I've had clients with varying mental issues and sometimes it turns into a burden when they depend on me to be their real lover, support system, and therapist- something I didn't sign up for and can't possibly provide. It can turn a hobby that should be light and fun into obsessive compulsive and stalking tendencies. Not saying you have this problem. It's just something to keep in mind. Don't put heavy expectations on any one woman.
-- Modified on 4/11/2015 7:28:20 PM
What are your thoughts on mental health and this business? Is visiting (or being) a provider therapeutic, can it aggravate existing mental health problems, or is it just dependent on the individual? I realize that emotional stability is especially important here, for everyone's health and safety. Therefore it is important to project a business-like image. But I wonder if there are others who struggle with their mental health.
My own situation is that I have severe social anxiety and depression. After visiting an escort a couple months ago, I felt better about life than I had in over a decade. I felt hope and joy. When I thought of all the time and money I spent on therapy over the years, I wondered, would I have been better off paying escorts instead? The cost would probably be similar, and I suspect I would have found much more joy and peace in my life. Unfortunately now the joy is fading, and I find myself again crippled with anxiety. I'm afraid to contact the woman I saw, because I feel like even paying someone to be with me for an hour is asking too much.
When I was still energized, my thoughts were that seeing an escort is like a boost of confidence and happiness, a doorway to making other, more permanent changes in life. But an alternative view is that sex is simply necessary in itself, not just as a means to things like confidence or intimacy. In other words, is sex replaceable with other things, or unique and indispensable?
Anyway I should conclude before I wander off too far. Given that mental health issues are so prevalent in modern society, I thought it must show up in this business sometimes. I'm not so much interested in the dangerous and violent (a very small subset of the mentally ill), because clearly they should not have intimate access to others. But perhaps there are those who are not dangerous, but still struggle with mental health, that might share their stories, or what parts of it they can, while preserving their anonymity and image. I understand if people choose not to do so. Hopefully I'm not turning something fun and light-hearted into what it shouldn't be.
Lord have mercy on it here.
I do believe frequent sexual contact is therapeutic, if for no other reason then the chemical boost it gives our brain.
It may be that you need antidepressants for your situation. I know many people who are on them, and they work.
And, before anyone else says it, you don't have to be crazy to do this stuff, but it helps.
I've always held that sanity is overrated.
Several different ones, over the course of a couple years I think. For me the side effects (especially mental) were so bad that that's been off the table for me ever since. When I felt so relaxed and happy after seeing escort, I remember thinking "is this what antidepressant's were supposed to do?" The doctors I've seen over the years never really acknowledged that sex might be important or beneficial for me. It was my social worker (who's in her 70s and retiring this month) that encouraged me and talked me through the fear of seeking out a provider. We were both clueless about it; her suggestion was I should go to Europe... but I found my way thanks in large part to this forum.
Well said as usual MrFisher... I'll also say that... Do know what the definition of a normal person is? It's someone you don't know very well. :>)
Regards.....RR
With sexual harassment at work. When you hobby you don't have to worry about women at work crying sexual harassment because you have a release for sex on the side.
Of all the stupid posts with which you've polluted this board, this may have been the stupidest.
You must have gotten in trouble at work for sexual harassment the way you reacted to this post. You don't want to be associated with some with a mental condition. It is very obvious with the posts you have.
It is very true what I say because you mess around with women at work and break it off, they call harassment. The hobby is a good substitute to stay out of trouble.
-- Modified on 4/12/2015 9:53:53 AM
Your suppositions are both incorrect. The entire idea that playing this game is some kind of cure for sexual harassment is simplistic. There's no excuse for sexual harassment and someone prone to do it won't be dissuaded by fucking prostitutes. That is why I was dismissive of your earlier post.
You can't seem to help giving out foolish and naive advice, just like another joker from the DC area who is on hiatus.
I don't have mental health issues (some people who know me well might disagree, lol) but in my experience seeing providers is a huge "upper" and has made a big difference in my life.
