I'm not a big fan of your hostile bullshit.
The Story: no one knows this side of me and because of that I feel caged... I'm tempted to tell my best friend from yrs ago who I know I can lend me his ear but i fear what that may lead to. "Take it to your grave "I 've read somewhere here before.
I started the hobby with fbsm a few years ago then last yr added "extras." Even saw a fs provider but my conscience got the best of me. I started this yr with fs and I have seen a few women. I tend to think too much then my performance/session suffer. I still get nervous and sometimes think "why am I here" the same time I'm getting a bbbj. I fear a lot because I hobby locally since my job does not include traveling. I don't hobby in certain areas just to lessen the chance of getting seen by someone I know or knows me.
I'm in my late 30's with 3kids. And I'm struggling with my emotions especially when I give a kiss goodnight to my kids and my wife. This hobby is a stress reliever and is stressful at the same time. I wonder if there are others in my position? I want to be a good father and husband but am I really? Am I still if people really knew the whole story?
Yes, I used the search function to search past threads but apparently my key words does not populate anything relavent.
Sorry, just needed to vent
You OTOH should tell NOBODY. I feel ZERO guilt about seeing hookers, and there is nothing anyone can possibly do with the information that I fuck hookers to damage me.
You are NOT in the same position as me, and I suspect that your life as you know it would be over if your little secret where to get out. My suggestion is to do what many here do. Use this forum as a place to get this shit off your chest and share.
and yes, you do need how to better use the message search function as there has been a LOT of conversation on this subject here.
Every time you get horny,get a baby sitter, take your wife out for a nice dinner , bring her home and fuck her brains out.
To be honest with you, I was NOT a fan.
There are easily a hundred posters that give advice MUCH better than hers.
and for the OP at least, I think that may be HIS best solution. Fucking hookers is supposed to be fun and stress relieving, not a cause of stress. If you can't enjoy this hobby without becoming a guilt riddled mess, then take up golf or tennis, at least you'll get some fresh air to go along with your exercise.
I miss the LG, and took some pride in being quoted in her paper. Though the quotes, which were more or less about falling for a provider, or at least being in some sort of blissful state of self-delusion about my relationship with my fave of the moment, are pretty pitiful from this perspective.
As for there being a lot of good advice available here - I suppose there is, but it is surrounded by a thick forest of misinformation and just plain crap, so it is easy to miss. The truth to BS ratio with the LG was much higher.
Just saying,
zig
I have and have had many as clients for longer than many of you are alive.
Without doubt and as G-d is my witness (when is the last time you heard that expression?!)
the aforementioned two come from the worst families, have unanimously been neglected, abused bullied , when youths never accepted by their peers, had few friends and have the most fucked up children in America. These are absolute facts. Even those without the kids have issues unlike any group I've ever met. It is uncanny how the most fucked up dole advice and stupider that people listen to these collective losers.
the background to understand where much of their clientele is coming from.
My own therapist would fall under the background that you describe and he made no bones about it.
He professed and I believe it true that his experiences gave me the guidance I needed to become more self aware and self actualized.
So, rather than disparaging these people perhaps you should be praising them for their willingness to use their backgrounds for the benefit of others.
Just sayin'.....
^^^^THIS.
I'd fuck the sitter skip the dinner and have the wife make me popcorn
If you're feeling that guilty, just stop doing it. Problem solved.
Whining about it here on TER is a much better solution.
Being a good husband and father has absolutely nothing to do with what you're doing here. Consider this a stress-relieving hobby, like any other, except that it's a secret one, that takes you away from your family for a few hours a week, much like golf, tennis, bowling, exercising, continuing education classes, etc. might do.
By no means tell anyone. It can only end badly. Besides, you will find that keeping a big secret like this is a source of power.
Minimize the risks. Be careful about where and when you hobby. Have a cover story.
Finally, don't overthink, enjoy yourself, and embrace your inner slut. This is supposed to be fun.
