TER General Board

What you don't get
hbyist+truth=;( 1009 reads
posted

Most guys who do not get a response think they did nothing wrong, did everything politely and did not overstep. Odds on you did in some way.  

From my experience, I have two choices, 1. being I delete and move on, and 2. I send a reply saying " I am sorry but I feel we would not be a good match, I wish you well with your endeavors to find a suitable companion".

The first options is painless and forgotten.

The second can and usually does get very complicated. Here's why...the john inevitably wants to know "WHY".  So the circle of crap begins. If she refuses to say why, she is again accused of bad business practices for not replying. If she does say why, and the butt hurt trick pitches a hissy fit, she then has to deal with that. I have had to deal with that pissy little tantrum and as much as you feel slighted, I don't care, I will delete and move on. I suggest you do the same.  

So, while you feel a hooker is unprofessional, she might be saving a trip to jail or a jerk she has to be alone with or a complete toolbag who fills her emails with rants after he finds out she thinks he is a creeper and is dumb enough to tell him the reason. A hooker has no idea HOW the trick is going to take a reply as to why she did not reply or book.  

Big tip...this business is ILLEGAL and not held to most other standards ESPECIALLY when the initial contact is by a guy who has not been screened.  

I will be as  professional  as I can and within my safety limits with an initial contact, BUT, if that initial contact contains one word that sets off a red flag alert, I delete. The risk is too great.

-- Modified on 3/1/2015 2:00:56 PM

nom_de_plume2736 reads

Where "NR" = No Response, to a gentleman's request to see a provider?

I understand that there are valid reasons for a provider not responding to a request from a hobbyist.  For example, the request could have been rude, asked about specific sexual acts, did not provide the information that the provider clearly states is required for such a request, etc.  But for sake of this discussion, let's assume the following:

* The request was polite.
* The request did not mention anything that should not be mentioned.
* All information requested by the provider on her "Contact" web page and form was provided.
* This was not a pre-screening request, but a request to get together at a specific day & time, with alternatives given.
* The request was not last-minute, but was at least a week in advance for a local provider.
* The hobbyist is not "blacklisted" in any way and has several white lists and P411 OKs (although those were not requested on the Contact form).
* The provider is active, and there was no indication on the provider's web site (her only advertising medium) that she was out of pocket at the time the request was made.

A few questions for both hobbyists and providers, to stimulate discussion:

* Hobbyists, how have you handled this situation (or would handle it)?  How long did you / would you wait for a response?  Would you try to contact the provider again, move on, or ??
* Providers, when you decide to decline such a request, do you let the requester know, or do you simply not reply?  When you do respond, what is your typical response time (if you're not out of pocket)?

FWIW, I did not post this on the Newbie board because I'm not a newbie, and I think this subject pertains to the TER community in general.  "NR" has happened to me a few times over the years, and again very recently, and it frustrates me because I have no idea what I did wrong--if anything.  I am pretty sure I'm not "blacklisted", because other experienced, well-reviewed providers with a reputation of being careful screeners accepted my requests for a first date right before or soon after the last "NR", for which there's been no response to my request after a week.  My response was to move on and schedule with another provider (one who has a wonderful, responsive assistant), as I no longer wanted to see this provider who doesn't want to see me and/or isn't professional enough to respond to requests within a week, or post on her web site that she'll be unavailable for awhile.

GaGambler978 reads

By the time enough time has elapsed for me to have any cause to get upset, I have already moved on to several other women who do respond in a timely matter.

As we discussed just a couple of days ago, I don't get particularly upset if a plumber doesn't call me right back. So goes it with hookers IMO, as long as I can always get someone to "clean my pipes"  I don't waste a moments worth of angst worrying about why some other plumber/hooker didn't call me back.

You do realize this is only a business, not Match.com. there are a thousand reasons that a lady doesn't return your inquiry, and at least half of them are her fault, not yours.

nom_de_plume1005 reads

But when I contact other businesses about their services and ask whether they are available on a specific day & time, they respond in a professional manner, e.g. "Thank you for contacting us! We're sorry, but we can't make it on your requested day & time.  Would earlier/later that day work for you, or how about Wednesday... " etc.  

I don't think that's too much to ask from the professionals in this business.

But I agree... best just to move on to someone else. Because there are many providers who ARE professional in how they conduct business.

GaGambler1044 reads

Or a RE agent, or any other so called professional. I would hazard to guess that you don't get out much.

I have people who claim to NEED business fail to get back to me all the time, I don't put any more thought into their bad business practices than I do when a hooker fails to get back to me. Quite frankly, although it might not seem like it due to how much I spend on these boards, but I actually do have a life, and I don't have any time to "wonder why", or I suppose I just don't have the inclination.

I'd like to turn this question around, and ask just why this bother's you so much? Is getting the approval of some unknown woman really that important to you? If that's the case, you and Tiddles should start a support group for unrequited johns that are pining for the approval of every woman that passes through their/your life.

Vagazzle1174 reads

or preferences to his ego.  A provider who doesn't respond or doesn't want to see you isn't rejecting YOU.  She's rejecting your business.  

