) That’s what brings the "lynch mob" out.
Because, you see, we come in a wide variety of looks, a wide variety of demeanors, a wide variety of styles. There are so many cultures and sub-cultures within “the Black Community” that I can’t even keep track of them all and I’m Black and I have my feet in multiple “communities.” Our skin, our noses, our lips, and not even our hair will tell you which community we come from. You know, all the markers of “race.”
Simply, "race" doesn't equal behavior.
So to judge somebody based on race is at best, dismissive, at worst, dehumanizing and, well… flaming caltrops.
I’ll paraphrase Voltaire, probably badly, and say I may disagree with why you refuse to see certain clients, but I’ll defend to the death your right to refuse them. But that doesn’t mean I don’t find your reasons insulting.
And if you have the freedom to insult me, it would be hypocritical of you to get upset if I exercise the freedom to be insulted.
(If anybody wants to flame on me, don’t take my silence to mean you’re scoring points. I’ll probably be completely off the net for the next few days.
A very well written rebuttal. I get it. Heard it all the time but again I'll argue we aren't serving dinner here. I don't judge all races based on particular behaviors exhibited by some within those groups however if I don't find the vast majority of one group attractive, I'm just not going to force them or myself to suffer through a sub-par performance. I never understood how anyone in this arena could flame or judge a hooker for declining to fuck a stranger. This business is tough enough without the added hypocrisy and judgements.
I did get started hooking via swinging so yep, it was the fun factor for me, not a make or break me lifestyle or primary means of supporting myself. I don't agree that those who do it for any reasons outside mine should be judged for declining whomever, whenever. It's a fuck for cash. Forcing someone or judging someone for declining a fuck is bullshit in my opinion and your well written rebuttal isn't going to change my view or sway my opinion. Gals who succumb to pressure lose a bit of themselves in the process I believe.
99.99% of the time, I knew my clients before they ever stepped through the door because of my online form and the web. I wasn't foaming at the mouth to fuck them all but I also rejected those highly unfavorable too. Yep, some of those white boys got rejected. And to be perfectly honest, I only had 2 black men in my entire tenure persue an appointment I believe partially due to my rate and web disclaimer. I don't think there were too many hurt feelings. There are plenty of providers who provide service to all or some. Within those sub-groups I'm sure they're all having fun so I can't buy into similar arguments or hostility over my choice to only fuck who I want. It's your dollar so spend it where it's truly appreciated.
But if you have had clients you weren’t attracted to, that begs another question. “What is it about Black men you find so horrible/unacceptable/fiil in the blank?”
If there’s an answer to that question that doesn’t sound bigoted, I haven’t heard it. Besides “They remind me of my son/brother/father/etc.” (I won’t say “racist” because for some reason the word “racist” makes even avowed racists shit flaming caltrops.) That’s what brings the "lynch mob" out.
Because, you see, we come in a wide variety of looks, a wide variety of demeanors, a wide variety of styles. There are so many cultures and sub-cultures within “the Black Community” that I can’t even keep track of them all and I’m Black and I have my feet in multiple “communities.” Our skin, our noses, our lips, and not even our hair will tell you which community we come from. You know, all the markers of “race.”
Simply, "race" doesn't equal behavior.
So to judge somebody based on race is at best, dismissive, at worst, dehumanizing and, well… flaming caltrops.
I’ll paraphrase Voltaire, probably badly, and say I may disagree with why you refuse to see certain clients, but I’ll defend to the death your right to refuse them. But that doesn’t mean I don’t find your reasons insulting.
And if you have the freedom to insult me, it would be hypocritical of you to get upset if I exercise the freedom to be insulted.
(If anybody wants to flame on me, don’t take my silence to mean you’re scoring points. I’ll probably be completely off the net for the next few days.)
-- Modified on 1/29/2016 7:45:40 AM
but I’ll say it anyway.
As usual in these cases, what we have here is a failure to communicate.
