It's just one part of this job, I guess. Getting into this business is kind of like making a Faustian pact. You get your money, and your freedom...but, it's nearly impossible to have love, friends, or a normal life.
I've been in two relationships w/clients, and basically, I was expected to 'perform' in a way that was not like natural intimacy. Not to say that I'll never date another client, but it's not the type of dynamic I'd purposely seek out. I recently met someone in my civvie life. I could sense that he was attracted to me to some degree, and I found myself returning his feelings, strongly. I let him know what I did. I wanted to see if he was really attracted to 'me' versus the person I appeared to be, and also, I wanted to give him an early out, if my lifestyle was not something he could deal with. Guess what happened? My solution? I try to concentrate on creating a full, productive life rather than a wishing for a romantic relationship/marriage/family. I take classes, work, exercise, travel, etc., and just generally try to make the most of my time/money.
Hey there!
I'm an independent woman both in the hobby world and in the real world. I take pride in what I do and love it. However, since this is so frowned upon in society, I find difficulty in the dating department.
Any suggestions on how to go about my personal love life while still providing?
I have dated a lot of hookers and the one thing they seemed to like about dating me, aside from my charm, good looks, etc. was the fact that I actually understood them and what they did for a living and I did so without idolizing or looking down on them for what they chose to do for a living.
Very few non mongers can date a hooker, and I suppose very few mongers can do so either, so women who do this for a living have a choice of either lying to the men they date or trying to find guys who "get it" I might be a prick, but I 'get it" where it comes to women in this business, as do guys like fishbro Scoed and others who have had successful relationships with women who sell sex for a living.
I know you've put forth this attitude many times in the past Gambler and I've never responded. I believe you are correct though.
Why the hell should two people who wish to date not do so because of this? I've never agreed with the general standard advice of never dating IRL ones P4P partners. Or that one should not allow any "feelings" to develop.
If a woman meets a guy, or vice versa, that they are attracted to more than usual then why not see how things develop? Or even attempt to build or pursue a relationship within bounds? People indulging/working in P4P are like any other group of humans. Good, bad, ugly, crazy, empathetic etc. Most of us enjoy and seek out connections with other people. I certainly do.
Regards......RR
if you really want to, I would find a single client (Divorced I would think is best.) with whom there is a desire to date and a shared chemistry, and who is OK with you continuing to be a provider, and see how it goes.
Worked for me and my (ex provider) bride.
You do have to realize that it is not the most favorable environment for this kind of thing, but where there's a will, there's a way
Completely agree. It is not the most desirable environment to foster an emotionally monogamous love relationship. It can still happen, but it is that much harder.
Dating is one thing, but falling in love is another. As soon as that happens, you may not be as comfortable escorting, those feelings of wanting to spend as much time as possible with someone intimately getting to know them is not the easiest when you have to do something intimate with someone else
I think you need to find a man that is somewhat of a swinger type
and does not mind to share . I think one of the most difficult thing for men and women
to get over is cheating on one another. This brakes up most marriages If you can find a man
that is cool with your business , and gets past the physical part of a relationship and connects with you on a deeper inner level . You may find yourself a very long lasting and very fulfilling relationship .
I hope this helps
At the very least you can expect him to be more open-minded about it all than a typical civvie. Do tread carefully.
Date a single or divorced client. Civie guys are annoying bc there's just more deception and lies and games (You always have to play the coy, inncocent girl act , lol) Meanwhile he's playing the "I really like you! REALLY! I adore you!" game when you know it's BS and he's not even listening to half the stuff you're talking abt. And all he can think about is, "WHEN CAN I BANG THIS CHICK?!" But you have to make him wait at least 4-6 weeks so he thinks you're a nice girl meanwhile shes banging her clients.
Not that I do this- date while providing- just going off on a tangent.
The perfect dude to date is an ex client because there's not as many false pretenses and maybe eo have a more liberal view on sex, monogamy.. Much more realistic expectations.
