TER General Board

I agree with you 100% however
TaylorSteele 410 reads
posted

you gotta love the johns here who throw out that "I love you" card thinking they are going to get a free piece of ass in all of this while other guys are still paying. Sorry GAG but I have 1000x more respect for those guys here who play strictly by the rules and keep it that way. These other johns are the ones I personally steer clear from....like planets away from. Play the game the right way and we will have a great time. Have some god damn respect for yourself and the lady you are with.  

I look at it like this. If you enjoy her 'that' much as you claim to (any guy here who enjoys time with a lady), you should want to support her in any way you can. Not take away from. That's where the trouble always starts. Yes, even if it means dimes out of 'his' own pocket. THAT is the only thing that makes a secure man in my eyes. You still met here, so get over it. I will have more respect for you and want to spend time with you than the other way around. This is about principle, not money in these instances. But most who carry this lil card with them cant comprehend this simple notion.  

I'm sorry but just wanted to point this lil tidbit out in case you didn't know, cause this lil card is played more than you think it is. Which is why this world could never work for me personally. If it does for others, by all means, terrific, good for you.  

It's terrible IMO the position some of these guys put girls in and then hold it over their head when they don't get what they want, especially when they go and blab about it. Again, no one said this world was fair for anyone. But thank god I can spot them a mile away now, at least I think I can lol Whewwwww.........LOL.  

Please tell me you are NOT one of them. I think I would be crushed lol.  

T xx

PSA announcement. Anyone who holds that ILY Card in their backpocket please DO NOT contact me lol. There are plenty of fabulous ladies here who love that stuff. I am NOT one of them. I thank you in advance.  

;)
Posted By: GaGambler
You've actually got things backwards, it takes a man who is VERY secure with a healthy self esteem to date an active provider.  

So which are you, a hooker with low self esteem? Or are you a john with a superior attitude? The one thing is for sure, you are someone who has no idea about the difference between sex, trust and intimacy, so get off of your high fucking horse.
-- Modified on 3/6/2015 4:38:25 AM

I recently experienced a situation with a client. Its been 9 months now and everything has been crazy.
Im not providing/touring as much as i used to and honestly i haven't provided since early November on a 3 day tour. We argue a lot about him not being able to trust me and I've been bending backwards to gain his trust.  

has anybody been through this?  
or is it just me.

-- Modified on 3/5/2015 3:33:41 PM

Just move on. Clearly not worth it on any level to ever get 'emotional' here. Someone always gets burned, it's inevitable and it's usually the women because we 'are' the emotional creatures by nature. Men are the physical ones more or less.  

My recommendation: Keep it business...always, always and always again.

Good luck and enjoy your tour. Sounds fun and just what you need. When all else fails...travel. You never know where you're gonna end up or who you're gonna meet, and that's an awesome thing.  

xx kisses
T

If he's a public figure, there will always be his fear that your background will be discovered and used to smear him.  Time to start being your own person again.

GaGambler699 reads

Sorry, but I couldn't resist. lol

It sounds you guys have trust issues, and from the very little I just learned about your relationship it sounds like these issues have a basis in fact.

I don't think I have to tell you that making a hooker/john relationship has a very unique set of challenges, one of the biggest is the one of honesty and trust. As a BF he can't claim you are the ONLY one and then stray, but by the same token if you are going to quit providing by mutual agreement, you can't vacillate and make him wonder if you are telling the truth about stopping. OTOH if you don't want to stop, and he can accept that, then unless he is a VERY secure individual, you have to make the effort to reassure him that it's just work with the other men, and that what you have is special

As for "getting over it" I can only speak as a man, and we are very simple creatures. I just go fuck a LOT of other women until I can't even remember what SHE looks like, but then again, I am a very shallow creature. lol

Good luck, it sounds like you are going to need it.

