You never heard of a hobby coat? Come on bro. Do i really need to tell this to a guy with 55 reviews?
I debated whether to post about this but after a few glasses of wine, what the hell. So I have this heavy winter coat with a zip up breast pocket, wore it to see a provider on Friday. Brought two condoms to the appt, only needed one. Left the other in the zip pocket and forgot about it. Today the SO goes to walk the dog but she left her coat upstairs so she yells out "I'm taking your coat to walk [xxxxx] real quick!" She was out the door before I remembered and I sat there sweating bullets until she came back. Of course no worries, she didn't find it. But damn, just a little crinkle and a little curiosity "what the hell is that?" And the jig would have been up, no way to explain it. Whew!
So guys with SOs, any close call war stories?
[edited for bullshit ipad autocorrects]
-- Modified on 2/15/2015 8:46:05 PM
You never heard of a hobby coat? Come on bro. Do i really need to tell this to a guy with 55 reviews?
Right, a separate coat for hobbying, nothing suspicious about that! Truth is, this was a thankfully benign wakeup call that I've gotten sloppy, this is so easy and so normal anymore that I'm forgetting the size and intensity of the fire I'm playing with; you see 55 reviews and say I should have my shit together, when in fact it's that number of reviews (and many more than that number of appointments) that's led to complacency.
When I first started I was told on the newbie board that this was a requirement!
You wouldn't believe the long looks I get from hotel staff, which I'm sure are just looks of admiration! 
There is a high percentage that crash early while training and then it flattens out only to spike again when they have thousands of hours of flight time under their belt and they get cocky. Glad your lesson wasn't mortal.
-- Modified on 2/16/2015 4:42:03 PM
I don't have that problem anymore, I could have a condom in every pocket.
But, if I would have had one in my coat (or any) pocket my ex would have found it without borrowing my coat, she snooped through everything I had, everything. Thus, she's my ex
So a similar thing happened to me, except she acted like all was ok and dandy for almost 2 whole weeks before she exploded. I hope this was not the case for you my friend.
This was a few years back in college, and I the understanding of our relationship wasn't crystal clear. But its amazing how a woman can act like everything is ok when its not. now I kinda feel like an dick if this makes you paranoid, i'm sure you are fine.
she's not that good an actress, and it's a big coat so she really would not have felt it. Still, and again...whew!
and exactly what I was racking my brains to come up with while she was walking the dog. Best I could think of was "holy shit, I've never used that pocket, how the hell did that get in there?" Unfortunately she's not that stupid...pretty sure nobody is.
and got a call at work from my wife telling me I left my wallet at home. I stupidly felt in all my pockets (like I was going to find it???) and sure enough. I live about an hour away and that was a hell of a long ride home. I was thinking that money would now go directly to a divorce lawyer. Or be my first alimony payment. But the wallet was simply sitting on the kitchen table waiting for me. I guess she never looked, as if she did she would have not only seen the cash, but a receipt for a $300 dinner with a provider.
I not only needed a hobby wallet, but a hobby brain.
but given the choice I'd prefer to explain paper vs. plastic!
Absolutely. Especially since the receipt was for a Saturday night dinner two hours from my house. It was like,how in the world would I have explained that one??? The answer was, I couldn't.
I did wake up one morning to discover my computer still had TER loaded up. Could have easily been an issue, but it isn't a shared computer. Only way it could be discovered, normally I just restart the computer every night before bed. With firefox set correctly, always using a VPN etc... hard to track me.
My closest, was coming home smelling of another woman (provider) and discovering the painters where at the house painting both bathrooms..... They finished just about when my SO came home, I managed to get into the shower post haste. I had already changed clothes, including doing my laundry. (normal) Still really wasn't all that close.
I have 2 identical shaving kits. My hobby kit has everything that my daily kit as -- including the exact same soap that we use at home to guarantee that I always can shower and smell the same before returning home.
When I first started playin about 15 years ago, I alway kept about 1k in my car. I use to hide it in the console under some plastic sealer. Its hard to explain but one day I decided to store 3k there, why? Who the fuck knows. My wife went to the car to get something and when she lifted the console the seal pop out because it couldn't hold all that money. The money just fell out. The look on my wife's face when she confronted me about the money. Told I cashed a check and was too lazy to go to the back....the stink eye I got still haunts me.
still paper v. plastic....I might not be able to explain excess cash, but I damn sure can't explain excess latex!
Thanks for telling the story. Got me to really think about the hobby and if I had any "leaks".
I just changed the automatic toll booth pass thingy to my credit card and made it my account. It had been going through my SO's. Hard to explain those tolls... I can hear it now, "hey sweetie, why did you go through the toll in xxx town, 5 weeks ago. that's like 20 miles from here?" Usually I hobby right before lunch with a friend, in that area so it isn't a big deal, but I'm about to pay a few tolls I couldn't easily explain and I don't want to actually stop and dig for change.
-- Modified on 2/16/2015 10:36:40 AM
At first she kept it saying she'll take it to the bank in the morning, but I told I needed to go to the AMT now to deposit it and she gave it back.....
