TER General Board

I chose....
Critter137 7 Reviews 831 reads
posted

My wife,best decision ive ever made. What i did to her almost destroyed ber, so thankful she chose to give me a second chance.......all i can say is decide what and who is most important to you...my stupidity almost cost ME the most important thing in my world.     I wish you luck.

Posted By: fleric69
This is lengthy so bare with me:  
   
 So I embarked on the road of this hobby of ours earlier this year. As many of us do I was searching for something lacking on the home front. I have seen very few providers compared to most. The first was a bit nerve racking and made me unsure if I would continue. But alas I did and had a few very good and exciting encounters. Then in May I saw a provider that really blew my socks off. Not really for the sex itself but there was something else about her. I saw her again and again. It became a regular thing. Heck she gave me a discounted rate so I could come see her more often. It was very rare that I came without a gift or at least a rose. Even gave her a gift for her birthday that she said was the best and most thoughtful gift she EVER received. She then hinted at coming along with me on a business trip sometime. Well just so happened I was heading out of town for a week in a couple months and asked her to go. We agreed upon a rate (most of you would be shocked at the bargain) and it was set. Time got closer and she decided she didn't like sitting in cars for a long trip. Did that stop her? No she bought a plane ticket on her own so she could come be with me.  
   
 In the meantime there was a family vacation for me. My wife ended up having a moment of clarity and snapped out of the funk she had been in for who knows how many years. She decided everything else didn't matter, she just wanted to love me again. Problem was (is?) I had feelings for my another. Then it came out. The deception over the last few months. You see, I'm not really good at sneaking around. I was confronted and I folded. Half expecting for her to say we were finished I was shocked to have her profess her love to me and ask me what I wanted (some of you may remember my last post).  
   
 Well, it's hard to give up 20 years (14 married) with 3 kids so I said I wanted to stay with her and I was done everything else. Problem was I was not done. I was being smothered by the new found love my wife had for me and wasn't able to think about everything. I continued to see this other woman (let's call her J). My feelings became deeper for her. Recently I told her when things ended with my wife I would call her and ask her on a real date. Not so much to my surprise she said she would really like that.  
   
 Well my wife got smart and started checking on me. i couldn't hide anything. She found out everything about J but still wanted me. I just wanted to buy some time to get out of town with J and do some soul searching. Fully expecting to come home to either fully devote myself to my wife or to divorce. It's hard to plan a trip when you are constantly being watched. And as I mentioned earlier I'm not good at sneaking around. Everytime I was caught I folded and had to somehow convince her I was done.  
   
 Well it was finally time to embark on the adventure and one simple text derailed everything. My wife had installed something on my phone where she could read my texts remotely. "Should be there about an hour before your plane lands" is all that was said. Phone rings.... "Who's going with you?" once again I folded. So after a few choice words and what to expect when I get back home I shortly got a text that she was at my parents. That just messed it all up. I'm almost 40 but it's hard to say no to your dad. Had to meet that night. Well after I explained I had some things to take care of I agreed to meet him about 4 hours away at a family home.  
   
 Once I picked J up at the airport and broke the news to her that I could not stay we had to have a long talk. She was going to stay. Had to so she could keep up the ruse she told her family. She was actually going to help me at a convention at my booth (she's a promo model as well) so I guess it worked out for her to fill in for me. After the talk we went to our (now her) room and had what was probably the most wonderful and intimate sex I have ever had. I make her feel like no one else can she told me. That made me feel good.  
   
 Now today (only 1 day later) I'm back home with my family. My wife knows all and says she fully forgives me for everything as long as I am able to give myself back to her. I owe her that don't I? The problem is I think I'm in love with J and I just know feelings are reciprocated. So here I sit in misery while I want to be in my hotel room enjoying the week I have been looking forward to for so long. What have I gotten myself into?  
   
 Don't know if I'm looking for advise or just needed to get this out. I've certainly learned a few things about this hobby and what not to do. Any comments or thoughts are welcome...

This is lengthy so bare with me:

So I embarked on the road of this hobby of ours earlier this year. As many of us do I was searching for something lacking on the home front. I have seen very few providers compared to most. The first was a bit nerve racking and made me unsure if I would continue. But alas I did and had a few very good and exciting encounters. Then in May I saw a provider that really blew my socks off. Not really for the sex itself but there was something else about her. I saw her again and again. It became a regular thing. Heck she gave me a discounted rate so I could come see her more often. It was very rare that I came without a gift or at least a rose. Even gave her a gift for her birthday that she said was the best and most thoughtful gift she EVER received. She then hinted at coming along with me on a business trip sometime. Well just so happened I was heading out of town for a week in a couple months and asked her to go. We agreed upon a rate (most of you would be shocked at the bargain) and it was set. Time got closer and she decided she didn't like sitting in cars for a long trip. Did that stop her? No she bought a plane ticket on her own so she could come be with me.

In the meantime there was a family vacation for me. My wife ended up having a moment of clarity and snapped out of the funk she had been in for who knows how many years. She decided everything else didn't matter, she just wanted to love me again. Problem was (is?) I had feelings for my another. Then it came out. The deception over the last few months. You see, I'm not really good at sneaking around. I was confronted and I folded. Half expecting for her to say we were finished I was shocked to have her profess her love to me and ask me what I wanted (some of you may remember my last post).

Well, it's hard to give up 20 years (14 married) with 3 kids so I said I wanted to stay with her and I was done everything else. Problem was I was not done. I was being smothered by the new found love my wife had for me and wasn't able to think about everything. I continued to see this other woman (let's call her J). My feelings became deeper for her. Recently I told her when things ended with my wife I would call her and ask her on a real date. Not so much to my surprise she said she would really like that.  

