or maybe paradox is a more appropriate term. I've occasionally seen women become fierce friends, but more often than not female friendships are at best superficial and at worst downright toxic. Men, by and large, don't bother with other men unless the friendship is genuine, and if it's superficial we don't call them friends. These are, of course, stereotypical characterizations and bordering on hyperbole, but, in my experience at least, it is more true than not.
Do any of your immediate or extended family or friends know what you do, either as a working girl, or as a hobbyist?
Do you feel comfortable enough with some people in your life to share what you do or for the most part, keep it a secret?
Why or why not?
Do you feel that society or other family and friends will judge you for your choice of profession or hobby, or do you just feel that quite simply, it's no one else's business but yours?
& if you are judged how does it make you feel?
Xoxo,
Ms. Leila Lovely
Everybody I know is aware of my habits. I am not ashamed.
They have judged me. Meaning they accept me at a minimum. The rest of them envy me. It's really quite liberating.
One is also a hobbyist, but plays at the low end of the scale. His experiences have been Bi-Polar, but he just keeps on trying. The other friend...he prefers Ourtime, has found a GF that suits him, and thinks I should follow his lead, but I prefer the freedom the hobby provides...
As for family? They know I'm a free spirit, but I share no details, and they have no clue.
I have a few friends who know I dabble in this world. They are just as free thinking as I am, so it's all good. I don't share hardly anything with ppl anyhow mostly. Some people like to mouth off about their lives and such. Lol. Not me.
As far as providers, I'm sure the perspective is more precise and careful. I can see that. As far as hobbyists, a lot of them are married right. I think a lot of them would want to keep close to the chest. Lol. I freakin hope. If they care about staying unhappy. Lol. I'm joking!!
Ooooooouuuu! Got emmm! Lol
You make a great point! “Care About Staying Unhappy"
But then again, I'm not married so I don't really care if people did find out. It's my life and I'll do as I please 
but if they did I'm sure of two things: 1) they would, with one or two exceptions, condemn and ostracize me; and 2) the men, while condemning publicly and harrumphing in front of their wives, would be secretly wondering how hot they all were and wishing they had the balls. In fact, were I ever to be found out, it woud be my fervent wish that all those hypocrites would be able to read my reviews, particularly the ones covering the duos they've always fantasized about but were unable to make happen...they could merrily suck on that, so to speak.
-- Modified on 6/28/2015 10:48:52 PM
Wrong in that you might not be condemned as much as you think. Right in that you would be envied.
but I'll bet you're right. Probably a lot of "don't tell anyone I said this, but..." :-
I'm pretty transparent. Lost what I considered to be a good friend when I first moved out here because she was not pleased one bit with my choice, but when I really thought about it she wasn't a friend at all.
I'm comfortable enough to share with anyone, kind of separates the men from the boys if you will. People will always judge, and I used to worry about it. This lifestyle makes me happy, the experiences and the incredible people that I get to have them with satiates me!
If I'm judged honestly I just laugh, I've come a long way baby! And I know many others have also. Feel the love!!!
I am kind of dealing with similar situation,
& was wondering how others dealt with it & this really puts me at ease ..
I have been feeling the same way, people have been judging but I noticed a lot of these people judging aren't getting any further in life & to be honest that is what I dread!
Cheer, to the ladies who've came a long way!!
Xoxo,
Ms. Leila Lovely
I am not "out". If my family and friends were to find out, I doubt they'd care. They might ask me a million questions and worry about me and my safety but no hating. I still don't want to deal with it. One day I will tell them, long after Alexandra has retired.
If people truly love you and care, they will stick around regardless of your choices. The sad thing is, you may think they are your friends and then later find out they truly weren't.
I have a few "clients" that I have let in my RL world. Worked nicely. I had a roommate who knew what I did and it was real nice to have a sounding board and be free at home being myself. Of course he's the one who directed me to TER lol.
& was wondering how others dealt with it & this really puts me at ease ..
I have been feeling the same way, people have been judging but I noticed a lot of these people judging aren't getting any further in life & to be honest that is what I dread!
Cheer, to the ladies who've came a long way!!