What is it that he doesnt trust you about?  Just in general or how much you still provide or dont provide or that you're not a serial killer?  The last one is obviously extreme but you see the point.  Also its hard to comment as to what this 'relationship' is.  Is it a Provider client relationship as is stated or is it a BF, GF relationship as it sounds?  Important questions to ask.  Also to ask yourself.  What IS this you have with this client?  If he's a client then several others have already posted an answer I will parrot.  Get out of it now.  If its more, and only you know that answer, then little of the advice here will matter.  Have you bluntly asked him what he wants from this relationship?  Could to know whether its worth it or not.  I will say if you're having these kinds of issues this early in a relationship that may be more sex than sustenance then whats keeping you around?  Walk away.

seeing you here all of the sudden lol

xx T

Im actually here quite often.  Just been away recently.  Im on the carolinas board alot more.

The fact you say that you have to bend over but apparently he isn't, doesn't bode well.

Here's a thought:  Just enjoy the exhilaration of him being around when he's around, and don't focus on the whole relationship thing.

I think you'll both enjoy each other more that way.

Let's be honest, often this feeling you have is transitory, brought on by chemical attraction.  So, when it starts to fade, let it fade, and then move on with your life.

Sometimes a relationship started in the hobby world will succeed. (just like in the real world)  But when it does succeed, it is because both individuals sized up the situation properly and overcame all the barriers and fought to make it work.  It isn't all beer and skittles, as you probably already know.

But the hobby does bring in some baggage to be dealt with.  In general, it's not the best place to find Mr. or Ms. Right.





If he is a client, then I assume you're still a provider. And, you still have a website, TER stuff, etc. But, I don't understand what he doesn't trust you to do or not do? What it sounds like is neither one of you have decided what your roles are. Until you do, you really have no defined relationship

PussyLipGloss656 reads

The kind of man who could be honestly comfortable having genuine intimacy and trust with an active provider (particularly one he met as a monger) is unlikely to be the man she wants. He would have to have low self esteem and real world romantic options that approach a vanishing point. And his family/social life would be unenviable to say the least if he had the natural desire to share his love with his loved ones. Unless he lies about himself and her.

As for the provider end of this, it is unlikely he is finding he person he thinks he has. The odds of her being fully present and transparent and loyal/committed/healthy are (let's be honest) also vanishingly low.  

More likely, this is the classic recipe for heartbreak and bitterness.  

On the other hand: Let's say they both meet in the Civilian Word after their mutual retirement. Aaah, then, perhaps. But we are not talking about that scenario, are we?

Eligibility. That is the key. IMHO.

GaGambler528 reads

You've actually got things backwards, it takes a man who is VERY secure with a healthy self esteem to date an active provider.

So which are you, a hooker with low self esteem? Or are you a john with a superior attitude? The one thing is for sure, you are someone who has no idea about the difference between sex, trust and intimacy, so get off of your high fucking horse.

Narrow minded and judgmental people?

Yep...I agree  

Posted By: GaGambler
You've actually got things backwards, it takes a man who is VERY secure with a healthy self esteem to date an active provider.  

So which are you, a hooker with low self esteem? Or are you a john with a superior attitude? The one thing is for sure, you are someone who has no idea about the difference between sex, trust and intimacy, so get off of your high fucking horse.

GaGambler482 reads

are the very same ones who are the most disrespectful in their attitudes towards those same women that they won't "degrade" by using the word hooker.

I use the word hooker proudly to describe many of the women I have become VERY good friends with and more, this fucktard is the disrespectful one although he/she never used a single politically incorrect word.

Posted By: GaGambler
You've actually got things backwards, it takes a man who is VERY secure with a healthy self esteem to date an active provider.  

So which are you, a hooker with low self esteem? Or are you a john with a superior attitude? The one thing is for sure, you are someone who has no idea about the difference between sex, trust and intimacy, so get off of your high fucking horse.

you gotta love the johns here who throw out that "I love you" card thinking they are going to get a free piece of ass in all of this while other guys are still paying. Sorry GAG but I have 1000x more respect for those guys here who play strictly by the rules and keep it that way. These other johns are the ones I personally steer clear from....like planets away from. Play the game the right way and we will have a great time. Have some god damn respect for yourself and the lady you are with.  