Well my wife got smart and started checking on me. i couldn't hide anything. She found out everything about J but still wanted me. I just wanted to buy some time to get out of town with J and do some soul searching. Fully expecting to come home to either fully devote myself to my wife or to divorce. It's hard to plan a trip when you are constantly being watched. And as I mentioned earlier I'm not good at sneaking around. Everytime I was caught I folded and had to somehow convince her I was done.

Well it was finally time to embark on the adventure and one simple text derailed everything. My wife had installed something on my phone where she could read my texts remotely. "Should be there about an hour before your plane lands" is all that was said. Phone rings.... "Who's going with you?" once again I folded. So after a few choice words and what to expect when I get back home I shortly got a text that she was at my parents. That just messed it all up. I'm almost 40 but it's hard to say no to your dad. Had to meet that night. Well after I explained I had some things to take care of I agreed to meet him about 4 hours away at a family home.  

Once I picked J up at the airport and broke the news to her that I could not stay we had to have a long talk. She was going to stay. Had to so she could keep up the ruse she told her family. She was actually going to help me at a convention at my booth (she's a promo model as well) so I guess it worked out for her to fill in for me. After the talk we went to our (now her) room and had what was probably the most wonderful and intimate sex I have ever had. I make her feel like no one else can she told me. That made me feel good.

Now today (only 1 day later) I'm back home with my family. My wife knows all and says she fully forgives me for everything as long as I am able to give myself back to her. I owe her that don't I? The problem is I think I'm in love with J and I just know feelings are reciprocated. So here I sit in misery while I want to be in my hotel room enjoying the week I have been looking forward to for so long. What have I gotten myself into?

Don't know if I'm looking for advise or just needed to get this out. I've certainly learned a few things about this hobby and what not to do. Any comments or thoughts are welcome...

L.Guapo1219 reads

Well, three.
1) It's not a hobby. It's a lifestyle.
2) When confronted, deny, deny, deny.
3) Never fall for a hooker and be unable to get up.
Now please go shoot yourself.  Then you'll be fine.
Was that harsh?  I'm sorry.

GaGambler1051 reads

Some people will "get" this, others won't.

NotaHobby761 reads

Posted By: L.Guapo
Well, three.  
 1) It's not a hobby. It's a lifestyle.  
 2) When confronted, deny, deny, deny.  
 3) Never fall for a hooker and be unable to get up.  
 Now please go shoot yourself.  Then you'll be fine.  
 Was that harsh?  I'm sorry.

Haven't been confronted about that yet... but thanks for the laugh!

Will you cave again? You cave a lot it seems. You have created a lot of drama in your life. Now your wife has you by the balls. She's already shown you how much she "cares" by going to your parents house. She want you as long as you play by her rules now. If you don't she will tell EVERYONE! If you file for divorce, she'll tell EVERYONE. She is going to hold this over your head until you take that control away from her.

And I really hope you paid that gal what you agreed to pay her. If she has ANY smarts she'll dump you now! Your wife probably will end up contacting your escort friend, hell has no fury like a woman scorned.

Good luck with all of this, you are going to need it.

:-/

Steph

She was compensated well beyond what was agreed upon.

How do you have a review from Sept 2014?

Guess that was technically the first time but I haven't put much weight on that since it was just a FBSM. Nothing more.

Is to do one of the following:

A)  Spend some serious alone-time sorting out your feelings, and deciding what YOU really want.  What you believe will make you happy in the long run.  (Although, from the tone of your post, I think you're too emotional right now to accomplish this on your own.)

B)  Seek professional help.   If you've had a counselor or therapist in the past who already knows you, then go to that person.  I would not recommend seeking guidance from a clergyman/priest/rabbi OR any type of parental figure.

C)  Talk to your most trusted friends and/or siblings.  Maybe leave out the fact that the "other woman" is a provider as sometimes people will not hear anything else after that and base their advice and judgments on that fact alone.  But definitely be as honest as you feel you can be, to have the best shot at getting truly insightful thoughts from someone who really knows you.

Bottom line, you need clarity and guidance from someone who can help you to see what is best for you and your situation.    

 
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

PS~ I absolutely adore telling people what to do with their lives, and am a well-documented know-it-all to boot, so feel free to PM or email ME if none of the above suggestions appeal to you!  :-P  :-)

bigguy30954 reads

It's fun and exciting meeting different woman providers in this hobby.
You sound like your in prison and your wife is the warden.
Just decide what you want for yourself and take control of your life!
If your almost forty years old it's time to grow up.
So most men can handle having more than one woman but it's clear your not one of them.

 

Posted By: fleric69
This is lengthy so bare with me:  
   
 So I embarked on the road of this hobby of ours earlier this year. As many of us do I was searching for something lacking on the home front. I have seen very few providers compared to most. The first was a bit nerve racking and made me unsure if I would continue. But alas I did and had a few very good and exciting encounters. Then in May I saw a provider that really blew my socks off. Not really for the sex itself but there was something else about her. I saw her again and again. It became a regular thing. Heck she gave me a discounted rate so I could come see her more often. It was very rare that I came without a gift or at least a rose. Even gave her a gift for her birthday that she said was the best and most thoughtful gift she EVER received. She then hinted at coming along with me on a business trip sometime. Well just so happened I was heading out of town for a week in a couple months and asked her to go. We agreed upon a rate (most of you would be shocked at the bargain) and it was set. Time got closer and she decided she didn't like sitting in cars for a long trip. Did that stop her? No she bought a plane ticket on her own so she could come be with me.  
   
 In the meantime there was a family vacation for me. My wife ended up having a moment of clarity and snapped out of the funk she had been in for who knows how many years. She decided everything else didn't matter, she just wanted to love me again. Problem was (is?) I had feelings for my another. Then it came out. The deception over the last few months. You see, I'm not really good at sneaking around. I was confronted and I folded. Half expecting for her to say we were finished I was shocked to have her profess her love to me and ask me what I wanted (some of you may remember my last post).  
   