Xoxo,
Ms. Leila Lovely
or maybe paradox is a more appropriate term. I've occasionally seen women become fierce friends, but more often than not female friendships are at best superficial and at worst downright toxic. Men, by and large, don't bother with other men unless the friendship is genuine, and if it's superficial we don't call them friends. These are, of course, stereotypical characterizations and bordering on hyperbole, but, in my experience at least, it is more true than not.
Some of my best female friends are ones I've met in this game. But I also have a few who are civvies and they know what I do. They think I'm a pig (or a dog) but they love me. I value my female friends as much as my male friends. It's just different. But the same.
I meant females being friends with each other. I have several great female friends, some I've been intimate with and some just friends from the get go.
but rarely have so many people stated that they share what they do with anybody, much less everybody. I may have to take back what I said yesterday about how cowardly most hookers and johns are.
oh, and to answer the actual question. EVERYBODY knows what a whore mongering pig I am, even my mother.
Many of my married friends live vicariously through me, and the only people I don't tell are the wives of my married friends, not because I care what their wives think about me, but because of the strife it would cause them on the home front. I don't feel like I have the right to make choices like this for other people, but I am completely open about it myself.
They like me for other reasons so they're cool with my whoremongering ways. They treat me like their bad boy. I don't rub their faces in it. I just don't avoid the question.
you hedonistic free living fucker...here's an RT smiley just for you, ya bastid 
I paid a pretty steep price for my freedom, but it was worth every fucking penny.
....but hobbying is private and for me only.
I tell my female friends NOTHING. They would never understand and frankly I don't want to hear it from them. It's not a fear of judgement.....it's a fear of having them yammer & scream in my face about how I'm exploiting women, how I'm worse than a man, blah blah blah BLAH.
I prefer it this way - They don't ask, and I don't tell.
Do you feel comfortable enough with some people in your life to share what you do or for the most part, keep it a secret?
Why or why not?
Do you feel that society or other family and friends will judge you for your choice of profession or hobby, or do you just feel that quite simply, it's no one else's business but yours?
& if you are judged how does it make you feel?
Xoxo,
Ms. Leila Lovely
Am I judged? Yes and sometimes very harshly. As a husband of a sex worker I even have been judged here. I lost friends. Some of my extended family will not associate with me. But I made real friends to replace those I lost. The family that gave a damn stayed even if they try to save me and my wife from our sinful lifestyle from time to time. Yes I am judged. But guess what, I am also judged because I am massively obese. (I am 90 pounds lighter than I was 2 years ago.) Life is full of hypocritical, judgemental people. Can't let that stop you.
Now when people condemn me I don't care. I have been unpopular my whole life. But when people judge my wife as less somehow because of what she does that pisses me off. It is rare among our friends and I try to control who knows about her work, but once it is out it is out. And sometimes it happens. Anyway it pisses me off.
God forbid they had to find out with a call from jail or the hospital; much better they heard it from me. My folks are not totally on board but all my friends are very supportive.
Only my fellow hobbyist friends know my secret. Because of the nature of my work, I'm sure that I would get fired if my employer was to find out about my hobby.
Although when I'm retired in the near future, it really isn't going to matter if anyone finds out about my little secret. I don't have a SO to worry about and if my civvies friends don't approve of my lifestyle, then they are not my true friends
If I tell you then, I become a blabber mouth. There lies the problem.
I don’t baller so, no one knows what I do, don’t do, where I go, where I don’t go, who I see and don’t see.
I will only give information to someone, they absolutely need to know for specific purpose.
I am not one to worry about what anyone thinks of what I do. I told my family if they didn't like it, they could pay my bills. They fully support me. I feel truly blessed to have such understanding family and friends
Hugs and kisses
TL
...I am debating whether or not to tell another cousin when he comes for a visit in Sept.
I have an arrangement with my wife. There are some rules. One is that nobody else can know. The other is that we she doesn't want to know anything about it. I started hobbying a year ago under these rules.
I recently found out that she told a mutual woman friend of ours about it, who subsequently asked me for some advice. This friend wants to see a male escort and is not sure how to go about it. LOL.
Daughter said, "whatever makes you happy Dad"
FYI I am a widower and only recently started hobbying.
Very understanding of her!