-- Modified on 9/19/2015 12:54:00 PM
The secret to it working is honesty and being there for each other. Well that and both partners realizing sex and love aren't necessarily connected and definitely not the same thing. Sad thing is for it to work you must trust him and he you and that is hard early in a relationship with such a secret. It is high risk. But not doing so basically dooms it to fail. It is safer not to date while working but it can work. But to work long term you must be honest. If you can't find a new job or don't date is my advice.
And no, she does not have to. I pay 100% of the bills, and all other house hold expenses and have money left over beyond savings. Her income from sex work is mostly given to charity. She does it because she wants too. It is her hobby. And she does good with the money she brings in. No I am not my wife's pimp.
The day I get married, I am done working (in any capacity), period! 
Wow, don't you sound like a catch?
Personally, I don't mind paying all the bills and I can certainly afford to "take care of" anyone I chose to marry if I were ever to get married again, but the attitude "I am done working in any capacity" says to me you are just looking for a meal ticket.
If I ever got married again, I would want my wife to do something constructive with her live besides fuck me and get taken care of by me. I don't care if she went to school, got a job paying minimum wage or whatever else she wanted to do, but she better damn sure be doing something else besides lying on the fucking couch eating bon bons.
The day you get married is the day you start working in ways you never imagined... that is if it's going to have a shot at working 
Case in point is your comment from a prior thread where you say how hard it is to keep it fresh when you see a client more than a couple of times per year.
"First and second visit is the best I think, because of adrenaline and novelty. It can still be good with regular partners but it's better if they wait a while between visits. Like if you only see them a couple times a year, then every time is still exciting like the first time. But meeting too often can make eo complacent, yes."
If you think keeping it fresh is difficult under these circumstances, try bringing all the other unglamorous issues of marriage/families/money/etc. into a day to day life with someone, and see how hard it is to keep things fresh etc. It can be done, but it ain't easy and as I know you know, it's a whole lot of work.
-- Modified on 9/19/2015 4:56:50 PM
I'd go into it optimistic and motivated but having sex with the same guy over and over... and over and over... For years. And years. And years. And keeping it exciting. That's probably not really possible actually lol.
Living seperately part of the year may be a solution. Even if I was just 30 min away. That way, we can miss eachother.
-- Modified on 9/19/2015 3:22:07 PM
I think you're really onto something with what you say. This is probably why the hobby works so well too, under these circumstances. I totally agree - when two people miss each other great things can happen.
My wife (ex) and I were just hanging around one day and she made some kind of comment about something she envisioned us doing twenty years in the future and I immediately started thinking to myself "She really thinks we are going to be together in twenty years" At that very moment I decided I didn't want to be married another twenty minutes, much less twenty more years.
and for the record, yes we did have a LOT of togetherness, MUCH TOO MUCH togetherness.
Things my wife and I have done:
BDSM (alternating top and bottom roles)
Food play
Sex in front of an audience
Sex in a public place
Role play (a great many places)
Sex painting
MFM
FFFM
FFM
MFFFM
MFFM
Intimate massage
Sex while on the phone and hiding it from the person on the line
Sex at strange locals like in a plane for example
Sex under water
And more. I have been married now 11 years and I have never been bored with my wife. Yes of course there has been times when one or both mailed it in. If you explore and are creative there is always something new to try. But we both bed others so maybe a bit of strange helps keep thing fresh. When you know you have competition you try harder. LO
I would have children, and stay home and raise them. I would fuck my husband and do basic housewife responsibilities, cook, household shopping, laundry, errands, keep the home with attractive decor, tidying up, things like that. But no major cleaning. Professionals do that much better and faster. What else? Maintain an attractive, fit figure. Keep my husband happy, healthy, and support him. That's a lot of work!
You're in box should be filling up with proposals by the minute lol. Seriously, good for you - whatever you decide to do (inside our outside the house) it sounds like you have your eyes open and can def make it work.
I promise I won't PM you. I'll ask you straight out: how about some OTC time? LMAO!
The response has been so overwhelming, I am thinking of holding a lottery. The lucky winner may recieve either OTC time, or a life of marital bliss with a young hottie. Or, a new iPad. You must enter to win! Full contest rules and restrictions available via TER PM.
... And lather, rinse, repeat once she turns 40. Ending once he either goes broke or too old to attract anyone younger.