You pose an interesting question about sex, and whether it's indispensable and replaceable with other things. I believe sex is not indispensible. But I believe intimacy IS indispensible. I could go, and have gone, long periods of time without sex, prior to seeing providers. What I found intolerable and what ultimately drove me to see providers was not the lack of sex, but lack of intimacy with a woman--the kissing, caressing, cuddling, sharing of intimate thoughts; the freedom to act as a sensual being, with someone who appreciates that aspect of my personality.
There are people who live without sexual relations, by choice. i have to think that their mental health depends on some kind of intimacy... altough there are different forms of intimacy, e.g. for those living a chaste life, intimacy with close friends or even God could suffice.
-- Modified on 4/11/2015 2:39:14 PM
I can definitely identify with what you said about " lack of intimacy with a woman--the kissing, caressing, cuddling, sharing of intimate thoughts; the freedom to act as a sensual being, with someone who appreciates that aspect of my personality."
Just that freedom to touch and be touched, and to have permission to feel like a sexual being, is truly heavenly. Aside from sublimating the sexual urge into religious fervor, do you think other outlets exist for intimacy besides sexual relationships? A large part of my loneliness is staved off by being with family, but of course it is a limited type of intimacy. I think there is a physical need, not for mere orgasm, but for touch and safety being vulnerable.
They'll go as far as you're comfortable going. If all you want is kissing, cuddling, maybe massage, and someone to talk to, there's many providers who are great at that. There's a reason they're called escorts or providers, and not prostitutes or a more colorful version of that word. You pay for their time. Whatever you and the provider agree to do during that time is no one else's business.
Before the anxiety takes too much control away, arrange to meet the same lady you saw before but this time plan on a cuddling session. If it goes farther, then great, if not, then that's fine too.
Let her know in advance that you need her to take the lead. She will do with you what's she's comfortable with - this is not a forced interaction. There's no reason to feel that an hour of her time is asking too much if she's the one who agrees to see you again.
The chemicals in our brains are a jumbled up concoction which really respond to the presence of another. Especially in a caring situation. I walk out of dates on top of the world, with wobbly legs, a smile on my face, and I'm patient to a fault where normally I might snap. "Twas beauty killed the beast."
Unfortunately one of her rules was no cuddling. I think I can understand why, as it's probably more emotional and vulnerable to be held in someone's arms than it is to get them off. Yeah what you say about requesting an hour of time is very rational. But depression is nasty in the way it robs you of your reason. My mind tells me I'm so disgusting and worthless that I should hide from the world. As a thought it's utterly ridiculous, but as an emotion it has all the force of a sound argument.
"The chemicals in our brains are a jumbled up concoction which really respond to the presence of another. Especially in a caring situation. I walk out of dates on top of the world, with wobbly legs, a smile on my face, and I'm patient to a fault where normally I might snap. "Twas beauty killed the beast." "
I agree and like how you phrase it.
...reviews will reveal this. It's one of the things I enjoy and I can't remember a provider that wouldn't do it.
I'm not a doctor, but read that sex releases neurochemicals such as oxytocin that make people feel good temporarily. So regular sex is good and can be one factor in helping you work your way out of depression. Try a simple web search for "sex enhances mood".
But DO NOT go to an escort with the idea that you have to project (in your words above) a "business-like image" if that means shaking hands, squelching impulses to moan softly with pleasure, or not letting your hands roam over her body. You cannot clutch her and wail that you're lonely and depressed, but you sure as shit can embrace her and confide that you are lonely and depressed - without making it the centerpiece of your visit. The business part is that you have to understand that when your hour is up you must leave and not construct any fantasy that the lady is your salvation or in love with you (or you with her).
Periodic physical contact is a basic need for human well being. Classic experiment of baby moneys raised in a cage with a wire figure of a mother versus a cloth figure demonstrated marked adverse effects on the wire cohort. Studies of children raised in orphanages find marked adverse effects on infants that were not periodically held by adults for a certain amount of time.
