I am married and my wife hasn't the SLIGHTEST clue that I could ever cheat... and I wouldn't -- EMOTIONALLY. I married my wife 5 years ago because I love her, and I KNEW she was absolutely lame in bed (sorry to be crude). I had held out hope that I could get her to broaden her horizons and become more confident and adventuresome... to no avail. So that leaves me (a total sex maniac) in a bad place. I am way too good looking and young to spend the rest of my life pounding off, and yet I don't wantto be with another woman EMOTIONALLY, so I have become a part-time hobbyist. I can have awesome (and safe) sex once and a while with an amazing woman and still cuddle up in bed with my wife at night with a clean concience. Why? Because I think sex is about fun and enjoyment, and with an escort it is JUST THAT in it's purest form. I may be wierd, but I don't feel guilty when I venture out and spend an hour or two with an escort.
I wonder how many guys have had the 'are you cheating' conversation with their wives? How does it usually go? Is it a script that is repeated over and over?
When I was married, I wasn't cheating, but if I were even 15 minutes late coming home I'd get the "were you with your girlfriend?" question. I'd say no, of course, and explain where I'd been, but that didn't help. One day, in exasperation, I even explained to her that single adult men think about getting sex more than just about anything else, yet for all our bragging, from the time we're 16 until maybe 26, we manage to have sex with maybe 15 different women of which 6 may have been noteworthy and maybe TWO were remotely serious .. and that given this ... if a man could get himself a girlfriend in 15 minutes ... none of us would ever get married. Didn't do any good.
One day I was out to lunch and had a flat tire and I came back to the office a bit dirty, but with a big black grease stain on my shirt collar. My wife (who worked at the company at the time) was in the lobby along with most of the staff when I came in and she immediately zeroed in on the stain and said in a loud and demanding voice:
YOU HAVE LIPSTICK ON YOUR COLLAR !!!!!!
To which I replied:
"Yeah, I used my shirt to wipe off my dick."
and I never got asked the question for the next 10 years.
It might come in handy with future arguments. She was a lucky woman to have you.
My ex husband was crazy jealous. I couldn't talk to anybody - even females! He was jealous of anyone that looked at me, jealous of anyone that talked to me, and jealous of anything I did where my time was spent on anything other than doting on him.
I'd often suspected it..but when we split up, THEN everyone felt free to 'inform' me of his many indiscretions. You must let them, you know, because they feel so much better once they have purged!
And the phrase, "He who looks behind the door, has hidden there themselves before" made more sense than ever.
My ex-wife was less accusatory, but easily as insecure. I was an honorable, devoted husband with a career that often took me away from home. I came home from a deployment to the Persian Gulf to find her pregnant by somebody else. In discussing it with a marriage counselor later, my ex-wife said to me, "Well, you must have been with other women while you were overseas!" I was shocked. Her image of what I did when I was away from home could not have been farther from the mark; I worked 20 hours a day for six months, except for just 7 days in port, and I'd slept for 2 of those 7 days. The remaining 5 days had been spent shopping for souvenirs to bring home to my wife and daughter, sightseeing and searching for a decent meal.
Still, it took me years to realize and accept that her infidelity had come from her own insecurity and not some failure on my part.
Yoda
...and the "Are you cheating?" conversation has never got beyond my wife using the line as a playful way to get a rise out of me.
Even when I brought home an STD (a harmless molluscum contagiosum virus), she just playfully asked "So where have you been?" and accepted the rather minute possibility that I did not get it from sexual contact.
By the way, netmichelle, this is my contribution to spaceghost_12345's list of Top Ten Close Calls.
My Ex had her own basket of "Issues".
Pornography whether it be hard core or the swimsuit edition of Sports Illustrated was a HUGE issue.
I was informed early on in our marriage that going to a Strip Club was grounds for divorce.
While walking in public she would have put "blinders" on me if she could have.
Oddly after 3+ years into the marriage she was telling me on a regular basis that "She wished I would find someone better suited for me in personality, likes/dislikes, sexual appetite etc etc ".
After her insecurities and dissatisfaction with me and her life finally drove me into an affair that effectively killed the marriage. She decided to stick with it(the marriage) for another 10 years only to walk some three years ago.
Crazy as it sounds I still believe in marriage(then again that's my "warm & fuzzy" alter-ego author/creator speaking)
Cm.
It got to the point where i finally lost it and told my now ex that if she didn't believe me, she was more then welcome to hire a private investigator to follow me, but all she was going to find out is that she wasted money by doing so. Well, she didn't waste any money. After 2 months she did it and then handed me the bill after! Guess i needed to be more specific as to who was suppose to pay for having me followed.
It didn't help though. One day the county cops showed up at work as served me with a restraining order saying i couldn't go back to the house. Seems she was going thru my stuff and found the gun i kept in a headboard of the bed(which she already knew was there) and went off the deep end calling the police and the whole nine yards saying that she feared for her life and was afraid i was going to kill her blah, blah, blah, blah.
And the rest as they say..........is history.
Snow
-- Modified on 2/15/2004 1:48:40 PM
Mostly after coming home from a multi night business trip. After a couple of years of fairly minor accusations I read an article that stated one of the signs of a cheating spouse was the "cheater" questioning the other about their infidelity. The next time she started in I told her about the article I had read and pointed the finger back at her. Haven't had a problem since.
I say chap,you took the words right out of my mouth.
Tally-Ho!
Deny, deny, deny, deny...even in court....deny, deny, deny
Corey Edwards
I am married and my wife hasn't the SLIGHTEST clue that I could ever cheat... and I wouldn't -- EMOTIONALLY. I married my wife 5 years ago because I love her, and I KNEW she was absolutely lame in bed (sorry to be crude). I had held out hope that I could get her to broaden her horizons and become more confident and adventuresome... to no avail. So that leaves me (a total sex maniac) in a bad place. I am way too good looking and young to spend the rest of my life pounding off, and yet I don't wantto be with another woman EMOTIONALLY, so I have become a part-time hobbyist. I can have awesome (and safe) sex once and a while with an amazing woman and still cuddle up in bed with my wife at night with a clean concience. Why? Because I think sex is about fun and enjoyment, and with an escort it is JUST THAT in it's purest form. I may be wierd, but I don't feel guilty when I venture out and spend an hour or two with an escort.
Yes, been asked that a lot in the last few months. Cudos to SPANKNFUCK for being able to sleep at night. Unfortunately, I'm not dealing with it as well, probably because I'm also emotionally cheating. It's not just about sex anymore for me... I think I've found a soul mate, and the next time my wife asks if I'm cheating, I'll probably have to spill the beans.
It was fairly easy at first to deny, deny, deny... but not anymore. Guess it's time for me to grow up and face the music.