but in truth it was a pretext that allowed her to leave on favorable terms (Read: take a lot of money.) that otherwise she would not have had. The bloom had withered from our relationship for many years, and she no longer wanted to be around me, my family, the children, or the locale.
In that sense, she was probably overjoyed that I created the opportunity for her to get what she wanted. I doubt my case is a unique example eitherThis is the urban dictionary definition, which I would think I'd the exact opposite of pay for play
Homewrecker:
A person who takes a taken invidual with the intensions of breakign up the relationship and creating a relationship of their own.
Meaning not a home wrecker unless the person in the relationship leaves for the other person.
Maybe more of a peace keeper?
-- Modified on 7/12/2015 8:30:48 AM
A hooker generally does not want to have anything to do with your relationship. All a hooker wants is your money for her services and then you both part ways.
Not only is he then free to pursue her, and many do, but he often gets wiped out financially, making him a lousy future customer. lol
but I suppose it all depends on who you ask. Wives and Girlfriends are unlikely to have a positive outlook about hookers, but as any rational person would agree, it's their wandering SO's to blame, not the hooker.
I don't want to appear to be championing cheaters, but I do have to say that hookers have most likely kept more marriages together than have they broken marriages. I know a lot of guys would have gotten divorced years ago if it weren't for the little bit of sexual relief they are able to get through seeing hookers. Now whether this is a "good" thing or not is another matter, living in misery with only the prospect of seeing your ATF on the 1st and the 15th seems like a horrible way to live, but hey that's just me. I am sure lots of you guys are perfectly happy living this way, or at least that's what you keep telling yourselves. lol
If the guy had nothing to start with...then he's in the same place anyhow.
And if the guy had some assets...last I checked nearly every state is community property and half of the estate "may" go to the ex. Post-divorce the dude presumably is still making whatever he was making. And who gives a shit what the ex is doing? That's why it's a divorce LOL
Smart guys prepare for a divorce...and rarely lose much in terms of assets.
Wasn't "cheaters" a great show?
but I suppose it all depends on who you ask. Wives and Girlfriends are unlikely to have a positive outlook about hookers, but as any rational person would agree, it's their wandering SO's to blame, not the hooker.
I don't want to appear to be championing cheaters, but I do have to say that hookers have most likely kept more marriages together than have they broken marriages. I know a lot of guys would have gotten divorced years ago if it weren't for the little bit of sexual relief they are able to get through seeing hookers. Now whether this is a "good" thing or not is another matter, living in misery with only the prospect of seeing your ATF on the 1st and the 15th seems like a horrible way to live, but hey that's just me. I am sure lots of you guys are perfectly happy living this way, or at least that's what you keep telling yourselves. lol
Most guys I know have to work for years after divorce just to get back to where they were before their divorce.
and no, I never watched cheaters.
Divorce following a longish marriage can be a real bitch, especially if maintenance is awarded. And child support finalized. This compared to simply living as is, no second household being set up, no set amount to be paid for the kids. Not to mention paying legal fees (sometimes paying both). Not so good for the more established, secure, but not wildly rich guy who has been in the marriage for many years, which is probably a considerable group of hobbyists.
Yes, there are surely some smart guys who can walk away unscathed. But for most salaried guys (even good salaries) who have been married for a good while and have kids, yes, divorce can be a hobbyist's nightmare... or at least a really bad dream.
Didn't someone once say 'cheaper to keep her?'
-- Modified on 7/12/2015 4:13:02 PM
There are unintended consequences for the things we do. A hooker sleeping with a married man, and that marriage eventually falling apart due to it, which has happened many, many times as we all know, is part of the problem.
Every damn provider knows this going in. There is a risk she damages the relationship between the guy and his SO. You (plural) can try and shield yourself from that part of it if you wish, but you are only fooling yourself.
Look, with very few exceptions, most people do NOT want to be cheated on. It really doesn't matter if they are married, dating seriously, what have you.