Bottom line: get laid
Your mental health is the same as before you entered the most pleasurable mental health.
Recently, there have been these kind questions. It appears, all of you are projecting your lack of confidence, and mental state on to others or trying to find birds of the same feather.
Should ladies be concerned about seeing these mentally unbalanced?
When I first started using an SSRI, I'd wish I'd been on them years sooner. My mood improved and my mind had a little more clarity. However, a side effect is anorgasmia. I suppose this is great for men with PE, but I'd had a handful of encounters where I lasted to the point where we both got sore and I'd felt bad for the poor girl. I'd been accused of being on cocaine or just having freaky stamina
here's an unfair stigma about mental illness. Mental health isn't static--it changes over time, just like your physical health. During a crisis point, some people don't get professional help because of this stigma. Let's say "cancer" was stigmatized by society. And while taking a shower, you discover a small lump under your armpit. But because of that stigma, you don't get professional help. That tumor could have been successfully treated in its early stages. But because of the fear of being stigmatized, the patient does nothing. That tumor may grow, turn malignant, and the sickness spreads.
Mental health is often like that--early intervention is critical. Left untreated, the patient often gets sicker. And a condition that could've been successfully treated early on is now out of control. --z
Most providers and clients are moderately to severely mentally ill
you need to time your sessions around when your joy starts to fade. One of the great things about the hobby, beyond the sex, is that sometimes you meet with someone with whom you are very compatible. Those sessions are even more helpful in keeping one sane. A gentleman need not have a mental health issue. He may simply have had a rough week at the office. The connective sessions are extremely therapeutic.
Another thing that really helps me are the fbsm+ sessions. The totality of the complete body touch, including the fun touch, is therapeutic in and of itself. Many times during those sessions, there's more of a chance to talk to the lady, and share intimate thoughts. Do not be afraid to go back, again and again, when you find what you're looking for. What's great is when you find three or four of what you're looking for.
I've had clients with varying mental issues and sometimes it turns into a burden when they depend on me to be their real lover, support system, and therapist- something I didn't sign up for and can't possibly provide. It can turn a hobby that should be light and fun into obsessive compulsive and stalking tendencies. Not saying you have this problem. It's just something to keep in mind. Don't put heavy expectations on any one woman.
-- Modified on 4/11/2015 7:28:20 PM
Being in the hobby resulted in a better mental and emotional health. I didn't have a mental disorder to begin with, but I suffered from bitterness (which is not found in DSM-V psychiatry). Bitter because of an unhappy marriage. Bitter because I felt I deserve better in life. Not ready to walk away from wife until the little ones are old enough and out to college. Hobby kept me sane, I believe.
Sex is good for you. If you are unhappy with the sex you are getting, how you are getting it, what it costs you or what you feel compelled to forego in order to have sex, then it could be better and might even be harmful.
Do you find yourself avoiding family and/or old friends because you would rather concentrate on thoughts about the next date?
How much time do you spend thinking, researching and planning your encounters?
Has you life outside of the happy gotten better or gone downhill since you started?
Can you foresee the lifestyle changing your personality in a bad way? Or turning into some sort of nightmare? Even though you've had only positive experienced so far.
It's okay to think about it and question it and maybe to step back a little or slow down. There's no quota here.
Great topic for discussion...thank you for posting this!
In my experience, escorts are used as a supplement/replacement/crutch for all types of issues... Some workaholics spend the hours they do at work to avoid having to invest in intimate relationships, then turn to escorts to get physical/emotional contact that feels comfortable to them. Some clients lack social skills to date conventionally (shy, introverted, awkward...). Some men have the Madonna-Whore complex, leaving them unable to ask for the sex they crave from the woman they married (I see this as just as much a mental health issue as anything else...). And let's not get into how many people feel stuck in a marriage that no longer satisfies them, yet for any number of reasons, feel they can't change the path they are on in life. I have known people who are also lonely and depressed...suicidal even. I have also known addicts, where you can tell that hiring an escort is just another extension of their addictive spiral... So yes, there are mental health issues of varying degrees that we see; mild depression, anxiety and self-esteem issues being the most prevalent I would say.
