OK, here goes a sort of paradox question.
Tecnically, I make enough money to indulge comfortably with just about any provider. HOWEVER, for years our bank has been sending me and my SO daily emails detailing the transactions of the day, this is with the intention of preventing stolen identity or credit card numbers, consequently any large withdrawals will immediately fire the alarms and elicit questions like "Honey, did you withdraw $500 last night?" Followed by my deer-in-the-headlights look and "oh yeah, I did, to pay the blah blah". So.... In order for me to collect sufficient cash funds for hobbing without rising suspicion, I have to withdraw small amounts at a time ($40 to $60) during grocery shopping, at the auto parts, home improvement stores, etc. Needles to say that takes a lot of time and will power to hold off from visiting low cost providers and endure blue balls until I have amassed what higher end providers demand. The struggle is real! I'm curious to know if other hobbyists are in similar situations, and how you overcome the watchful eye of big sister in perhaps more expedient or efficient ways. PH BTW, I can already see the spinoff threads along the lines of "I don't judge, but how many of you cheat you blah blah blah?"A husband and wife checking account should not be shared. Also get a credit card that goes to a private po box. You might be fucked already since you have a joint account. Same thing if you have a brokerage account for stock trading purposes to fund the hobby.
My wife & I have accounts that list each other as joint users, but neither of us really has anything to do with the others account. We pay bills separately and also maintain separate individual accounts. Most marriages don't seem to handle their financial structure that way....I'm just lucky in that respect.
For all I know she might be doing the same thing as me. Now THAT would be something!
I don't have a wife or a SO so where my money comes and goes no one notices.
Write a check to yourself tell the wife it's for a business trip and you will be reimbursed in a few weeks than figure out how to get the money back into your account
Opening a different bank account and go paperless
Tell the wife the heath care plan changed and you need to lay out a deductible in order to be paid in full. New year new health policy.
How would you buy Broadway tickets for her or anything else that cost a few hundred?
Tell her you are hitting the casino for guys weekend and sending her to the spa. You need gambling money etc.
When my account was on hold I called my sister asked her for a grand told her I would pay her back in a week. Would the wife ask why you borrowed money from your sister? If they aren't friends it shouldn't be a problem. We are a close family no one would ask what the money is for.
Those are just off the top of my head. Any of these ideas should work.
Tecnically, I make enough money to indulge comfortably with just about any provider. HOWEVER, for years our bank has been sending me and my SO daily emails detailing the transactions of the day, this is with the intention of preventing stolen identity or credit card numbers, consequently any large withdrawals will immediately fire the alarms and elicit questions like "Honey, did you withdraw $500 last night?" Followed by my deer-in-the-headlights look and "oh yeah, I did, to pay the blah blah". So.... In order for me to collect sufficient cash funds for hobbing without rising suspicion, I have to withdraw small amounts at a time ($40 to $60) during grocery shopping, at the auto parts, home improvement stores, etc. Needles to say that takes a lot of time and will power to hold off from visiting low cost providers and endure blue balls until I have amassed what higher end providers demand. The struggle is real!
I'm curious to know if other hobbyists are in similar situations, and how you overcome the watchful eye of big sister in perhaps more expedient or efficient ways.
PH
BTW, I can already see the spinoff threads along the lines of "I don't judge, but how many of you cheat you blah blah blah?"
Especially if you love your wife because of how smart she is. lol. I figured out every single woman my ex was fucking in our apartment building just by standing next to both of them in the elevator. Then I'd tease him about it. (Open relationship obviously.) I also looked at a picture he provided of his friend's wives all lined up, and picked out the two he was banging, and also which one he was passionately banging often. How? Women's intuition.
When a man is lying, we know. Especially if we have one piece of information that is the truth.
So my suggestion, is to figure out a way to not tell them anything. And not tell them that a separate account even exists, and ESPECIALLY that there is money anywhere else than somewhere she has access to. Just keep the mouth shut.
The more you lie, the more you have to keep lying. So don't mention truth at all. If you don't, you don't have to mention any more lies that are absolutely necessary. Just don't say anything, and figure out how you can do it without any mention.
Coming from the queen of dating liars back in the day lol. And also the queen of catching lies. And the caller-outer of the lies. One reason I don't do so well in real life dating lol. There are SO many guys I even see here who lie ALL the time. And I know it, but they're paying me, so I don't give a rat's ass.
Now, if I were married and they were paying other women besides me, when I'm the one dealing with his ass day in and day out? I'll say something. lol
-- Modified on 1/24/2016 11:33:10 PM
Amen girl. A-fucking-men!
