San Diego

SUMMARY.............
OingeBoinge 164 Reviews 510 reads
posted

So I think Freya and I have put this behind us.  I actually got a PM from her today.  At first I was expecting some caustic writing, but instead I found a professionally written note that I did appreciate getting.  

I didn’t post what I posted looking for a fight and I DEFINITELY did not consider the matter serious enough to actually post who I was talking about.  What I was trying to do is point out and increase awareness of an underlying problem in the hobby and that is people leaving loose ends laying around for others to trip over.  It was not my intention to target one person, but it was by intention to describing my recent experience with it.  Frankly, we have all done it at some level of frequency.  It seems to happen here much more than other professional or business relationships and I’m not totally sure why.  Likely the anonymity associated with it is a clear part along with caution and it’s legal status.

What I found quite striking were the number of PMs I received from guys complaining about a similar or worse experiences.  One guy complained about having the same experience a couple of times in the past month or so.  A couple of others described a much worse situation.  What was the underlying theme going through there stories?  Was it someone trying to deliberately provoke someone or screw someone over?  Of course not!  The underlying theme was either a lack of communication or a misinterpretation of communication.  

Yeah, I will be the first one to admit that in hindsight it would have been a good idea for me to have toughed bases with Freya sooner.  But I really didn’t have anything to say except that I’m still trying to work it and should know for sue later.  It would have also been a good idea if she had shot be a text asking my status before changing her plans and then notifying me she was going off availability for that day.

But this is not just to talk about providers that don’t notify guys trying to see them that they are going unavailable for the rest of that day.  Guys do this just as much or more and yes, it can have undesirable effects for the provider.  This especially applies to providers who are either on tour or working from an external incall location they are paying for by the day.  If some guy is making a honest effort to work seeing a provider and the provider gets the impression that he is going to come though, this could potentially cause a to change her plans and wait another day before switching to a location that stopped being productive.  So what happens if that guy does not come through?  The provider lost that expected opportunity for a visit and also likely got stuck with an extra day’s charge from a hotel.  If the guy was making an honest effort to work it during that period then that’s the way the dice fell.  But if the guy changed his goal a lot sooner and didn’t inform the provider he can’t work it, that’s just “f”ed up.  

 
When I said that when I finalize plans with a provider I’m going to show that is what I meant.  If I don’t show likely I’m in the hospital, with a disabled car, or there has been a small disaster keeping me away.  Don’t believe me?  Then read my review of Kay / Kaylah /  Kayila Marie.  Yeah, I came close to canceling about four times, but I didn’t.  Why?  Because I knew she took the time to get ready for me but I hit a major shitball on the way there.  Then she hit the same shitball when trying to get back home to see me.  I don’t know if she would have canceled on me or not if she knew it would be that bad trying to get home after running a quick errand.  She would have been better off canceling on me and staying where she was until that was over with.  So yeah, I ended up sitting around an extra 3 to 4 hours waiting for her with nothing to do except walk in circles in the neighborhood grocery store or sit in my car and watch birds in the trees. Plus I just put myself at risk for having to deal with another problem I didn’t get taken care of later because I was there so long.  But I didn’t want to cancel on her.  Somehow I don’t think many guys here would have stick that out without canceling and leaving.

This is a big reason I have moved to doing the bulk of my plans through a more exclusive site, I wanted to distance myself form the crap that occurs on places like backpage and another site I can't mention without the moderators trying to wash my mouth out with soap.  It's definitely been better there, but not 100%.

Ladies should keep in mine that if a guy is trying to put a lot of effort into seeing you, that's a complement.  The only way you are going to hurt him is if he really is trying hard to make it happen and you change plans with out letting him know.  It's the guy that gave up and didn't give a shit to let you know that you're not going to hurt.  

Guys, you should also keep in mind that if a provider is making an honest effort to meet with you and accommodate you, you should take that as a complement.  If you realize you can't swing it, the only way you are going to hurt her is if she was going out of her way to accommodate you.  You're not going to hurt her if she already blew you off and didn't give a shit.  That's something for everyone to keep in mine next time they are thinking about leaving loose ends laying around.  Those 15 seconds to send a quick text message can make a huge difference, but only if the other party was sincerely trying to work their end.