 Well, it's hard to give up 20 years (14 married) with 3 kids so I said I wanted to stay with her and I was done everything else. Problem was I was not done. I was being smothered by the new found love my wife had for me and wasn't able to think about everything. I continued to see this other woman (let's call her J). My feelings became deeper for her. Recently I told her when things ended with my wife I would call her and ask her on a real date. Not so much to my surprise she said she would really like that.  
   
 Well my wife got smart and started checking on me. i couldn't hide anything. She found out everything about J but still wanted me. I just wanted to buy some time to get out of town with J and do some soul searching. Fully expecting to come home to either fully devote myself to my wife or to divorce. It's hard to plan a trip when you are constantly being watched. And as I mentioned earlier I'm not good at sneaking around. Everytime I was caught I folded and had to somehow convince her I was done.  
   
 Well it was finally time to embark on the adventure and one simple text derailed everything. My wife had installed something on my phone where she could read my texts remotely. "Should be there about an hour before your plane lands" is all that was said. Phone rings.... "Who's going with you?" once again I folded. So after a few choice words and what to expect when I get back home I shortly got a text that she was at my parents. That just messed it all up. I'm almost 40 but it's hard to say no to your dad. Had to meet that night. Well after I explained I had some things to take care of I agreed to meet him about 4 hours away at a family home.  
   
 Once I picked J up at the airport and broke the news to her that I could not stay we had to have a long talk. She was going to stay. Had to so she could keep up the ruse she told her family. She was actually going to help me at a convention at my booth (she's a promo model as well) so I guess it worked out for her to fill in for me. After the talk we went to our (now her) room and had what was probably the most wonderful and intimate sex I have ever had. I make her feel like no one else can she told me. That made me feel good.  
   
 Now today (only 1 day later) I'm back home with my family. My wife knows all and says she fully forgives me for everything as long as I am able to give myself back to her. I owe her that don't I? The problem is I think I'm in love with J and I just know feelings are reciprocated. So here I sit in misery while I want to be in my hotel room enjoying the week I have been looking forward to for so long. What have I gotten myself into?  
   
 Don't know if I'm looking for advise or just needed to get this out. I've certainly learned a few things about this hobby and what not to do. Any comments or thoughts are welcome...

You know... everything was just fine until my wife decided to stop ignoring me. By that time I guess I had already been pushed too far. A challenge I was not ready for I guess.

Or did you suffer in silence, letting resentment build?

I'm sure your fascination with this new lady is strong, but you have to remember that you probably felt that way about your wife at one time, and one day you'll probably feel the way you feel about your wife about this new lady. You're riding the rollercoaster, but when you get it back home for good, will it still have its appeal? When we are with you, we are ON. All the time- even for extended engagements. IRL, we will eventually be off. Will your fascination continue when she's off? Will you suddenly realize that rollercoasters are not that practical to have at home or take grocery shopping? Outside of the amusement park they're pretty useless. How will your relationship translate into RL?

Your marriage is also a partnership- a thing you've built that includes other people now (your children). You need to think of that.  

I think you need to think long and hard about how likely a partner your new lady will be in the long term. And how likely you'll be to be there in the long term. What happened between you and your wife did not happen in a vacuum. It may happen again with anyone else if you do not solve the issue at the root- which always, always begins with communication.  

Don't make any rash decisions before you let this crazy fire you have for the new lady die down. Because it will die down. And when it does, you'll need to know if the resulting relationship is sustainable. If your new lady is there because of your money, and you divorce, your money will be impacted seriously. Will she still stick around if you're not as financially solvent? (I can tell you that money is a huge aphrodisiac.)

You have some really hard decisions to make. I wish you all the best.:

wiyd211134 reads

Yes I had dated a provider for a year and actually lived with her for two more years.  

There are pros & cons, once you do get serious you have to remember that the fun times get lesser and the mundane everyday stuff gets more.when I say more it progressively gets more till it far outweighs the benefits and you would want to escape.

Finally, I realized that the best way to escape was to cut down what I had for her and it worked she ran away. For instance I had leased a Lexus car solely for her, but I just took the key away from her when she was not aware and hid the car. I also cut down a few other things.  

To mention she is still one of my best friends she does not live in the same state as me so no sex. But she still tells me that the greatest mistake in her life was walking out on me.  

I too think that while it was good it was the best relationship I ever had, but I have no regrets about the breakup. There is only one reason, you always have to remember that as a hobbyist you live in a land of make belief.

Also, if I ever have to date seriously again it will only be with a provider, it is the only real and best relationship you can have. Actually, I have been seeing a provider regularly and have been dating her sometimes. Hey, but it is so much more better as I am so much more wiser.

SO BEWAR

Here_I_Go946 reads

I think that you can see already that the regulars here just love fresh meat to rip into and tear up.  Why subject yourself to the ridicule that comes from these people, who get off on being jerks?  Continuing to air your situation here will deliver no value to you.

L.Guapo848 reads

And it's likely this one is, too. Remember the "wife" who posted here a year or so ago claiming to have hacked her hubby's TER account and said she'd wreak vengeance.  I think she was exposed as well

Think what you want but there is no hidden objective here. This is just a warning to what others could do. I'm seriously thinking I should have gotten a burner phone. That would have saved a hell of a lot of frustration. I have a feeling I will be back in this hobby (if I ever end up leaving) and much wiser for all of this.

don't take even minimal customary precautions. You sound self destructive.

I used an app for contact that I always removed before coming home. There is a program at webwatcherdata.com that can be installed and hidden on your phone that shows every single thing you do. Turns out I paid $100 for this so she could watch my every movement. Can even track you. She could see everything I was doing. Let this be proof that a burner phone is most certainly the way to go.  