-- Modified on 5/24/2015 7:21:11 PM
-- Modified on 5/24/2015 7:27:01 PM
Being a good husband has absolutely nothing to do with what you are doing here? I think if you took a poll of wives, the vast majority would strongly disagree. While you seem to confuse a married mongerer's rationalization for having sex outside of the marriage with reality, you nonetheless acknowledge he should carry his secret to the grave. If real, the OP certainly appears conflicted. For you to claim P4P is simply a stress-relieving activity like golf, tennis, or bowling is one of the most absurd comments I've ever seen on these boards. If that's the case he could join a country club and a bowling league, have no feelings of guilt, and probably have more money in his bank account at the end of the day. I engage in P4P to have sex with beautiful women, not as a stress reliever, but because it feels great and allows me to fulfill certain fantasies. Unfortunately, we are all not as fortunate as GaG, who isn't weighed down by the excess baggage of guilt and possible repercussion. Nevertheless, his advice, as well as your ultimate advice, are right on. Keep it secret, be very discreet and careful, and let it be your little secret.
I don't think too many guys have had an orgasm from throwing a bowling ball.
And for those of you who have, I suggest some therapy.
My point of course is that sexual activity provides a necessary release for many who otherwise would be quite miserable without it.
And furthermore, it is not the wife's opinion of what a good husband is that is at issue, it is the OP's opinion that matters.
In fact, many other activities result in the same kind of release of endorphins that is thought to create that feeling of well being that comes after an O.
But now I understand the reason for your whore mongering - you didn't know there were any alternatives, or maybe you are wired differently from most. A combination of exercise, competition, social interaction and fucking beautiful women is the best approach, IMO, but YMMV.
zig
Let me see if I understand you correctly. Infidelity has no bearing on being a "good husband" as long as the man is OK with it? Have you shared this theory with the married women in this country? It's certainly a radical concept, and if universally accepted, would liberate millions of individuals from the constraints of monogamy.
I'll reserve those traits for things like having controlling issues, abusiveness, laziness, drunkenness, ignorance, arrogance, ucaring of our own physical appearance, or ignoring your children or wife. And not necessarily in that order. I am sure that some wives, and others, will gladly add many more
You are risking your wife and kids. Hell, if you do still have sex with her, you are even putting her at risk for an STD.
Yes, I have been a much nicer guy since I started hobbying, stopped bugging the wife for sex - she would tell you the same thing, too, though definitely does not know the reason. I am happier with myself, and more accepting of our relationship. All that is true, but it does not change what would happen if she found out. So I need to make peace with my dishonesty and unfaithful behavior. Which I have. But if I should get caught, I am not sure I would say this run has been worth it. Something I needed to do, I guess, and I will deal with those consequences if and when they come. But I do not delude myself that the risk is not very real, and that I will not be judged a total shit by a lot of people I love if it goes wrong.
zig
That really makes no sense--you are still the same person. No different, no better or worse that the day, months, years, or decades beforehand. But sadly, too many people are quick to blame and find faults in the actions others. Mostly because it is easy to do that--it's much harder to sometimes see and recognize the good qualities that are in all of us; or to foresee and understand a problem and then try to part of the solution.
Of course, if found out, you will have disappointed many people you love. And any wife would have every right to be angry and pissed. But nobody is perfect, or totally saintly. One aspect of someones life, or a choice they make, does not give anyone the right to ignore everything else and make a blanket statement about your character.
For me, a few hours away every month from the difficult role of being a father and a husband does not make me feel guilty, or in any way less of a decent person.
I doubt many married women, fuck that, I doubt that ANY married women are going to agree that cheating is somehow a "good" or even irrelevant to being a good husband.
and just how in the fuck does keeping a "big secret" become a source of power??? I just don't get this line of reasoning, or more accurately this line of rationalization on your part.
How is it the mongerer who is routinely accused of debasing and insulting women understands this concept so well? LOL. Be careful GaG, the WKs and BSC hookers might actually form a new opinion of you!
Did you bother to read my post? I never mentioned married women at all. If the OP is able to compartmentalize, and he is careful not to get found out, this activity is irrelevant to how he treats his wife and kids.