It’s not the what people are objecting to, it’s the why.
Apparently, what you’re hearing is “(sniff) Why won’t you sleep with me? What gives you the right to decide who you sleep with?” when what’s actually being said is “What did you just call me?”.
I guess you’d say you’re just saying “No Black men.” But what’s being heard is “No pimps, rapists, robbers, killers, woman-beaters, members of a different species (that’s gross), sub-humans (do I really have to say this? Yuck), men so grotesque that you can’t even PAY me to touch you: if you’re Black, at least one of these HAS to be you.”
I’m not saying those are your reasons, but 49 times out of 50, those are somebody’s reasons.
That’s not as toothless as a no haggle policy. It feels like an attack on your personhood, on your humanity. You know, the way it might feel if someone said you don’t have the right to choose who you fuck. Like you’re just a thing.
It’s the emotional/verbal equivalent of someone spitting in your face. It has nothing to do with getting tail at that point, because you’re right, there are plenty of other options out there.
I guess people could shrug and let it roll off their backs, but the “shut up and take it/swallow it down” policy hasn’t worked out too well for us the past 600 years
So if that's how you want to handle it, do it up. It's really about what kind of business you want to run. The thing about escorting is you're your own boss, that's awesome! If you're pretty relaxed about your business then do whatever. If you want to be professional, I would maybe type up a general email message saying thank your for their time/business/whatever and that you're no longer taking appointments on the account, or something like that. Then you can save it and reuse it for whenever you need to. Pretty simple and curtious, and a good business practice.
Only had it happen 2x and it's simple, I'm sorry I feel you and are not compatible, I wish you the best luck on your search.
Of course I put them on my do not see list but why have someone reach out to me if I no longer wish to see them. I just tell them, we are all adults and just because you have the dime and I have the time doesn't mean that there is going to be an instant connection. If I don't feel that chemistry in the first session or if something rubs me the wrong way I terminate the call. I'm not a slave to the dollar bill so those days of me feeling uncomfortable or belittled or like a hunts point whore are over. I just tell them. I'm too old for that hide and seek sh*t you know what I mean...?
Being the john, nothing needs to be said to me. If she doesn't return my contacts, I just walk away. I might try again in a few months but usually I moved on by then.
On the flip side, I had to let someone go this past weekend and it wasnt easy. Long story, but it was a person I have spent hundreds of hours with so it wasn't like any typical p4p relationship.
I felt the need to do it in person, bc I knew the fallout may not be good. It was a bit worse than I suspected but I hope the gal in question stays in contact with me as we shared a lot of good times and a few not so good ones, re: her civie life
I would hope if a client did something really stupid they would apologize and move on to avoid any uncomfortable moments.
If it is simply a matter of preference than a simple "I don't feel like we clicked" would be nice
If it is something easily changed like "could you make sure to wash your feet before a date" I would want to know that as well.
I'm sure some people are easily offended and could get their knickers in a knot but I would look at it as - sorry, I didn't realize..
what you described is exactly how it should be.
It just happened to me. After 3 years... Poof! just like that she was gone.
I have no desire to contact her. I have good memories of her which is good enough for me.
When a client decides he doesn't want to see me anymore, he just stops calling/texting/emailing etc and I am totally cool with that. I have no desire to get "I've decided to stop seeing you because...." messages. If he's not paying me, or planning to pay me in the near future, his thoughts aren't important to me.
I assume we've all been "let go" once or twice in this hobby world, how do you prefer that is happen to you?
.
When a client decides he doesn't want to see me anymore, he just stops calling/texting/emailing etc and I am totally cool with that. I have no desire to get "I've decided to stop seeing you because...." messages. If he's not paying me, or planning to pay me in the near future, his thoughts aren't important to me.
I assume we've all been "let go" once or twice in this hobby world, how do you prefer that is happen to you?
.
This.
