TER General Board

You're learning the curve.
mojojo 1 Reviews 738 reads
posted

It's not really pain CK, it's the learning curve. And the most important thing a gentleman learns is that in this hobby, there's no such thing as 'a sure thing'. So you set up a detailed system of screening, do your homework, and hope. You finally find an ad that does something for you, and you send an intro. Remember, you've already discarded 97% of the ladies, based on your screening techniques. The learning curve comes with the other 3%. Sometimes she doesn't write back. Sometimes her reply is a one liner. Sometimes she writes back months later. Sometimes she asks questions that you've clearly answered in your intro (you know how much you ladies dislike redundant questions). But then, sometimes you get a thoughtful reply. You jump at the chance to set up a session. Sometimes your schedules don't match. Sometimes one of the two gets sick, and has to postpone. Sometimes she's so late, you can't wait anymore. Sometimes she doesn't show up. But then, sometimes a session actually happens. During the session, sometimes she just lays there, as you well know. Sometimes there's a knock on the door. Sometimes her phone rings. Sometimes it seems like she doesn't want you to touch her. Sometimes you catch her watching tv. Sometimes you catch her thinking about her grocery list. But then, sometimes you both seem to enjoy yourselves while making love, and basking in the afterglow. A novel idea! When that finally happens, you've found an atf. She goes on the repeat list, to be seen whenever possible, depending on how many other atfs are on the list, time, location, etc.  

The other interesting thing about the learning curve is that I've found out that I don't really know what I want, until it happens. So many times I think I'm looking for one thing, but something else wild surprisingly happens. My learning curve has taught me many nuances of my sexuality, and I'm not done learning. I can't tell you the pleasure it gives me to make those discoveries. Then to revisit the sheer excitement again, and again. You asked why we don't just give up when all the other stuff happens? That's why! Don't give up. One of these days you, and your SO will hit it.

I can understand now the aggravation, frustration and let down of trying to find a provider who just does it for you. who is what you are absolutely looking for.  
You look at ads, read websites, read reviews and make sure her reviews state she likes no lo es the certain things you want.  
You discuss your fantasy and she seems all excited and she seems to be totally what you are looking for.  
You get to the date, and she is NOTHING  at all what she claimed as far as in sexual prowess or she is not the tiger and nympho the reviews claim. She is not the pse or kinky provider you wanted. She is more like passive, and not much into sex it seems and just lays there or barely does much.

yet you paid her hundreds for this and now you are back to square one

How do you guys not just give up?
I have been trying to find the provider to join my SO and I for a 3 some and we have now tired 3 times to be let down and upset.  
I chose them based their claims to be bi, or into couples and reviews. ALL were a bus

Posts from ladies trying to understand the male side of this equation are relatively rare.  Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

The short answer to your question "How do you guys not just give up?" can be found tucked safely into my boxer-briefs.  What has two heads but only half a brain?  The human male.  Which head is in charge basically depends upon only one thing: how long has it been since the last good pop?  

The pursuit of pussy is one of the cornerstones of human civilization for one simple reason: Good pussy is awesome.  Good new pussy - even more so.  

And so it goes

1) Good
2) Better
3) GOD DAMN!!!!!

Posted By: BigBrucey
Posts from ladies trying to understand the male side of this equation are relatively rare.  Thank you for sharing your thoughts!  
   
 The short answer to your question "How do you guys not just give up?" can be found tucked safely into my boxer-briefs.  What has two heads but only half a brain?  The human male.  Which head is in charge basically depends upon only one thing: how long has it been since the last good pop?  
   
 The pursuit of pussy is one of the cornerstones of human civilization for one simple reason: Good pussy is awesome.  Good new pussy - even more so.    
   
 And so it goes

It sucks to be disappointed like that after all of the ritual that we typically go thru to set up play dates. I have been very lucky so far - no bad experiences. I screen prospective providers almost as thoroughly as they screen me! I always gauge a prospective provider by her enthusiasm during emails and/ or text messages. The more lukewarm her response to my queries about all-girl play, the more likely I am to pass on her services. So far I have chosen well- we gal hobbyists have to go the extra mile in searching for just the right playmate.....but doing our homework can have a tremendous payoff :D

Caitlyn,

Sorry to hear about your frustrations in finding what you are looking for.  I am new to the hobby, and maybe I have just been lucky but I have not been let down at all.  All of the providers that I have met have been not only great BCD, but have been wonderful women just to be around.  I will say that I am a bit of an over-analyzer and spend a lot of time on research.  Have you pm'd those that have written reviews to get further information?  I have found that a quick phone call can make or break an appointment as well.  I have also seen that many providers will do a M&G which is usually affordable and as you are looking for a +1 scenario, that would be beneficial as well.  I pretty much see only highly reviewed providers or ones that are recommended by providers that I have seen and know what I like.