And yes, being able to keep a secret is a powerful thing. Not many can do it, as evidenced by some of the posts on this thread.
Maybe someone here will believe you, but it won't be me.
and yes, maybe I do have problems keeping a secret, as an example I can't bring myself to keep my low opinion of you a secret, so maybe you are on to something? Although I don't see how keeping that secret would bring me any power.
The OP is obviously feeling guilt about what he is doing here, If it's bringing him more stress than he is relieving, than maybe this "hobby" is not for him? Is that such a tough concept to grasp? Do I have to type it slower for you?
I'm not a big fan of your hostile bullshit.
You said "[b]eing a good husband and father has absolutely nothing to do with what [the OP] is doing here," and that P4P is "a stress-relieving hobby...much like golf, tennis, bowling, e revising, continuing education classes..." Your comments are as asinine and absurd as when you first wrote them. Either you're not married, or if you are, you have the type of marriage every mongerer would love to have. Some on these boards profess to have such a marriage, but I would certainly think the overwhelming majority of married johns are not so lucky, and engage in this activity very stealthily. What you're spewing is nothing more than a rationalization to somehow make you feel cheating on your wife is perfectly fine, and is completely irrelevant to whether you are a "good husband." If that is so, then why do you need to keep it a secret? I can picture the conversation now. Honey, I'm spending $$$$a month fucking hookers, but you realize I'm still a good husband, right? LOL.
or anything about my marriage.
By the way, how do rationalize your behavior?
So tell us, just what do you tell your wife?
Do you believe that honesty is important in a relationship? If you can lie to yourself, and you can lie to your wife, I suppose lying to us just comes naturally, doesn't it.
Lots of guys here are cheating on their wives, but not that many twist themselves into a pretzel lying to themselves to boot.
For the record, I don't have to rationalize my behavior, and I don't put a moments worth of effort into hiding anything I do. Unlike you, I have nothing to be ashamed of.
You come on the board pontificating nonsense and then are offended by my purported presumption about your marriage.
First, all I can do is presume because I don't know you. I could care less about your marriage or why you engage in P4P. That's your business, and doesn't interest me. I simply have a different view of things and stated as much. I feel your advice to the OP, who if he is genuine, is quite conflicted about seeing hookers, is naive and superficial.
Second, I don't rationalize my behavior. I recognize it ias being completely self-serving, shallow, and selfish. I also recognize the consequences and pain that would follow if caught. Hence, the precautions and desire to keep it private. I'm not especially proud of what I do, but I'm human, with human frailties, and I relish the few hours of fantasy I can bring into my life. So I don't rationalize the behavior as you obviously do, I simply bury my head in the sand and don't think about it. Perhaps yours is the better way of dealing with it, but I've never been able to delude myself into thinking something so obviously wrong is OK.
I mean can she have a secret where she either sees another or she "steals" money from the household and secretly shops and then hides things from her husband. It might give her power and make her feel good too.
For once I'm not being facetiously cunty. Therapy may help you cope with your anxiety. Obviously this scene isn't a "stress reliever" if it's causing you additional stress.
I've heard good things about hot yoga, but that sounds like pure, unadulterated torture if you ask me.
Never had the pleasure myself, but you seem to have a realistic outlook and perception of this business, as well as life in general, and appear to be very forthright and direct in your communications. Plus, a little fun to boot.
I agree!
Soooo true. For most men I know the hobby provides stimulation that is the equivalent of me going to get Botox or a new pair of shoes... if it is any more involved or emotionally draining (stressful) than that, it's not what you need to be doing. Most men who cheat feel the same way, and if women (their mates) ever knew just how little it really has to do with them, they would encourage it lol.
I've heard good things about hot yoga, but that sounds like pure, unadulterated torture if you ask me.
-- Modified on 5/25/2015 10:39:23 PM
Stress relief, seriously? Take up running, get a gym membership, or some other hobby. You are doing this because you like the thrill, whether it is the joy of fucking new, young, pussy, the excitement of being naughty, doing something that your wife won't do with you, or probably some combination of those things and some other stuff. You are being dishonest, unfaithful, and taking absurd risks with your marriage. When and if it goes wrong, which it can do so many ways, from getting caught to you falling for some working girl, who, the odds are high, won't really give a crap about you beyond how much cash you are giving her. the fallout will also mark your kids and your relationship with them for the rest of your life. What would you tell them - would you apologize or try to explain why doing this was a good thing, the right thing, to do?