I believe you are making a rationalization for what you do. Not knocking you for it, many people rationalize questionable behavior they partake in. I admit I do it at times. Who doesnt? So I am not trying to make you out as the "bad guy", HT. You are human.
You also know I NEVER blame a girl over a John in p4p when shit goes down. Never. But when it does, the girls in the biz shouldn't stick their head in the sand when it does happen.
There are many girls in p4p that are not proud of what they do. Some have gotten over their guilt or block it out, some have not, but hope to one day, and some never will. I fully also acknowledge that some think there hands are clean.
If I speed down a residential street in my car, I can state that "all I want" is to get to my destination quicker. But if while I am speeding, I hit a child that runs out into the street, I am at least partially to blame.
This post was not intended to trash hookers. Johns are 100% responsible for their actions and if they get caught by the SO fucking around it is on them. PRIMARILY. But hookers don't get off Scott free.either.. They are an "accomplice" to at least SOME degree.
I provide a service. Pure and simple. Those that choose to partake in that service do so at their own risk. It is called personal responsibility. If I played the moral compass for every john, I would do very little business.
I did not make any vows to his wife, he did. I did not contact him, he contacted me, knowing full well that by doing so, he would be cheating and breaking said vow he made to his wife.
Most of the time I do not know the marital status of the johns I see. When I do find out, it is too late, the deed has been done and I cannot undo it.
Should hookers ask the marital status of the johns and refuse to see married guys?
It is like the drunk who hits a bar and orders booze and gets in his car and hits someone on the way home...is it really the bars responsibility, the bartender who sold him the booze or the person who willingly bought the drink and drank it unaided or coerced? Should bars and bartenders ask about the drinking habits of the patrons and oversee the number of drink each patron should consume?
I am not sticking my head in the sand, I know full well what I am doing and the risks a john might take by seeing me...but it is his risk, not mine.
-- Modified on 7/14/2015 6:54:44 AM
Don't forget that an SO who neglects her man is also at fault.
I would venture to say that without the outlet provided by these ladies, a lot of marriages would be toast.
...and imagines or pushes for a relationship with her and thereby wrecking their marriage, then the homewrecker is really the hobbyist themselves.
the home wrecker would be the significant other
Well it depends. If the hobbyist decides that they are hopelessly in love with the provider and ends the marriage- its totally on the hobbyist. What's especially sad would be a hobbyist ending their marriage in chase of a provider that doesn't reciprocate the feeling.
If the john chasing the hooker then finds out she's not interested....makes for great "I've fallen" threads.
And at what point does the john finally realize the hooker was never interested?
I enjoy those stories. Certainly more entertaining than "where do I put my cum" threads 
Well, I don't have any first hand (or even second or third hand) stories to share about this pertaining to this hobby. But I have heard from many strippers how some of their regulars fall in love and/or become obsessive over them. I see it in the clubs all the time. Some of the more cut throat dancers take full advantage of these RIL's (Regular In Love) and milk them for every cent they have with no intention of ever even seeing these guys OTC. Some of these RIL's kill their marriages in pursuit of the slippery, ever elusive stripper. Fascinating stuff.
You don't get too many sad sacks admitting that they left their wife for a hooker who had ZERO interest in a real relationship. At least with hookers the guy is getting laid by her. As you know a lot of these RIL's never get a single second of "out of the club" time, yet spend countless thousands in the club.
Deserves the shit storm. Seriously look at how you started the "relationship"? Not saying it can't work (I believe Mr. Fisher has done it) but the chances are....very, very slim.
If she is doing her job at providing the illusion to keep the money stream coming in, and he falls for it...and remember every time he sees her he pays, then it truly is on him. If she tells him to stop paying, then there might be a chance BUT all the while he is paying...well he needs a gigantic reality check.
Not long ago I decided to limit the number of partners to help prevent
exposure to A LOT of what's out there. On topic, the significant other
is as much to blame as the hobbyist when it comes to sex outside a
marriage. The provider is only the means or surrogate and is clearly
only in business.