It was a pain to figure out how to remove it too.

My ex, put a snooping link on my phone, laptop and she even discretely placed a GPS unit in my car. This BSC woman should have worked for the FBI or Homeland Security.

All that, and I never did cheat on her.

Dang! At least my wife had a reason and I felt an invasion of privacy. I feel for you...

At least once she got what she was looking for she fessed up and handed over her login info so she couldn't snoop anymore.... so I think.

Unless she is administrator of you family's cell phone plan?
smh

Not an app. A program that is downloaded from the internet browser. After installation it automatically deletes all easily noticable traces of itself. Check out webwatcherdata . C o m

Pretty powerful program. She installed it one night while I was asleep. Luckily I now have control of that account and it is off my phone.

As they say in radio "Long time listener, first time caller". I may not post often though I do read the board regularly. Ridicule is fully expected and maybe even a bit welcome... I could use a few laughs right now.  

Just thought I'd share my story so others can either comment or take warning from my mistakes. And who knows... some good advice may actually come from it. Some have already tried that route.

GaGambler828 reads

but as a "long time listener" didn't any of the lessons posted by all the professional cheaters here sink in? Everything you are going through, from falling for a hooker, to falling back in love with your wife, not to mention burner phones, etc have been discussed here dozens of times.  

I won't bother giving you advice, I think you wanted two things out of  your OP. You wanted a sounding board, and you wanted the ridicule you are rightfully getting.So Mission Accomplished, and thanks for finally giving us a long awaited piñata the board has been craving since the usual suspects all seem to be on "time out"

GaG, got to give you a gold star for that one. You get it. Since my wife has not been leaving me alone for the last month I have not had time to think and sort of punish myself. Think that's part of the process. So I have come to my dear friends here to give me the proper lashing I deserve.

Time for you to give up the hobby, and go home.  Just make sure wifey gets the message about sex being something that occurs more frequently than V-Day, your BD, and anniversary.  Since she's apparently giving you a second chance, make the most of it.

She is there because you are paying her to be. Enjoy your time together, it's the perfect relationship you get all the good without having to endure the bullshit. This is a very simple arrangement and it's perfect. One shouldn't mess with perfection.

Secondly, if your wife is anything like my ex, her snooping is much much worse than you know. I found out after we separated exactly how bad and to what depths she snooped. All that, and I never cheated on her, I didn't start this wonderful hobby until after my divorce. You may think you still love your wife and that she loves you, but anyone who doesn't respect boundaries is not a loving person. In her defense, you did cheat on her, but the appropriate response to that would be to leave you.

I have absolutely no idea why anyone would stay with someone who betrayed them. If someone does it once, they will do it again.  

Fuck me over once, shame on you. Fuck me over twice, shame on me for giving you the opportunity to do it again.

I have heard that don't fall in love thing before. Too bad I didn't listen. I could have so easily given up the sex at the drop of a hat when suspicions arose. The other, not so much.

It sucks being woken up suddenly with your wife confronting you about a strange number on your phone only to explain it was a golf course you were trying to make a tee time at for later that week.

floxiegirl1053 reads

All relationships, all, are exciting when they're new. The feelings are exciting, the lust is fresh, you've only known this woman for three months so she still seems mysterious to you. You haven't ruined her body with 3 kids, she hasn't had to put up with the crap that comes along with living you. You give her your best self when you're together, do you do that for your wife?

Your new love is an escort, and that's ok. But your wife has committed herself to one man for 14 years, there's value in that. It would be easy for your wife to find someone else to fuck, and to love, heck, she could put an ad here and get paid for it too, but she hasn't done that. And there's value in that.

I'm not married, and I never have been. But I've seen too many functioning relationships end because a new, temporary, something came along. The consequences to ending your marriage wouldn't be worth the fun you may have with your escort over the new few months. Think wisely.

That is exactly what my wife told me. Almost word for word... Do you have a psychology degree as she does?

GaGambler848 reads

I think you have two choices, Shooting yourself, or hanging yourself. I hear many things can go wrong when trying to hang oneself, I'd pick eating a bullet if I were you. Nice and quick, no chance of just dangling there for several minutes. lol

And the fact that you're not totally available to each other is part of what keeps the fire burning between you two. You're still just getting the best of each other. A relationship with J will inevitably succumb to the routines and ennui that plague most LTRs.  

Rather than just sex, it seems that you were searching here for the emotional connections that were missing in your marriage. Your wife has given you a lot of leeway, so you should also give her another chance and see if you can find a path forward with her. You won't be able to recapture what you had; instead, it will be a new marriage and if it's not sexually satisfying, now is your opening to negotiate an arrangement. You have a little wiggle room to figure yourself out before you lose the option of being with J as well.  

What you're going through at your stage of life is really common; ultimately, you have to figure this out for yourself, make a decision and live with it.

that your WIFE AND MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN still wants you.  This post is so truly delusional that I question its veracity.  You were consciously wiling to give up you FAMILY for a freakin trollip? Yes many of us do this by just seeing escorts, but AFTER you were found out and forgiven, you continued trying to have your cake and eat it too? You deserve everything you get and I hope she cleans you out.  

Posted By: fleric69
This is lengthy so bare with me:  
   
 So I embarked on the road of this hobby of ours earlier this year. As many of us do I was searching for something lacking on the home front. I have seen very few providers compared to most. The first was a bit nerve racking and made me unsure if I would continue. But alas I did and had a few very good and exciting encounters. Then in May I saw a provider that really blew my socks off. Not really for the sex itself but there was something else about her. I saw her again and again. It became a regular thing. Heck she gave me a discounted rate so I could come see her more often. It was very rare that I came without a gift or at least a rose. Even gave her a gift for her birthday that she said was the best and most thoughtful gift she EVER received. She then hinted at coming along with me on a business trip sometime. Well just so happened I was heading out of town for a week in a couple months and asked her to go. We agreed upon a rate (most of you would be shocked at the bargain) and it was set. Time got closer and she decided she didn't like sitting in cars for a long trip. Did that stop her? No she bought a plane ticket on her own so she could come be with me.  
   