That's basically how those types of marriages work. I see it happen all the time.
-- Modified on 9/19/2015 7:08:52 PM
Gets a nice severance package.
but yes, more often than not when the guy trades in his trophy wife for a "newer model" the old trophy wife gets to fuck the pool boy and lie around eating bon bons for the rest of her life on the old guys dime.
why do you think I stick to hookers. I don't mind paying thousands and thousands of dollars to fuck a different hottie every day, it's a hell of a lot better deal than paying millions to quit fucking just one woman. It's just beyond me why a guy who wants nothing more than a hot woman to fuck would go marry her just for the privilege. Marrying for love I get, marrying just to have a hot piece of ass is asinine.
A lot of women will tell you that it can be done, but ask them how long they've dated while working. Some women can pull it off, but others feel a deep desire to be honest with their partners. When they are honest, and the partners know where they are going, it is very tough on a relationship.
Also, cash flow goes down when you have to hide it from a partner, unless you really have a plan.
Is very hard that's why I stick with just bein a provider, iam gfe so what I enjoy of the session is that it makes me get the things I don't get because I don't date.
The ideal guy to date would have to be quite attractive, charismatic, swinger type, lots of stamina and equipped with a handy dandy tool in his pants! He would have to love what I do too and join me offering couple sessions together.
He's out there somewhere.. I just know it lol.
Well I hope you find someone in your dating life!
-Raquel de Milo
It's not that hard to find guys who like to swing, and would be in to what you do.
If you know where / how to look.
(Hint: it would be a different kind of message board than this one)
Especially someone who has voyeuristic / cuckold tendencies.
I have no problem saying that I get really turned on by dirty girls and by the swinger lifestyle.
I would therefore have no problem whatsoever entering a relationship with a sex worker. In fact, I have! And for someone in to that lifestyle, having a girlfriend in this business? AWESOME. Talk about perks. Eventually, the relationship ended, but it had absolutely nothing to do with her choice of profession and everything to do with age and personality differences. In other words, the usual things that cause relationships to run their course.
-- Modified on 9/19/2015 5:00:51 PM
Or a hobbyist you've met via other channels. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else, honestly. They would have to know and be okay with it. But also, anyone I date has to be really, really into sex, and hobbyists seem to fit that bill as well.
Independent ladies aren't frowned upon, but yea being a pro is.
For some dating a pro or former pro is a huge turn on since they are with someone people would pay for sex. And they are getting it for free! Woot!
Bf can get jealous though since his girl is not exclusive to him and this makes the relationship weird. This is a sign of immaturity so you're fine if you're not into boys.
The other way to do this is just keep both lives separate like how you keep your office life separate from your real life. If he finds out and dumps you you can always say it wasn't true love.
Your job shouldn't define who you are as a human being but some people just will not understand either because they grew up sheltered or are just closed minded. You, me and everyone else here will just have to continue to happily live with that. :
I'm an independent woman both in the hobby world and in the real world. I take pride in what I do and love it. However, since this is so frowned upon in society, I find difficulty in the dating department.
Any suggestions on how to go about my personal love life while still providing?
It used to be it was just guys trying to date or go OTC with the girls. I guess the girls want to do it to.
It's just one part of this job, I guess. Getting into this business is kind of like making a Faustian pact. You get your money, and your freedom...but, it's nearly impossible to have love, friends, or a normal life.
I've been in two relationships w/clients, and basically, I was expected to 'perform' in a way that was not like natural intimacy. Not to say that I'll never date another client, but it's not the type of dynamic I'd purposely seek out.
I recently met someone in my civvie life. I could sense that he was attracted to me to some degree, and I found myself returning his feelings, strongly. I let him know what I did. I wanted to see if he was really attracted to 'me' versus the person I appeared to be, and also, I wanted to give him an early out, if my lifestyle was not something he could deal with. Guess what happened?