If she is doing her job at providing the illusion to keep the money stream coming in, and he falls for it...and remember every time he sees her he pays, then it truly is on him. If she tells him to stop paying, then there might be a chance BUT all the while he is paying...well he needs a gigantic reality check.
If in fact her reason for not having sex precludes any legitimate medical reason.
A unilateral decision of that nature is grounds for "taking care of ones own needs" however that pans out.
As long as you don't rub it in the SO's face...
and any hooker that "lands" a john that starting out cheating on his wife to see her, and thinks the guy is going to be any different with her is an equal idiot.
Now ending up in a "real" relationship between two "available" people, even if those people are a hooker/john is quite possible, but if cheating or money are still involved those chances go to right about zero percent
I guess you are determined to destroy the great threads of love here!
Not to mention the betting on "how long" any of those lasts.
Now ending up in a "real" relationship between two "available" people, even if those people are a hooker/john is quite possible, but if cheating or money are still involved those chances go to right about zero percent
I would agree....... and that's from experience!
How you get him is how you lose him...most of the time.
Many men marry strippers, escorts and porn stars after divorcing...like some say...Lie to me baby, tell me you love me.
It's a gamble.
I wrecked my own home.
Homewrecker:
A person who takes a taken invidual with the intensions of breakign up the relationship and creating a relationship of their own.
Meaning not a home wrecker unless the person in the relationship leaves for the other person.
Maybe more of a peace keeper?
-- Modified on 7/12/2015 8:30:48 AM
I say this because no one but the hobbiest himself made the decision to see escorts,so if the guy gets caught its all on him. The provider didn't force you to start seeing her, the hobbier did. Blame yourself not the escort.
but in truth it was a pretext that allowed her to leave on favorable terms (Read: take a lot of money.) that otherwise she would not have had. The bloom had withered from our relationship for many years, and she no longer wanted to be around me, my family, the children, or the locale.
In that sense, she was probably overjoyed that I created the opportunity for her to get what she wanted.
I doubt my case is a unique example either
encourage their husbands to stray? Thus giving them the opportunity to gain an advantage, and ultimately get what they want.
But if I've learned anything from life, it is that cynicism pays better odds than other vieupoints.
(And yes, I'm aware that that is a very cynical thing to say.
Is that what you are saying? I ask because in another discussion I thought folk were saying that extra-marital sex is NOT much of a consideration when the vultures, I mean lawyers, divide up the assets in a divorce.
Same as if you piss away the estate on YOUR drug/alcohol/gambling problem(s).
For example, you dropped 50k over the past 2 years on shit...and all that's left is $ 100. Counsel would seek to get that added back into the estate for dissolution purposes. However...plenty of ways to never pay the soon to be ex.
You should send me $ 1,500 for my book "How to successfully fuck over the soon to be ex-wife". It's been a hot item for me for years now. And for a $ 2,000 fee...I'll also send you "How to negotiate with hookers". A classic best-seller. I have to tip my hat to my co-writer Mr. Jack Dunphy with much assistance on that book.
"fuck" and "wife" in the same title is irrelevant to my life.
Simply replace fuck with screw...wife with woman I'd like to fuck
See...that was easy
since she can use the information to embarrass the defendant (me) in open court.
I wasn't about to allow that to happen, so I pretty much had to give her all she wanted
... if anything it's probably kept more marriages on life support than it's wrecked. And maybe by keeping a marriage on life support it is sort of a de facto wrecking the home as some people are better off divorced (and of course others not) and a work around such as spending time with a provider can make it too easy to stay in something that in the end is like living with your sister.
So as you can see convoluted logic is my specialty, and if you don't believe me just ask my sister lol
I'd go back even farther and say the home was probably wrecked before the two people ever married. That is if two already dysfunctional people married.
