I agree, but I think there's a difference between being treated correctly and getting off lol. I think the question was more about how much effort, if any, hobbyists put into making sure that the provider is as sexually satisfied as they are.
How do you balance your own personal pleasure and that of the provider? Is it "wrong" to go into a session focusing solely on your own personal pleasure? Or on the opposite end of the spectrum, is it bad to only focus on the other individual's enjoyment (i.e. the big O)? The give and take dynamic of normal relations seems a little muddled here since it's called p4p after all...
I'm sure there's no provider out there who expects (or maybe even wants) to get off with every client and every session, but does that mean I shouldn't try? I mean, if I just want to lay there and have her do all the work, is that acceptable?
What is the norm for other hobbyists?
How do providers feel about clients with this "self-centered" mentality
I prefer to get off too. I know the guys are paying but I don't want to do it if it's not fun for everyone in the bed 
I guess it depends on the lady you're seeing. I'm sure everyone is different.
Hugs and kisses
TL
compatible partners share in the giving and receiving of pleasure naturally, and enjoy both aspects. The balance isn't the same every time (even with the same person).
Ultimately, each person is responsible for their own pleasure... you can't really "make" someone enjoy something. The best you can do is focus on your own pleasure and facilitate your partner's pleasure. In a sense, all enjoyment is a bit self-centered.
No two people will experience things the same way. In the end, good sex is simply good sex (no matter how it occurs) and bad sex is simply bad sex. No need to judge either way... we all enjoy what we enjoy.
and my experience has been that when I ask her to focus on my pleasure (Within the boundaries she sets, of course.) she ends up much happier and satisfied, as do I.
Not to say that I don't do things that please her (I hope.), but that in so doing I am satisfying my wants as much has hers (and perhaps more so.)
Gals have related on here and told me personally that worrying about whether their clients are more focused on the providers' pleasure tends to sap any enjoyment from the session that they might otherwise have experienced
I am here for the enjoyment and pleasure of my lovers. This in no way detracts from my pleasure as it is a HUGE turn on for me to give and please; that said, sometimes a big part of my clients' enjoyment is my pleasure, and I certainly won't deny that to anyone either!! Also agreed that no matter what, mutual chemistry and compatibility are super important in the quality and experience of a P4P or civvie date, but many of us find this to be a calling of sorts, and for us, sexual healing/pampering/pleasing/teasing, in whatever form that takes, is highly enjoyable for us as well. I always have a great time; I don't need an orgasm to be enjoying myself (although I totally won't complain!); my partner's satisfaction is tantamount to my own enjoyment of a session.
And that is why you are one of the absolute best. I am a little partial.
I get an extra bump of enjoyment out of the session when the provider can get into it also. Can't always tell, and odds are that a lot of it is performance art on the part of the ladies. Even knowing that, I always put forth an effort to do some things they like. Tough to learn what a provider likes in one session. Some women will open up to me over multiple sessions, I'll pay attention to what they seem to like and I'll also ask. This has been a rewarding approach. I've been having some great sex with a few awesome ladies lately.
There's Pay, and there's Play. Some hobbyists focus on the Pay aspect, eg "I'm the paying customer, so it's all about me." From what I've seen, many (most?) providers are fine with that.
I'm the type who focuses on the Play aspect. Think about other forms of play, such as playing with your buds when you were a kid, or being at a party or going out with friends. When do you have a more enjoyable time: when you're the only one having fun, or when EVERYONE is enjoying themselves?
Beyond that, I confess I'm a pleaser. I greatly enjoy giving pleasure to a woman. So if the provider is receptive to it (which they always are since that's part of my research, but I ask anyway), we include activities that focus on her pleasure, eg massage and daty. If she cums, great, but it's more about the fun of mutual play. The ratio of who-pleases-whom varies from date to date, especially with ladies I see often, but there's always some time for each of us to please the other.
The trick with being a pleaser is knowing what pleases your partner. For example, my atf, who is a straight-shooter, told me she loves giving dt BJs; it's one of her favorite things. She also loves giving massage. (And she's great at both!). So sometimes my being a pleaser isn't about what I do for her, but what she does for me.
I always try and bring my A game and make sure my partner is enjoying herself too. Sex is best as a team sport.
But that doesn't mean I don't like to lay back and enjoy a really good bj from time to time. LOL
It brings up some interesting things for discussion, though. For example - if you are having trouble getting your partner off and they can do it easily themselves (or with a toy) do you encourage that? Uh, that's never personally happened to me of course. I was asking for a friend of mine. I swear.