By David McRaney. Long story short, it's about all the little ways our brains trick us into seeing the world a completely different way than it actually is. There's this one section that talks about "Pluralistic Ignorance". Basically, we all believe that the majority thinks one thing, even if we ourselves feel very differently and even if that perceived majority view is not really true.
There have been a few studies on this phenomena, but one of the easiest to explain here would be one that was done at Princeton. The study looked at the culture of binge drinking, and researchers did a survey of students to see what individuals believed, and what individuals believed the majority believed. It came out that even though the majority of people were uncomfortable with the binge drinking culture, they still vastly identified the "majority view" as being accepting. A lot of students who said they were uncomfortable even joined protests against bans or stricter rules because they saw it as what they were *supposed* to do to be part of this imagined culture. So the culture persisted. It then goes on to tie into how this contributes to staunchly anti-gay representatives being caught with male escorts, how we literally convince ourselves we're wrong, yadda yadda. It's a good read, I would recommend.
Anyways, that part got me to thinking... Where is the stigma, really? We all know that there are some really loudly opposed groups, but are they actually the majority? Are we really the reason that we're considered taboo? What would things be like if we all just spoke up and said "Hey, this ain't that bad"?
The fear comes from finding out we are right and become social lepers. How we view the world is secondary, in this instance. One mans opinion. You are cute as hell, by the way.
I totally agree that the reality of the stigma not being in our own minds is what keeps us quiet... but then... what about all the other cultures where it is actually a status symbol to have a beautiful lady on your arm? It seems we are a more puritanical society, so we try to repress almost anything to do with sex, and in turn the power of a good woman. Why is that? I can't help but wonder how it all ties in.
I had a little Christmas in June moment at Barnes and Noble the other day and picked up another book that might offer a little more insight into the way different cultures and customs form and persist. Like you said, none of this feels quite "Facebook appropriate", so I'm sure you guys will be the first to hear about it, LOL
But this is definitely one worth answering honestly.
Do you feel comfortable enough with some people in your life to share what you do or for the most part, keep it a secret?
Why or why not?
Do you feel that society or other family and friends will judge you for your choice of profession or hobby, or do you just feel that quite simply, it's no one else's business but yours?
Yes, I absolutely was judged and condemned for it. Friends of many years and family members alike stopped speaking to me for a very long time.... some still won't have anything to do with me.
It really is no one else's business but my own.
& if you are judged how does it make you feel?
With my (former) friends, I was very disappointed that they turned on me. It wasn't surprising because that happened way back when I first started stripping too.
One or two eventually came around but all they ever wanted to talk about was "how could you do that?", "what was it like?" and "how much money did you really make?".... which again, was just disappointing.
And that's all I have to say about that. :-P
I happened to be out having public sex with strangers last night and there was a single woman who I realized I had met before--as a provider. We were having sex in a "lifestyle" setting, but I knew her from p4p. When I had a minute alone with her I confirmed that she was who I thought she was and told her that we had met before, only that that time I had paid for the privilege. She was incredibly embarrassed and asked me to please not tell anyone. For whatever reason, she was worried that a bunch of strangers she was having sex with would find out that she was a provider.
I do not currently have VIP, so I can't read your message. If you want to reach me, use my TER name at yahoo.
With my pals. Some of them maybe hobby as well but we're not stupid enough to fully reveal ourselves, never underestimate the power of gossip. I'm sure if I do though that my friends wouldn't care since we have been through a lot more crazy shit in the past. If you are in a circle that can ostracize you at any moment that is not a genuine friendship circle!
My network in asia though hobby like crazy with their hookers and sugarbabies. Over there its like a status thing for the business class to be able to buy a pretty womans time or even hand in marriage. Was at a family outting once with like 10 plus families with their kids too and this guy just brings his spinner sugarbaby with big sunglasses, tons of makeup on and these huge heels with a designer bag on her arm. No one gave a shit. Factory owners there gamble and hobby almost nightly.
pretty much everyone knows and I have no shame in admitting that I enjoy my hobby!
Do you feel comfortable enough with some people in your life to share what you do or for the most part, keep it a secret?
Why or why not?
Do you feel that society or other family and friends will judge you for your choice of profession or hobby, or do you just feel that quite simply, it's no one else's business but yours?
& if you are judged how does it make you feel?
Xoxo,
Ms. Leila Lovely
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