There are also plenty of people seeking out erotic labor that don't have mental health issues, so I don't want to seem to paint a picture of clients all having mental/emotional hang ups. The above is a quick overview of what I have experienced that I would categorize as mental health issues that would possibly benefit from some sort of therapy.
Escorts can provide therapeutic relief, but IMO should not be confused for therapy...not unless you are working with an escort who also has some counseling experience, or you have created a plan for how to change something in your life that isn't working for you using your experiences and growth through escorting as a planned part of that process. I don't believe you have to always follow traditional paths or practitioners, but setting goals, making a plan for how to reach one's goals, and being held accountable with your progress are what I consider solid ideals in creating change in life.
Seeing escorts might give a boost of confidence to someone who is inexperienced in dating or has low self-esteem, but it will eventually wear off because it is not creating real change (ie: finding non-paid relationships that are fulfilling and validating). Supplementing what is lacking at home might take the pressure off not having that aspect of your relationship fulfilled, but the reality is still buried somewhere that you are not living the life you really want, you are simply making due (perhaps sacrificing some level of integrity in there as well). And don't get me wrong-I understand why people stay in marriages that turn out different then they had hoped...or any other reason people use escorting as a band-aid in their life....but escorting is just the pill you take regularly to balance things out, kind of like when people take any other medicine to treat a disorder to keep in it check (high blood pressure, diabetes, bi-polar, etc.) but won't ever really cure the problem.
If we are being honest, escorting alone should never be allowed to be seen as therapy (for those drawn to it's more therapeutic benefits), but certainly does have value, and can be beneficial, in anyone's personal growth process.
I hope that makes sense, and is taken in the spirit I intended. xoxo
xoM
(no pm's please)
more than we can give?
For example, at any given time, I may have 2-3 clients who are experiencing some sort of anxiety and may reach out to me on my personal time to talk or text about it. Ex: Guy 1 is feeling overworked and unappreciated so he texts me to tell me so. Guy 2 is feeling rejected at home so calls me in hopes of a little flirtation to boost him before he goes to work. Guy 3 cannot afford my services anymore so emails various bartering ideas which I decline, which makes him angry.
This is all happening simultaneously. How do you suggest the "therapist" keep herself sane? Of course communicating boundaries and being consistent is important. But anything else? As women we want to nurture men but doing it too much makes us nuts in the process.
Yes, all of those things can be draining, and as you mention, and finding the right boundaries is essential. Your first two examples you have to decide how much you want to take on, then create the appropriate boundaries, or balance, so you are not feeling drained. If I see a client regularly and he is doing something like this, we have a closer relationship, so I approach it differently then I would with a first time client who might seem obsessive right out of the gate. The first I indulge easier, the latter I might give an initial response to (being careful in my choice of words to not stoke obsessive behavior), but then lengthen response times (or not respond again if someone seems unstable) to gently create boundaries. In either instance of Guy 1 or Guy 2, if we are not finding balance in our own lives, and replenishing what we give of ourselves through work, these things will feel taxing to us, and probably change how we react to any number of situations at work (including how to craft a response to Guy 3). While clients issues can seep into our lives if we let them, the answer isn't to get the client to change, it's for us to change how/why we let certain things affect us. It is an art form to find the sweet spot in maintaining boundaries and staying grounded while also feeling open and approachable.
At the end of the day, we are not really therapists, but can take a page from them, or other caregivers working in intimate spaces. Meeting a client "where they are at" doesn't mean we have to jump in their boat. We have to always remember to be captaining our own vessels, and when appropriate, helping guide a client on a certain part of the water. If we jump into their boat, that they are steering, we have less control over keeping our own boats under control, ya know? Take care of your own boat, keep it bright and shiny and steady, and you will be able to better join up with, or lead, other boats no matter what condition they are in. 