Although if she sees you, then rejects a future date, then yes it's you :D

nom_de_plume980 reads

Why does ANYTHING "bother" ANYONE here so much that they start a thread about it?  This is just something I've wondered about for awhile, and I figured I'd ask the community about it.

I'll turn the question around again, to you:  why does it bother YOU (and a few others who slammed me for the OP) so much that people ask these kinds of questions here?  Do you know how to use the Back to Forum button when you see a thread that doesn't float your boat?

If I've learned one thing by starting this thread, it's that some people are so obsessed with a certain frequent poster that they can't let a thread go by without mentioning him.  Maybe you're the one who needs to get out more, get some fresh air, and get that certain someone out of your head for awhile.

GaGambler908 reads

I take it by your non response you don't plan on doing the same.

But at least something positive seems to have come out of this thread, Our little turdster seems to have finally found a friend. lol

nom_de_plume813 reads

... to my offer to become a new customer of a business.  

Your turn.

Or are you too busy thinking and posting about your white whale, Captain?

How many NR's you've socked away with this thread and your whining. As GaG said at least Tiddles has a new playmate.

Agreed. Time is money to us all. Put the important thing first in your message.  

"I WANT to see you on ____ date at ____time. My TER name is John and here are my reviews, whitelists, OKs, and referrals. I can give you references if you need them. I have read your website and ad and I have NO questions. Please let me Know. Thanks.

And that's all. Long messages don't get read by busy providers, so telling her that you want to be bathed in her beauty because you have admired her from afar will probably get you a fast delete because you sound like a weirdo. READ her website, her TER profile, and several reviews first to see if your answer is already there. Asking about fees. when they are posted on the website just makes you look like a timewaster. Timewasters dont get laid.

Save your questions for BCD. (behind closed doors)

I answer within a timely manner, whether I plan on meeting them or not. If the email is inappropriate/time waster, I feel he may be a stalker, or if I had already met him and did not enjoy our time together (rude, too big c^ck, or very bad hygiene and wouldn't jump in the shower)... it is unlikely I will respond back. It is a case by case basis in those situations.

My response time is typically within a few hours as that is good customer service. Although here and there I am not able to get away to answer back. That rarely happens where I can't find a few mins to check my email etc.

If I was a guy and it took a week to get back to me, I'd have already moved on after 3 days.

And you answered yourself in your last paragraph.

If I get a NR, I will sometimes send a follow up, because I know sometimes emails get lost and things like that. If I get a NR to a follow up, then "oh well, next."

I wouldn't give it a second thought unless it seemed like I was getting way too many NRs. Then I might think I was doing something wrong or were blacklisted someplace.

Personally I try and respond to every single request, I'm not perfect but I try. I usually try to respond within the same or next day, depending on the amount of screening that I have to do. If I am already booked at that time I just let him know and ask that we reschedule at another time and date.
If something in the email makes me feel uneasy or I just feel like we are not a good match I politely let him know that I don't think we are on the same page and have uncommon interests and suggest that he look elsewhere, Some reasons might include something that he said in his board posts or reviews (believe it or not these have a huge impact on whether or not I will see someone). Sometimes I don't feel comfortable seeing someone who acts like an ass on the boards or ALWAYS rights a negative review, some people just can't be satisfied!..lol
And as far as the "blacklist" statement, If there is a report on someone, sometimes it's just for being a timewaster, always late or chronic texter or emailer and some ladies are willing to see someone like this as long as he isn't dangerous and others are not. If I come across someone who has been blacklisted unfortuately I do not even acknowledge his emails or requests at all as I want nothing to do with him and I act as if he doesnt even exist. I would NEVER betray the trust of other ladies and let him know that he had been "blacklisted" it's just an unwritten lady rule!

Don't worry about these things, and just move on.  Most likely you did nothing wrong (especially as an experienced guy) so no point wasting time worrying about it.  Also, just realize we aren't dealing with a regular business here, the level of "pre-date" customer service is going to vary VERY widely from lady to lady, because as long as the ACTUAL DATE customer service is there, she can get away with a little sloppiness in the other area.  I used to feel a little insulted if a lady didn't get back to me - as when you are getting started in the hobby it's easy to take things more personally - but I really don't in the least anymore.  And if she emails me a week later and says "hey babe, are you still interested?" - if the timing is still right for me, then I'll go for it.  They key for me is understanding what's truly important, and having a willingness to let small stuff slide, as there isn't necessarily a correlation between "pre-date" customer service professionalism and a really fun romp with a beautiful young woman (with even less correlation the younger the lady IMO).

to completely ignore a polite contact... do you really want to see her?  

I'd suggest that a NR is like dodging a bullet. Celebrate your luck and move on.

I have had some email go to archive or spam.  Gmail threads my notifications together every now and then and I have missed some emails.  Once I get them, I always reply with an apology.  It happens.

Abbey

I forgot to add this, I have had clients make typos on their emails when filling out my request notifications on my website.  If a reply isn't received, try submitting again.

Abbey

who post advance iso requests asking for pms.

ladies pm them.

1) they don't all reply
2) some reply and say they will get back to you and don't..........

who cares. either way just move on. just be careful that you don't do the same thing that you say when others do is rude. that whole glass house living and whatnot.
xoxo

You are both correct, of course. There are many ways that communications can go awry and respect isn't a one-way street. I wasn't trying to imply otherwise...  