When a man is lying, we know. Especially if we have one piece of information that is the truth.
So my suggestion, is to figure out a way to not tell them anything. And not tell them that a separate account even exists, and ESPECIALLY that there is money anywhere else than somewhere she has access to. Just keep the mouth shut.
The more you lie, the more you have to keep lying. So don't mention truth at all. If you don't, you don't have to mention any more lies that are absolutely necessary. Just don't say anything, and figure out how you can do it without any mention.
Coming from the queen of dating liars back in the day lol. And also the queen of catching lies. And the caller-outer of the lies. One reason I don't do so well in real life dating lol. There are SO many guys I even see here who lie ALL the time. And I know it, but they're paying me, so I don't give a rat's ass.
Now, if I were married and they were paying other women besides me, when I'm the one dealing with his ass day in and day out? I'll say something. lol
-- Modified on 1/24/2016 11:33:10 PM
his friends' wives. LOL
I knew that one too, after him saying, "You really think I'd bang my friends' wives? What kind of a guy do you think I am?"
"A swinger."
hehehe.
Nothing wrong with swingers, I think it's awesome. But he asked, lol.
Unless you marry an accountant. Stay single, my friend. And thirsty!
Write a check to yourself tell the wife it's for a business trip and you will be reimbursed in a few weeks than figure out how to get the money back into your account
Opening a different bank account and go paperless
Tell the wife the heath care plan changed and you need to lay out a deductible in order to be paid in full. New year new health policy.
How would you buy Broadway tickets for her or anything else that cost a few hundred?
Tell her you are hitting the casino for guys weekend and sending her to the spa. You need gambling money etc.
When my account was on hold I called my sister asked her for a grand told her I would pay her back in a week. Would the wife ask why you borrowed money from your sister? If they aren't friends it shouldn't be a problem. We are a close family no one would ask what the money is for.
Those are just off the top of my head. Any of these ideas should work.
Tecnically, I make enough money to indulge comfortably with just about any provider. HOWEVER, for years our bank has been sending me and my SO daily emails detailing the transactions of the day, this is with the intention of preventing stolen identity or credit card numbers, consequently any large withdrawals will immediately fire the alarms and elicit questions like "Honey, did you withdraw $500 last night?" Followed by my deer-in-the-headlights look and "oh yeah, I did, to pay the blah blah". So.... In order for me to collect sufficient cash funds for hobbing without rising suspicion, I have to withdraw small amounts at a time ($40 to $60) during grocery shopping, at the auto parts, home improvement stores, etc. Needles to say that takes a lot of time and will power to hold off from visiting low cost providers and endure blue balls until I have amassed what higher end providers demand. The struggle is real!
I'm curious to know if other hobbyists are in similar situations, and how you overcome the watchful eye of big sister in perhaps more expedient or efficient ways.
PH
BTW, I can already see the spinoff threads along the lines of "I don't judge, but how many of you cheat you blah blah blah?"
All you need to do is be single...lol
You are stuck with the system you have now. Changing it will bring a lot of very uncomfortable questions.
Can you get a bonus, as a paper check? Cash it at a currency exchange. Though it'll show up on your taxes if she tracks it that closely.
Buy something for cash and tell her it cost more.
Start a business and get some people to pay cash..
If you are comfortable giving up some anonymity to a trusted friend - Hello! - you can arrange for some kind of kickback deal.
The friend assumes a role, such as a that of a lawyer. You and he come up with some billable service: a minor lawsuit or settlement because you dinged someone's BMW; legal help on some business deal but not covered by the company.
Or just let the friend play the injured BMW owner. Settle for cash instead filing an insurance claim.
I would be happy to send you a bill for some fictitious reasons. Once your payment to me clears, I will send some of it back to you. 
Really!
If you prefer, I can be a sick relative who you are helping out in a time of need.
Mechanic? Your car needed some out-of-warranty service?
I can play a Nigerian scammer and you fall for my promise to send you 50M in exchange for 10k.
Are you planning any house or yard work? Hire a guy who can make a simple job into something pretty darn expensive. Yeah, it will piss off you and your wife when the bill comes in, but you're getting most of it back anyway.
One more thing to pay the fake lawyer about: What's the penalty for money laundering?
I know this all sounds like a conspiracy to deceive your SO, but you are doing that already
I'm so glad I'm single 😎😎
Oh, by the way, I work for the government and I'm here to help you!
Getting ready to incorporate as "Hide De Ho - Enabling Services for the Secretive Exec"
Planning a nationwide rollout.