We are here for no strings sexual encounters where money is exchanged. If either party wants to end that relationship s/he has the right to do it even if the other party gets butthurt and whines about it.
so I suppose silence is golden.
I just stop calling when I no longer want to see someone. If the provider calls or emails to ask why they haven't heard from me, I give a lame type excuse and try to end the conversation.
I've been let go more times than I've let someone go, and I don't think any gal has ever told me why, though in a few cases I could guess why. Some are mysteries
For me, I just stop calling. I don't repeat much, so it's no big deal if I contact someone I've seen and don't hear back, two calls and I move on.
I think it is best to simply say goodbye and wish someone well without opening the door to endless explanations and "whys". Of course, sometimes a "why" is simple, like "I'm retiring".
Thereafter, a period of radio silence.
But, I think it depends on how long and how often we have been seeing each other. Longer than a year or more than a dozen times, then some simple and honest communication/reason would be preferred for me. I would respect and accept that.
Then, we go our seperate ways.
In reality, we all have to know there is always going to be a final meeting. Your reasons can be no worse than someone elses.
I guess if the guy is a douche, becomes a stalker or something like that, I might use that tactic. If there was nothing highly charged like that though, I would prefer to send a simple message stating that I didn't care to see them again. If they continued to message/call/email after that, then I would probably block them. To me the cold shoulder just feels really disrespectful if unearned.
IRL communication I'm totally honest and good at communicating so I figured I would do the same in this business and tell the guy " don't feel its a right match, don't feel comfortable, ect" then they beg,ask repeatedly what exactly they did and try to get me to change my mind or simply cuss me out,that's always fun!! So as much as I'm a very straight forward communicator irl I've had to resort to blocking #'s and just stop responding......makes me feel like an asshole but I have to do it....sometimes I send a message stating the reason and then block them so I don't have to hear the rebuttles.... Lol
I would prefer a bit of common courtesy. If you do not want to see me again I would prefer you politely letting me know and the reason why. If I have seen you multiple times and suddenly you start blocking me sure I will move on. It will leave me with a bad taste in my mouth.
If I have seen you I would never just block you. I would let you know that I can't see you right now, we just did not click, or whatever. Sure I may not keep reaching out to you if I have decided to move on. But if you email me I will respond. In fact you contacting me my be the nudge I need to see you again.
....kidding (not kidding.........kidding)
Let's say my ATF retires or gets bored with me...and just blocks me out. Yes, I could easily move on and find other providers. Yes, I know that the ladies retire, move, and so on and so forth. But there could be another reason for the sudden silence: what if she was murdered by a violent client? If I was suddenly met with radio silence, a part of me would always wonder about that...for the rest of my life.
Do you have the same concerns if your plumber or electrician or UPS delivery guy stops coming around? Unless its a service where the professional has records you will want to retrieve (legal or medical) there is no reason to expect a damn thing
I understand the need for a provider to be evasive as you describe, many men's egos get bruised, and some men get all butt hurt about it. But I believe honesty is the best approach. I had longed to see a provider, I made a date with her, she responded that she didn't think we were a good fit. I appreciated her honesty and candor, no harm no foul.
I think to just ignore someone is great for you because it is non confrontational, however for a period of time the guy/gal will be unsure of whether their communications are reaching you. Ultimately though, it's your business of how you wish to handle such matters.
When a client decides he doesn't want to see me anymore, he just stops calling/texting/emailing etc and I am totally cool with that. I have no desire to get "I've decided to stop seeing you because...." messages. If he's not paying me, or planning to pay me in the near future, his thoughts aren't important to me.
I assume we've all been "let go" once or twice in this hobby world, how do you prefer that is happen to you?
.
I imagine the one's you 'let go' are people who are either cheapskates and asking for a deal or they are pitiable fools who are falling for you and that freaks you out. Not returning texts and calls are probably the best thing to do.
You owe no one a reply as to why you don't wish to conduct business with. Some guys get butthurt when that happens but they can go Dick Cheney themselves