I feel equally that if a guy is rude and disrespectful (whether through poor or inappropriate communications, time-wasting, etc..) that the lady has an equal interest in "moving on", celebrating their luck and dodging a bullet.  

It definitely works both ways, and no one is perfect!

FWIW, in my own limited experience the OP's "no response" scenario is extremely unusual and most often not intentionally rude... there is usually a good reason for it

Shit testing = a process (normally verbal jabs) to determine the thickness of your skin in order to decide as to whether to invest some time on you or to file you under the creeper/needy category!

This phenomena (shit testing) although not exclusive to women only, is more rampant among the female gender to separate the not needy guy from the needy weak and meek! Based on the nauseating essay which you wrote about the subject, I can tell you with veracity that you tend to qualify for "NR". If and when your truly grasp that what they say (write) and what they mean can be two completely and diametrically opposed POVs, you will fester less about the female ways.

P.S. I still believe that No means No, before I get accused by some ladies to be an unsavory character ;)

Vagazzle949 reads

So, as you know, providers hire photographers to keep their portfolio updated.

Earlier this year, I decided to contact a photographer in Miami who is very popular.  No, not Aldo lol.  

His style is VERY sexy and although my style is more GFE/elegant, I contacted him anyway in hopes that he could tailor our shoot to my desired image.

I sent him an intro email, told him who I was, what I wanted, and requested his availability over the next few weeks so I could book a flight and shoot with him.  (A few thousand dollars investment)

He never responded.

The way I handled this was NOT to wonder if I did something wrong.  I completely and totally accepted that as a freelancer, he had the right to accept business that he feels is best suited for his talents.  Perhaps he didn't want to do an elegant shoot BC he thinks it's boring?  Who knows?  Who cares?

I simply moved on and found a photographer who wanted my business and could produce the images I was looking for.  If you don't get a reply back, don't be annoyed, be grateful!

nom_de_plume798 reads

As I said, I don't have any interest in seeing this provider any more.  I now have a date at my requested day & time with a provider who is the epitome of a professional... and tons of fun too.  :)

...you clearly have an ax to grind. My advice. Let it go. And yes it has happened to me. I let it go.

VOO-doo795 reads

One thing you didn't mention, is asking for a type of date she doesn't offer. For instance, I have a multi-hour minimum, and for (most) practical purposes, I'm outcall only (my policy for getting a hotel is spelled out on my site). You'd be surprised how many requests I get for "1 hour, incall" or even "about 1 hour" or some variation. Those emails get no reply. I'm not going to see the dude (he is either haggling, or just didn't care enough to look over my site).  

You could be blacklisted...how do you really know?  

In 90% of cases, I'll type a quick reply. I'll either say I'm busy, or that we are 'not a fit'. But if it's a case of the dude obviously sending multiple emails to multiple girls, or not reading over my site, or haggling...I won't reply.  

Of course, the other reason(s) could be that the girl is super-flaky, or rude. In which case...as MasterZen said, why would you want to see her anyway?

Basically, it all amounts to -----> move on

That's why I'm tolerant of some sloppy "pre-date" customer service myself!
(I'm not counting last second cancellations here, because without a good reason, those are disrespectful and would certainly lead me to move on...)

VOO-doo767 reads

There are some clients for whom flakiness is an irreparable turnoff (or so they say). To others, it's not a big deal at all.  

If you're looking for a longer date, or a date that requires a lot of planning, I think flakiness becomes more of an issue.

But I've found some lovely ladies who were just a bit disorganized in their approach but were true sweathearts and had all the right kind of skills that REALLY mattered.  One just didn't reply to written communication - but when I eventually tried calling her we worked everything out and we had several great dates.  I've just learned over time not to read too much into ladies who don't reply like we'd all want a well-run small business to.  And hell, by not taking offense, it's allowed me to have some fun times with ladies I didn't "give-up" on.

GaGambler778 reads

I can (and usually do) play virtually every day of the year, and I rarely if ever make plans more than a few hours in advance, and never more than a few days, so if a woman flakes out on me, it's really no biggie.

Other guys have to scheme, save, and plan, weeks or even months in advance, both to save the money and to plan the time with which to hobby. Flaking on one of these guys can be a VERY big deal, as they can't simply find someone else to see tomorrow.

I really wish I could muster up the energy to truly feel bad for these guys, but truth be told, "it sucks to be them" That's about as much sympathy as I can muster. We all make life choices, they choose to be married, deal with it. lol

GaGambler1212 reads

I bet you if you do, you are likely to find a whole myriad of reasons why you never heard back from her.

As much as I would love to blame this on rude, BSC, flakey hookers, the truth of the matter is, when you don't hear back from a woman, especially one you are trying to give money to, there is usually a reason. Sometimes that reason is that she is flakey, BSC, or rude, but more often or not the blame lies with the guy making the inquiry. Sorry, if I  have broken some "bro code" but the women aren't always wrong. Except the MHB's of course, but we all know who they are. lol

nom_de_plume932 reads

This latest post of yours is odd, considering earlier in this thread you said "there are a thousand reasons that a lady doesn't return your inquiry, and at least half of them are her fault, not yours."