Watch for my ads when I come to your town,
The friend assumes a role, such as a that of a lawyer. You and he come up with some billable service: a minor lawsuit or settlement because you dinged someone's BMW; legal help on some business deal but not covered by the company.
Or just let the friend play the injured BMW owner. Settle for cash instead filing an insurance claim.
I would be happy to send you a bill for some fictitious reasons. Once your payment to me clears, I will send some of it back to you.
Really! If you prefer, I can be a sick relative who you are helping out in a time of need.
Mechanic? Your car needed some out-of-warranty service?
I can play a Nigerian scammer and you fall for my promise to send you 50M in exchange for 10k.
Are you planning any house or yard work? Hire a guy who can make a simple job into something pretty darn expensive. Yeah, it will piss off you and your wife when the bill comes in, but you're getting most of it back anyway.
One more thing to pay the fake lawyer about: What's the penalty for money laundering?
I know this all sounds like a conspiracy to deceive your SO, but you are doing that already.
Now this depends on if your employer offer direct deposit or not. If they do and they allow more then one account to be deposit into. You could open up a new account with your name only. Then have enough funds deposited into that account to cover your play time. When you needs the funds you can withdraw out of that account. Problem solved no need for the wife to know about unwanted withdraws because she wont see them.
Tecnically, I make enough money to indulge comfortably with just about any provider. HOWEVER, for years our bank has been sending me and my SO daily emails detailing the transactions of the day, this is with the intention of preventing stolen identity or credit card numbers, consequently any large withdrawals will immediately fire the alarms and elicit questions like "Honey, did you withdraw $500 last night?" Followed by my deer-in-the-headlights look and "oh yeah, I did, to pay the blah blah". So.... In order for me to collect sufficient cash funds for hobbing without rising suspicion, I have to withdraw small amounts at a time ($40 to $60) during grocery shopping, at the auto parts, home improvement stores, etc. Needles to say that takes a lot of time and will power to hold off from visiting low cost providers and endure blue balls until I have amassed what higher end providers demand. The struggle is real!
I'm curious to know if other hobbyists are in similar situations, and how you overcome the watchful eye of big sister in perhaps more expedient or efficient ways.
PH
BTW, I can already see the spinoff threads along the lines of "I don't judge, but how many of you cheat you blah blah blah?"
Change the limits that initiate the emails or texts from your bank!
I also suggest having your direct deposits into 2 accounts. I use my second account for legit things also -- 529s, etc. But for me the very best way to set aside $ is by having a hobby business. I frequently buy and sell stuff I collect in my hobby, and this is a very easy way to set aside a few thousand $ a month which I leave in my gun safes away from curious eyes.
and to whom you can write a check and somehow justify it to the SO?
If so, funnel money to him (her?) and have them deposit it at another bank where you have the ATM card to do the withdrawals.
This is how I managed to get through my divorce stage of life without any mishap for two years
After, I think either 59 &1/2 or 62 (I way past both).. You can simply withdraw 401k money.. If you need $500.. the administrator will build it up to cover taxes.. I know.. using retirement funds to pay for fun now is dangerous and foolhardy.. but it can be an easy source of funds.. I go on line.. ask for what I need and it is an auto deposit in the account I have designated a few days later..
The joined checking accounts boat left port 25 years ago, too late to split it now without generating grounds for separation or divorce. That would be considered an act of war.
Many years ago I did have a clandestine account and automatic payroll deposits split into the main and the UTR accounts. That did help with some "dirty money" for activities like strip clubs and other off the record activities. Unfortunately I had to close that account when I changed jobs.
I have considered using a friend to divert funds in creative ways, but that is risky business, and I prefer to keep my hobby undercover. Closed mouths tell no lies.
By the way, my SO has an MBA in operations management with background in forensic accounting, so she keeps an eye on all our finances, and I have learned to be very resourceful when needed.
All in all, my problem is not about obtaining funds, I can do that one bit at a time without raising suspicion. It is about being patient enough to hold off on seeing low cost providers while I accumulate enough cash to see high end ones. The temptation is so great, but if I could figure out how to do it faster my problem would be solved.
If you don't want to involve a friend, then having a real or imaginary side business might be the answer. If my SO was a forensic accountant, I'd be VERY nervous, but my hobby funds come from moving money between business and personal accounts....some of it just seems to accidentally end up in Benjamins under the back seat of my construction truck....
That is a very interesting and viable approach. Got me thinking.
...it shouldn't be so hard to wait for someone good to come along.