If we would all just try to treat others as we would like to be treated, we could all have a lot more fun without so much stress and wasted effort.



-- Modified on 9/30/2014 10:31:09 PM

Okay, this situation was not what I would consider a flake because our plans were tentative.  But I do consider it a demonstration of inconsiderate behavior and poor judgment and something I’m getting a little tired of.  

First I should clarify that this gripe is NOT with the plans I posted about below on Sept 22/23.  That went perfectly and I was able to see a lady that I had held the contact info on for about a year to see when there.  I posted that below because we had initially discussed incall but she wasn’t able to work incall.  But I was able to swing arranging it as outcall.  That was great.  In fact, I would have been game for seeing her again if I could have arranged the same outcall deal.  

This gripe is with tentative plans on a different day with a different lady I had been looking forward to seeing.  She knew I was looking for a later evening appointment and I decided I would do the 25 minute drive each way to her incall to make it happen.  She also knew I had several logistical issues I needed to work to make this happen and what those logistical issues were.  She also told me that she had nothing planned then and her schedule was wide open.  

So I sent her a text at about 6:00PM to verify if she was still available so I could continue with getting ready to head there between 7:30 and 8:30PM.  No response.  Of course, during this time I’m continuing to get ready so I would be able to leave on short notice if needed.  No response.  My final text was at 8:00PM where I texted “Okay, I guess you ended up arranging a different date tonight. That's fine, I totally understand since I could not commit for sure to this evening.”  

The next day she sent me a text saying she decided to go visit family after she didn’t hear from me by 4:00PM.  I’m not to sure I want to believe that because I would think she would be capable to responding to a text during that period, but whatever.

My position is that when I finalize an exact date and time with a provider, I’m going to show up unless something totally out of my control keeps me from coming.  I’m very careful to keep plans tentative until that time out of respect for the provider’s time.  If she decides to do something else BEFORE I finalize plans, I can live with that.  But here is my pet peeve.  Why the fuck not let me know she has decided to do something else?  Why the fuck not send me a simple text asking “Status please.”  If she is wondering.  I mean really, I could just as easily be one of those pricks that makes finalized plans with a provider and then cancels awhile before if something better comes up.  But I don’t do that.  I can remember only one occasion where I did that and it was because I was concerned it was a scam.  Something I was later informed by another guy that it was a scam.  

So basically everything I did from 4:00PM on to work the logistics of this was a wasted of time.  I was at Sea World with some people and pulled a bunch of cash out of the ATM there so I would be ready.  With that ATM this took multiple transactions due to their lower per transaction limit so they can get more fees.  Our initial thought was to go to Old Town for dinner after Sea World, but I deviated us back to our hotel and had food delivered to save time so I could get ready.  All this right on down to spending more time showering and saving that I usually would in the evening so no stubble or anything.  Plus then I ended up with this huge wad of cash that was a lot more than I like to carry and wouldn’t really fit in my wallet that I had to carry.  

So I don’t know, is it really all that much to ask to be informed if a provider decides to do something else before I finalize plans?  Is it so much to ask if she is wondering for her to just send a simple text asking my status?  It’s kind of hard to break free and write a text at Sea World, but I would have done it if need be

You won't be hobbying much in San Diego.

Long time ago I made an advanced appointment with a girl who knew more about the hobby than I did.  As I wrapped up talking to her, I said I would call her later in the week to reconfirm.  She said if this isn't a solid date don't bother and hung up on me.  

So ends the parable.

Actually I hobby every time I'm in San Diego usually without any issues.  But actually you took what I would consider a the proper approach to want to reconfirm.  If I have an advance appointment that I'm driving to I always reconfirm by text that morning.  As soon as you don't do that, your going to run into a provider who oversleeps or forgets.

I held my tongue but shit, OB is such a easy target...lmao
damit OB, with 60 some odd reviews you know the drill. You must have been drunk when you wrote this or had blue balls and had to vist rosey. Either way appologize for you ignorance and hope this lapse of sanity doesnt follow you....peace and prosperity.