But now, "more often than not the blame lies with the guy making the inquiry."

Which is it?  Or do you just like messin' with people?

As many have recommended here, and as I said in my OP, I've moved on.  I have no control over what this provider does with requests.  I only know it was polite, complete, on point, and to the point.  If you insist on putting this on me, without seeing what I sent to the provider, that's your problem.

Posted By: GaGambler
I bet you if you do, you are likely to find a whole myriad of reasons why you never heard back from her.

As much as I would love to blame this on rude, BSC, flakey hookers, the truth of the matter is, when you don't hear back from a woman, especially one you are trying to give money to, there is usually a reason. Sometimes that reason is that she is flakey, BSC, or rude, but more often or not the blame lies with the guy making the inquiry. Sorry, if I  have broken some "bro code" but the women aren't always wrong. Except the MHB's of course, but we all know who they are. lol

GaGambler949 reads

I meant to say "at least half of them are yours, not hers"

and of course I like messing with people, you must be new here to even have to ask that question, but I only mess with people who open that door, and you left the door WIDE OPEN.

and 95% of the time things work out okay, then I'd suggest that most likely in the other 5% of times that the lack of response has little to do with anything he did wrong (by an objective standard).  The OP seems like he's been around enough and has a decent head on his shoulders, so I'm guessing he didn't do anything wrong.  But hey, we're all just speculating aren't we?  Either way, it doesn't really matter and he should just move on, like he says he's done.

GaGambler955 reads

but the more he whined about it, the more it sounds like maybe his inquiries have the same tone to them, which I can only imagine are very offputting to many, (but not all) providers. That could be the reason that only "some" of the ladies don't respond to him.

I have to say that the very fact that he is STILL whining about not getting a return email pretty much proves my point.

and of course if he wants to use this post as proof that I am an asshole, I will claim "guilty as charged" but at least I am not a "whiny little asshole" lmao

Remove all identifiers and let us see what you wrote. That is if you are honest enough to actually post it truthfully.  

And I am guessing that the more GaG read what you wrote he saw something different and expressed it.

GaGambler753 reads

but you are certainly a smart Man Hating Bitch. lol

That's exactly what happened, the more defensive the OP gets on this subject, the more I believe he said something that didn't sit real well with the woman in question.

Guys might not realize this, but if they have a needy or clingy personality, it is quite likely to show through in their correspondence, and needy and clingy customers are the very last thing any respectable provider who knows her business is ever going to want. So it's no wonder that many inquiries go straight into the trash bin.

nom_de_plume1102 reads

Unfortunately, I can't do that.  I think I mentioned earlier that I used the provider's Contact form on her website.  That's her preferred contact channel.  It didn't occur to me at the time to copy what I wrote on that form and save it someplace, as I never thought I'd need it again.

You can believe whatever you want to believe.  "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."  I know what I wrote, I know it was appropriate and similar to the requests I send to other providers.  If she doesn't want to see me for some reason, that's her prerogative.  I'll just stick with all the other providers who don't seem to have any problem with my requests and my behavior.

There really was no need for your post...except to hopefully get some support bitching at moaning at providers who won't answer your requests for an appointment. So do you feel better? Hope so or this was all for nothing.

I ever received from a provider was "I don't see guys who post on TER". I appreciated the acknowledgment of my request, the honest response and the ability to move on without wondering whether to try contacting her again (in other words, it helped me to be courteous and respectful to her in return).  

Great answer VOO-doo!

VOO-doo1021 reads

That preference is likely NOT posted on her site, so an explanation would be necessary.

My thing is, if someone doesn't even take time to click to my 'rates' page (or ignores what is written on it/tries to haggle) I might not bother to reply. What good will come of it?

If it's a 'fit' issue, I usually will reply w/something similar to what you received.

'their loss'  More than anything I think NR is an opportunity to see where we stand with ourselves

Most guys who do not get a response think they did nothing wrong, did everything politely and did not overstep. Odds on you did in some way.  

From my experience, I have two choices, 1. being I delete and move on, and 2. I send a reply saying " I am sorry but I feel we would not be a good match, I wish you well with your endeavors to find a suitable companion".

The first options is painless and forgotten.

The second can and usually does get very complicated. Here's why...the john inevitably wants to know "WHY".  So the circle of crap begins. If she refuses to say why, she is again accused of bad business practices for not replying. If she does say why, and the butt hurt trick pitches a hissy fit, she then has to deal with that. I have had to deal with that pissy little tantrum and as much as you feel slighted, I don't care, I will delete and move on. I suggest you do the same.  

So, while you feel a hooker is unprofessional, she might be saving a trip to jail or a jerk she has to be alone with or a complete toolbag who fills her emails with rants after he finds out she thinks he is a creeper and is dumb enough to tell him the reason. A hooker has no idea HOW the trick is going to take a reply as to why she did not reply or book.  

Big tip...this business is ILLEGAL and not held to most other standards ESPECIALLY when the initial contact is by a guy who has not been screened.  

I will be as  professional  as I can and within my safety limits with an initial contact, BUT, if that initial contact contains one word that sets off a red flag alert, I delete. The risk is too great.