-- Modified on 1/25/2016 9:21:47 AM
Not sure any of your options are viable if your wife keeps a watchful eye on the finances. My soon to be ex was a psychology major in school and I had a hard time getting away with anything. Fortunately she didn't have a clue about the finances and was too wrapped up in her own family to really care what I was up to. I just had to make up a ton of stuff to explain my absences. Good thing I am a golf nut and was able to use this as a standard when I saw my ATF who lives in my hometown. When I was traveling it was a breeze.
Maybe you can become a philanthropist and convince your wife you just want to make anonymous large cash donations to your favorite charities.
The business account might be an idea though. Do you have any hobbies that could viably be turned into a business? I believe you can take a business loss for up to 5 years on taxes before the IRS considers it a hobby and will no longer allow you to do so. If so you would need to transfer a large sum for start-up capital and it could also help explain what you are doing with your time away from home. Of course if your wife wants to keep track of your business accounts then you are just out of luck.
Another other option is to hope you hit it big on some scratch off tickets and then set that money aside for your play time.
Good luck to you
Many years ago I did have a clandestine account and automatic payroll deposits split into the main and the UTR accounts. That did help with some "dirty money" for activities like strip clubs and other off the record activities. Unfortunately I had to close that account when I changed jobs.
I have considered using a friend to divert funds in creative ways, but that is risky business, and I prefer to keep my hobby undercover. Closed mouths tell no lies.
By the way, my SO has an MBA in operations management with background in forensic accounting, so she keeps an eye on all our finances, and I have learned to be very resourceful when needed.
All in all, my problem is not about obtaining funds, I can do that one bit at a time without raising suspicion. It is about being patient enough to hold off on seeing low cost providers while I accumulate enough cash to see high end ones. The temptation is so great, but if I could figure out how to do it faster my problem would be solved.
For the most part it sounds like the discussion could be had while being nearly honest -- just hope she doesn't ask about any affairs or something.
-- Modified on 1/25/2016 12:05:29 PM
agent.. so I book the dates for him and pay the girls.. He pays me back.. Tells his wife that we split the cost of seminars, etc..to cover the expense
I tell him, not only does his wife have a license to carry, she knows how to use it..
This summer we did a thing with two girls at his place.. Wow, was he nervous about her finding out.. He had me use spray stuff to kill the sex smell he was imagining in the room I used.. The girl he was with was into smoking dope.. He just about flipped out.. His wife was not due to be back in the house for two months after we were there.. she was working undercover somewhere..
All is not lost. You can keep your regular habit of putting some money on the side and take out an ocassional $ 1-200, whatever the magic number is for you that won't arouse suspicion, to carry around as pocket cash. You can express some frustration of having to find an ATM (park the car, etc.) to pay for a drink, etc. with cash.
Restaurant staff love me because I always tip CASH. $5, 10, 40 ... depending on the tab. There's no paper trail to them vis a vis taxes. I'm betting your wife might even appreciate your thoughtful gesture. Always a time and place to have cash in your pocket.
Take her out to dinner and just do it. Show her. Very subtle. It's a way to not have to be on the defensive. Do it in front of her.
My grandfather taught me a long time ago to ALWAYS keep a Benjamin in my wallet for emergencies. Great advice. You can
say my grandfather RIP told you.
btw ... So my comment to Zak was on point, huh, a premonition?
Happy hookering. NoB
I use it. Just find the local Zen center and check in with the roshi.
Of course, the easy way to resist temptation is to give in to it, but then you don't have the dough
(There's a reason he's known as St. Peter, you know.)
I might be Jewish, but why take chances
rob the bank. Or sell your blood. Or best bet, have a bake sale at your service club; tell the guys you are raising money to get serviced.
Forensic accounting, you are a brave man!! Cheers!
I know according to the other thread that none of gals are supposed to have anything other than our bedroom game going on, but......I occasionally run credit cards through a legitimate business I own and can provide a detailed receipt for other services if needed as well. If you see any providers regularly, who you know have other lives, ask if they would be willing to do that for you.
Just a thought. Happy hobbying!
-- Modified on 1/25/2016 8:37:17 AM
I'd need to know the providers real name before I would even think about paying by CC.
Now I really need to schedule a business trip to Chicago before I get my taxes done! 
(But, as a former auditor, I would likely catch that! LOL)
I know according to the other thread that none of gals are supposed to have anything other than our bedroom game going on, but......I occasionally run credit cards through a legitimate business I own and can provide a detailed receipt for other services if needed as well. If you see any providers regularly, who you know have other lives, ask if they would be willing to do that for you.