I look at it like this. If you enjoy her 'that' much as you claim to (any guy here who enjoys time with a lady), you should want to support her in any way you can. Not take away from. That's where the trouble always starts. Yes, even if it means dimes out of 'his' own pocket. THAT is the only thing that makes a secure man in my eyes. You still met here, so get over it. I will have more respect for you and want to spend time with you than the other way around. This is about principle, not money in these instances. But most who carry this lil card with them cant comprehend this simple notion.  

I'm sorry but just wanted to point this lil tidbit out in case you didn't know, cause this lil card is played more than you think it is. Which is why this world could never work for me personally. If it does for others, by all means, terrific, good for you.  

It's terrible IMO the position some of these guys put girls in and then hold it over their head when they don't get what they want, especially when they go and blab about it. Again, no one said this world was fair for anyone. But thank god I can spot them a mile away now, at least I think I can lol Whewwwww.........LOL.  

Please tell me you are NOT one of them. I think I would be crushed lol.  

T xx

PSA announcement. Anyone who holds that ILY Card in their backpocket please DO NOT contact me lol. There are plenty of fabulous ladies here who love that stuff. I am NOT one of them. I thank you in advance.  

;)

Posted By: GaGambler
You've actually got things backwards, it takes a man who is VERY secure with a healthy self esteem to date an active provider.  

So which are you, a hooker with low self esteem? Or are you a john with a superior attitude? The one thing is for sure, you are someone who has no idea about the difference between sex, trust and intimacy, so get off of your high fucking horse.

-- Modified on 3/6/2015 4:38:25 AM

hmmmm ok

Posted By: GaGambler
You've actually got things backwards, it takes a man who is VERY secure with a healthy self esteem to date an active provider.  

So which are you, a hooker with low self esteem? Or are you a john with a superior attitude? The one thing is for sure, you are someone who has no idea about the difference between sex, trust and intimacy, so get off of your high fucking horse.

-- Modified on 3/6/2015 8:28:09 AM

I am not married but I do have an SO. Guess what? I met him as a client and we have been together for YEARS. He is very secure with who he is and I am happy that he doesn't hound me over anything. We are still very happy to this day and rarely do we even disagree. We are FREINDS first and foremost and that is what makes any relationship work in ANY SITUATION. Not sure where you got your info on but please don't say it cant work when I am proof it can.  
Now as to the OP, if you guys are already fighting over this or that, whether it be trust or whatever and its stressing you, then it would probably be best to move on. If you cant be best friends with an SO no matter how you met them...it's just not worth it in the end to go through all that. It takes being friends as well as lovers. Friends don't throw that "I just don't trust you" out there because if they did, they probably wouldn't be friends at all.  
Be happy with whomever you choose to be with because life is to short not to be happy. Nothing you can do to change a person's mind about trust. Once trust is gone.... fuck it, it's just gone. I am not one that you can gain that trust back. Move on if it's not a positive for you :)
Hugs and kisses
TL

Posted By: PussyLipGloss
Unless he lies about himself and her.
This whole world is built on lies on both sides.  
No matter who they 'think' is being honest.  
Forget it.  
It won't work.  
It can't work.  
Ever.  
Nothing cynical about it.  
It's reality.
End of discussion.  
Next.  

T

But...I did forget to add and I stand corrected.  
There are certainly people here who do "belong" together. Whether they are living in reality or fantasy remains to be seen. But there are deff "matches" when it comes to those like-minded individuals on both of the sides of the coin here. So in that essence, I suppose it "could" work for those kind of people. I'm deff not one of them nor will I ever be.  

Relationships...Real relationships Begin with truth.  

Now it's the End of the discussion.

-- Modified on 3/5/2015 5:28:43 PM

I just think she (I'm going with she) starts with some big assumptions. What she thinks is low self-esteem might be a high tolerance for bullshit. While a high tolerance for bullshit often goes hand in hand with low self-esteem, it could also mean a person has extremely low expectations of people and expects most people to do a lot of jacked up, nonsensical things before they get their act together.

Which leads to what is apparently the next assumption, that doing is easier is doing better. Depends on what the guy is looking for at the moment. Sometimes doing easy is boring. And if the guy is looking beyond the moment, it depends on what he sees in the future. One guy can walk into a suburban garage and just see two Steves geeking out on transistor boards, another guy could walk into the same garage and see Apple. Invest low, sell high. Who wouldn't want to get in on the ground floor of something great? And maybe the "low self-esteem" guy doesn't see himself with her at her endpoint, but he doesn't mind walking with her for a while.