Them's the facts, boy, and if you are feeling bad about being dishonest, you can start to deal with it by being honest here, where you do not need to lie, unless you need to lie to yourself.
And there are other morally questionable aspects of this that you may not have not considered, since your post seems to only focus on your feelings. Having started, you might want to take a step back, consider the whole transaction, and try to understand what is really going on.
That way you can make an informed decision.
Now take a deep breath, reconsider whether it is something you want to be doing and if you decide it is, as most here do, stop whining.
I love the stories, and most providers have them, about the religious guys who pay, screw and then try to save them. Who are they kidding? No, you are not being that hypocritical, but it does seem like your post is about soothing your conscience somehow. The only one who can deal with your conscience is you. Better to do it now on your own terms than find yourself asking what you have done if things ever go wrong.
I have one friend who knows btw. Not sure why I told him, but I suspect it was partly because I wanted to brag. Looking back, it was not wise to tell him, so if I had to do it over again, I would not (the pleasure of telling him was fleeting).
have fun,
zig
Your conscious is telling you something right? After that, listen hard and see what your gut instincts are telling you. Those two should be your guide.
Just my .02
....nor is it for those that feel the need to vent or vocalize their lament to those close to them. Unless they also partake, they will never really understand.
I am in a similar situation as yours, (with a small gender reversal!). I have a family, I hobby in my own backyard, and sometimes feel torn about some of the choices I make. But the second I felt that it was becoming stressful, I would stop. No pussy is worth getting an ulcer or (god forbid) having a coming to Jesus moment and confessing past discrepancies to the wife or best friend. Only you can decide what level of risk and/or guilt you can live with
Rental cars, books from the library or trinkets made by overworked Chinese laborers. I don't feel guilty for using these items and neither should you.
One could feel a certain amount of guilt for utilizing the items improperly (i.e., the next guy driving this car from Budget may not like the fact that I spilled coffee all over the dashboard or took a shit in the trunk - but hey it's my time on my dime).
I mean I suppose I could feel all bent out of shape that I bought some cheap fireworks from the dollar store made by some 80 pound underfed/malnourished Chinaman that makes $2 a day. But shit why would I do that? Got enough fucking problems as it is NOW. Sure as shootin' don't need to be worried about Bruce Lee's starving ass cousin.
The answer to "Why am I here" is simple!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good blowjobs cost $$$ and plus they feel good
Besides what the fuck else you going to do with your money? Save it for your kids college. Just watched the news and some ahole is now proposing FREE college education. Thanks motherfuckers after I spent years busting my black ass to pay back thousands in school loans
Now if you are all worked up about some pretty young thing servicing your member. Man calm the fuck waaaaay down.
I view every provider who gets to suck my dick as being one lucky young (or older I don't really care about the age) lady. How else these gals going to meet a guy like me?
I mean shit I don't waste my time with just anybody. Naw, guilt don't enter in to equation for ol Ridge. Besides after talking to these gals trust me they ain't exactly the best of class when it comes to picking boyfriends.
Shit man if anything after sucking my dick, swallowing my load and then getting educated by me as to what a REAL MAN is capable of - fuck it man they should be thanking me for giving them 60 minutes of MY mothafuckin time.
So think of it as providing a Public Service to deserving (or some undeserving) young gals.
RT (and that's for real)
-- Modified on 5/24/2015 9:40:45 PM
My best friend since childhood is thrice married, had multiple other LTRs, has (until the last few years) always had "girls on the side", occasionally seen escorts, and (no kidding) is a practicing psycho-therapist who sometimes does "couples therapy". I've had to listen to his romantic and sexual hijinx for more than forty years now.