At the end of the day, it's your research that will save you.  Good luck to finding what you are looking for.

If they are good, you eat them up if not you just spit them out.  And the only way to tell the difference is to taste them.

Posted By: CaitlynKennedy
I can understand now the aggravation, frustration and let down of trying to find a provider who just does it for you. who is what you are absolutely looking for.  
 You look at ads, read websites, read reviews and make sure her reviews state she likes no lo es the certain things you want.  
 You discuss your fantasy and she seems all excited and she seems to be totally what you are looking for.  
 You get to the date, and she is NOTHING  at all what she claimed as far as in sexual prowess or she is not the tiger and nympho the reviews claim. She is not the pse or kinky provider you wanted. She is more like passive, and not much into sex it seems and just lays there or barely does much.  
   
 yet you paid her hundreds for this and now you are back to square one  
   
 How do you guys not just give up?  
 I have been trying to find the provider to join my SO and I for a 3 some and we have now tired 3 times to be let down and upset.  
 I chose them based their claims to be bi, or into couples and reviews. ALL were a bust  
 

nom_de_plume610 reads

... is a great way to better understand them and build empathy for them.  

It sucks that you and your SO haven't found absolutely what you're looking for in a provider yet.  But don't give up.  It took me about six months in the hobby before I found that--absolutely what I was looking for.  But along the way I had some interesting, educational, and mostly fun experiences.  A few times I didn't get what I expected, but except in one case it was because I didn't do enough research; I was pretty new to the hobby then.  I learned from those dates, tried to make the best of them, and continued searching for The One.  And I did find her.  She's still my atf.  And since then I've found several other great providers and had many wonderful experiences.

There is hope!

89Springer719 reads

and the subject of a lot of jokes.  

Every provider I've seen has been very attractive, and I've enjoyed the company of each. I was fortunate to find one on my third try who I just absolutely loved on every level, and have loved every second I've spent with her. The downside is that scheduling has been a mess on several occasions.  

So, I keep looking, but nobody measures up to her, so I keep looking even more. That's where the frustration comes in. Add to that some things like a dog in the bed, one who had an alarm go off ten minutes before the end of our 2 hour and who wouldn't go to three unless it was in a restaurant (even though I hadn't come yet), and one who was ten years older than her profile or photos, and that can be frustrating.

Even PM'ing other guys doesn't necessarily work, since everyone is different in his/her tastes. And some guys are ga-ga over anything with a pulse.  

What I'm doing now, and which you might try, is looking at her website, reading the reviews, contacting some reviewers, but also look at the reviewer's other reviews. See which other providers he's reviewed, see if you're familiar with any of them, and see what he has to say about those. Then take all that and try to extrapolate.

Admittedly, my hobbying fund is much smaller than most here, and I book two or three hours rather than one, so I can't afford to check out every possible provider.

Consider that back in the bad old days you would have had to troll some sleazy bar, the ads in the local alt paper or Heaven forfend the Yellow Pages.  Yes, some of us are old enough to have done that. At least here you can get some reasonable sense of looks and propensities, accounting of course for personal taste and hyped reviews.  As recently as 15 years ago most of the providers  I encountered who would even consider a 3some were--how do I  say this delicately--ball busting unattractive shrews.

All I can say is keep  trying sister. It took me some time to find them but there are hot and horny bi providers out there . And if you and your  SO are ever  visiting  the City of  Angels please check out my duo reviews. In the last few years I've had the pleasure of spending time with some very attractive and sexy women who definitely love them some bi action. Good luck.