I do agree with her that any couple's chances are way better after their mutual retirement. But who's to say they'll both be available then? Odds are the guy is long off the market by the time his "love" retires. You got to go with now.

...he doesn't trust you because he thinks you may meet another client that you'll like better than him.

In order for him to trust you, you'd have to take down your website and TER profile and stop providing.  But he'd have to step up and support you until you transition to another job.  Do you trust HIM enough to do that?

WTF is all this with "since he is a client he is insecure"? Not all guys are insecure and you would be surprised at the providers that have been in long term, happy relationships.  
So glad to see all these people here giving advice on security and trust BUT I wonder how many of the ones pulling the "insecure" crap even have a relationship going on. Not every guy that has a provider GF or wife is insecure. Damn where is DR Ruth? LOL!!
Hugs and kisses
TL

People like to bloviate without any knowledge of the situation. Any one who thinks any relationship between two people are remotely identical or two people  are going to behave like any other are the biggest fools.
 
Every relationship dynamic is different. One has to be secure and confident in their own skin. Anyone who is concerned about what others think of them or bloviate about how others should behave does’t have neither

Very well said.  Doesn't matter is she's a provider or not.  You are either committed to a person or you're not.  The key part is trust. She doesn't really give much on the details of where the trust issue is coming from.  But like with any relationship, it's either there or it's not.

tonightoutcall501 reads

But it sounds like there are trust issues already. It won't be long and you ll be tired of bending over backwards and not being trusted. Many people like this also can have violence issues. The bottom line is either you trust and respect each other or you don't.  
     I could easily have a relationship with a provider and have dated a few when I was younger but I am never jealous. There will always be someone else if the person you are with wants to leave and I guess to me if they aren't happy or don't want to be there I d rather they not be with me. If it's just a matter of sex with other people, as long as the street runs both ways that can be very fun. In my 20's I dated a girl who loved hearing stories about hook ups or better yet loved to share. I probably should have kept her.

Posted By: vonniepink1990
I recently experienced a situation with a client. Its been 9 months now and everything has been crazy.  
 Im not providing/touring as much as i used to and honestly i haven't provided since early November on a 3 day tour. We argue a lot about him not being able to trust me and I've been bending backwards to gain his trust.  
   
 has anybody been through this?  
 or is it just me.

-- Modified on 3/5/2015 3:33:41 PM

He’s got to be able to accept that it’s not always just work with other men, that sometimes you’re actually having a good time and you like the guy. Personally, I can/could see it, I just didn’t want to hear about it. I kind of preferred it. I’d rather she be with guys she liked than be with guys who made her skin crawl. The thought of her feeling shitty or put upon in a session was worse than the thought of another guy making her come. Though both thoughts sucked major ass. But I was willing to endure it, at least for a while, if it meant I’d get to have her. (I guess it helped that I’m an arrogant bastard and I knew in the long run no guy would beat my time with her. Unless he was from Krypton. And that fucker would have had a fight on his hands. Especially when it came to her.)

I have to agree with PussyLipGloss to some extent, though, it’s nearly impossible for emotionally healthy people. But I’d just add a qualifier, it’s nearly impossible for emotionally healthy people with traditional expectations. Sometimes life comes at you sideways and you can’t reject people/gifts because of the package they come in. Sometimes two fucked up people just have to roll the dice. Sometimes two healthy (ish) people in fucked up situations just have to roll the dice. I’d rather have a brief, fucked up and beautiful moment than roll over and give in to the grey.

But for you, Vonnie, this situation has made you feel shitty. There’s not much beautiful left, just a lot of fucked up. I’d bet you deserve better.  

 

As for the question you asked originally, how do you get over it.

I usually take the Gambler approach, screw everything in sight. Selectively. Which, for me, is not just about the sex. It’s about meeting enough fascinating people that you become emotionally distracted. Each new person takes a little bit of your heart back from her. Or him, in your case.  

