EVER say this to client?
Are you not then asking for trouble?I will say it too when I feel it. Or even if I feel it, I may never say the words. You really don't have to say I LOVE YOU for someone to know. Anyway, its only a turn-off or "Time to get away from this guy" if she knows in her gut that those words mean trouble for her.
Here is the scenario:
You have a long term client - seen one to two times a month every month for over 2 years. This client respects all your boundaries (Doesn't even know your real name and has never asked - you have told him your real first name). He is single and you know a great deal about his life and have shared details of your life with him.
He has never told you but it is clear to you that he in fact loves you. However, he has never "crossed the line between provider client" in his interactions with you.
My question is do you simply continue as things are with both of you ignoring his true feelings for you in order to maintain the relationship as it is or would you raise the issue with him or would you stop seeing him altogether. Is your answer different if your view of him is "just a client", "your fond of him" or "you have genuine feelings for him as well".
Finally, if he did tell you he loved you but nothing else changed would the simple fact of his acknowledging it change how proceed with him going forward (even though you have both known it for awhile it just hasn't been stated before).
Do you have a name for Opey's syndrome? Perhaps IFAICGU ? Has anyone written a White Paper on this that we each can turn to in times of need?
For me, personally, it depends on the person.
There are guys who could tell me they love me and I KNOW nothing will change, he doesn't expect anything further of me, he just wanted me to know. I have friends like this... we started out as client/provider but are now friends too.
No big deal. I love them too..... as a friend. And that is how it stays. We hang out as friends and when they want to see me as a client, they book with me as a client. We keep it separate, to a degree.
Then there are THOSE clients.... who I know I might have to cut off someday because he keeps giving me those puppy-dog-eyes that tell me he wants something MORE. More than friendship.
And that's not going to happen.
So once he throws the "L" word out there... unfortunately, I know it's the beginning of the end.
I've been down that road before. Both with clients and with guy friends.... once he puts his heart-cards on the table, it really isn't going to work.
I will still give it a chance and keep an open mind that THIS guy could be the one who won't constantly make me feel like I'm kicking a kitten...... because I don't want what he wants..... but in my past experience it does wind up that way.
So yeah... you tell me you love me (and I know you mean it in a romantic way and really hope to be Richard Gere to my Julia Roberts) but what you're really saying is "start the countdown clock".
Sorry but that is the way it has been for me.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
-- Modified on 10/2/2015 1:13:09 PM
I LOVE your line about kicking a kitten. truer words have never been spoken.
BTW in case anyone believes this schmuck really has a chance with her, try reading his other posts here on this board, virtually EVERY post he has ever made has been of the "I've fallen for a hooker and can't get up" variety.
Some people just aren't cut out for NSA P4P sex. The OP is one of them.
Some men are simply hopeless romantics, unfortunately the OP is simply a sad sack loser who seems to fall in love with every woman he sleeps with.
I have clients I love too - in my own fashion.
If he is maintaining his boundaries and I was not worried that he is straining himself financially in order to meet, I would not sever the relationship. I would have some conversations letting him know that I am there to support his growth and inquire as to why he is not engaged more in conventional dating, encourage him to look for happiness in the "real world," etc.
You have a long term client - seen one to two times a month every month for over 2 years. This client respects all your boundaries (Doesn't even know your real name and has never asked - you have told him your real first name). He is single and you know a great deal about his life and have shared details of your life with him.
He has never told you but it is clear to you that he in fact loves you. However, he has never "crossed the line between provider client" in his interactions with you.
My question is do you simply continue as things are with both of you ignoring his true feelings for you in order to maintain the relationship as it is or would you raise the issue with him or would you stop seeing him altogether. Is your answer different if your view of him is "just a client", "your fond of him" or "you have genuine feelings for him as well".
Finally, if he did tell you he loved you but nothing else changed would the simple fact of his acknowledging it change how proceed with him going forward (even though you have both known it for awhile it just hasn't been stated before).
I have a hard rule of not mixing business and personal(learned that lesson the hard way). As long as he doesn't start crossing boundaries everything is fine, but truthfully it does usually signal the end of relationship is coming soon. Which is a downer sometimes. its part of the deal, the human condition and all.
Every client that has told me they were in love me overstepped their bounds and I had to immediately end our business relationship together. I made the mistake of dating a client last year and the relationship quickly went to Hell (and never returned). He told me not to use male photographers, only female photographers...and was trying to turn me into someone I'll never be: monogamous. I got tired of him constantly accusing me of cheating and talking to my clients outside of business. Even my landlord thought he was nuts. I'll never mix business with pleasure again. When I hear stories like this, its a signal that a provider or hobbyist needs to tread with caution because when some people get rejected, things can get quite tense.
If she's never given you anything beyond the alotted appointment time, then she's definitely not interested in anything more than your current professional relationship. Saying "I love you" is the quickest way to get dropped as a client.
It appears that she's happy enough taking your money and providing you with the service you desire. You can risk blowing up a mutually beneficial arrangement for an uncertain (and unlikely) outcome, or try to appreciate what you do have. And really, are you SURE you're not just in love with the fantasy she's presented to you? How well do you actually know this woman (probably hardly at all)?
It's easy to gloss over the reality of a real romantic relationship...keep the fantasy.