My solution? I try to concentrate on creating a full, productive life rather than a wishing for a romantic relationship/marriage/family. I take classes, work, exercise, travel, etc., and just generally try to make the most of my time/money.
while being a hooker makes a "real" love life more challenging for sure, I know a lot of hookers who have very happy, balanced lives complete with a BF or husband who "gets it"
I dated an agency girl for quite a while and virtually my entire social circle was made up of her "work friends' and their BF/husbands. Some of her friends dated around a lot and were likely to show up with some different random guy on any given day, but most of them were involved with some pretty decent guys and didn't change them every day like a pair of socks.
I do agree, it helps if they guys you date know from day one what you do for a living, it beats the hell out of springing it on them some day. And not all whore mongers are liars and cheaters, just the married ones, and I don't suppose any of you ladies really want to be involved with a married guy to begin with.
One last thing, there is a huge difference between a guy who is truly interested in you and a guy who is simply looking for an ongoing "freebie" I never expect my GF sex to be the same as hooker sex. I don't want my girl friend fucking me in the exact same manner as she fucks her customers. In hooker sex, I am paying for the right to be a bit selfish, in GF sex her needs are at least as important as my own. If your client/BFs can't handle that than they fall into the category of guys just looking for an ongoing freebie.
I just haven't found that guy who 'gets it'...and who also isn't looking for an ongoing freebie. I mean, plenty of clients have told me that they'd be happy to date a hooker (meaning, me), and would be 'fine' with her job...which basically translates to, 'Hey, I'd like some free sex, and since that's all I'm after, why would I care who else you fuck?'
I think it's pretty rare to find a lasting relationship such as you describe. The key word is lasting. To make it work, would take two extremely special people, and a lot of commitment and patience. Also, a VERY open mind and almost complete lack of insecurity or possessiveness. I'm sure it can happen...but statistically, I'm probably more likely to get struck by lightning, or eaten by a shark, or something.
A few years back, I had a fairly fulfilling relationship with a civvie...it was not, however, a lasting one. It was priceless and irreplaceable as an overall experience, but not something to repeat. In terms of my lifestyle, it was a huge loss for me in terms of investment of time and emotional capital...also, money, as my focus on work lessened. As other posters have said, when there's a guy you really love...it's VERY hard to be intimate with clients. The lesson I learned is that THIS is my livelihood, and that's what I have to accept in terms of my relations with men (and/or women).
I could find guys to 'date' if I just wanted a short-term fuck buddy...but, even then, I'd have to sift through the ones who just want to use me for sex, or who *think* they can handle my job, and really can't.
I find that acceptance of my life, the way it is, is a much more sensible approach. Not that I'm always sensible, but I do try to be, lol. I can't spend my life chasing after a Mr. Right-for-a-Hooker
when I am open to things they do have a way of coming to pass, but I do agree "chasing it" is most likely a fruitless pursuit.
While I am being all sappy and honest I will further admit that while I am perfectly able to compartmentalize dating a sex worker, "IF" I were ever to fall heads over heels for a hooker and started planning an actual life together, an "exit" strategy would most likely be discussed sooner rather than later. but I rarely fall in love so I don't see that being an issue for me anytime soon
Unless I meet a special someone who *makes* me think about one. That happened a few years ago, and happened again this spring/summer.
It just never works...not to say that it never will, or never could, but it's something that is (generally) not compatible with my lifestyle. Easier to accept that, and make the most of the opportunities that this lifestyle affords me, than date every darn client who will pay for the occasional dinner and then demand free sex, or every civvie who will be nominally fascinated with my lifestyle (at least, initially), then judge me for it. Or dump me over it.
If there is someone for me out there...then, I'll welcome it (I certainly meet enough men and women), but I'm done hoping/searching.
Furthermore, as you said...if I ever get into a relationship with THAT guy, I'd probably have to either stop working, or let him go. I don't personally know that I can handle an open or polyamorous type of relationship...at least not during the fun new honeymoon phase Maybe after a few years. But that's still left to be determined.
An ongoing freebie!
and so many guys claim their GF's/Wives are only interested in spending their money, is it any wonder that so many of us just stop the pretense and either become hookers or start seeing hookers where there isn't any pretense?
I know a lot of both guys and girls even manage to fuck this up, but for many of us, on both sides of the equation, P4P is the perfect solution.
Disclaimer: No need for alarm. This is just how GG and I have fun when we get bored.