The village elder has confiscated this strange object to explore further "scientific" and "medicinal" uses.
He has informed us not to be alarmed if strange noises - grunts and groans, are coming from his house.  He says do not be concerned as it is all part of his study.

He is also requesting something called "astroglide".  Which apparently is something he needs to continue his research.

He has just asked government officials to allow him unrestricted access to an internet site called "Xtube", claiming that it is critical to performing a thorough investigation of the strange object.  Preferably several times.  He is 80 you know...

"the study confirmed that women tend to be more flexible than men in their sexual orientation, with women in the study being nearly three times more likely than men to experience a change in their orientation during the study."

"more women than men are in the middle of the curve."  (0 = pure hetero; 6 = pure homo; 1-5 = shades or bi)

and so on.

I want to know: Who paid for this study?  US Government = taxpayers?