-- Modified on 3/1/2015 2:00:56 PM

"ONE word"?  That's hysterical  LOL

Let's be real here....many hookers are just lousy at this game.  So are many johnnie boys.

Why anyone is shocked at the pettiness here is amazing  ;)

 

Posted By: hbyist+truth=;(
Most guys who do not get a response think they did nothing wrong, did everything politely and did not overstep. Odds on you did in some way.  
   
 From my experience, I have two choices, 1. being I delete and move on, and 2. I send a reply saying " I am sorry but I feel we would not be a good match, I wish you well with your endeavors to find a suitable companion".  
   
 The first options is painless and forgotten.  
   
 The second can and usually does get very complicated. here's why...the john inevitable wants to know "WHY".  So the circle of crap begins. If she refuses to say why, she is again accused of bad business practices for not replying. If she does say why, and the butt hurt trick pitches a hissy fit, she then has to deal with that. I have had to deal with that pissy little tantrum and as much as you feel slighted, I don't care, I will delete and move on. I suggest you do the same.  
   
 So, while you feel a hooker is unprofessional, she might be saving a trip to jail or a jerk she has to be alone with or a complete toolbag who fills her emails with rants after he finds out she thinks he is a creeper and is dumb enough to tell him the reason. A hooker has no idea HOW the trick is going to take a reply as to why she did not reply or book.  
   
 Big tip...this business is ILLEGAL and not held to most other standards ESPECIALLY when the initial contact is by a guy who has not been screened.  
   
 I ill be as  professional  as I can and within my safety limits with an initial contact, BUT, if that initial contact contains one word that sets off a red flag alert, I delete. The risk is too great.

Vagazzle818 reads

If the client's name is Mohammed Al-Sharif and the provider has a bias against Muslim gentlemen, he could give perfect references, advance notice, and recite her website to her from memory and she is still not going to see him, ever.

Rather than give some cockadoodle excuse, (or tell the truth), she just ignores the request.  No fuss, no muss, no confrontation

GaGambler766 reads

but then when pressed further the OP will finally admit to using certain verbage that would all but guarantee him NEVER getting a response.

I will be the first one to concede that there are PLENTY of BSC hookers, hookers who are lazy, hookers with bad business practices, etc etc, but even I concede that a LOT more times than not, it's the fault of the guys inquiring and that his claims of "saying nothing inappropriate" are just that, empty claims.

...he shouldn't obsessively worry about what he may have done wrong the time or two a lady DIDN'T reply to him.  Whatever the reason, it just doesn't matter.  I'm guessing that the most obsessive worriers about this are probably guys who in fact DO conduct themselves in the most proper way.  I think douche bags know exactly what they've said that crossed over the line, and wouldn't need to come here looking for the explanation to one of life's great mysteries, like a guy who did things "right" but still didn't hear back.

89Springer792 reads

Let's say my name is Joe Smith, middle-aged or older white male, so no ethnic issues. References are all good. Contact email or form is filled out properly, spelled correctly (well, maybe), and the guy's not on any blacklist.

What might be some reasons why you would not respond?

I've been fortunate in that every provider but one has responded to my inquiries, and the one who didn't had quit the business shortly before me contacting her. So, it ain't me I'm asking about. ;)

1. Any acronyms that were used in the email
2. A sense of arrogance or entitlement
3. I am really good looking, big dick ...etc.
4. You will really enjoy this, I am so good in bed etc.

 
These are few things that might be mentioned in the more conversational portion of the website. While there is nothing dastardly about these seemingly innocuous comments, they raise a red flag to me as to how the session might go. Have had experiences, all bad, from guys who have used some of these so I avoid on experience.  

If none of these were mentioned and what you said was delivered, you would get a reply.

nom_de_plume892 reads

But you probably don't believe that.  I think you and GaG have your minds made up that I traumatized this provider somehow.  Heck, I'm probably on multiple blacklists now.  :D

Seriously, I said my request was polite and it was.  The phrase I hear most often from providers I meet is, "You're a gentleman."  I know you don't believe that, either, but that's what I've been told.

What I did say in my request went something like this:  I said I'd read her web site and reviews, and based on that I thought I would greatly enjoy meeting her.  I gave her the information about myself that she requested on her Contact page and asked about her availability on a specific day and time, and gave her a couple of alternatives.  

That was it.

As much as I can't disprove it, she just didn't want to deal with you.

All he knows is that she didn't reply.  Period.  No use speculating on anything else, it just doesn't matter.  Maybe she screened him and didn't like what he said, or maybe she dropped over dead from a stroke so she couldn't reply.  Who knows?

VOO-doo806 reads

If this girl is a relative newbie or UTR (you said she is not on p411, which makes me think she might be) she could have been turned off by your mention of reviews.

As a newbie, when a guy told me he'd read my reviews...my first reaction was 'Ewwwww!!' I didn't want to think about the fact that dudes I'd never seen before were salivating over the particulars of my ladybits being pounded...

I think that's the gut reaction of a lot of new girls.