I hope that helps! I'm sorry that I can't do pm's here, or I would offer to message me direct if you ever wanted to discuss this issue in more detail. Since I delisted, I don't want to post an email address and possibly upset anyone... :-/
Sending all my best,
xoM
For example, at any given time, I may have 2-3 clients who are experiencing some sort of anxiety and may reach out to me on my personal time to talk or text about it. Ex: Guy 1 is feeling overworked and unappreciated so he texts me to tell me so. Guy 2 is feeling rejected at home so calls me in hopes of a little flirtation to boost him before he goes to work. Guy 3 cannot afford my services anymore so emails various bartering ideas which I decline, which makes him angry.
This is all happening simultaneously. How do you suggest the "therapist" keep herself sane? Of course communicating boundaries and being consistent is important. But anything else? As women we want to nurture men but doing it too much makes us nuts in the process.
You make an interesting comment that I quote below. There really are no cures for depression that I know or heard of. I am not talking about the run of the mill depression like that experienced after a loss in the family. I am talking about the daily depression where I truly have to fight just to get out of bed and get to work on time. It really is a daily grind of such great proportions, that I struggle to just go out of the house to get groceries, but will lay curled up on the bed with hunger pangs till I fall asleep from exhaustion.
Doctors can only put a band aid on that type of depression, and there are many ugly side effects to the medicines they will prescribe. What you say is true, but I'll take my therapy from a provider in the form of mind numbing sex, than have some doctor tear the mental scabs off of bad memories and prescribe me some ill-tempered medication.
Also, factor in that most mental health issues are not covered very well by health insurance, so the cost starts to reach the level of what you would pay a provider. This has been my experience anyways.
In my experience, escorts are used as a supplement/replacement/crutch for all types of issues... Some workaholics spend the hours they do at work to avoid having to invest in intimate relationships, then turn to escorts to get physical/emotional contact that feels comfortable to them. Some clients lack social skills to date conventionally (shy, introverted, awkward...). Some men have the Madonna-Whore complex, leaving them unable to ask for the sex they crave from the woman they married (I see this as just as much a mental health issue as anything else...). And let's not get into how many people feel stuck in a marriage that no longer satisfies them, yet for any number of reasons, feel they can't change the path they are on in life. I have known people who are also lonely and depressed...suicidal even. I have also known addicts, where you can tell that hiring an escort is just another extension of their addictive spiral... So yes, there are mental health issues of varying degrees that we see; mild depression, anxiety and self-esteem issues being the most prevalent I would say.
There are also plenty of people seeking out erotic labor that don't have mental health issues, so I don't want to seem to paint a picture of clients all having mental/emotional hang ups. The above is a quick overview of what I have experienced that I would categorize as mental health issues that would possibly benefit from some sort of therapy.
Escorts can provide therapeutic relief, but IMO should not be confused for therapy...not unless you are working with an escort who also has some counseling experience, or you have created a plan for how to change something in your life that isn't working for you using your experiences and growth through escorting as a planned part of that process. I don't believe you have to always follow traditional paths or practitioners, but setting goals, making a plan for how to reach one's goals, and being held accountable with your progress are what I consider solid ideals in creating change in life.
Seeing escorts might give a boost of confidence to someone who is inexperienced in dating or has low self-esteem, but it will eventually wear off because it is not creating real change (ie: finding non-paid relationships that are fulfilling and validating). Supplementing what is lacking at home might take the pressure off not having that aspect of your relationship fulfilled, but the reality is still buried somewhere that you are not living the life you really want, you are simply making due (perhaps sacrificing some level of integrity in there as well). And don't get me wrong-I understand why people stay in marriages that turn out different then they had hoped...or any other reason people use escorting as a band-aid in their life....but escorting is just the pill you take regularly to balance things out, kind of like when people take any other medicine to treat a disorder to keep in it check (high blood pressure, diabetes, bi-polar, etc.) but won't ever really cure the problem.