Indeed. There are some things that are doomed from the start. Or before the start.
Just ask any philosophy grad you happen to meet.
(Me, for instance.)
One of my profs back at BU had a sign up in his office: Convoluted theorems: our specialty.
My wife and I do not have a sex life. Hobbying and friends with benefits allowed me to stay married with continued affection and without frustration and bitterness. Then I found a relationship that went on for five years. We spent a lot of time together, I was still traveling and we raved together. The sex was sensational, the company was wonderful. BUT, this was making the object of my affection very unhappy after while and I realized I was not being fair to her.
Also I had little affection etc left for my marriage. I --with great sadness and difficulty-- ended the relationship
So now I enjoy the company of providers and still the c occasaionagfriend with benefits and our marriage continues, without passion but pleasant and with some real affection.
So in a real sense the hobby has saved my marriage. I believe this is better for my wife, my kids (all grown but still close) my grandchildren.
I still miss my special lady and I suspect she is not happy (hope I am wrong..) So was the hobby a benefit or would it have been better if passion and tumult had won out?
Hookers are in this for the money....period!
The problem with some guys is that they think the hookers actually like them.
Now in the case of me...the hookers just love Bob.Sugar. And why not...incredibly smart, brash and good looking all rolled into one package.
I should probably just stick with the "sugar babies". They tend to come with a different set of baggage. And they're younger and hotter than many of the OTHFB's that think they're still all that and then some.
What was the question again
Lol SB's are way more apt to go all BSC "Fatal Attraction" on you.
Been there, done that.
But that's a topic for another day ;
Why else would they be there?
I've recently turned over all those issues over to a dude named "Alfred".
Hasn't been a problem since then.
Been there, done that.
But that's a topic for another day
delirium personified..
The problem with some guys is that they think the hookers actually like them.
Now in the case of me...the hookers just love Bob.Sugar. And why not...incredibly smart, brash and good looking all rolled into one package.
I should probably just stick with the "sugar babies". They tend to come with a different set of baggage. And they're younger and hotter than many of the OTHFB's that think they're still all that and then some.
What was the question again?
Some have been worried about you.
Don't be upset that macdaddy1904 is now using my firms services.
The problem with some guys is that they think the hookers actually like them.
Now in the case of me...the hookers just love Bob.Sugar. And why not...incredibly smart, brash and good looking all rolled into one package.
I should probably just stick with the "sugar babies". They tend to come with a different set of baggage. And they're younger and hotter than many of the OTHFB's that think they're still all that and then some.
What was the question again?
Hell I'd have been divorced when my kids were young 20 years ago
-- Modified on 7/12/2015 9:09:40 AM
When my wife moved out my initial reaction was to save the marriage. Then it occurred to me that she still doesn't know about my hobbying so if I save the marriage and she finds out about this the shit is REALLY gonna hit the fan. So I let the marriage die a natural death.
whatever is driving someone outside of the home and existing relationships is ALREADY there. The provider fulfills a need or fills a void that they could not have possibly caused
Five states still recognize the tort of alienation of affection as a cause of action against the “other woman” (or man).
At least some of this garbage will keep some new grads employed....for a while.
I think JD grads should be hookers instead. Pays better and less stressful.
And I've seen what some of those gals look like in their court attir
Someone is still getting screwed.
To deny so would be sheer lunacy. But it would also be absurd to call them the MAIN cog.
No, that comes from the johns.
Nobody forces them to go see a hooker.
Any John that looks down on working girls or blames them, needs to clean their mirror and have the balls to look into it this time.
I went to college for social services.
I used to want to save the world.
Now I'm an escort.
I just want to save marriages.
Homewrecker? Not any more than a playboy model that he jerks off to. Sex is an act. We aren't making love.
xo
I'm of the school of thought that the only people who have the ability to wreck a home are those whose job it is to maintain it. If your spouse is seeing an escort then it is likely your relationship was already lacking. Claiming an escort to be a home wrecker is denial and delusion.