 In the meantime there was a family vacation for me. My wife ended up having a moment of clarity and snapped out of the funk she had been in for who knows how many years. She decided everything else didn't matter, she just wanted to love me again. Problem was (is?) I had feelings for my another. Then it came out. The deception over the last few months. You see, I'm not really good at sneaking around. I was confronted and I folded. Half expecting for her to say we were finished I was shocked to have her profess her love to me and ask me what I wanted (some of you may remember my last post).  
   
 Well, it's hard to give up 20 years (14 married) with 3 kids so I said I wanted to stay with her and I was done everything else. Problem was I was not done. I was being smothered by the new found love my wife had for me and wasn't able to think about everything. I continued to see this other woman (let's call her J). My feelings became deeper for her. Recently I told her when things ended with my wife I would call her and ask her on a real date. Not so much to my surprise she said she would really like that.  
   
 Well my wife got smart and started checking on me. i couldn't hide anything. She found out everything about J but still wanted me. I just wanted to buy some time to get out of town with J and do some soul searching. Fully expecting to come home to either fully devote myself to my wife or to divorce. It's hard to plan a trip when you are constantly being watched. And as I mentioned earlier I'm not good at sneaking around. Everytime I was caught I folded and had to somehow convince her I was done.  
   
 Well it was finally time to embark on the adventure and one simple text derailed everything. My wife had installed something on my phone where she could read my texts remotely. "Should be there about an hour before your plane lands" is all that was said. Phone rings.... "Who's going with you?" once again I folded. So after a few choice words and what to expect when I get back home I shortly got a text that she was at my parents. That just messed it all up. I'm almost 40 but it's hard to say no to your dad. Had to meet that night. Well after I explained I had some things to take care of I agreed to meet him about 4 hours away at a family home.  
   
 Once I picked J up at the airport and broke the news to her that I could not stay we had to have a long talk. She was going to stay. Had to so she could keep up the ruse she told her family. She was actually going to help me at a convention at my booth (she's a promo model as well) so I guess it worked out for her to fill in for me. After the talk we went to our (now her) room and had what was probably the most wonderful and intimate sex I have ever had. I make her feel like no one else can she told me. That made me feel good.  
   
 Now today (only 1 day later) I'm back home with my family. My wife knows all and says she fully forgives me for everything as long as I am able to give myself back to her. I owe her that don't I? The problem is I think I'm in love with J and I just know feelings are reciprocated. So here I sit in misery while I want to be in my hotel room enjoying the week I have been looking forward to for so long. What have I gotten myself into?  
   
 Don't know if I'm looking for advise or just needed to get this out. I've certainly learned a few things about this hobby and what not to do. Any comments or thoughts are welcome...

Good points and duly noted. The question I'm trying to figure out at this point is what do I really want. The relationship with the wife was bad for so many years in my mind it was over. Although she is able to forgive I don't know if I can find the connection again. Think I'm willing to give it a try but in the end if it's not there is it good for anyone to stay together unhappy? That's one of the main questions and probably only one that can be answered with time.

In regards to cleaning me out. Let's just say she is already set and there is not much she can get from me. That's not even an issue.

GaGambler1117 reads

I think your statement about ever being able to find that connection with your wife is key here.

There was obviously something broken with your marriage that caused you to give up on it in the first place. Sometimes nostalgia and "selective" good memories  will have you chasing something that no longer exists. I remember a year after my divorce was final we both have second thoughts and tried to reconnect. We had three wonderful days and then it all came back to us why we broke up in the first place. The only positive thing that came out of our attempted reconciliation was real closure. Well for me at least. my ex still wanted to be "friends' and I knew secretly she wanted to give it yet another "second chance" but my eyes were opened and I was able to close that chapter in my life with no regrets. I know I might be projecting here, which is usually what advice here consists of, other people projecting. but "Maybe" that's what you need? A real sense of closure with your wife, so you can move on without one eye in the rearview mirror.

Something you might want to ask yourself is where do you see your life in ten-twenty years if you stay married to this woman, and where do you see your life if you move on? That's the question I asked myself and my answer to myself was I simply couldn't imagine spending decades longer with "that woman" Your answer could be completely different, but it's a question you should ask yourself.

or of course you could always hang yourself. lol

There we go! I knew you had some knowledge to offer up on this...

You have given me some very good points to consider. I'm questioning if the nostalgia and certain good memories are what is keeping me in this. I just do not feel the same anymore. I have told her I love her but not as one should love their wife. Will I get that back? Don't know but for her compassion and willingness to forgive I feel I owe it to her to at least give counseling a try.

GaGambler933 reads

My feelings about counseling is that while it may get some things out in the open for the two of you to deal with, do  you really think that simply "working out your differences" will really give you that "warm fuzzy feeling" again?

If she was the one asking for the advice, I am sure my answer would be much different, but my question to you is "do you really think there is any chance that you will be HAPPY being with this woman for the rest of your life?" Or are you simply going through the motions out of a sense of guilt?

ok....my last bit of advice....

You have a choice to make....your family or your escort...so the easy answer is...

flip a coin.....

if your instant reaction to the result is relief or "rats", you have your answer.
 

Posted By: fleric69
Good points and duly noted. The question I'm trying to figure out at this point is what do I really want. The relationship with the wife was bad for so many years in my mind it was over. Although she is able to forgive I don't know if I can find the connection again. Think I'm willing to give it a try but in the end if it's not there is it good for anyone to stay together unhappy? That's one of the main questions and probably only one that can be answered with time.  
   