If we are being honest, escorting alone should never be allowed to be seen as therapy (for those drawn to it's more therapeutic benefits), but certainly does have value, and can be beneficial, in anyone's personal growth process.
I hope that makes sense, and is taken in the spirit I intended. xoxo
xoM
(no pm's please)
Great addition to this thread!
There is more then one way to get from point A to point B, and you can't force healing to happen. It happens in it's own time, in the ways it uniquely happens for each of us as the diverse creatures we are. While there are some common threads to our experiences as humans, there are countless examples of how different people respond differently (positively and negatively) to medical or mental health treatment because of how unique we are at our core. No one else has lived your life, and while professional advice can be helpful, it doesn't mean that is what will work for you. Only you know what paths to venture down, and what feels right to you.
Depression absolutely IS something that *can be* a lifelong challenge without cure. Not everything has the ability to be fixed, and there is no shame in using band-aids whenever you need (hopefully ones that don't hurt you more...although that can be a part of the process for some).
From my own experiences in therapy, I have found that there were times I was ready to work on something, so sought out counseling, but when I hit a wall, or just needed a break, I would stop for awhile. If one is feeling pushed into something they are not interested or ready to look at, we should always trust that. And while a good therapist should push a little, they also should be mindful of where you are at, and what you are ready for. I dated a guy who had his therapist walk him down a path he was not ready for, and it almost took him out... It was awful, and she was a bad therapist IMO.
Thanks for the additional thoughtful comments on this topic. I am sure others can relate to what you discuss below.
Sending you love and light on your journey,
xoM
(no pms)
Doctors can only put a band aid on that type of depression, and there are many ugly side effects to the medicines they will prescribe. What you say is true, but I'll take my therapy from a provider in the form of mind numbing sex, than have some doctor tear the mental scabs off of bad memories and prescribe me some ill-tempered medication.
Also, factor in that most mental health issues are not covered very well by health insurance, so the cost starts to reach the level of what you would pay a provider. This has been my experience anyways.
I think sex is good for your mental well being. If you are getting depressed after a month of having been with a provider, then up the sessions to bi-weekly if you can afford it. Otherwise, go with once a month, but GO.
I have a big share in the social anxiety and depression pie, so I can say from personal experience that it does feel good to walk around in everyday life knowing I got to bang some hot babes. I also like to push limits on what is normal and experience fetishes of various types. It is a powerful feeling when I hear others talk about stuff they have never experienced, but I have actually done with a beautiful woman.
Unfortunately, I have a bit of a sexual addiction as well. This is where I can start to hurt myself with not getting things done in other parts of my life. I get so frenzied with the thoughts about sex, that I find myself jerking off all my spare time. It feels good, but is not so good for me. It adds stress to my life when I realize that I did not get shit done. Hopefully, you are not in that boat as well. It makes for a vicious circle, which I am still searching for a way to escape.
Let me wrap this up with saying, that sex with hot providers really has boosted my confidence and has made me so laid back at work, that I do not get uptight when people talk about sex. Now, if you are feeling depressed about a lack of relationship, then I doubt I can offer any advice there.
I do read them all, even though I have nothing intelligent to add. Good food for thought and I always enjoy hearing different perspectives.
Reading your OP, you seem to have a tendency to over think, but maybe this is a byproduct of depression.
I wouldn't know, not being a therapist.
While providers are not therapist, I believe a sensual encounter can be therapeutic and not easily replicated by any regular therapist that I know. If that's the kind of "therapy" that helps you, I don't see any reason to quit.
Being genuinely therapeutic, sensual encounters create long term changes. I don't think the effect wears off after 3 or so weeks in an endless cycle. One reason I sought P4P sex was to be less shy and more comfortable around women, mostly by demystification. Repeated encounters took just about all the edge of meeting someone new, socially or otherwise. The hobby has brought positive and long lasting change to me.