Something I like sometimes is to ask the lady to use her favorite toy to start the session. It's really nice to come out of the shower to see her helping herself on the bed. Seeing a woman playing with herself like that is incredibly hot to me. I like watching what she enjoys and whispering encouragement. And, if she likes, lending a hand (or mouth). And if she has an O, so much the better. It starts the session off with a bang. Literally.
I do not know if she is enjoying it, faking enjoyment, or hoping I could spend more time giving her a massage and not fucking her. Lol
So, I look out for myself. Now, if the woman made some suggestion that she would like me to go for her pleasure I would. Otherwise I am kind of in it for me when it comes to the sex, even when I go down on her that's for me. Lol
Many providers make it near impossible to tell if they're really getting off or not. I always ask them to not fake it, but to instead tell me what to do to make whatever I'm doing actually feel good. It's rare that a provider actually tells me.
I'll keep trying to make them feel good, but my #1 goal is my satisfaction. If, when I leave, she says I made her come three times, then I'm pretty sure I didn't at all.
Ladies seem to only be willing to state their dislikes, even when asked about likes I get silence, a cute smile, or "I want to do, what you want to do"
What if a provider was more assertive, like taking your hand and putting it where she wanted it. Would that be a turn-on or annoying? To me it does seem like your time with a provider is about you, the hobbyist. And some providers are givers, who really do take pleasure in your pleasure. Of course, some men are like that too so maybe it's a symbiotic relationship.
The most turned on I have ever been, was when the woman told me what she wanted and we found a mix of what we both liked. It's so hot to have that symbiosis you speak of. I would put that above any "menu" item.
To be honest, I really wouldn't mind a little guidance..........
Does that not say something in volumes...the ladies just might not be turned on enough to want to engage OR they have no interest and are in it for the money and to give you pleasure OR the dislikes are more important so as to avoid something that will make the session harder.
I know that if I am with someone I am turned on by I am not shy about asking what I want. If I am with someone with whom there is no attraction or desire, I am not interested in them trying to get me aroused, that in fact makes it worse for me...just leave it alone and let me do my thing for you.
-- Modified on 6/29/2015 8:11:22 PM
I HIGHLY doubt anything I do to the lady is providing them any pleasure at all and even in the remote possibility that it actually is I'm so used to fake moans that I wouldn't believe it anyway. I'm there for me and me alone. And like the other posted said, anytime they say they came X times you know the true answer is 0.
as the earlier poster mentioned, think of it in the frame of going to see a Broadway play or even interactive theater. You pay to be there and receive pleasure from the performance. The "performers" receive pleasure knowing that they've done a good job pleasing you. Definitely a 2way interaction always exists, and both sides have a way of helping the other side enjoy themselves.
And ER, I'm definitely not following you around the boards this morning. Seems all my posts are coincidentally right behind yours today.
When all about you means I have to come for you...not going to happen, sorry but it is what it is.
Regardless of whether she's a civvie, or provider, she will most likely appreciate being treated correctly.
I agree, but I think there's a difference between being treated correctly and getting off lol. I think the question was more about how much effort, if any, hobbyists put into making sure that the provider is as sexually satisfied as they are.
If I'm spending the cash, it's about me. I go to a game I want to see bone crushing hits and my team win. If the players enjoy it good for them. If they can't get out of bed on Monday morning, that's their problem.
Same thing with a hooker. I am looking to get what I want. If she happens to enjoy herself good for her. If she cries in the bathroom, for an hour, after I leave that's her problem.
The envelope changes the entire dynamic so there is no real balance of pleasure. Would she be letting you inside her if you didn't have it? In most cases I can honestly answer that question as a no. If you're honest you would come to the same conclusion.
You treat the ladies with courtesy and professionalism. I know they sell illusions but remember it is only an illusion. I'm good with that. Makes the entire exchange much simpler but some guys just want to complicate it.
As far as I am concerned, you are paying therefore we do what you want. If I do want certain things, I can always say no.
I don't mind if a guy wants everything done for him. It feels disconnected as I am a GFE... but then it is always my choice to say no to future fun, if I feel uncomfortable.
I never assume I will get off etc. I do enjoy kissing though.
If a gal wants to be pleased, that is on her and she can always say no to meeting a guy. I, for one, feel if the guy is paying me, we do what he enjoys. Each gal can do things however she wants though.
I'm sure there's no provider out there who expects (or maybe even wants) to get off with every client and every session, but does that mean I shouldn't try? I mean, if I just want to lay there and have her do all the work, is that acceptable?
What is the norm for other hobbyists?
How do providers feel about clients with this "self-centered" mentality?