If the provider starts to fall for the client....which happened in my husbands case, too bad for her though he did not feel the same.
Homewrecker:
A person who takes a taken invidual with the intensions of breakign up the relationship and creating a relationship of their own.
Meaning not a home wrecker unless the person in the relationship leaves for the other person.
Maybe more of a peace keeper?
-- Modified on 7/12/2015 8:30:48 AM
I know of a few open relationships, just saying. As she is in the know this may be the case here.
because from the responses here, and if the wives' opinions were added into the mix, it would probably go about 50-50.
Escorts are just another part of the very complicated marriage equation. There are many variables, and lots of factors that can contribute to a falling apart. Many are far worse than infidelity. Others difficulties are things never even considered at first, such as children--especially lots of them and when those responsibilities aren't shared as best as possible.
Sure, couples say their vows to each other in the beginning but what about the one "for better or for worse, till death do us part"? That is probably the one broken more than any, as statistics show, and it's really not that hard to keep. In fact, most of the promises do get broken at some point but it's how you move beyond and forward that is the true test of character. And escorts have NOTHING to do with that.
Agree 100 percent. Why would anyone want to fall for a person who is already lying to someone else? Are people really that niave to think they will be the special one that the other person can't lie to eventually? HHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I don't think strange sex helps or really hurts a relationship where it's more about being friends and business partners or coparenting. If I ever made it past a year with a guy, I would BEG him to fk someone else just so I would not have to do it. Sorry, but women get bored with the same d*ck too. We just take a lot more precautions when we screw around, if we even stay to have to cheat, that is.
Escorts who unwittingly "wreck" a marriage or "home" do so ONLY with full consent and active help from the indignant wife.
Anyone can be a homewrecker if that is the intention. If anything, a session with a respectful and responsible provider, should help the client relieve stress associated with daily life. This in turn helps his wife because her husband will come home feeling relaxed and ready to continue daily life, and she won't have to put out. Lol.
Agreed, on the physical side for sure. Quite a few couples over 45 have an understanding that the husband can cat around to satisfy physical needs the wife is no longer interested in entertaining - as long as the family life is protected and there is mutual respect.
Also, a huge part of the job lies on the emotional front - listening to and understanding some pretty deep stuff that goes down in clients' lives. It is an honor to hear a man open up about whatever suffering he may be going through, and to give him whatever TLC is appropriate in the time shared together so he leaves feeling "appreciated" (?? I'm ESL so forgive me, it's a challenge finding the right words to discuss this 
Even though much of what we discuss is not usually or really that "deep", I appreciate it when a lady thinks that it is. It's even more appreciated when she recognizes and shows that it is.
Sometimes, words are not necessary. The truly great providers can and will address both the emotional and physical needs.
... because my favorite providers have that approach to their clients. With them, it's not just about showing clients a good time, but they're interested in helping their clients be better people, whether that's a better lover or a better partner or something else. Of course, it only works if the guy or gal is open to that.
It may seem hokey, but it works... for those providers at least.
If the SO was willing to have sex once in a while, I'd not be getting it somewhere else.
I agree........
My SO decided unilaterally to quit having sex past her childbearing years. No conversation, no collaboration, just closed the barn door for good and expects me to do the same. Plus she is not interested in any other relief strategies for my biological needs.
I love her, and wish we could still have sex and the intimacy that comes with it. But those days have been gone since 2009.
So no, I do not think escorts are homewreckers. If I did not have a way to relief my needs by "Outsourcing" I would be an angry dude.
I respect providers and treat them as ladies, but I would never become intimate mentally to a point to loose the affection I have with my S.O., that is the point in which the cheating line is in my twisted mind.
Be safe
not part of the equation for them .
They could only answer if it happened to them. i.e. their SO paying another woman for sex.
Besides, escorts aren't going to verify if a client is married or involved to know if they're causing damage.
from your definition I would say n