Posted By: CaitlynKennedy
I can understand now the aggravation, frustration and let down of trying to find a provider who just does it for you. who is what you are absolutely looking for.  
 You look at ads, read websites, read reviews and make sure her reviews state she likes no lo es the certain things you want.  
 You discuss your fantasy and she seems all excited and she seems to be totally what you are looking for.  
 You get to the date, and she is NOTHING  at all what she claimed as far as in sexual prowess or she is not the tiger and nympho the reviews claim. She is not the pse or kinky provider you wanted. She is more like passive, and not much into sex it seems and just lays there or barely does much.  
   
 yet you paid her hundreds for this and now you are back to square one  
   
 How do you guys not just give up?  
 I have been trying to find the provider to join my SO and I for a 3 some and we have now tired 3 times to be let down and upset.  
 I chose them based their claims to be bi, or into couples and reviews. ALL were a bust  
 
-- Modified on 2/17/2015 8:45:08 AM

As I am once again searching for a third/ doubles partner for my upcoming travel. OMG! I have searched TER, read reviews, and tried to find the best fit for what he likes and the experience. While some girls claim to be "couples friendly" they really want to just show up for big bucks. Trying to wade through the hobby BS and knowing too much about what really goes on leaves me bummed. I don't get how you guys do it, the little head persuasion must be strong! Lol

It's not really pain CK, it's the learning curve. And the most important thing a gentleman learns is that in this hobby, there's no such thing as 'a sure thing'. So you set up a detailed system of screening, do your homework, and hope. You finally find an ad that does something for you, and you send an intro. Remember, you've already discarded 97% of the ladies, based on your screening techniques. The learning curve comes with the other 3%. Sometimes she doesn't write back. Sometimes her reply is a one liner. Sometimes she writes back months later. Sometimes she asks questions that you've clearly answered in your intro (you know how much you ladies dislike redundant questions). But then, sometimes you get a thoughtful reply. You jump at the chance to set up a session. Sometimes your schedules don't match. Sometimes one of the two gets sick, and has to postpone. Sometimes she's so late, you can't wait anymore. Sometimes she doesn't show up. But then, sometimes a session actually happens. During the session, sometimes she just lays there, as you well know. Sometimes there's a knock on the door. Sometimes her phone rings. Sometimes it seems like she doesn't want you to touch her. Sometimes you catch her watching tv. Sometimes you catch her thinking about her grocery list. But then, sometimes you both seem to enjoy yourselves while making love, and basking in the afterglow. A novel idea! When that finally happens, you've found an atf. She goes on the repeat list, to be seen whenever possible, depending on how many other atfs are on the list, time, location, etc.  

The other interesting thing about the learning curve is that I've found out that I don't really know what I want, until it happens. So many times I think I'm looking for one thing, but something else wild surprisingly happens. My learning curve has taught me many nuances of my sexuality, and I'm not done learning. I can't tell you the pleasure it gives me to make those discoveries. Then to revisit the sheer excitement again, and again. You asked why we don't just give up when all the other stuff happens? That's why! Don't give up. One of these days you, and your SO will hit it.

Don't go by "claims" or even "reviews" for that matter.

Contact the gals reviewers bc. THATS were you get the real deal.  

All that 10/10 nonsense and "we kissed like long lost lovers" goes out the door then. LOL

I'll make you an experienced HCH yet CK. ;)

is to focus on the strengths that a gal has, while avoiding the minuses.

Sure, no one can be everything to everyone, but almost all gals have enough positives to be fun to be with.

And while I sympathize with everyone's difficulties it is kind of a hoot to hear a woman's experience trying to find a play date. Awesome! Unfortunately I think a couple other posters nailed it, guys have the advantage that sooner or later, the little head will take over and make something happen! One of the funnies I read once said that a hard dick would take a man places he wouldn't go with a machine gun.  
Like most folks, there have been some times better than others. But if I were to add up all my p4p experiences, the percentage of times that it has been great or better would be a big number. 95% maybe? I would imagine that if I had been actively pursuing fun in the civvie world there would have been a lot more less than stellar dates

... a simple old-fashioned, one-on-one, male-female roll in the hay.
So no sympathy is needed for me along those lines - I've been having a ball with the vast majority of ladies I've met.
Where I DO need sympathy though, is for my poor pocketbook!  I might have to delay my retirement by 5 years if I keep this up lol!  So please keep the specials coming... President's Day, Valentine's Day, MLK Day, St. Patrick's Day, Memorial Day, Flag Day, Columbus Day, Arbor Day, National Free BBBJ Day, etc...  :o)

I'm sure it's true though that as you start looking for bi ladies or specialties, that it gets more chalenging to find exactly what you want...