As long as he doesn't expect me to tell him I love him too at that very moment. So I may just say thanks, or you too.
I will say it too when I feel it. Or even if I feel it, I may never say the words. You really don't have to say I LOVE YOU for someone to know. Anyway, its only a turn-off or "Time to get away from this guy" if she knows in her gut that those words mean trouble for her.
EVER say this to client?
Are you not then asking for trouble?
I will say it too when I feel it. Or even if I feel it, I may never say the words. You really don't have to say I LOVE YOU for someone to know. Anyway, its only a turn-off or "Time to get away from this guy" if she knows in her gut that those words mean trouble for her.
become more of friends than business. You know how things can evolve after a while. I am able to seperate friendship love from romantic love, and can love a 'client' yet not want to date him or ask him to leave his wife. By the way, this is not some guy I've seen 3, 5, or even 10 times. This is a feeling that develops over years and various life situations with him. We (clients and I who mutually love eachother) are both experienced enough in the hobby to "get it" and not impose our feelings in a way that cause eo problems.
-- Modified on 10/2/2015 10:47:57 PM
you can become friends with a man that is 30 years or more older than you?
I am nowhere near that mature. probably more like 13 than 30.
Maybe that's why I have no problems being friends (or even more than friends) with women thirty years younger than me. Truth be told, I shudder at hanging around with women my own age. I don't have anything the least bit in common with a grandmother around my own age, unless we are talking about how life was back before cable tv.
Freaking ways is this question going to be asked. Hookers don't want boyfriend-girlfriend relationships with their clients. Enough said.
"some" hookers are more than open to be in a BF-GF relationship with a former client. I am living proof of that.
Now does this guy have a chance of being the BF of the hooker he's talking about? I seriously doubt it, especially if he is spouting love when he hasn't had so much as a OTC cup of coffee with her. but to say it never happens is just not true at all
me thinks you have fallen for a gal, and want to see if and how you should proceed.
Since I have been there and done that, and also asked for guidance, I am totally simpatico.
So, here's what I was told, and what I did:
I went for it. Just told her straight up how I felt. That was 10 years ago. We started to date for a number of years and got married about 2 years ago.
I'm very happy about how it turned out too. Remember, YMMV.
But, as always, be very careful what you wish for
Not my issue and I am in this for the money. He is a regular and that means regular income. I am not about to mess with that. I have a couple of guys who have told me they love me. I do not want a boyfriend or a husband. I want clean reliable clients and I do what it takes to keep them. The guys I see are "just clients".
if you're worried about it, bring it up with her and talk things out. I think for your peace of mind you need to know where you stand with her. It can help clear the air. Trust me, when you feel that way about a lady, it's better to know. Of course, before you do, you need to think about how you'd respond if she says, "okay, so now what?" What do you want here?
I am taking a stab that he is a client of hers. I would keep all utterings of love out of a business transaction. I know when a couple of my clients say it, it makes me feel bad for them as there is no hope in hell of anything happening.
The deal going into P4P is that there are no strings attached. Most of the men are married, most of the women aren't interested in a relationship that overlaps with escorting.
GFE sometimes blends into real GF relationships; it can be fun, and it can be very relaxing compared to the stress of straightforward P4P. You are friends, but how each of you really feels about the other requires talking. Just like in high school, you have to work up your courage to ask, and there is a good chance of rejection. That may or may not end the P4P relationship and the friendship, so consider that risk.
I have told my SB that I love her, and I do. However, I didn't expect her to reciprocate until she feels like saying the same. We will see where things go.
As long as he doesn't say it. Saying it puts us both in an awkward position. You're not supposed to do that to those you love. Also, I would want to make sure its not affecting his personal life. I'm not a home wrecker.
You have a long term client - seen one to two times a month every month for over 2 years. This client respects all your boundaries (Doesn't even know your real name and has never asked - you have told him your real first name). He is single and you know a great deal about his life and have shared details of your life with him.
He has never told you but it is clear to you that he in fact loves you. However, he has never "crossed the line between provider client" in his interactions with you.
My question is do you simply continue as things are with both of you ignoring his true feelings for you in order to maintain the relationship as it is or would you raise the issue with him or would you stop seeing him altogether. Is your answer different if your view of him is "just a client", "your fond of him" or "you have genuine feelings for him as well".
Finally, if he did tell you he loved you but nothing else changed would the simple fact of his acknowledging it change how proceed with him going forward (even though you have both known it for awhile it just hasn't been stated before).
...and tip-toeing around them just causes problems (speaking for myself of course).
I would never stop seeing someone in this situation, unless of course it got dangerous in some way. I'd rather be aware than wonder at it, and it would only make me appreciate our interactions that much more.
This does, however, make the transnational aspect of the relationship feel a bit trickier for some people, so there's that to consider.
I think as long as there is an effort to move toward a mutual understanding of how things stand, and how you two feel as individuals (assuming you are not asking about this hypothetically) everything will be okay one way or another.
That's a good one.
In the brief time I've been a provider, I've encountered this more than I ever thought I would.
If I know that a client is falling in love with me, and the feeling is not mutual, I have to stop seeing them. You can't come back from that, and it just gets messy.
But I have also fallen in love with a client. It IS possible for a client/provider relationship to cross the line from fantasy to reality. You just have to go into it with your eyes WIDE open.