Plus one my brother, a big plus one. buh bye now. leave the SD girls to us locals

So I think Freya and I have put this behind us.  I actually got a PM from her today.  At first I was expecting some caustic writing, but instead I found a professionally written note that I did appreciate getting.  

I didn’t post what I posted looking for a fight and I DEFINITELY did not consider the matter serious enough to actually post who I was talking about.  What I was trying to do is point out and increase awareness of an underlying problem in the hobby and that is people leaving loose ends laying around for others to trip over.  It was not my intention to target one person, but it was by intention to describing my recent experience with it.  Frankly, we have all done it at some level of frequency.  It seems to happen here much more than other professional or business relationships and I’m not totally sure why.  Likely the anonymity associated with it is a clear part along with caution and it’s legal status.

What I found quite striking were the number of PMs I received from guys complaining about a similar or worse experiences.  One guy complained about having the same experience a couple of times in the past month or so.  A couple of others described a much worse situation.  What was the underlying theme going through there stories?  Was it someone trying to deliberately provoke someone or screw someone over?  Of course not!  The underlying theme was either a lack of communication or a misinterpretation of communication.  

Yeah, I will be the first one to admit that in hindsight it would have been a good idea for me to have toughed bases with Freya sooner.  But I really didn’t have anything to say except that I’m still trying to work it and should know for sue later.  It would have also been a good idea if she had shot be a text asking my status before changing her plans and then notifying me she was going off availability for that day.

But this is not just to talk about providers that don’t notify guys trying to see them that they are going unavailable for the rest of that day.  Guys do this just as much or more and yes, it can have undesirable effects for the provider.  This especially applies to providers who are either on tour or working from an external incall location they are paying for by the day.  If some guy is making a honest effort to work seeing a provider and the provider gets the impression that he is going to come though, this could potentially cause a to change her plans and wait another day before switching to a location that stopped being productive.  So what happens if that guy does not come through?  The provider lost that expected opportunity for a visit and also likely got stuck with an extra day’s charge from a hotel.  If the guy was making an honest effort to work it during that period then that’s the way the dice fell.  But if the guy changed his goal a lot sooner and didn’t inform the provider he can’t work it, that’s just “f”ed up.  

 
When I said that when I finalize plans with a provider I’m going to show that is what I meant.  If I don’t show likely I’m in the hospital, with a disabled car, or there has been a small disaster keeping me away.  Don’t believe me?  Then read my review of Kay / Kaylah /  Kayila Marie.  Yeah, I came close to canceling about four times, but I didn’t.  Why?  Because I knew she took the time to get ready for me but I hit a major shitball on the way there.  Then she hit the same shitball when trying to get back home to see me.  I don’t know if she would have canceled on me or not if she knew it would be that bad trying to get home after running a quick errand.  She would have been better off canceling on me and staying where she was until that was over with.  So yeah, I ended up sitting around an extra 3 to 4 hours waiting for her with nothing to do except walk in circles in the neighborhood grocery store or sit in my car and watch birds in the trees. Plus I just put myself at risk for having to deal with another problem I didn’t get taken care of later because I was there so long.  But I didn’t want to cancel on her.  Somehow I don’t think many guys here would have stick that out without canceling and leaving.

This is a big reason I have moved to doing the bulk of my plans through a more exclusive site, I wanted to distance myself form the crap that occurs on places like backpage and another site I can't mention without the moderators trying to wash my mouth out with soap.  It's definitely been better there, but not 100%.

Ladies should keep in mine that if a guy is trying to put a lot of effort into seeing you, that's a complement.  The only way you are going to hurt him is if he really is trying hard to make it happen and you change plans with out letting him know.  It's the guy that gave up and didn't give a shit to let you know that you're not going to hurt.  

Guys, you should also keep in mind that if a provider is making an honest effort to meet with you and accommodate you, you should take that as a complement.  If you realize you can't swing it, the only way you are going to hurt her is if she was going out of her way to accommodate you.  You're not going to hurt her if she already blew you off and didn't give a shit.  That's something for everyone to keep in mine next time they are thinking about leaving loose ends laying around.  Those 15 seconds to send a quick text message can make a huge difference, but only if the other party was sincerely trying to work their end.