Just a thought. Happy hobbying!
-- Modified on 1/25/2016 8:37:17 AM
I like how you think!!
.....just keep it in cash and stash where she won't find ( keep at work, PO box?) build up your hobby fund, always keep in cash..... Don't have an account, no paper trail, she is too smart.
Tell her you are taking up golf and that you are playing at the expensive course in town with a group you met there and that they play for $20 a hole or $100 whatever is plausible for you. When you actually play go to the muni and pocket the difference in green fees. Also, when you want a date play "a round" with the frictional group and lose. Had to pay off the bet dear. added benefit is that golf takes four hours to play so it frees up that time away for you as well.
truth is I'm single and have no idea how to pull what you want off and truthfully have no desire to ever be in a situation were I had to lie to someone close to me but it was an interesting exercise and the above is what I came up with.
Good luck
I have told my SO that I am playing golf .. but what I am really doing is seeing someone.. I even go to my club to take a shower before
I got some good replies, to bad they all require more effort than I'm willing to invest.
Tecnically, I make enough money to indulge comfortably with just about any provider. HOWEVER, for years our bank has been sending me and my SO daily emails detailing the transactions of the day, this is with the intention of preventing stolen identity or credit card numbers, consequently any large withdrawals will immediately fire the alarms and elicit questions like "Honey, did you withdraw $500 last night?" Followed by my deer-in-the-headlights look and "oh yeah, I did, to pay the blah blah". So.... In order for me to collect sufficient cash funds for hobbing without rising suspicion, I have to withdraw small amounts at a time ($40 to $60) during grocery shopping, at the auto parts, home improvement stores, etc. Needles to say that takes a lot of time and will power to hold off from visiting low cost providers and endure blue balls until I have amassed what higher end providers demand. The struggle is real!
PH
BTW, I can already see the spinoff threads along the lines of "I don't judge, but how many of you cheat you blah blah blah?"
Seems like this topic came up a few years ago and it was pointed out that if you keep a separate account and your SO does a credit check on you you're screwed. Is this true?
A credit check does not show bank accounts. Though, it's better to take $ out of the bank account periodically and have cash on hand. (I store it with my gun safes -- a place my wife and kids will avoid and/or are not aware of.)
that explain shopping trips to stores... and time for the hobby...
You need pocket cash... I doubled mine when I started hobbying... Hobbies take money too... I don't care what the hobby is, but they must make sense for YOU... golf or a gym routine would not be for me.
Too many people always pay everything with a Credit Card... I've gotten bad that way too. I think too many people walk around with NO CASH in their pockets but sometimes CASH is the only way to get out of a jam. I draw the same cash from every check... more than I spend... when I do the next deposit, the left over gets hid & I start over. In some emergencies, banks may not open.
Then you need a hiding place... besides your sock drawer. By all means keep some in the sock drawer so she'll think she knows where you keep it... but also another place, someplace that she won't go.
I used to get rewards checks from a Credit Card & they were cashed.
We've long had separate accounts (because of her prior children) & have kept it that way over the years. But that doesn't mean she can't see the statements.
I agree with all you wrote. BUT, I also suggest having a PO box for your legit hobbies. (In truth, it's FAR safer not giving your home address to strangers if you are buying and selling whatever your hobby is!) By having a PO Box (preferably not near your home but near your work) you can also use this address for hotel programs, etc. But DO be VERY careful if you use this address for a credit card! Because this address will then show up on your credit report... and if you use this credit card to get gas then you will need to use that zip code at the gas pump, and so would your wife if she has a card! (Dangerous!)
It's called DIVORCE, sing it with me now D I V O R C E.
It's worth it!!!!!!
cashed and used for "lunch and other incidentals" including stashing funds to P4P. Similar to your cash back strategy which I also utilize. Another way is if you go out with the guys, pay the bill and have the guys reimburse you in cash.
your source of funds directly. I am in competition with another hobby guy (for girl time) who has $3k every month his wife doesn't know about so he outspends me which is fine.
You're problem is the joint accounts and no way to split the income.
Take $20 from an ATM. Open a brokerage account in your name only. Make a really, really good stock pick and let the $20 ride. If you're good, your $20 will become $2000 per month in no time!
If you don't like the odds of gambling in the stock market, take that same $20 and go to your nearest casino. Casinos have sprung up all over. Name your game, plop down that $20 and watch it grow.
This should work and keep you active in the hobby until the next tax filing season. But you'll have thought up a really great story to tell your forensic accountant SO by then