Don’t bomb your feelings with weed, liquor, pills, or anything else. A little bit is good to take the edge off, but don’t obliterate yourself.  

After the booze and the screwing, there’s the checklist. Always the checklist. I recommend going to the checklist first.

Did I do everything I could do?
Did I do too much?

Would we have had a shot outside of the hobby?
And if the answer is yes, then was the blowup inevitable? Is there something about “us” that would have doomed us no matter how or where we met? Age, distance, race, sanity?

If the answer to that is no (we weren’t doomed), then what blew things up?
Is there anything you could have done about it?
Is there something you can still do to fix things? If not, file it away as a lesson learned, what to do and what not to do in the future.  

But often the answer to the question is there’s nothing you could have done. Because you can’t reach into somebody’s brain and flip some switch that will make them trust you, make them relax, make them take yes for an answer

It could work if both are open minded, I mean hell when she sees him it would be erotic to hear about her sexcapades while they fuck    i may new to this but it would be a huge turn on.

I'd take a beautiful lady like most of these providers are and do things as a couple and she can keep her job just so long as I get the benefits for free. She comes home and sucks and fucks me its all good.

I believe takes a HUGE amount of trust.  Stastically, it's unlikely to work with an active provider...  difficult even if both 'quit'.  I maintain neither could be permitted to EVER throw the past back at the other.  There are rare instances where it does work & we hear about them from time to time.  The fact you must bend over backward & still not be trusted makes me question if this should continue (in my opinion, only because you asked).  
As has been asked...  Are you going to retire & can he support both of you?  Is he free & willing?  If so, take your ads down & expect him to step up.  If not, then you have your answer & more time will only delay the inevitable result.  

I am a hopeless Romantic...  I believe in Love.  You can find love & so can he.  With each other?  NOT so sure.

Best wishes,
H

Being a provider pulled me away from my career. Ive maintained my realtor license and its been inactive for 13 months I just signed with a broker moving back to ga and lets be honest the market isn't the best. Bottom line he helped me but was not consistent so yes I continued to provide because he was not willing to support me. He's able just not willing, Ive came to realize its not going to work out and I'm growing. A bottle of cognac helps me sleep at night following with an hour swim at the gym keeps the calories down.  

Posted By: harborview
I believe takes a HUGE amount of trust.  Stastically, it's unlikely to work with an active provider...  difficult even if both 'quit'.  I maintain neither could be permitted to EVER throw the past back at the other.  There are rare instances where it does work & we hear about them from time to time.  The fact you must bend over backward & still not be trusted makes me question if this should continue (in my opinion, only because you asked).    
 As has been asked...  Are you going to retire & can he support both of you?  Is he free & willing?  If so, take your ads down & expect him to step up.  If not, then you have your answer & more time will only delay the inevitable result.    
   
 I am a hopeless Romantic...  I believe in Love.  You can find love & so can he.  With each other?  NOT so sure.  
   
 Best wishes,  
 H

I learned the hard way.  
Always trust your first instinct.

If she feels insecure or she doesn't like me because of my job I am sure she can find someone else, and so could I.
   Your BF  reminds me of my best friend's GF .  He's a lead guitarist in a semi popular band. She
has the  the super model look .  He  met her back stage after a show.  
  Like janitors, some gals won't date  musicians.
  Since he was easy for her to bed the first night they met she believes he will cheat on her with the next hot babe who propositions him when she's not in town.  
 He confided in  me he wouldn't cheat on her.  
  I have a feeling she's a traveling hooker.  
 
  My thoughts :   Jealousy is a waste of time and energy.
          If my GF was constantly arguing and jealous about my exposure to all the gals when  I'm cleaning the ladies room , I would dump her  and find another gal  with higher self esteem.
 
   
     

Posted By: vonniepink1990
I recently experienced a situation with a client. Its been 9 months now and everything has been crazy.  
 Im not providing/touring as much as i used to and honestly i haven't provided since early November on a 3 day tour. We argue a lot about him not being able to trust me and I've been bending backwards to gain his trust.  
   
 has anybody been through this?  
 or is it just me.

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