Woulda believe he cannot stand to hear my hobby stories? Of all people, he's gone all "moral"-y on me. We barely speak nowadays, and his knowing about my hobby lifestyle is the main reason why. I don't understand it, it's just the way things are.
Several people know about some of my "eccentricities"--too many, probably. Not really worried about it--chance of me being put in a bind is very small because most of my hobby activity is in my "second city".
But if I had it to do over, I would tell far fewer people, or preferably none. You never know how someone else will react.
Talk to a shrink if you have to. Or, believe it or not, a phone sex girl--some of them are good listeners, and can offer some interesting insights.
Just don't come home and kiss the kids with pussy breath. Did that once with the dogs, they went nuts, tried to French me, LOL!
I started the hobby with fbsm a few years ago then last yr added "extras." Even saw a fs provider but my conscience got the best of me. I started this yr with fs and I have seen a few women. I tend to think too much then my performance/session suffer. I still get nervous and sometimes think "why am I here" the same time I'm getting a bbbj. I fear a lot because I hobby locally since my job does not include traveling. I don't hobby in certain areas just to lessen the chance of getting seen by someone I know or knows me.
I'm in my late 30's with 3kids. And I'm struggling with my emotions especially when I give a kiss goodnight to my kids and my wife. This hobby is a stress reliever and is stressful at the same time. I wonder if there are others in my position? I want to be a good father and husband but am I really? Am I still if people really knew the whole story?
Yes, I used the search function to search past threads but apparently my key words does not populate anything relavent.
Sorry, just needed to vent.
See a priest and repent. Do it again and repent again.
Your need of telling someone and your feeling of guilt are taken care off.
Thought so.
You cannot reveal these secrets to anyone outside of the hobby unless you are 110% sure that they are cool. If not, this is a secret you may have to take to your grave. Sounds like it may be best for you to see a therapist...
just let me say this. Hobbying while in a relationship is like sailing a sailboat. It's not a matter of IF you run aground but WHEN you do. It's going to happen. You will be found out eventually. After being in the hobby for about a year and a half, I was found out on August 10,2009. I lost my marriage of 25 years and neither of my kids have spoken to me since. Yes, I paid financially too, but I would pay that again to have my previous life back. So I ask you...do you love your wife? even a little? How about your kids? Do you value their trust and respect? If the answer to these is even a qualified maybe, then leave this page, delete all bookmarks, and don't look back....Yes, it's exciting and the ladies are awesome...but in the long run the hobby is just not worth the cost. Good luck my friend.
I started the hobby with fbsm a few years ago then last yr added "extras." Even saw a fs provider but my conscience got the best of me. I started this yr with fs and I have seen a few women. I tend to think too much then my performance/session suffer. I still get nervous and sometimes think "why am I here" the same time I'm getting a bbbj. I fear a lot because I hobby locally since my job does not include traveling. I don't hobby in certain areas just to lessen the chance of getting seen by someone I know or knows me.
I'm in my late 30's with 3kids. And I'm struggling with my emotions especially when I give a kiss goodnight to my kids and my wife. This hobby is a stress reliever and is stressful at the same time. I wonder if there are others in my position? I want to be a good father and husband but am I really? Am I still if people really knew the whole story?
Yes, I used the search function to search past threads but apparently my key words does not populate anything relavent.
Sorry, just needed to vent.
As long as your desires are not being met elsewhere, you're going to be drawn to hobbying, so you're best off putting the appropriate parameters around how you engage with it. I think your biggest pitfall would be getting too emotionally involved with a provider, and that is what is going to make your marriage and home life suffer. Neglecting your wife and kids as you expend your energy/time/money on the fantasizing about the life you "could" have with the other woman (which of course only involves the highlights and not the reality of a LTR) is the real danger this hobby presents to you.
Perhaps, limit your activities only to the times when it is most convenient (ex. on your own for a few days, spending money that won't be missed) and when you feel a real need for the release. Then, only visit any particular lady once or twice so that any rapport remains casual and distant, and you can use her as a sympathetic ear for your emotional plight. The beauty of being a customer in this world is that (ideally) you should be able to disengage at any time without any repercussions - the past is the past.