 In regards to cleaning me out. Let's just say she is already set and there is not much she can get from me. That's not even an issue.

You need a few months of separation.

Posted By: fleric69
This is lengthy so bare with me:  
   
 So I embarked on the road of this hobby of ours earlier this year. As many of us do I was searching for something lacking on the home front. I have seen very few providers compared to most. The first was a bit nerve racking and made me unsure if I would continue. But alas I did and had a few very good and exciting encounters. Then in May I saw a provider that really blew my socks off. Not really for the sex itself but there was something else about her. I saw her again and again. It became a regular thing. Heck she gave me a discounted rate so I could come see her more often. It was very rare that I came without a gift or at least a rose. Even gave her a gift for her birthday that she said was the best and most thoughtful gift she EVER received. She then hinted at coming along with me on a business trip sometime. Well just so happened I was heading out of town for a week in a couple months and asked her to go. We agreed upon a rate (most of you would be shocked at the bargain) and it was set. Time got closer and she decided she didn't like sitting in cars for a long trip. Did that stop her? No she bought a plane ticket on her own so she could come be with me.  
   
 In the meantime there was a family vacation for me. My wife ended up having a moment of clarity and snapped out of the funk she had been in for who knows how many years. She decided everything else didn't matter, she just wanted to love me again. Problem was (is?) I had feelings for my another. Then it came out. The deception over the last few months. You see, I'm not really good at sneaking around. I was confronted and I folded. Half expecting for her to say we were finished I was shocked to have her profess her love to me and ask me what I wanted (some of you may remember my last post).  
   
 Well, it's hard to give up 20 years (14 married) with 3 kids so I said I wanted to stay with her and I was done everything else. Problem was I was not done. I was being smothered by the new found love my wife had for me and wasn't able to think about everything. I continued to see this other woman (let's call her J). My feelings became deeper for her. Recently I told her when things ended with my wife I would call her and ask her on a real date. Not so much to my surprise she said she would really like that.  
   
 Well my wife got smart and started checking on me. i couldn't hide anything. She found out everything about J but still wanted me. I just wanted to buy some time to get out of town with J and do some soul searching. Fully expecting to come home to either fully devote myself to my wife or to divorce. It's hard to plan a trip when you are constantly being watched. And as I mentioned earlier I'm not good at sneaking around. Everytime I was caught I folded and had to somehow convince her I was done.  
   
 Well it was finally time to embark on the adventure and one simple text derailed everything. My wife had installed something on my phone where she could read my texts remotely. "Should be there about an hour before your plane lands" is all that was said. Phone rings.... "Who's going with you?" once again I folded. So after a few choice words and what to expect when I get back home I shortly got a text that she was at my parents. That just messed it all up. I'm almost 40 but it's hard to say no to your dad. Had to meet that night. Well after I explained I had some things to take care of I agreed to meet him about 4 hours away at a family home.  
   
 Once I picked J up at the airport and broke the news to her that I could not stay we had to have a long talk. She was going to stay. Had to so she could keep up the ruse she told her family. She was actually going to help me at a convention at my booth (she's a promo model as well) so I guess it worked out for her to fill in for me. After the talk we went to our (now her) room and had what was probably the most wonderful and intimate sex I have ever had. I make her feel like no one else can she told me. That made me feel good.  
   
 Now today (only 1 day later) I'm back home with my family. My wife knows all and says she fully forgives me for everything as long as I am able to give myself back to her. I owe her that don't I? The problem is I think I'm in love with J and I just know feelings are reciprocated. So here I sit in misery while I want to be in my hotel room enjoying the week I have been looking forward to for so long. What have I gotten myself into?  
   
 Don't know if I'm looking for advise or just needed to get this out. I've certainly learned a few things about this hobby and what not to do. Any comments or thoughts are welcome...

And that's where the problems come in. Emotions, all of that stuff. If you were blow-up dolls, it would be easier. ;)

The hobby is simply a word attached to the sport.

But the reality is, that when I see a woman she is there because I am paying her to be. It's great when you can like spending time with each other and genuinely like each other. I mean that's a win/win, right?

I think the vast majority of ladies don't want their clients falling in love with them, we've seen those discussions repeated many times in here. This is a fantasy life, and I think the dynamic works best when the client keeps the indelible line in sight at all times.

I've mentioned before that providers are my favorite PEOPLE, and although I like to have my fun, I hope that they all feel that I treat them with the respect and dignity they deserve.

At the end of the day, we are all doing our best to get through this thing called life, it's much easier when we are honest with one another and treat each other with respect.

NotaHobby797 reads

Posted By: russbbj
The hobby is simply a word attached to the sport.  
   
 But the reality is, that when I see a woman she is there because I am paying her to be. It's great when you can like spending time with each other and genuinely like each other. I mean that's a win/win, right?  
   
 I think the vast majority of ladies don't want their clients falling in love with them, we've seen those discussions repeated many times in here. This is a fantasy life, and I think the dynamic works best when the client keeps the indelible line in sight at all times.  
   
 I've mentioned before that providers are my favorite PEOPLE, and although I like to have my fun, I hope that they all feel that I treat them with the respect and dignity they deserve.  
   
 At the end of the day, we are all doing our best to get through this thing called life, it's much easier when we are honest with one another and treat each other with respect.

No I'm not, I'm just sayin that.

I don't know what SMH means, but from context I can imagine it's an insult thrown my way.

Don't get your panties in a bunch over it though, if you don't like it, just take your ball and go home.

Damn, had my eyes dilated for an eye exam this morning and my reading is suffering...

I thought you said we are not HOBBITS!!!!