I will look for your email if I have time... I am busy waiting by the phone for the Great Bob Sugar to call. lol
....nice time with the conversation and my gentle touching. But unless she voices a request for certain sexual activity (or physically moves me in that direction) I do not try to sexually pleasure her. So far about half of the providers that I have seen have sought my DATY services, and I have been more than happy to accommodate them. But I know that some gals are in it just for the client, and I respect that.
So long as it is consensual between two adults, they can do it any way they want. Isn't that pretty much the central tenet of the hobby?
Some providers want to have fun, let themselves have fun; others clearly want the client to get done and gone. And then there is a whole spectrum in between, plus the different moods a provider will be in at different times. I generally prefer those who let themselves have fun, though I understand there are all sorts of good reasons why a working lady might prefer to stay under control, not let herself go in the slightest, so I am okay with that so long as the performance is good.
For myself, I have different moods, too. I think quiet, shared, sensual is usually my preferred form of pleasure, but there are times when I am just a raging hard on looking to get off, and other times when a lady would take me in hand and treat me as it amused me.
So I guess my preference is really variety. Your turn, my turn, our turn, with lots of variation.
So no answer here, other than so long as it is fully consensual, however the two of you do it is fine.
zig
Do you worry if your waiter is enjoying himself as you eat the meal he delivered?
Are you concerned with the hotel manager's pleasure as you sleep in the bed?
Look, you're not the first or the last soft john to get completely confused by p4p.
And to answer your question, yes, its PERFECTLY fine to enjoy a service you a paying massive coin for without burdening yourself with the guilt of having to satisfy THEM.
I didn't think that needed to be said, but there it is, I said it.
Are your hands all over him/her? Are you kissing him/her? Are your genitals in close contact with those of the waiter or hotel manager?
Is it "Pay for Play", or is it "Pay for Dinner" or "Pay for Hotel Room"?
There's a big difference between most other services and this service.
But if it's not your thing to have any thought to the provider's enjoyment or pleasure, well, that's your thing. It's your money. But no need to call those who have a different take on it "confused." Who knows... maybe you're the one who's confused.
Had both male and female too.
I go there, get my exams and leave.
Am I doing this wrong?
From the business/provider side of the coin, they are exactly the same.
A hotel manager and a waiter don't give a fk about THEIR pleasure while you partake of their services, now do they? Ummm...no.
If you read the boards here day in and day out, you will notice the women here all saying virtually the same thing:
"STOP worrying about my pleasure. I am here to satisfy you."
Isn't that exactly what a hotel manager or a waiter would say if you tried to please them?
Yep!
Glad I could educate you a bit Skippy. ;
... don't prefer to enjoy their work? They'd rather it just be a monotonous drudgery?
Have you ever dined in a restaurant and included the server in the fun of the evening--bantered and joked around with them? And it was clear they were having fun waiting on you, and it made the whole experience more fun for everyone at the table?
Or maybe they were just pretending to be having fun.
Oh wait... when you go to a restaurant, you sit down, look at the menu, tell the waiter "I want THIS... NOW! Get it for me... NOW!" Right?
If you don't think people that you are paying are more likely to laugh at your jokes...or fake an orgasm, ahem... than you really are delusional about p4p.
But keep counting your hookers O's and make sure you document every one in your reviews!
We all know how important that is for johns like you. LOL
Who could stop you? 
Some guys get all bent out of shape when the hooker they are with reaches over for that bottle of lube, pretty much telling him, he is doing nothing for her. You don't give a shit and possibly would not mind her reapplying should it get a little Sahara like down there
Lay there and let me do all the werk! I'll let you know what I need from you when the time comes. The only release I care about is yours and it's better if you aren't worried about pleasuring me. Granted once you get the hang of my sessions we can explore, but that's up to my discretion, not yours. Touch is an incredible gift we "can" give each other, doing the werk I do I often find sincere touch is lacking. There's no passion or skill, no reading the slight responses to gauge the pleasure you're giving your partner. It can be taught, I have taught many but to learn you must observe first.
I connect deeply with many, it's what I'm good at. The loving energy and intensity of two bodies, one at rest and one in motion is something that is hard to put into words. If you allow me to just do what I do then I can climax every session I do. I do not let myself because the of the recovery time after a release like that leaves me in a different head space and my limbs won't be nearly as skilled as they were in the beginning. A full body orgasm is intense and although I can edge myself the entire hour or three I know better than to release during session. We wouldn't want noise complaints!
So lay back, relax, and let me do my job!
I got a raging roger reading that.
I'll never forget how amazing you looked from across the room at the LV AVN M&G
Totally acceptable for me to be a Geisha and please you. When the client let's me "drive" I get more creative because I stop thinking about myself.
First off, I'd never consider a client "self-centered" for wanting to enjoy themselves to the fullest however they want to. They're paying me for my time, and in that time they should be free to do (or not do) whatever makes them happiest.