Later on, we get used to it. To the point that we'll even thank a guy for writing a review. Still, I really prefer hearing that a guy liked my website, or something I wrote...I don't get the same warm and fuzzies when hearing that he liked my reviews (especially bc one of them is fake and inaccurate).

nom_de_plume934 reads

... some of which are recent, and has a link on her web site's home page to TER. So I don't see why she'd be turned off by my mentioning her reviews.  

There are long-time providers who don't use P411.  

If a provider listed on TER doesn't like the idea of potential clients doing research, including reading her reviews, to help them decide whether she's a good match for what they're looking for, I have to wonder why she's on TER at all. The R in TER stands for Review, after all.  

And FYI, you can report fake reviews and have them removed.

With just a little instruction and experience, most guys can understand the drill - and the OP seems to be in this group.  I'm guessing the guys you are referring to are not well-seasoned hobbysts.  Or think of it this way, if a guy essentially has sent the same basic type of note and 95% of the time got a reply and things worked out fine, is it more likely that he is doing something wrong the other 5% of the time, or that it's more an issue on the lady's end of things (too busy, disorganized, schedule already full so doesn't bother, feeling ill, meant to reply but forgot, or any of a million other different reasons)?  Bottom line, as long as a guy is doing things the right way, it really doesn't matter.  If a lady doesn't reply, then just move along without a second thought.  It's only happened to me once or twice in over two years that I didn't get any reply.  And actually some of very BEST dates have been with ladies who took a long time to get back to me, or had other very sloppy up-front practices.  So I'd say that if he is getting replies the vast % of the time, he really shouldn't worry about the few outlier times that someone doesn't reply to him.

And yes I agree that there are some hookers that are just not on their game with replies. I can and will  on;y speak for myself and I do things. Everyone gets a reply that does not overstep something that sends a red flag.  

He should not worry about the outliers but it seems to me that he is getting a few more than outliers.  

I tend to treat people how I am treated. Send a decent email and you will ALWAYS get a decent response. Be a tool and I will delete. Same thing goes for replies on here. Be an ignorant asshole and I will ignore you. Now if you're a creative respectful asshole like GaG, I can't help but participate as I respect the bluntness and the fairness.

WildJimmy!843 reads

You've been not responded to several times. Out of how many contacts? say 100. Unless the providers have not responded to as many  potentials out of a hundred you stand out as someone probably best avoided. Just numbers, so you think your approach is cool but you're doing something that red flags you.

Always.  

Anyone who takes any business they run seriously responds within a few hours, no matter what initial email hits them. That's just good business practice. How you respond is what differentiates a good businessperson vs someone who's not made to run any business at all IMO. This business is no different. Business is business. And 99.9% of all business is always about customer relations... first.

It's not as complicated as you make it sound though. If you don't get the answer you like or none at all, just move on. Sounds simple to me.  

T xx

Response page could have been lost and she doesn't know.  There could be a browser conflict.
Her server could be filtering out submissions from certain domains.

Could be she's overloaded and too successful yet not willing to hire an assistant.

Could be she didn't like what you submitted.

Contact her through your P411 account and you'll at least know if she saw your note.  Until contact is verified, we're all just pissing into the wind with assumptions on what happened.

if my first email never got a response, but I found that it never resulted in a session, even if the provider emailed me the second time around to say that she never got my first email. It just never pans out, so now if I don't get a response on the first email, she goes into my "dead-to-me" pile, and I move on.

"Dead-To-Me" pile. I like that and I will have to borrow it. My "Her Loss"  pile seemed kinda juvenile.  

Posted By: lopaw
if my first email never got a response, but I found that it never resulted in a session, even if the provider emailed me the second time around to say that she never got my first email. It just never pans out, so now if I don't get a response on the first email, she goes into my "dead-to-me" pile, and I move on.
-- Modified on 3/1/2015 9:46:50 PM

There is a nice permanence to it. With so many fish in the ocean, why continue chumming for sub-par tuna?

If it smells like fish, she ain't a dish

Just had to throw in the "fish pun" ...

Posted By: lopaw
There is a nice permanence to it. With so many fish in the ocean, why continue chumming for sub-par tuna?

nom_de_plume990 reads

... who posted opinions on the subject, pro and con.  That's why I posed my questions, to get the "wisdom of the group."

For those who thought this was a ridiculous topic for discussion... hey, they're not all gems, folks!  There'll be another thread along soon enough.

For those who used the thread for their sport and amusement... I hope you had lots of fun this Sunday!  I know it sucks with no football and spring training just getting started--gotta find something to do, right?

with a well known local lady.  I did this about a month ahead of my trip.  I finally heard back from her 2 weeks after I returned home.  Yes, I missed out on seeing her but I saw another fantastic lady who rocked my world.  Did I fret about the NR?  Hell no!

So I try to let the guy have some time to chew on it and email me back when he is in a place where he can go on my site to fill out the form. Otherwise I'm blowing up his email.  

Another reason is the email goes to junk if he has a weird email address. I check it and "delete all" if it's a bunch of Nigerian spam. But sometimes a John gets deleted if his name looks like spam in my spam folder.

There are also trigger words I see in emails that 99% of the time means the guys going to be flaky.  

Then there's the very rare occasion I have multiple requests and date set ups going in my email, and I'm trying to get that set up.