Your wife seems an awfully trusting type, and maybe is also open minded enough to accept being in a 3-way relationship.  J, being a provider, might have a similar mindset.

It could be a win-win for everyone.

I know of at least two people doing this now (not in the hobby, btw) and it seems to be working for them, at least by outward appearances.

Otherwise, choose one over the other and let the chips fall where they may.

One big mess is better than two big messes, and who knows, you could end up without a wife or girl friend the way things are going right now.

I guess if no other good comes from this post, others like you can see what not to do as regards losing control of your heart and head in this hobby

Open marriage is out of the question. Before the wife even knew about this I still heard about how hurt she was from finding porn on my computer just after we got married. There was always a trust issue. The problem is I'm an honest person.... most likely to a fault as evidenced in my current situation. The only one I ever lie to is my wife. That's not good. So in the end to be fully devoted I would basically have to not ever do anything that I couldn't tell her about. Not sure if I can do that.

I've got some soul searching to do and some things to figure out.

I'm not trying to shame anyone - but if a woman is so against cheating, and it keeps happening over and over again, why is she staying? I think some women know but stay for convenience, and sometimes I wonder if the woman is like "Good. She can suck his dick. Thank God."

But some aren't.

Anyway, the lady you're "in love" with that you're paying - honestly she knows exactly what to say to you. A provider in this industry is NOT supposed to be a home wrecker. But - I'm not saying people don't actually fall in love. You have to be careful though and reeeeeally look at this from an outside perspective. The whole point of this is to maintain the marriage. Unless you don't want to. If the marriage doesn't work out it needs to be your choice, not the convincing of a lady who wants you, even if it is love.

You may be getting a discount, but you're still paying. Some ladies marry for money money money. It's not uncommon. You must have a nice stash because it seems the ladies are hypnotized by green fairy dust. (A lady who gives a discount may very well be giving a discount in hopes for a greater return in the future. Like a house, a car, babies, a ring, and your whole life. Yikes!)

Anyway, I'm going to stop now lol. Good luck with this, sounds like you have your work cut out for you. Maybe ask your wife if she likes threesomes?



-- Modified on 9/1/2015 1:13:15 PM

Like the wife does? She sounds like the type that will fight for you, forgive you, and give you another chance - like a lot.

That's not easy to find. Something to think about.

This is something I cannot nor will not ignore. I will give it another honest go and see what is left. The big issue is that she has changed dramatically and is really a new person. Before she was wrapped up in her family as well as our kids and I was left out to dry. Now she is someone I do not really know yet. I should learn what interests her. Heck she probably has to learn what interests her. Maybe it will work maybe not. But she deserves an honest try from me.

for your comments, stories, ridicule, and suggestions. I have taken in a lot today from this forum as well as speaking with my wife and J.  

I did receive 2 PM's though my VIP status has expired and I has not renewed it just yet. If you really need or want to reach me you can do so through e-mail. I'm fleric13 at the google post office.

Also, I would be remiss if I did not also thank you for my time in the dunk tank today! It has really been thoroughly enjoyable... ;-)

What was the gift you gave J that was the nicest gift she ever received?

Thanks!

Posted By: fleric69
for your comments, stories, ridicule, and suggestions. I have taken in a lot today from this forum as well as speaking with my wife and J.  
   
 I did receive 2 PM's though my VIP status has expired and I has not renewed it just yet. If you really need or want to reach me you can do so through e-mail. I'm fleric13 at the google post office.  
   
 Also, I would be remiss if I did not also thank you for my time in the dunk tank today! It has really been thoroughly enjoyable... ;-)

She loves cars... it was a very very nice (and expensive) die cast model car. It took a long time and I went to great lengths to find it and buy it. She flipped out and almost fainted when she saw it. I have never had anyone react that way to anything I have ever given them. I will never forget her reaction...

I think you need professional counciling for yourself.  YOU must decide what YOU want, going forward.  A councilor may help you decide but it is up to you.   You should not see J during this time.  
While your marriage can never go back...  it may go forward to a better place.   Or not.    

It's been a long time since my divorce...  wife was cheating, while I never looked at another woman.   I went to the best councilor I could find.  The councilor assisted me achieving clarity in my choices.  Worth every penny.

My wife,best decision ive ever made. What i did to her almost destroyed ber, so thankful she chose to give me a second chance.......all i can say is decide what and who is most important to you...my stupidity almost cost ME the most important thing in my world.     I wish you luck.

Posted By: fleric69
This is lengthy so bare with me:  
   
 So I embarked on the road of this hobby of ours earlier this year. As many of us do I was searching for something lacking on the home front. I have seen very few providers compared to most. The first was a bit nerve racking and made me unsure if I would continue. But alas I did and had a few very good and exciting encounters. Then in May I saw a provider that really blew my socks off. Not really for the sex itself but there was something else about her. I saw her again and again. It became a regular thing. Heck she gave me a discounted rate so I could come see her more often. It was very rare that I came without a gift or at least a rose. Even gave her a gift for her birthday that she said was the best and most thoughtful gift she EVER received. She then hinted at coming along with me on a business trip sometime. Well just so happened I was heading out of town for a week in a couple months and asked her to go. We agreed upon a rate (most of you would be shocked at the bargain) and it was set. Time got closer and she decided she didn't like sitting in cars for a long trip. Did that stop her? No she bought a plane ticket on her own so she could come be with me.  
   
 In the meantime there was a family vacation for me. My wife ended up having a moment of clarity and snapped out of the funk she had been in for who knows how many years. She decided everything else didn't matter, she just wanted to love me again. Problem was (is?) I had feelings for my another. Then it came out. The deception over the last few months. You see, I'm not really good at sneaking around. I was confronted and I folded. Half expecting for her to say we were finished I was shocked to have her profess her love to me and ask me what I wanted (some of you may remember my last post).  
   