If we would all just try to treat others as we would like to be treated, we could all have a lot more fun without so much stress and wasted effort.



-- Modified on 9/30/2014 10:31:09 PM

Posted By: OingeBoinge
Okay, this situation was not what I would consider a flake because our plans were tentative.  But I do consider it a demonstration of inconsiderate behavior and poor judgment and something I’m getting a little tired of.    
   
 First I should clarify that this gripe is NOT with the plans I posted about below on Sept 22/23.  That went perfectly and I was able to see a lady that I had held the contact info on for about a year to see when there.  I posted that below because we had initially discussed incall but she wasn’t able to work incall.  But I was able to swing arranging it as outcall.  That was great.  In fact, I would have been game for seeing her again if I could have arranged the same outcall deal.    
   
 This gripe is with tentative plans on a different day with a different lady I had been looking forward to seeing.  She knew I was looking for a later evening appointment and I decided I would do the 25 minute drive each way to her incall to make it happen.  She also knew I had several logistical issues I needed to work to make this happen and what those logistical issues were.  She also told me that she had nothing planned then and her schedule was wide open.    
   
 So I sent her a text at about 6:00PM to verify if she was still available so I could continue with getting ready to head there between 7:30 and 8:30PM.  No response.  Of course, during this time I’m continuing to get ready so I would be able to leave on short notice if needed.  No response.  My final text was at 8:00PM where I texted “Okay, I guess you ended up arranging a different date tonight. That's fine, I totally understand since I could not commit for sure to this evening.”    
   
 The next day she sent me a text saying she decided to go visit family after she didn’t hear from me by 4:00PM.  I’m not to sure I want to believe that because I would think she would be capable to responding to a text during that period, but whatever.  
   
 My position is that when I finalize an exact date and time with a provider, I’m going to show up unless something totally out of my control keeps me from coming.  I’m very careful to keep plans tentative until that time out of respect for the provider’s time.  If she decides to do something else BEFORE I finalize plans, I can live with that.  But here is my pet peeve.  Why the fuck not let me know she has decided to do something else?  Why the fuck not send me a simple text asking “Status please.”  If she is wondering.  I mean really, I could just as easily be one of those pricks that makes finalized plans with a provider and then cancels awhile before if something better comes up.  But I don’t do that.  I can remember only one occasion where I did that and it was because I was concerned it was a scam.  Something I was later informed by another guy that it was a scam.    
   
 So basically everything I did from 4:00PM on to work the logistics of this was a wasted of time.  I was at Sea World with some people and pulled a bunch of cash out of the ATM there so I would be ready.  With that ATM this took multiple transactions due to their lower per transaction limit so they can get more fees.  Our initial thought was to go to Old Town for dinner after Sea World, but I deviated us back to our hotel and had food delivered to save time so I could get ready.  All this right on down to spending more time showering and saving that I usually would in the evening so no stubble or anything.  Plus then I ended up with this huge wad of cash that was a lot more than I like to carry and wouldn’t really fit in my wallet that I had to carry.    
   
 So I don’t know, is it really all that much to ask to be informed if a provider decides to do something else before I finalize plans?  Is it so much to ask if she is wondering for her to just send a simple text asking my status?  It’s kind of hard to break free and write a text at Sea World, but I would have done it if need be.  
 
That was literally the LONGEST bitch I've ever read. Congratulations, you've won the internet. You sent a text at 6:00 PM. If time was important to you, you should have given up the ghost at 7:00 PM and hit the net looking for a stand in. Or hell... whacked it and saved a buck. Not trying to tell you how to hobby... But you'll spare yourself a lot of frustration with a self imposed time limit. If a lady doesn't respond to me in a timely manner I figure she has something of a pressing nature to handle... Then I move on. I might send her a WTF happened PM, but I doubt I'd post publically about it. This kind of thing happens all the time. The headline might as well have been "Man steps off curb: Doesn't get hit by bus."

-- Modified on 9/30/2014 11:22:48 PM

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