Take a tip from a stripper collecting tips and get a lock box. Take the lock box and put it in a crate in the trunk of your car. Then you always know where your hobby cash would be.
Friday I went to see a really hot young lady. Saturday morning I woke up and remembered the SO was taking my vehicle that day to her mom's. I also remembered I had left an empty package for a certain libido enhancing pill in the visor above my seat. This would easily be found. I had to quickly throw on clothes and go retrieve this. Once I got it and walked back in the house I pulled my wallet out and said "I wanted to make sure you had the credit card in case you need to get gas"
She said that was very thoughtful of me.
No Pfizer in your visor!!! 
LOL Love it! Technically it was an "OTC" pill. Works better than the Rx, in my book.
And that OTC would be??? PM me please if brand names not allowed
You should pack up the SO and the dog and move to California. Plenty of beautiful ladies out here, and you won't need snowshoes and down parkas to get to them.
...should be prepared with a variety of condoms for any circumstance. Maybe you should be seeing more professional providers.
Even pros sometimes screw up.
I always have a sealed 3 pack of my favorites with me just in case. I toss out way more of them than I ever use but they are good cheap insurance against a forgetful gal.
I always have a sealed 3 pack of my favorites with me just in case. I toss out way more of them than I ever use but they are good cheap insurance against a forgetful gal.
We'd just gotten in the door when I remembered: Shit, I'm married.
So, the meme sahib is standing there wondering why I'm showing up at midnight with the gorgeous gal and my mind starts racing. Finally I told her that the gal is actually a tax assessor hired by the town whom I just happen to run into just outside. I explained how they are very busy so have to work nights. Further I explained that her specialty is bedrooms, so I was going to show her ours and if she would wait downstairs we'd be done in just a few moments. We went upstairs and finished up, and I showed her down and out of the house. My wife asked what all that groaning and grunting was and I explained how we had to test the strength of the floor boards by hopping up and down on the bed, and the groaning was just the floor boards being tested.
Can't believe she bought all that, but it's the God's honest truth.
But seriously folks...
I have two war stories but got caught each time, which is why we got divorced.
Suffice it to say, don't hobby in your hometown unless it's a really big city and don't let hotels know your home address if you can avoid it so as not to have them send mail to you.
About 10 years ago I was an avid user of a particular sex forum and would post there very often about all my adventures in great detail. So one day just before I was to leave for a business trip I signed in as usual, checked out the postings and my mail there and THOUGHT I had properly signed out of this site and cleared my history...
That night I am at dinner with my Boss and my phone rings, its my wife....So of course I answer as it was getting late and she usually would not call me after a certain time! First words out of her mouth is "YOU FUCKING PIG"......So loud that my Boss overheard it!
Well i think you all know how the story goes from there, I spent three more days away on business trying to figure out what I was going to do once I got home, tried calling my wife several times but she wouldn't answer.
Figured she would clean out our accounts and pack and leave but to my amazement she was still there. Somehow I managed to get my ass out of that one by telling her it was all fantasy and I was just making things up to get off as she really wasn't giving me too much at the time! I felt like shit for some time after that.
I'm divorced now, but truth is it had nothing to do with that incident nor my extra curricular activities! Found out all the while she was banging a co-worker...Funny how things work out...LMAO
Lesson learned...Do NOT use any computer your wife has access to as there is ALWAYS a trail left behind no matter how vigilant you are in hiding your tracks!
We'd even done the whole wallet/phone/keys/etc. check before I left. I freaked for a minute when I realized it, as it was an evening appointment and I knew she was going to sleep after I left. Luckily, it was 25-30 degrees outside and I started to wonder why I was feeling so cold...
Or is that more like an urban myth CockBlock?
-- Modified on 2/16/2015 11:02:57 AM
if it hangs out between your ears...no problem.
But if that thang is hanging between your legs...well...I'd consider our date next weekend to be cancelled if I were you!
she must just have that effect on guys
You fuckers are always pulling the leave-behind!
Unfortunately, what I forgot was to leave the envelope!
LOL, embarrassing AS HELL, but believe me, you don't get anywhere CLOSE to the door without getting the gentle "reminder." (wonderful sweet lady took it all in stride and handled like an angel with grace and charm). So now, even when favorites jump into things quickly as soon as I walk in the door, I will break things off before we get to the main activities to attend to the business side. Too many things can be going through my mind at the end of a date, so I don't want to risk the possibility that this could happen again.
We've hidden various things in people's work stuff just for the fun of it, and there's at least one out-of-touch asshole in every group who'd think it's funny to put a condom in a married guy's jacket.
Tell her tomorrow what you found and blame it on John. He's likely single so she doesn't like him anyway. If you forget in the future then John is there to take the blame.
she'd probably want a phone call from John but I could probably arrange that...better than confessing anyway!
My wife noticed cat hairs on my suit one day.
I said someone had brought their cat to work and I played with it. She bought it, but still and all, you don't need that hassle.
From then on a lint brush was part of my hobby kit.