 Well, it's hard to give up 20 years (14 married) with 3 kids so I said I wanted to stay with her and I was done everything else. Problem was I was not done. I was being smothered by the new found love my wife had for me and wasn't able to think about everything. I continued to see this other woman (let's call her J). My feelings became deeper for her. Recently I told her when things ended with my wife I would call her and ask her on a real date. Not so much to my surprise she said she would really like that.  
   
 Well my wife got smart and started checking on me. i couldn't hide anything. She found out everything about J but still wanted me. I just wanted to buy some time to get out of town with J and do some soul searching. Fully expecting to come home to either fully devote myself to my wife or to divorce. It's hard to plan a trip when you are constantly being watched. And as I mentioned earlier I'm not good at sneaking around. Everytime I was caught I folded and had to somehow convince her I was done.  
   
 Well it was finally time to embark on the adventure and one simple text derailed everything. My wife had installed something on my phone where she could read my texts remotely. "Should be there about an hour before your plane lands" is all that was said. Phone rings.... "Who's going with you?" once again I folded. So after a few choice words and what to expect when I get back home I shortly got a text that she was at my parents. That just messed it all up. I'm almost 40 but it's hard to say no to your dad. Had to meet that night. Well after I explained I had some things to take care of I agreed to meet him about 4 hours away at a family home.  
   
 Once I picked J up at the airport and broke the news to her that I could not stay we had to have a long talk. She was going to stay. Had to so she could keep up the ruse she told her family. She was actually going to help me at a convention at my booth (she's a promo model as well) so I guess it worked out for her to fill in for me. After the talk we went to our (now her) room and had what was probably the most wonderful and intimate sex I have ever had. I make her feel like no one else can she told me. That made me feel good.  
   
 Now today (only 1 day later) I'm back home with my family. My wife knows all and says she fully forgives me for everything as long as I am able to give myself back to her. I owe her that don't I? The problem is I think I'm in love with J and I just know feelings are reciprocated. So here I sit in misery while I want to be in my hotel room enjoying the week I have been looking forward to for so long. What have I gotten myself into?  
   
 Don't know if I'm looking for advise or just needed to get this out. I've certainly learned a few things about this hobby and what not to do. Any comments or thoughts are welcome...

We only hobby together now, if you look at some of our post you would see that it is HER doing a lot of the posting, i will NEVER EVER make the mistake of hurting her again. we do this TOGETHER or not at all.........i KNOW what i have and what i have to loose.    while i regret the damage it did to my wife and our relationship, i dont regret where it has brought us. my take on this is if you are so miserable in your relationship, either get out or fix it, dont ruin someone else to make yourself feel better......my mid life crisis almost ended the best thing i ever had.  she has been THE ONE since i was 12 years old. sorry if this was TMI, i just try to explain myself when i am called out for being here (shes on here more than i am).

Posted By: inicky46

And you're a very lucky man to have found someone like her. And I think the OP is lucky to have someone who is willing to forgive and move forward. That's huge.

Your wife secretly installed some kind of text monitoring system on your phone and you're okay with that?  I mean, I realize confessing to cheating leads to a total lack of trust but wow. Does she have a GPS tracker on your car too?

My friend, I have no advice re choosing wife vs person who likes and wants to have sex with you (aka hooker) but your wife is way too controlling. She's controlling your sex life by withholding it, and now by making sure you stop seeing your gf (she's a gf at this point, let's face it). Hell, she's even telling your dad what to do.  

Put that woman in couples counseling, stat. Make sure you see a female counselor.

So now, her dream has come true - she's got him pussy whipped and now has a reason to control him and treat him like he's a baby and can't manage his wrongdoing. (I mean obviously he actually is still doing it).

This is way interesting. I know a couple guys have tried to find stuff to use as a means to say "See? Because of this, you can't manage your life. Let me manage it for you." (Obviously yeah that didn't work out too well haha.)

But this is a biggie, and she is totally using it. Good catch

floxiegirl716 reads

She wanted her husband to cheat on her all along! She wants to spend all of her time worrying about her husbands fidelity and any STD's or OOW babies he may bring home. That's what she wanted.  

I bet she set it all up too.. she probably bought the computer and paid for the internet just so he would go searching for escorts. I'm sure she whispers "go see escorts" into his ear when he's asleep at night, you know, subliminal messages.

She did all that so she could say HA! Gotcha! and then she could install stuff on his phone and in his car so that she could keep track of it all.. cause that's fun I'm sure.

You girls are real smart, critical thinkers for sure.

floxiegirl761 reads

A wife is controlling because she wants her HUSBAND to stop seeing his girlfriend? I get it, you have to be john-friendly since you're not using an alias, but c'mon.

His escort doesn't know him, she knows the fun, sexy, nice side that he chooses to show her... it's been 3 months for goodness sakes. The only real thing either of them know about the other is that they are both willing to destroy a 14 year marriage and the stability of 3 children's home.. so they can have fun. What a catch, both of them.  

He's been in his marriage for 14 years, and with her for 6 years prior to marrying her. 6! Suddenly he meets an escort and his marriage is this awful thing that he has to run away from and his wife is a controlling harp? I'm sure he feels controlled, his wife is trying to stop him from continuing to destroy their marriage, break her trust, break his promises, diminish the life of his children... what a bitch! The burden of marriage, there's always some woman trying to stop you from having sex and relationships with other women that aren't her.

This woman likes and has sex with him because she's an escort. I like and have sex with my clients too.. some I even see OTC because I enjoy their company. But it would be foolish of me to think their wives are controlling because they'd prefer that their husbands not pay to fuck me (or fuck me for free).

Sorry, you don't have feelings for J.  

You have feelings for feeling validated as a man.  Thank J profusely and say goodnight.  This is not a dilemma.

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