Usually guys are shocked that I respond within minutes because I'm fucking around on Twitter or TER with my email open lol

89Springer807 reads

I sent an email using Gmail to the assistant of a provider I've seen before. I never got a reply. I contacted her again, but used a different email address (non-Gmail), and she sent me copies of the replies she's sent me to my first email.

About the same time, I ordered something from an adult toy store, and then contacted them via email using the Gmail address. I didn't hear back and called them, and they said that Google blocks emails from their mail servers going to Gmail addresses. I used a non-Gmail address to contact them again, and no problem.

It would seem that Google may be censoring where possible.

I use gmail and have never had a problem sending or receiving mail, nor keeping it private.  I set it up to not save cookies, passwords, data, etc.  I use the browser not the app and do it all in incognito mode.  Checking my temporary files every time is a bit of a pain, but have never had a problem.  The confusion sets in when you use google apps.  I stay away from the apps.

89Springer909 reads

Email doesn't use cookies. I'm only talking about Gmail. I use Firefox as my "hobby" browser.

Posted By: nom_de_plume
Where "NR" = No Response, to a gentleman's request to see a provider?  
   

 * Providers, when you decide to decline such a request, do you let the requester know, or do you simply not reply?  When you do respond, what is your typical response time (if you're not out of pocket)?  
 

I can only answer these questions from my own personal history; I won't speculate on others' reasons (which might be much better than mine) for not responding, or not responding within a week.

I've personally learned that refusing to see someone, no matter how politely I attempt to phrase it, can lead to hurt feelings, aggressive responses, and/or an overall negative experience.  So if I've decided NOT to give someone a chance, I might not respond for a long time... or not at all.   So a "no response" might be a lady's "no-thank-you", although for me it is actually rare.

Very recently, I received an appointment request from a neighbor.  He lives 4 doors down from me.  Seeing this person would be uncomfortable for me, and I couldn't decide how to respond.... so I didn't.   Awhile ago, I had a request from my best friend's brother-in-law.... didn't respond then, either.    

But those are the exceptions to norm of why I usually won't respond, or take forever to do so.   Normally, if you don't receive a response from me within a day or two, I'm either out of town or sick.  If I've received a problem report on a potential client, I will usually respond but say that I'm not available.  If he keeps trying to schedule, I'll usually give him a chance but only when I don't have anyone else wanting to schedule.... in other words, if I'm available/open to seeing 1 person in the afternoon and of my 2 appt. requests one has a problem report, and the other does not... I'll book the one who does NOT have any negative marks (that I know about) against him.  The person who has negatives on his report will have to keep trying and waiting till I have an open window with no other prospects.  

Do they keep trying or do they move on?  I'd say it's about 50/50.    
And to be honest, MOST of the time these guys turn out to be perfectly fine.  But there are those who I was warned about, yet took a chance anyway, and wound up with a headache or wasted time (most "problem reports" are about no-shows, chronic cancelers, or those who like to play games) and no one to blame but myself. So I shrug and move on.

Now please keep in mind that a reasonable response time is very subjective.  A week or two ago, I responded to a request for the next morning about 2-3 hours after he sent his email... and received a very snide reply that he'd booked with someone else who wasn't so busy as to take so long to respond, and was very crude about it.  

Because of course the only reason a lady doesn't respond instantly is due to having her hands (and orifices) too full with clients to do so.  

-- Modified on 3/2/2015 7:39:09 AM

In the interest of fairness, I freely admit that I have misfiled emails or been slow to respond on a few occasions. In those cases, I've either offered to make it up to the guy or graciously accepted that he has moved on to someone else. It happens. Just the other day, I put an email thread in the wrong folder and didn't notice it until the guy emailed me to confirm an appointment that I had meant to reschedule. Totally my fault and he is getting some OTC time to make up for it.  

That said, most of the time if I don't respond to an inquiry, it's because I know that even responding with a simple "thanks but no thanks" is going to instigate a whole bunch of drama. As we have seen countless times (example: the dude who posted yesterday that he lies about his age so he can see chicks with an age minimum), there are many guys out there who think that we don't have the right to be selective. Far too many johns think that just because they have the money, we are obligated to accept their business. In my experience, rejecting a potential client will result in one of three outcomes:

1. He ceases communication at that point OR responds with something to the effect of "okay, thanks anyway." World keeps a'spinnin'.  
2. He demands to know why. See 2b if you're masochistic enough to indulge him on that.  
2b. He tries to convince you that your reasoning for not seeing him is faulty. He may apologize for whatever transgression he committed. He might attempt to argue that an exception to your rules/restrictions/protocol be made just for him. He may insist that if you contact Betty Boobs or Vanessa Vulva that they'll tell you just how awesome he is. He may try to convince you that without his business, you'll be doomed to a life of destitution. If he's a message board user, he may go to the forums and make a passive aggressive post about it.  
3. He threatens you. I've seen threats ranging from "I'll post a bad review/backchannel everyone so your business is ruined" to "I'll put posters with your hooker pics all over your neighborhood/school/civvie job" to "I'll report you to the cops" to "I'll hurt you physically."  