Some clients feel that the entire experience is enhanced when there's the feeling of mutual enjoyment. And for those clients, I make sure to genuinely try and enjoy it. Honestly, I don't find it that difficult. There's something sexy, interesting, or worthy of appreciation in every client I've seen.
And for those who would prefer to simply get their needs met, I do everything in my power to help them. It's a completely different experience but one that I have just as much fun with, albeit in a different way. There's something incredibly satisfying about knowing that I have the ability to give a client exactly what they need.
There are about as many ways of playing as there are people who play. As long as they leave with a smile on their face, I've done my job.
The clients pay me for my company, to enjoy themselves, to escape the everyday life. One likes to let the provider do "all the work", for another one it's only a good session, if the pleasure and enjoyment are mutual. Personally, I like both, but I must admit that I love to please, so it might even turn me on to be his little geisha 
One important thing for me is to communicate and to find out, what he wants and needs. Nothing is nicer than a happy and satisfied client
There are times that I want the attention to be 100% centered on me. In those situations I seek out my fbsm friends. The rest of the time I'm always searching for the ladies who are, if not nymphomaniacs, multi orgasmic. Even if I'm the third man, they still enjoy themselves immensely. It absolutely has to be that way because, for some reason, if you're just laying there, my rooster will be too. It's all about the ladies who can make my rooster crow.
I find that I have the best time with those that prefer mutual give and take, those "types" seem to be more passionate, affectionate and sensual and that excites me so much.
I've experienced both sides of the coin very recently.
One was a very corpse-y experience, he laid on his back in relative silence for the entire time. It was clear that all of his focus was on himself and it was very awkward, uncomfortable, and absolutely no fun.
Today, I had the exact opposite experience. It was so passionate, incredibly arousing to me and so satisfying. He was as interested in pleasing me as I was in pleasing him, and we had an incredible time together. I don't think any part of my body was left untouched. I'm sure that things wouldn't have been as exciting for either of us, if he didn't have an interest in pleasing me.
I don't need to orgasm every time, and I doubt that I could even if wanted to. But I'm a much better "provider" when I'm considered during the experience
100% agree on the give and take.
It's just not my nature to be with a woman and it be all about me. I get pleasure from pleasing
Mmm, yes, I noticed... and I loved being on the receiving end of that .
EOM
Interesting...
Half the providers prefer co-op endeavors; the other half aim to please, even if solo.
Half the hobbyists say it's your money, do what you want; the other half say they like to strive for mutual satisfaction.
It's dumb but I definitely get performance anxiety.
If I know something is expected of me, I'm not sure I can deliver consistently.
Hm... well that's a discussion for another time I suppose...
I always make sure the provider is comfortable at all times when we play. With the current provider I'm seeing I just asked her if she enjoys our Sessions, She said she does. So that's good enough for me.
what you need me to be.
Fortunately, 99.9% of the time that has happened to include my pleasure as well as his. Lucky me! Honestly, if I didn't have as much fun as I do I doubt I would continue this. I'm a hedonist at heart, and if something doesn't bring me pleasure- physically, spiritually, or intellectually- why the heck should I bother to do it? Life is to be lived, and lived fully. Luckily, my pleasure is not hard to achieve.
I'm sure there's no provider out there who expects (or maybe even wants) to get off with every client and every session, but does that mean I shouldn't try? I mean, if I just want to lay there and have her do all the work, is that acceptable?
What is the norm for other hobbyists?
How do providers feel about clients with this "self-centered" mentality?
Im PAYING to get off... this isn't a relationship. I'm paying someone to provide for serving me. The idea that Im being "self centered" is so absurd that it defies reason. She isnt going to cuddle up and spend the night (unless I pay for her to do so) She isnt going out on a real date (unless I pay her for it) and she sure as hell isnt going to have sex with me unless I pay for it... so why on earth would I be concerned about wither she gets off?
When you pay for sex her "needs" or perceived needs simply do not matter. Its NOT about that. If it was I'm not paying.
I'm sure there's no provider out there who expects (or maybe even wants) to get off with every client and every session, but does that mean I shouldn't try? I mean, if I just want to lay there and have her do all the work, is that acceptable?
What is the norm for other hobbyists?
How do providers feel about clients with this "self-centered" mentality?
if she's not having a good time, then neither am I.
I'm sure there's no provider out there who expects (or maybe even wants) to get off with every client and every session, but does that mean I shouldn't try? I mean, if I just want to lay there and have her do all the work, is that acceptable?
What is the norm for other hobbyists?
How do providers feel about clients with this "self-centered" mentality?