TER General Board

Out of the mouths of babes
impposter 49 Reviews 1199 reads
posted

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.  

One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.  

Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"  

"Yes it is," the man replies.  

"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.  

"No thanks," the man replies.  

"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.  

"OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he was in.  

"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.  

"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive", but because of the position he was in agreed to the price.  

The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.  

"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.  

"Yes it is," replies the man.  

"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.  

"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.  

"Fifty dollars," the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.  

The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."  

"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.  

"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.  

"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.  

"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.  

At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"  

"Don't you start that crap in here," says the priest

Said there's no way she'd confess it in her hometown, as the confessional is NOT truly secure.  Humans are still part of the equation, and priests are not saints - they will talk.

Don't know what pennance was assigned, so am curious about that too.

... is somone in the wrong here

I was in Rome, visiting the Vatican in St. Peters Square with my family.   Had just started to hobby, and the aura of the area had me thinking about it.  Just never got the opportunity--perhaps the next time I get back there, it would be worth looking into.   The penance would certainly be interesting to see---probably more than a few Hail-Mary's or Our Father's.  

However, I could be surprised....  There are a LOT worse things we could be doing.   Consider "life in the flesh" vs "life in the Spirit".    None of us have an ideal "life in the flesh".   Living life in the Spirit is, in my opinion, much more important and rewarding,  and is the true litmus test.   But, I'm not a priest.

I'm an atheist and don't need to "repent" for doing something natural.

"God, I know, You know, so..."

And that's about all I can say lol. Then I start praying for other people and enjoy today, knowing I'm here right now because it's what I have right now.

Aaaand everyone (girl) this thread is going to get an email from that Babylon guy. ;)

GaGambler722 reads

Sometimes "Confession" can be confused with simply bragging. lol

A 90 year old Jewish guy walks into the confessional of a Catholic church and begins to tell the priest in the heaviest Yiddish accent you can imagine that he had sex with a red head two days ago, a blonde yesterday, and a brunette just before walking into the church.

The priest asks him if he is Catholic.

The man replies, "What, are you crazy?  I'm Jewish of course."

So the priest asks him why he is telling him all of this.

"I'm telling everyone." came the reply.

Yeah, the poor priest is being tempted regularly by constant braggers lol

Posted By: GaGambler
Sometimes "Confession" can be confused with simply bragging. lol

I've never understood confession. Either God exists, or he does not (or she, or it...whatevs). If he exists, he doesn't need me to tell him what I'm up to, and if he doesn't, well...

I know the point of it is absolution but even if God does exist (which I don't believe btw) it seems quite implausible that confessing begets a pass; leaves an awful lot of folks with other beliefs out in the cold...er, the hot I guess.

Absolution used to involve $$$ for forgiveness, even in the Catholic church.   Confession, I think, is only a way for us to self-examine ourselves.  No one else can, nor should, judge any of us.    

We all have our own lives and circumstances to deal with.  Any talk of passes, or "requirements" are just too simplistic

brcforest938 reads

Posted By: thehumanist
I've never understood confession.
Confession was instituted so that the church leaders would know the secrets and sins of everyone in their parish and be able to control them and hold it over them.

Unfortunately, that's the truth.

I'd have to bring notes and make  
an appointment because it would take hours
AND I don't think the good people waiting  
in line would want to hear the priest yell,
"YOU FUCKING DID WHAT??!!

Posted By: skarphedin

CENTER End of Message/CENTER

An old man went into the confession booth at the Catholic church and told the priest: "I am 82 years old and have been faithfully married to the same woman for 55 years, but last night I had the time of my life with two 18 year old twin sisters."

The Priest replied (as he mopped sweat from his brow): "How long has it been since you've been to confession?"  

The old man said, "I've never been to confession. I'm Jewish."

Priest: "Then what are you doing here, telling me this?"

Old man: "Hey, I'm telling everybody."

Priest: "Where did you find TWINS?"

Old man: "TER!  You've got to check it out!

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.  

One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.  

Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"  

"Yes it is," the man replies.  

"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.  

"No thanks," the man replies.  

"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.  

"OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he was in.  

"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.  

"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive", but because of the position he was in agreed to the price.  

The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.  

"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.  

"Yes it is," replies the man.  

"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.  

"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.  

"Fifty dollars," the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.  

The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."  

"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.  

"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.  

"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.  

"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.  

At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"  

"Don't you start that crap in here," says the priest

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"'Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads!"

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