This isn't me being paranoid, either. I've been in this business for barely two years and I've personally dealt with some variation of every single one of those outcomes at least once (and sadly, outcome 1 is the most rare). So every time we decide that we don't want to see a particular guy (for whatever reason), we have to consider the potential fallout that will result from openly rejecting him, THEN we have to decide whether we would rather accept those consequences or appear unprofessional.  

Also, I saw someone mention here that "seasoned hobbyists" aren't going to cause those kinds of problems. In actuality, those are the guys who become the most incredulous when rejected.

Any trick who calls you paranoid, is exactly the type to be rejected. And you are right about the seasoned tricks, they can be the most difficult when rejected. The sense of entitlement of some is off the charts.  

Now Toby, lets see who we piss off with these posts...any ideas

But I'll reiterate it here in case you missed my last comment  LOL

The only johns/hookers that you'll piss off are those that give a shit.

Fortunately those are the minority.

Funny how this "rejection" issue works the other way too  ;)

Posted By: hbyist+truth=;(
Any trick who calls you paranoid, is exactly the type to be rejected. And you are right about the seasoned tricks, they can be the most difficult when rejected. The sense of entitlement of some is off the charts.  
   
 Now Toby, lets see who we piss off with these posts...any ideas?  
   
 

I promise you that we're speaking from experience on this. You'd be amazed at how nasty things can get when a guy can't properly handle a hooker's rejection. In most cases it's just annoying and stressful, but in other cases it's downright terrifying.  

Obviously no one LIKES being rejected by anyone in any capacity. It sucks. But there is a pretty popular mindset amongst many on the client side that we shouldn't have the right to turn down potential business.

When a trick has been rejected and goes ape shit. I did that on my local board when I was disbelieved at how miserable some guys can get when rejected. And yes it was a board dude who lost his shit because I refused to see him, which proves Toby's assessment that a hobbyist can be the worst.  

I would love to able to treat this like any other business but experience has proved I cannot. No-one likes to be ignored but the fallout can be really nasty.

I could also share some of the emails I've gotten over the years from hookers that were "rejected".

I won't post them publicly...that's just not discrete.

Hysterical how fragile a hookers ego can be  LOL

Maybe they should take a business class or something?

Posted By: hbyist+truth=;(
When a trick has been rejected and goes ape shit. I did that on my local board when I was disbelieved at how miserable some guys can get when rejected. And yes it was a board dude who lost his shit because I refused to see him, which proves Toby's assessment that a hobbyist can be the worst.  
   
 I would love to able to treat this like any other business but experience has proved I cannot. No-one likes to be ignored but the fallout can be really nasty.

It's only going to happen once, and to borrow a Tobism, world keeps a'spinnin'

And I'd love to see those e-mails...who doesn't love a good

It's primarily initial contact emails, but still funny nonetheless.

And ya know what? Those that made the site are still scratching their heads as to why they did not get a reply or a booking.

GaGambler737 reads

Just like "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" so is "inappropriate communications"

and just like the only person's opinion that matters to me about a woman's appearance is me, the only person's opinion about inappropriate emails is the woman responding, or "not" responding, whichever the case may be.

Your last paragraph nailed it...it is the perception of the provider that counts in this case.

I just visited the site and read a few and could not believe the utter stupidity of some people. And they wonder why we don't want to reply to some of the vomitus via email we get

They're hysterical but I can honestly say I didn't learn anything that common sense hadn't already taught me,

nom_de_plume1117 reads

I decided to take the advice of those of you who suggested I try to contact the provider one more time.  This time I used her email (gmail), even though she asks that her web site's Contact form be used.

She replied to my email promptly and apologized for missing my initial request, and offered to see me as soon as today.  Unfortunately, I can't see her today, nor on the date I originally requested (I booked a date with another provider then) but I told her I'd be getting back to her to schedule something as soon as I'm able.  

For those of you who said there can be many reasons why a provider doesn't respond to a request, and many of those have nothing to do with the wording of the request or the person who sent it... you were spot-on!

For those of you who said that the most likely reason I didn't get a reply was because of something I said in the request or something else about me that turned the provider off... you were wrong.  In the future, you might want to try to keep a more open mind in the absence of facts pointing one way or another.

-- Modified on 3/3/2015 11:03:59 AM

nom_de_plume933 reads

... all the others who recommended I simply move on.  

I've learned a lot over the years from TER members. What I learned from this thread is to try at least one more contact before giving up on an NR, because stuff falls through the cracks.  

Also it reinforced for me the dangers of assuming things.

Usually moving on is by far the easiest, least stressful thing to do. And judging by the posters here who mentioned that they finally got some responses months later, you just never know. Providers sure are goofy sometimes.

Glad to hear that your 2nd attempt paid off!

-- Modified on 3/3/2015 11:45:01 AM

There certainly were a lot of reactionary judgmental replies.
Approach this game with a light spirit, not judging anyone, and more times than not things will work out fine - but no matter what you can still have a smile on your face and not let little bumps in the road drag you down.

I kinda love how this worked out. Hope you have a great time with her.

Personally, I don't worry about no-responses at all (people flake, or are busy, or just don't care, or whatever) but I also don't pour my soul into a contact email.

Anyway, glad it worked out

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