Things don't always work out as planned.  I have been able to adapt and make the most of each situation...with mostly good luck.

 
As long as she "just lays" in this position, I'm smiling:

you'll find a person you truly connect with. I have been with many ladies. My ATF, though, is just magic for me, and has been from our first date.  I wouldn't change a single thing about her, in or out of the bedroom.

Man, you are in love. You drop the ATF thing in every post you write.

Some guys really blur the ATF/love thing. I have had my share of lengthy bc chats with the ladies and with more than a few dudes I have tried to help up off the floor after there hooker ended it. LOL

And that's usually how these things play out. The guy starts to have feelings and instead of breaking away, he see her more and more and more. He's nice, the money is good, so why should the girl not see him more?

Then all of a sudden it goes to "you didn't get back to my email fast enough!" and ugh...another crash and burn.

Experienced gals here know the pattern all too well and they hang in with some of the guys as long as they can but finally have to give them the walking papers. I don't think any of the girls really want to do it but feel like they had no choice at the end.

I hope this doesn't happen to the OP but one can never tell. He is sending out a few red flags though, isn't he? LOL

I know it's none of my business....and I am not sure why it even rubs me the wrong way...but it rubs me the wrong way. And yes, when you mention your 'ATF' EVERY post in this glowing , 'magical' fashion as if you found the love of your life...it's a red flag. The line has been blurred. Yep.

My thing is...if you're that guy....and you are paying to be with someone, are you P4P'ing more than you would normally, because you're in love with her? ugh.

Hence the "need" for gift giving, flowers, and the ATF moniker.  

I hear where you are coming from but I guess I am just so use to seeing it anymore, it doesn't even faze me. Some here are pretty pathetic but it is their money and they can do what they want with it.  

The girls sure seem to love being the ATF that's for sure! Plenty of dinners, tips, overnights and shopping. LOL

I cant say I blame them. If they have a dude sappy enough to call a her his ATF, then she should have enough business savvy to take all those perks. Who wouldn't

GaGambler468 reads

and where did you ever get the idea that the OP was looking for someone to "connect" with???

She isn't looking for a connection, she is looking for someone who can provide some mind blowing sex with her and he SO, who I assume is really the one she has a "connection" with.

You make TidWit or even ROGM look manly in comparison to your lame, sappy posts. sheesh

Sex is like pizza, even when it's bad it's good.

I have been fortunate really, because I've had way more great times than just "eh, it was ok" times. I'm quite choosy and I seem to make good decisions, as a whole. But your chances of a great session are reduced as you are looking to satiate 2 people in the same session, gotta love you for trying though.

Well not my world anyway. It's been many years since I was let down that badly but then I'm very picky and do a lot of research before I request an appointment. I have a suggestion - let a well-known hobbyist you trust find a truly bi girl for you. Most providers who claim to be bi aren't - big news huh? I gave up looking for that combo a long time ago after some so-so 3 way sessions. But I'm sure one of your hobby buddies knows a bi girl and can help you out.

Great post though :-

about "Most providers who claim to be bi aren't", because that has not been my experience at all. I look at a provider's personal website to find out her sexuality, and so far my experiences with their claims have been spot on. I don't bother with the bi girl reference on her TER profile since it isn't filled in by the provider so I never trust its accuracy.

You are having review issues, providers can say anything they want about themselves and often do. Most guys don't really put much credence in a providers own self praise. Which brings me back to my point. You are experiencing review issues.  

Posted By: CaitlynKennedy
I can understand now the aggravation, frustration and let down of trying to find a provider who just does it for you. who is what you are absolutely looking for.  
 You look at ads, read websites, read reviews and make sure her reviews state she likes no lo es the certain things you want.  
 You discuss your fantasy and she seems all excited and she seems to be totally what you are looking for.  
 You get to the date, and she is NOTHING  at all what she claimed as far as in sexual prowess or she is not the tiger and nympho the reviews claim. She is not the pse or kinky provider you wanted. She is more like passive, and not much into sex it seems and just lays there or barely does much.  
   
 yet you paid her hundreds for this and now you are back to square one  
   
 How do you guys not just give up?  
 I have been trying to find the provider to join my SO and I for a 3 some and we have now tired 3 times to be let down and upset.  
 I chose them based their claims to be bi, or into couples and reviews. ALL were a bust  
 

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